Madam and Missy — A Pride and Prejudice Variation
This is dedicated to all the writers both here and on KU who've released their stories for free! As I enjoy reading them so much, I thought that I'd have a go, and here it is.
[Note that I'm a Brit, so have written with British spelling, punctuation and terminology 😏]
In which the protagonists have mixed luck
subtitled: In which the author admits to dissatisfaction with this chapter but will stop fiddling with it.
Netherfield
Darcy
It had gone so well. Matlock's erstwhile friends had obeyed the summons in Lydia's fake messages, had been overheard by some of their fellow peers, and had been carted off.
Then it had gone wrong — horribly wrong. Mr. Wickham and a couple more of Lady Catherine's lackeys had held them at gunpoint. Darcy, the colonel and Mr. Bingley had been tied to chairs in the library. They could hear Wickham's bragging voice, then heard Lady Catherine's obstreperous commands.
What is she doing here? Darcy's curiosity did not last long.
His aunt swept into the library, Mr. Wickham on her heels together with — oh God! — Mr. Collins, the monster.
As Richard started to protest, Mr. Wickham grinned and punched him.
"Silence," cried Lady Catherine.
"Aunt— " Darcy began, only to feel Mr. Collins' fist hit his stomach.
"Silence!" Lady Catherine repeated. "I shall release you, only if you do as I say."
Darcy's eyes narrowed.
"You shall announce your betrothal to Anne and shall sign— "
"But— " Mr. Bingley's nascent protest was halted by a punch from Mr. Wickham.
"— and shall sign this agreement transferring Pemberley to my name."
Mr. Wickham was the next to protest. "No, Pemb— "
"Silence! You will have Rosings when I have Pemberley." Lady Catherine continued, "You will also assign me as Georgiana's guardian."
"I think not," said Richard.
Mr. Wickham slapped him and said, "I shall marry Georgiana."
"No! I shall find a wealthy titled gentleman to take her."
"You will not," said Darcy.
"Do not disobey my patroness!" shouted Mr. Collins as he administered another punch.
Lady Catherine ignored him and spoke to her underlings, "Keep them locked in here. Do not release them until Darcy signs these papers. I am returning to Rosings to oversee the packing; follow me there when you have their signatures. Collins! Escort me to my carriage."
Mr. Wickham smirked at his captives. "Oh, I shall enjoy this!" He punched each of them, and left the library, locking the door behind him.
"How did this happen?" Darcy asked, rhetorically.
"Never mind," replied Richard. "How are we to escape?"
Feeling a slight draught, Darcy remembered the servants' corridor leading from the library. The draught grew stronger and he felt something small and round being pressed into his hand.
Lizzy's acorns!
He nudged Richard and caught his eye.
"Me too," mouthed the colonel as they heard the library door being unlocked.
The draught lessened as Mr. Wickham and Mr. Collins entered.
"Ready to sign, Darce?"
Darcy shook his head.
"Let us see if we can persuade you."
The next few minutes were painful, but Darcy held the acorn tightly in his fist. Seeing Mr. Bingley's bruised and bloody face, he wished that he could share the token of hope.
Despite his pain, Darcy was astonished when, as Mr. Wickham stepped back, the monster approached Richard. "And you! You! Cousin Elizabeth was to be mine for the taking, not yours! How dare you pluck her bounties before me!" he screamed, punctuating his words with thumps.
"Never mind, Collins, we shall all take turns when Darcy has signed these and is done with," said Mr. Wickham, with a smirk.
Mr. Collins took the papers and shook them in Darcy's face. Suddenly stopping, he turned to Mr. Wickham in fury. "These are not her ladyship's documents!" He read them through. "These are to leave Pemberley to you!"
Mr. Wickham shrugged negligently. "Pemberley is to be mine, no matter what the meddling old witch thinks."
"No! No, you are to do as she says!" Mr. Collins screamed. "My patroness told me to keep an eye on you; she knew that you would attempt to deceive her." He went to the library door and called the lackeys in. "Take him away!"
The two lackeys strolled in. One of them sniffed and asked, "'e signed it yet?"
"Wickham here has brought his own documents!" cried Mr. Collins.
Their squabble continued, the lackeys watching with disinterest, when a small, tremulous voice came from the hall.
"Reggie! Reggie!"
"Who is that?" demanded Mr. Wickham.
Oh God! Is that the Imp? Glancing at Richard, Darcy saw that he thought the same.
"Where is everyone?" She sounded very plaintive and, when they caught sight of her, was walking unsteadily with a stick and looking close to tears. "Do you know where my companion is?"
"Now, love. You int to be 'ere," said the sniffing lackey.
Trembling, Lady Prudence looked around her. "Where am I?"
"A nu'er," said the other lackey. "Cobwebs in 'er 'ead."
"Who are you, madam?" Mr. Collins drew himself up to his full pomposity.
"Um— um— " mumbled Lady Prudence. "My companion— "
"Come this way, madam," said Mr. Wickham. "Let us go to the kitchen."
"Kitchen? Is there a kitchen?"
"I know not, madam, but all of the servants are there."
"Are they making luncheon? It is a long time since I ate anything."
"They might be, madam. Let us find out."
"Is it far? I cannot walk far."
"No, madam, it is just down these stairs."
"Is Reggie there?"
"I think so, yes."
"Are they making luncheon, do you know?"
"Yes, madam. Let us find out what we are having for luncheon today, shall we?"
"Are you my new footman?"
"Yes, madam. And I am to take you to the kitchen," Mr. Wickham's patience was wearing thin.
"Why?"
"So that we can get some lunch."
"In the kitchen?"
"Reginald, dear?"
"Yes, madam?"
"No, Reginald!"
She must have indicated Mr. Collins as his voice came next. "Yes, madam?"
"Are you Reginald?"
"I am, madam."
"Who are you?"
The sniffing lackey's mocking reply drifted back. "I am your son, madam."
"Reginald! Where have you been? This footman says that is time for luncheon."
"Yes, muvver."
"Do come along. Bring your brother too."
The captives could hear voices fade as their captors were gradually drawn away by Lady Prudence's forgetful dithering. The draught grew again. Fingers touched their bound hands, and a blade sawed through the ropes. Freed, Darcy pushed Richard and Mr. Bingley under the tapestry and turned to see Stevens opening a window and leaving the cut rope on the sill. He shrugged at Darcy as if to say that the ruse might work a second time.
"Hurry, man!" Darcy hissed, pushing Stevens ahead of him and closing the concealed door.
They climbed the stairs as quietly as they could. Stevens directed them onwards and upwards into the servants' quarters at the very top of the house.
"Wait, what about Lady Prudence?" cried Darcy.
"Oh, Missy and her sisters have that under control, sir."
"What?"
"We are to wait here 'out of the way', she said, sir."
"What?"
"She said, and she told me to use these exact words, sir, that you were not to distract them, that she could not be worrying about your safety, and that you were to wait here until called for."
Hearing laughter, Darcy was glad that Mr. Bingley found something amusing, but wished that it was not at his own expense.
Lydia
By the time Lady Prudence arrived with Messrs. Wickham and Collins and the two lackeys, Lydia, Elizabeth, their father and Mr. Hurst had freed the frightened servants from the kitchen. Jane and Mary had directed them to hide behind the big barn.
Peeping through a window, Lydia watched the men dash, annoyed, into the empty kitchen. She saw Elizabeth pull their very, very distant aunt, out of sight behind a servants' door. Then, at her signal, members of the militia poured in, surrounding the traitors.
Longbourn
Mr. Bennet
Several days later, Mr. Bennet shared some news with his extended family. Mr. Wickham and the monster had been hanged. The two lackeys had been transported. Matlock's erstwhile friends were awaiting sentence, and the abolitionists had won the vote in the Lords.
He looked at the bruised faces of the young men among them and nodded. There was nothing else to say. Except for Lady Catherine, and Matlock would deal with her when she was found, it was over.
A little while later, Richard left to report to his commanding officers. Then Darcy left to oversee the spring planting at Pemberley, and plans were made for all of the families to journey there the following month.