Author's Notes: Gratitude comes first, so I want to thank everybody for the awesome reviews! And thanks, too, for the comforting words about my loss of a friend. I have never, ever been touched by my reviewers like that before… just… thanks, everyone (sniff, sniff).
Okay! Now that I am in not-lamenting mode (and since November's depression's over anyway), let's lighten up the mood and let me play the role of Santa, hohoho! The last chapter was too miserable and sad, there was almost no humor in it. I am really sorry to those who looked forward to a nice laugh… ah, my emotions got the best of me! Here's a chapter much brighter than the last… I've thrown in some slapstick humor (chapter title gives it away) in some scenes, just spot them, it's really easy.
Gah, had to change the chapter title by the way, sorry. At first it was supposed to be "A Whack Or Two, Or Three…" as what I had posted (yet this chapter didn't come with replies then) but I was really OC with the "…" not showing up on the upper right chapter selection, so there. It's reduced to 4 words, and without the "…" too. Geez, what the hell am I doing, talking about the chapter title…
Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. I do hold possession of Avery and Anthony, though. But still.
The Diary Of Akane Tendo
Chapter Nine: A Whack Or Two
Friday, December 10, 5 am
I am just so bothered. I can't sleep.
If the Hanabishi clan's lung cancer is hereditary, wouldn't that mean that Anthony has it too?
No, why didn't I pay attention to my biology classes last year? I swear, I vaguely recall something about the punnett square, or something. Dominant… recessive… a box divided into four… if a couple has four children, and the male has a dominant gene of… dunno… hemophilia… no, say lung cancer… then I think two of the four children will be female, two will be male…
And then out of those two males,
one would have the cancer. He gets a dominant.
But would the other have it too? Or does he get it as a recessive and passes it on
to his kids? Grandkids?
I can't remember…
so
sleepy
Ranma
Friday, World History
This morning, I:
1.) destroyed my alarm clock 4 times,
2.) almost got my eye poked by the pen I left open on my diary,
3.) accidentally slapped Ranma as he shook me and tried to wake me up,
4.) was dragged out of bed by Nabiki (accidentally slapped her, too),
5.) was drenched in hot water as Ranma had accidentally poured a whole kettle on me,
6.) was drenched in hot miso soup as Kasumi had accidentally poured a bowl of it on me,
7.) fell asleep on my own miso soup bowl during breakfast,
8.) was whacked on the head by Nabiki (resolute, keen, intentional; flat look on face) to wake me up,
9.) was whacked on the head by Ranma (restrained, unwilling, intentional; sorry look on face) to wake me up, and
10.) fell asleep on Kuno as he, with the Furinkan High Hentai Horde, welcomed me at the school gates.
Oh, and let's not forget, I also:
11.) slept through all the subjects – Math and English, where my grades heavily rely on – before recess.
Because when the bell rang for recess, my girl classmates (throw in some other girls not from my class, and several female sophomores, juniors, and seniors; the lot also included sexually confused males) shook me violently and screamed at my ears with their high-pitched, shrieking voices and almost rendered me deaf when they asked me where Avery Hanabishi was, why he was absent now, why he was absent last Wednesday, and why he didn't come to the Winter Dance. Alarmed, I was woken up for several seconds before Ranma shooed the annoying crows away from my table, where I suspected a pool of drool was growing (thank my lucky stars there was not).
Ranma sat down beside me, and I didn't even care to arrange my hair, which I guess looked dreadfully like Scarecrow's from The Wizard of Oz. "Good night," I yawned, my eyes drooping, as my head plunged towards my desk.
"Wake up, tomboy, you can't afford to miss the lessons. Exams are coming up."
"Grfshin," I said, not raising my head from the comfort of my arms and my table.
"W-well, I took down the math notes for you… we're handling z-scores and inverse functions."
"Niashtabsh," I replied smartly, my voice vibrating on the desk.
"I copied Hiroshi's notes on English, too. Transitional devices and stuff. Ain't he just a nice, generous guy?"
"Beof, kagrit," I mumbled in gratitude.
Silence. I heard someone from the background shouting about Oreo cookies and King Kong.
"My dad and your dad found out about us already. They got a wedding preparation going on for tomorrow. Ryouga and I talked last night… ya think he'll make a good best man?"
"Choshgwo vamshrwai nut?" I asked (that was actually the longest sentence I have ever formed so far out of the Akane Alien Language).
He signed exhaustedly. "Okay, so the fathers didn't find out, and Ryouga and I didn't talk. He ambushed me a couple of times, though, that little… Can you wake up now? I'm concerned."
No reply. I guess I was drifting nearer to Dreamland that time (the reason why I am able to write this down now is with the help of Ranma himself, who narrated to me my exact words during the hard category question and answer under time pressure portion of the newest game show in town, The Akane Link).
"Hey, dya know? Someone stole my red shirt from you while you were sleeping. You know, the one you keep taking away from the hampers before sleep time every night? The one that smells like my sweat? The one that has its sleeve around you all the time?"
My head snapped up, and my torso followed suit. "What? Who stole it?"
Ranma was stunned, his eyes wide in disbelief, his eyebrows almost touching his hairline.
My eyes drooped again and my lips melted into a smile as I realized that he found out that what he just made up was actually true. "Good morning, honey," I greeted softly, resting my elbow on the desk and my head on my hand.
"G-good morning, too… honey…" he echoed, his hands reaching toward my hair to arrange the disordered side. "You fell asleep in Kuno's arms (what were you thinking?), and he was about to kiss you, so I pounded him and carried you here. And we were chased by the sumo wrestlers all the way to the second floor – it's a wonder why you never woke up – but I kicked one of them and they rolled down the stairs like big round rice cakes." He laughed at his own recollection.
(I just realized it now. Kuno was about to kiss me? Didn't he just kiss Nabiki the day before yesterday, in the ladies room during the dance? He is such a player. I need to tell Nabiki.)
"Your eyes are beautiful," I noted pensively, achieving eye contact that Ranma said I didn't break for the next few minutes, which we spent in silence, "like the sky."
"T-thanks, I guess," he stuttered, smiling. "You hungry?"
And we just sat there for about five minutes. I was gazing at his blue orbs and he was at the edge of his seat while the rest of the class ate their snacks and drank their tetra-packed fruit juices, occasionally glancing at us (and then finally, not taking their eyes off us at all).
"No," I answered at last. "But I love you."
His eyes grew wide in surprise (hah, as if he didn't know that already), but I didn't give him a chance to reply. I planted a nice, babyish one on his lips. One that made a noisy, "Moowah!" sound.
And the paparazzi (okay, the Photographers Club) that once stalked Avery and me started clicking their cameras away, capturing my lip-locking moment with my fiancé. That's the second time this week, because of course they took pictures of the one we had during the Winter Dance.
Kami-sama, I am like, drunk, but not on booze. I cannot think straight. Lack of sleep is very, very detrimental, I tell you. I am not doing it again – not sleeping, I mean. I barely had an hour of Zz's this morning. Or maybe it's just because the temp is dropping. It's always nice to sleep during the cold.
But really. Everything is so… light. Like the world's round again, unlike the terrible flatness of misery it was yesterday. All is calm, all is bright, just like that Christmas song. And although there's reason to be sad, the truth has finally sunk in, and there's no use carping about it. It's best to be positive about everything. I know that my mom, Avery, and Ranma would want me to be.
"Tendo, buckets now," I hear Mr. Tetsuo say sternly.
Oh, crud. Didn't hear him call my attention earlier, must have spaced out badly. I can't even sit up straight, now he's making me stand outside the room. With two heavy buckets of water in both hands.
"Do you hear me, Miss Tendo?"
"Yes, I do," I answer quietly. "But can I bring my notebook with me?" Please say yes, yes, yes, I don't want to waste my time outside without writing on my diary–
"No," he says altogether. "Your hands wouldn't be free to write."
"Okay," I say without arguing.
Friday, Lunch
Sometimes (Kami-sama, frequently, most of the time, all the time) I have the strongest suspicion that my pet P-chan is actually human. He may not have a human body, but he sure thinks like he were a Homo sapiens. Like he was an experiment of some mad scientist who operated his head and replaced his brain with a human's. P-chan has… very human emotions, his memory is that of human level, and his actions are definitely human.
Wow, that's one smart piglet I adopted. I am so lucky. He should be on Oprah and Oprah's going to fawn over P-chan's intelligence, along with the other talented pets she invited to guest on her show… maybe Lassie or Garfield, or Gollum. Or Shampoo. Hah.
After forty minutes of carrying my two beloved almost-like-family water buckets outside the classroom, the handles of the buckets started burying themselves deeper into hand. The cold pouring into the window in front of me didn't help, either. The pain in my hand and the sleep-inducing frosty air did nothing to snap me out of my drowsiness.
And I was about to droop and fall completely on the floor when I heard, from below me, a cute little "Bwee."
There was just something about my pet that I couldn't ignore. I just love him down to the last square inch of his black piglet skin. So I snapped out of my sleepiness and smiled. "Ohayou, P-chan!"
"Bwee, bwee!" ("Good morning, too!"?)
He was balancing a small plastic bag on his back.
"I'm sorry you have to catch me in such a pathetic state," I laughed. "I didn't see you yesterday! I missed you so much… how've you been? Where did you go?"
"Bwee… Bwee, bweeeeeeee! Bwee… Bwee! Bwee – bwee – bweeeee…" ("No, that's okay… I missed you too, and I'm really glad to see you! I've been better… but I'm just fine! I went to – you know – nearby places…"?)
"Oh, really? Good for you…" My eyes landed on the small package he was carrying. "Is that for me?"
"Bwee." ("Yes."?)
I furtively looked down the corridors. Nobody was there. I listened closely and the teacher was still yapping away about Genghis Khan and the Mongolians (whose appearance, by the way, strongly inspired the term mongoloid, which refers to people with Down's Syndrome. So sad for them).
So I silently put down my buckets and took the package from P-chan's back. It was hot coffee. In a covered plastic cup with a straw. Taken out from a donut shop.
By my pet piglet.
"Bweeee, bwee. Bwee?" ("I went under a bit of trouble to get that, but I got it anyway. Is it good?"?)
I removed the plastic bag and sipped some of the caffeine goodness. "The best," I moaned contentedly, feeling the neurons in my brain and body activating. With my free hand, I scooped up P-chan from the floor and, squealing in affection, kissed his snout. "Thank you!" I cuddled him until I finished drinking all the coffee.
And I don't know what came over me, but I started chitchatting with P-chan just like what we do at home, only in this instance we did it in the corridor (where people who'd see me would most likely conclude me crazy). Like he were a human being. I know, I know, I am making my delusions true by actually doing something about it, but just let me be okay? I was all alone in that corridor, and the birds on the windowsill were… flighty. As in double meaning flighty. Choose the meaning you like.
"P-chan, I know you and Ranma fight a lot," I started quietly, making sure the class inside wouldn't hear. He let out a fit of angry snorts and snuggled to my chest. "I know that, of course I do. But maybe you should… try to get along. After all, we're… together now… I mean, not just engaged-by-our-parents together, but boyfriend-girlfriend together. I love him, and I love you, and I don't want the both of you to argue all the time because you always end up hurt like boys after a brawl. Or wild boars in the jungle."
(Just like how Ryouga and Ranma argue, actually. If Ryouga met P-chan, they'd hit it off instantly!)
He snuggled even closer to me. "Bwee!" ("But he's evil!"?)
"I promise, if you just spend time together, you'll find out he's a good guy. A little immature, but fun. Please, P-chan? For me?"
I looked down at him when he surfaced from my chest. His eyes shone sadly, like he was crying, so I smiled at him to make him feel better. I found out after a long time of being with this piglet that a smile always does wonders to uplift his mood.
"Bwee, bweeee…" ("Okay, for you…"?) Snort, snort. (Sob, sob or sniff, sniff?)
I beamed. "Now that's my P-chan," I said proudly. And then I remembered that I was going to visit Avery after school. "Don't stray away from school, okay? We're going to the hospital to visit Avery later."
"Bwee?" ("That guy?"?)
"Yes. And don't make too much noise in the hospital room with Ranma, okay? Avery needs peace and quiet. He's got… h-he's got– Er, he's frail and he was just operated on. We have to care for him."
"Bweeeeeee, bwee. Bwee… Bwee!" ("I never really hated the guy as much as I did Ranma, even though he hanged out with you lots of times. He seemed like a nice person… Okay, let's go visit him!"?)
And just after I finished my coffee, put P-chan down, and resumed in carrying my darling buckets of water, Mr. Tetsuo poked his head out of the door and said that I could come in already because third period was almost ending.
I swear, even his timing was perfect. Everything's perfect this morning (well, except for the fact that I was four fifths asleep when I came to school, but P-chan fixed that). When World History ended, everybody in class waited for the next subject teacher to arrive. And Ranma walked over to my seat and massaged my hands.
So now, I am enjoying my lunch of Kasumi's shanghai fried rice, sitting in front of Ranma who's eating the same thing, listening to the class talk about last night's scandalous airing of Wife Swap and the new episode of The OC, breathing in the cold, revitalizing December air (no, I am still not giving up on the fact that the air's got carbon monoxide which can disrupt bodily functions, but hey. It's cool air nonetheless), watching Sayuri and Yuka eat with Hiroshi and Daisuke. And Avery's entering the door.
OMG AVERY JUST ENTERED THE DOOR! WHAT THE HECK IS HE DOING HERE? I AM GOING TO KILL HIM, HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO STRAIN HIMSE–
Friday, dismissal time
HOMEWORK (Thank heavens for Yuka who is waiting for me to finish copying this from her notebook)
Math: z-scores and inverse functions, short quiz Monday
English: transitional devices, study in advance: modals
World History: book report on Genghis Khan (Great. Just great.)
Japanese: none
Science: molarity and molality, p.109-113
Study Period: fill in study chart and affix parents' signatures on the bottom
Physical Education: get ready for New Year Marathon!
Friday night
The first thing I did was whack him on the head with the rolled-up paper I used for calligraphy during Japanese period (note: I would have used my mallet under normal circumstances, really, but I couldn't do that to Avery). Then I had to endure the piercing glares of my girl classmates, who demanded me to apologize and bow at Avery's feet for having whacked him with said paper (snap, click, snap, click go the Photographers Club). I let myself be dragged by Ranma and Avery outside the classroom, where we sealed my female assailants in from further damaging what's left of my hearing ability. Oh, and then I whacked Avery on the head again with my calligraphy paper.
"What are you doing here?" I hissed, taking in the sight of him in the school uniform, a sight that I haven't seen for a while. "You're supposed to be resting right now! Your wound! Your health!"
Avery pouted, his verdant eyes gleaming with a playful, I'm-a-kid-and-I-lost-everything-I-had-in-a-fire-so-will-you-please-feed-and-adopt-me look. If I didn't know him, it would have worked on me. But haha, I did. I knew him. So for the third time, I whacked him on the head. Never mind that he has cancer and there's a waterfall of blood ready to ooze out of his chest the moment his wound accidentally opens. "Am I not allowed to go to school anymore just because I'm (fake sniff)… unwell?" he joked. "And is whacking me on the head with that thing the right way to treat a suffering person? I thought you wanted to take care of me… I'll tell Anthony…" he joked again.
A joke. No, not just one. He's ill and he can still tell jokes about it. And since Ranma laughed with him, I whacked Ranma on the head, too.
"Will you two just shut it? This isn't a laughing matter!" I turned to Avery and fixed my eyes to his. "You, Avery Hanabishi, are stubborn and insubordinate. What if something happens to you here in school? What if you collapse? Well, sure, there's the clinic, but what if your incision opens and you bleed to death? They don't have surgeons here, you know! You'll end up a dried-up radish in this very corridor…"
He stopped laughing, but on his lips remained a small, significant smile. "See?" he began perceptively. "Now you're treating me differently because I'm fragile."
I remembered him saying the same thing at the hospital, and I said "I never would have" yesterday.
My temper abated and my expression softened as my eyes traveled over the smooth skin on his face. "But… you're pale."
Avery chuckled. "When have I been tanned? Besides, I'm only a little paler than I used to be. I'm fine."
Damn, the pressure building up inside of me was so great, it's a big question why I didn't break down crying. "But still!" I argued. "I-I'm just… really worried. If something happens to you, I'll panic, and Ranma would have to whack me on the head to bring me back to composure, and then Anthony's going to call me a Maggot!"
Could I have said something stupider?
At first Avery and Ranma froze, looking at me as if I were an alien, and then they laughed. At me.
Avery's hand landed on top of my head. "I know you're worried," he explained thoughtfully. "Everybody is. But Akane, please just… don't worry too much. I know where I stand, I know my limits and I know what I'm doing. True, this may be stubborn, what I'm doing right now… but if you were in my place, you wouldn't want to spend all your time inside a hospital room, would you?"
His words didn't register until five seconds later, so before that, I sort of argued pointlessly. "But–"
There. The five-second mark was reached, and Avery drew me close in an embrace (he smelled of mint). That's when what he said registered in my brain. When I felt how tight his hug was, when I felt that he wasn't at all weak.
Then he let go and smiled at me. "See? I'm fine. I'm sixteen, I'm a man, and I can take care of myself. Besides, the wound's fully closed already, so we don't have to worry about that. I ate a lot this morning, and Niles prepared a whole turkey for me for lunch, so I'm good and full. And no, Ton-ton's not going to call you a Maggot. He'll call me that. And when that moment comes this afternoon when he picks me up, I want you to whack him on the head with that thing," he said amusedly, pointing at my rolled-up, almost crumpled paper, "and bid me a happy goodbye as I get eaten by the jaws of the great black shark where I have to sit beside my brother for the next half hour. Okay?"
"Uhm, okay…" was what I said as a smart reply.
"Not convinced yet?" Avery asked. He faced Ranma and stood straight. "Do I look weak, Mr. Saotome? Do I look like I am in need of too much tender loving care? Do you think I should go back to the hospital and turn myself in for the rest of the week?"
Ranma raised his eyebrow and pursed his lips, looking like he's thinking hard about it.
"A little scrawny in the arms, but you're good."
"Ah," Avery sighed knowingly. "My arms always don't get exercise… Taekwondo focuses on the legs, after all…"
Of course, Ranma already knew that Avery does Taekwondo, since it was the reason why he bellowed that he was jealous, right in the middle of lecture once upon a December day. But this time he seemed very interested. "So how good are you, Avery?"
The brown-haired embodiment of stubbornness grinned. "Black belt, first class," he proclaimed proudly. "Hey, Akane once told me that you do martial arts, too. What kind? And are you as good as she says you are?"
Ranma looked at me and winked, hence I blushed. "Oh, Anything Goes. And good?" He trailed off, chuckling.
"Wow," Avery said, amazed. "Mind if you show me some moves? I'm interested in the unusual arts… Karate and Taekwondo actually bore me. Muai Thai's cool too, but it's just tedious."
"Sure!" Ranma immediately agreed. He turned to me. "Avery and I are going to the field and–" He stopped, seeing my eyebrows meet at the center. "No, don't worry, Akane, we ain't sparring! We're just going to show our moves and all that. You can come with us, if you want."
"N-no, thanks."
"Then we'll be back before the bell rings for science period!" Ranma assured.
Before I could even open my mouth, Avery had said, "Don't worry, I won't strain myself, I promise. I promise in the name of… the tumor the doctors got out of me."
"Avery!"
He laughed. "Okay, okay! I promise in the name of Niles and his turkey. And would I even lie to you? No. So trust me on this."
"Fine. Take care, both of you. Ranma, make sure Avery doesn't hurt himself…"
"Yes, Mom," my pigtailed fiancé joked, and immediately added "Off we go now, Avery!" before I could lift the rolled-up paper and whack him again.
"Yes, indeed! Akane, I promise to keep my promise!"
Avery had already walked away a few feet, but Ranma stayed behind for a second to sneak a kiss on my cheek. "You're a sweetheart, Akane," he whispered, making me weak in the knees. Then he caught up with Avery, and the last thing I heard were words about masters and chi and things that I didn't know those two shared in common. The last time they met was in the memorial park, and they didn't even talk to each other. Now they're acting like they've been friends since birth!
And if that's not enough to rattle me, the door behind me (yes, the door that kept the wild girls inside from sinking their teeth into Avery's flesh) slammed open. The screaming members of the Ranma Fans Club and the Avery Fans Club ran over me and my poor body as they chased my darling boys towards the field.
Am I just being too much of a MOM? A stage MOM? To Avery? Was Ranma's joke the truth? That I was a… I was a MOM? Really, I was just worried about him! It's a good thing nothing happened to him at lunch time, although when he and Ranma came back (before the bell rang for science, just as Ranma had promised) they were sweaty and had red spots on their forehead, and Avery looked drained. I know that Ranma's a ball of energy, and it seems like the Avery a few months ago very well could have been one, too. But now he's not well, and he should take care of himself! Those two boys are just like… ugh! And I'm like…
Their mom.
It had sunken in. I cannot find any other adjective that suits the way I acted. I am so hopeless.
Saturday, December 11, 1 pm
Believe it or not, I just woke up. I woke up at one in the afternoon. I guess the coffee boost yesterday made me loose more sleep.
And P-chan's been staring at me, at think. Maybe he woke up at… er, maybe 8 in the morning, and he's been staring at me ever since. Like right now. He's beside me on my bed, his eyes unblinking.
Okay, that kind of freaks me out. But the whole shiny-glazed look is so cute.
I just kissed his forehead.
I am not hungry. 18 hours have passed since my last meal, and I am still not hungry.
I'm too tired to think. I'll sleep the whole afternoon through.
Sunday, December 12, 8 am
KAMI-SAMA, I REALLY DID SLEEP THE WHOLE AFTERNOON THROUGH! AND THE EVENING!
And I am famished, and P-chan isn't beside me anymore, and I feel so cold, and my tongue feels weird, and my hair is a blob of grease.
I need to take a bath! I can't let anybody see me like this! I can't let Ranma see me looking like a bride from hell! Aaaaaagh!
Ouch, bumped my head on the wall. Even the wall whacked me. And it's inanimate.
Sunday, 10:30 am, my room
The hot bath did me good. So good. And why, you ask?
Because the moment I submerged myself under the warm waters of tub (which has withstood the wear and tear caused by constant villain attacks, violent Ranma-Genma arguments, and untargeted mallet strikes. I've got to advertise this kind of tub to everyone) and its refreshing eucalyptus mint bubble bath soap and citrus bath oils, it dawned unto me:
I was being a mom. I was so silly for being overprotective of Avery. I know I'm not his mom, but even from a friend level, that was a very weirdly caring thing I did. I don't even call it caring anymore, it's more of… underestimating.
And if Avery ever realizes it, which, I'm sure he has, with him being smart and a martial artist and all… oh, it's a bad thing.
I am so sure that it's the lack of sleep that caused me to act as such. I'm personally sorry for having acted that way, really. That was really something stupid of me to do – because even though Avery was not in a very good state, what I did just… degraded him to something worse. Every man has his pride, and I just crushed his by treating him like a baby!
Haha, I just realized: If medieval-Ranma were in Avery's place last Friday, then he would have shouted at me at least ten times to "Quit fussin' over me, tomboy!" Then I would have whacked him hard on the head with my mallet so he would "Quit calling me tomboy, you fuss!"
Now that's an amusing, nostalgic picture!
I can hear the female Ranma shrieking outside in the yard. And Ryouga's voice sounds mad.
There go the clowns. I'd like to be in their numbers, when the clowns go marching in! Honestly, those two guys, no matter how serious their argument may seem to be, I think it's just over some… I dunno, sandwich, or something. Well, that was the reason why Ryouga chased Ranma halfway around the globe… I'm not sure if a sandwich (or worse, maybe a little breadstick) is still the reason they've been fighting after their first match here in Nerima, but nobody wants to tell me anyway, even Nabiki who surely knows all about it since she knows even the very whereabouts of hell itself. So I assume it's always over a sandwich (hmm… is it turkey or bacon?).
Hey, the phone's ringing outside my room.
Okay, 5 rings already. Kasumi should've answered it by now.
Oh, there. If it's not for me, she'll go downstairs since I'm the only person on the second floor right now. If it's for me, then–
Kasumi knocks.
Sunday, 12 nn, porch, pigging out on Kasumi's rice cakes
Fate had me there, she really did. The phone call was for me, from Avery. And he apologized to me.
"Hello, Akane," he started. "I'm sorry for what I did last Friday."
"What did you do last Friday?"
"W-well," he stuttered, "I knew you were concerned for me but I… shooed your concern away. That was something rude I did. I know that you care about me, and that you're worried about me, and–"
"No, I'm sorry," I interrupted.
"P-pardon?" his voice stuttered over the phone.
"I'm sorry," I repeated. "Ranma was right, I was being a MOM. I didn't trust your capacity to… to do things yourself just because of your… condition. I guess the instinct just kicked in; even though Kasumi's the mother of the dojo right now, I'm fussier when people get hurt. If I were a cat, then I'd have been licking Ranma's wounds until my tongue dried out." I stopped and blushed inwardly. "Oh, I didn't mean anything by that!" I gasped, more to myself. I censured myself and resumed my apology. "The point is, I care for you too much that I've been ignoring the fact that maybe you don't want me to be anxious about you, and doing so would just… annoy you, so–"
"Whoah, hold your horses!" he hastily protested. "I wasn't annoyed at all. In fact, annoyed is far from how I feel! Akane, I was overwhelmed and touched with what you did because… well, nobody's ever cared for me that way before. If my parents did, then it's all a distant memory. And Ton-ton's not really… uh, the motherly kind. So it's you, and only you, Akane, and I appreciate that tremendously! But looking on both sides of the case, maybe you were a little… er…"
"Too mommish," I supplied dejectedly.
"Well, maybe not mommish, I'm not even sure if there exists such a word," he laughed softly. "Maybe… fretful's the term. Remember what I said? You should live life to the fullest. You can't do that if you fret all the time, you know, may it be about yourself or others."
So he was more concerned about my welfare than his? Wait, where in this conversation did that turn happen? What was going on? I wasn't the one who had cancer! Avery's so… SELFLESS! I can't bear it anymore… he doesn't belong here on this planet full of violence and evil and corruption. He belongs to Mars with the nice Martians who draw pretty crop circles…
"O-kaaay…" I breathed, wondering frantically how Avery could be so perfect since Nabiki once said that nobody is ever perfect. And Nabiki's practically a walking oracle.
"So don't fret too much, okay?" he said, his voice so trusting and expectant and graceful. "Treat me like a normal person… like the Avery you knew before you came to the hospital. Promise?"
"P-promise."
I heard him exhale and credibly imagined an Avery-smile on his face. Then he chuckled. "Did Ranma tell you how much fun we had?"
I gathered my thoughts and my mood became brighter. "Yes, s'matter of fact, he did! He totally enjoyed sharing moves with you and he said that he's looking forward to getting to know you more. You two are getting along with each other so nicely! It makes me so happy…"
Now that was the bright side I failed to realize. As Avery narrated more extensively the new moves he learned from Ranma, and what he showed my fiancé in return, the bright side turned even brighter, until my mood became the opposite of what I felt at the beginning of the phone call.
We both burst out in laughter when he told me that they accidentally bumped foreheads with each other when he tried to follow what Ranma was doing in his kata.
"That was very clumsy of me!" he laughed.
"Yes, that absolutely was," I agreed teasingly. "So that explains the red mark on your foreheads when you entered the classroom! And given the fact that Ranma's skull is as hard as metal, then your red mark must have turned into a nasty bump you're nursing at this very moment…"
"You should work in those psychic hotlines, you know."
"Just using my sense of logic, smarty pants," I giggled.
Then I heard a vague voice somewhere in the background. Avery groaned and said, "Excuse me, Ton-ton's having a fit…"
"I am not having a fit, Maggot, and stop calling me Ton-ton," Anthony's voice retorted calmly, the fact that I can hear him clearly signifying that he's already only a few feet away from his brother.
"Okay, okay, so you're not having a fit. What are you fussing about?"
"I am not fussing," Anthony coolly said. "I am merely asking for paper."
Avery and I choked on air at the same time. "You're asking me for paper?" a flabbergasted Avery asked.
"Yes. Twenty letter size sheets. And what in the name of heaven happened to your forehead?"
"You, Anthony Hanabishi, the president of multi-million dollar companies and owner of hotel chains and acres of productive land, are asking me, your little brother, for paper?" Avery asked, ignoring his brother's remark about the bump.
"Yes," the older Hanabishi repeated. "I have run out of it. Unfortunately, I do not know how to make my own as it is a long and tiring process. And may I remind you that since our parents divided all Hanabishi properties between the two of us, then you, too, are 'the president of multi-million dollar companies and owner of hotel chains and acres of productive land' in the same way, only you are paying someone else to do that for you now because of your juvenile status."
Avery seemed to have stopped breathing (well, his mouth was just over the mouthpiece, and his every inhale and exhale earlier could be heard in my receiver). "Don't you have your own paper?" he asked, this time sounding… a little goaded, but bowled over nevertheless. "You use it all the time for… you know, paperwork. Since you actually do that every second of your life?"
"Now you are the one who is having a fit. I told you already that I have run out of it," Anthony explained, his voice void of expression. "And I only need twenty sheets. Surely you can spare your brother some paper."
The sound of fingernails on the scalp told me that Avery was scratching his head. "Can't you just ask Niles to buy it?"
"I need the paper now, and Niles is busy finishing up what is left of the turkey you did not eat."
"Oh. But I'm sorry, Ton, I only have exactly twenty sheets left and I need them all for a book report on Genghis Khan."
Anthony scoffed. "I am sure you are not required to pass it now for it is a Sunday."
"But I've started doing the book report yesterday," Avery explained, "and I'll print it soon."
A period of silence hovered around the two, and I listened closely on the other end of the phone that I was holding tightly, wondering why everything was so quiet. I thought the line had been cut by some random interference.
Until I heard Avery gasp – a really audible gasp – and bellow "Give that back to me!"
There was a noise of someone hurriedly stepping away from the spot. "Are you troubled that I am going to do something to this darling photograph you have of Miss Tendo, Maggot? Do not worry, if you just give me paper then I will not do something odious your piteous cancer cannot take."
Avery gasped. I gasped. Anthony laughed (and that was the first time I heard him do that) a deep, placid laugh. Kami, Anthony Hanabishi did it! He stole my picture from Avery's journal and was holding it hostage until Avery gave him some paper!
"Do give me a moment, Akane, will you?" Avery muttered to the mouthpiece, his voice becoming sweet all of a sudden.
There was a click that signified Avery had put the phone down on a table but did not hang up. And then there was a grunt followed by the loud and rapid sound of footfalls; Avery was shouting at his brother ("I'll kick your head off!"), Anthony was laughing at him ("Taekwondo is an abysmal match for Shaolin!"). Their voices rose and fell from my auditory perspective, and so did the plodding of their feet, which meant that Anthony was being chased by his brother in a rather large room.
It was so suspenseful, I swear. My grip on the phone was very taut that it's a wonder why it didn't break into little pieces. At first I was worried that Avery would injure himself in his delicate state, but about three minutes passed and they were still running around the room (Anthony's laughter was becoming louder and louder after each lap around the racing course, and so were Avery's yells of "Give that back you oversized dog!"). I got kind of bored so I began tapping my free index finger to my chin.
And then there was a riotous crash that made me jump – one that clearly happened just beside (or most likely to) their telephone – and a big bang of someone violently hitting his body on a hard surface (which was, I strongly infer, the side table where the telephone sat on). I think their phone was murdered, and I quickly removed the phone from my ear as very deafening BANG BOOOOM sounds dominated my ears, and then a "GAAAAAAAH!" When I listened again half a minute later, the dial tone said hello.
Okay. What just happened? Anthony and Avery Hanabishi, the most prominent, calm and behaved people I know, just chased each other around a room because of paper and a picture (of me, by the way, so… gulp)! WHAT WAS THAT? Do they mess with each other like that all the time, like… like Ranma and Ryouga do, like wild boars in the jungle?
Wow, that's one violent life. They live together.
Whoops, just yawned while my mouth is full. Better do my Genghis Khan report now…
Sunday, 10 pm, my room
What a miracle, Ranma did his report by himself! Right after dinner, the both of us proceeded here to do the rest of our studying, and I was so surprised when he held out his finished report – all seven pages of it – for me to proofread. OMG. Ranma actually did it by himself. He did.
And I was so proud of him that the whole time we were studying, I had this smile on my face. He kept asking me about it, but I didn't tell. The reasons, of course, are: the funny thing that happened between the Hanabishi brothers earlier today and Ranma's being "determined and studious." And he told me that he and Ryouga actually talked today (I don't really know… maybe he was referring to the fight he had with Ryouga this morning… but then again, who knows?). Things are so great, thank heavens so, so, soooo much!
Although Ranma did keep his hips away from me the whole night, which was full of… you know. Insert giggle here. Hah, goodnight. If the boogeyman ever sets his sight on me and touches me, he'll end up in a crate in the Sahara.
Gosh, not sure where that came from, but goodnight anyway.
Monday, December 13, Math
Avery actually waited with a smile for Ranma and me by the gates this morning. The three of us pruned Kuno and his Hentai Horde (complete attendance, as always) no matter how I protested at first that Avery wasn't supposed to be included in the battle because he might strain himself. Okay, so I told myself not to be a MOM, but what I did a while ago was so not mommish. Those hentais were actually sort of dangerous in a weird way, and Avery ended up with a small gash on his lower lip unlike the first time he fought with them with only his legs and he came out unscathed.
"Oh, c'mon, Akane," Ranma explained, drawing me close by the waist, "it was just a morning exercise. Right, Avery?"
"Morning exercise, yeah," Avery agreed distantly, wiping his lip with his hanky. He looked a little upset – and I think I know why: turns out, Anthony won in their battle yesterday (but with the racket and the violent noise and the fact that Anthony is a twenty-something six-footer, it's a wonder why Avery was unharmed), and little Hanabishi was the one who had to buy more paper. The whole thing got him distracted this morning, so maybe that's the reason why he took a strike to his lip. Perhaps, like Ranma, he was the kind who didn't want to lose in any rivalry.
Geez, these two have a LOT in common than I thought!
Anyway, I'm going Christmas shopping with Sayuri and Yuka later. Of course, Ranma and Avery wouldn't be accompanying us, since I'm buying their gifts. I already have a gift list; I just hope I could find everything that's in it!
Monday night, porch across half-frozen koi pond, inside my very own furcoat
Wow, the spirit of Christmas totally emerged today. Just as I expected, the students at school didn't pay much attention to the lessons because they all wanted to go shopping! Some of them finished over the weekend, but most of them had put it off until they saw the first signs of snow just this morning. I know that it's waaaaaay late this year because it should have started weeks ago, and I am so sure it has everything to do with global warming, but at least it still snowed! Rejoice, for technology hasn't damaged the world completely… yet.
When Ranma and I went home, we were both huddled together. It's sending sweet shivers up my spine, how close we were the whole time… his arm was over my shoulders and securing me to him while I hugged his firm waist. Whenever he spoke, his hot breath on my face made me feel warm despite the biting cold around us. His body felt so nice and gratifying next to me.
And yes, I have successfully bought every single thing on my gift list (except for two, though)! Sayuri, Yuka and I went shopping after school. We also bumped into Ukyou who was being stalked by Santa Claus (who is, of course, just Tsubasa in another one of her scandalous disguises). I am all set for Christmas, I can feel it. When the snow completely covers the ground like one thick coat of cold fur, everybody's going to seek warmth, and they're going to stick together in the name of love and affection. It's wonderful!
Poor carp, though. Dad transferred them to an aquarium inside the house, otherwise they'd freeze to death in the pond. I could almost imagine them in all their golden red and orange glory being defrosted by Kasumi right after winter. And then the family wouldn't even know they're enjoying carp stew. Oh, crud, no… thank goodness Kasumi's not that kind of person.
I'm worried about Avery. No, not in a mommish way again, but as a friend. He seemed awfully distracted the whole day that he didn't even notice his fans club fuss over his lip. His emerald eyes focused distantly outside the window of the classroom, and he looked more… moony than the usual. His skin was an alarming shade of white, his lips were almost the same color with his face, and his eyes looked sunken. Maybe it was the… the cancer taking effect. Or maybe it's the cold! It could be anything, Akane! But even though he did cheer up during dismissal time when he waved goodbye to Ranma and me before going into his limousine, I knew that he was feeling weaker and weaker by the minute. Oh goodness, the thought drains all the happiness from me…
Now, inside the white fur overcoat (which makes me pine for Ranma right now) Avery gave me, sipping some hot chocolate that Kasumi prepared, I am hoping he's sitting comfortably on a soft rug (complete with pillows and plush stuff) in front of his fireplace, enjoying his favorite warm drink and bathing in the warmth the fire was giving off. Oh, and the image of Anthony massaging his feet makes the scene better, too.
Brrr… the snow's being bolder by the second! The flakes are flying everywhere, and I'm shivering a little. That's with the fur coat and the hot chocolate.
Hey, Ranma just entered the dining room! Heard his footsteps even before he reached the first floor. He wrapped himself up with a woolen blanket, and now he's smiling at me. A whack on the head would erase that silly smile, I'm so sure… but I'd rather not do it. That would destroy the moment…
Monday night, my room, squealing with every fluffy, sugary emotion existing
"How's my favorite tomboy?" he greeted, taking a seat to my left.
"Baka," I muttered, playfully whacking his head. "Bakabakabakabakabaka."
We fumbled and scuffled with each other awhile, giggling the whole time until he stopped me from further shaking his brain cells by stretching his arm around my shoulders.
"You feel so good," he moaned in my ear, holding me tighter.
I puzzled. "That's the overcoat, idiot," I shot sarcastically, a generous amount of fog coming out of my mouth. In actuality, I was loving his musky scent. So very… manly… even though he didn't know he smelled like that.
He bought time to think, and then he looked at me. "No, I believe it's you," he said with a smile.
I blushed and focused on the pond, whose edges were very much frozen already. Just when I was too caught up in remembering the relationship of the freezing point of a substance to its volatility (I am afraid I was bombarded with too much chemistry for the past lessons. That doesn't make me a nerd, though, I clearly insist), I heard Ranma laugh quietly.
"I never fail to make you blush. Always like that, huh? You're the most vulnerable person I know when it comes to mush and wush."
"Am I really?" I asked vaguely, eyeing the snow that gently fell to the ground.
The truth is, of course, that I remember all – and I mean ALL – the things Ranma did to me for the past several months that made me turn into shades that range from sunset pink to beet red to… eggplant purple. And when he's the assaulter, then I am 'the most vulnerable person there is when it comes to mush and wush'. Whether his assault is something completely intentional, or something unintended – which usually portrays him as a stuttering kid who is not used to affection and blurting out words sweet enough to decay anybody's teeth – he never fails to flush all the red out of me, even if the blush precedes (or is proceeded by) a vicious scream of "HENTAIII!" or "Ranma no BAKAAA!"
He chuckled, and it was followed by a slight shiver.
"Ranma, you're cold," I said concernedly, pointing out that what protected him from the temperature was a single layer of wool.
"Of course I'm cold, everybody in Japan is and that's obvious," he indicated. "Ain't actually a warm summer night, so don't lose hair about it."
Not wanting to be called Mom again by my own fiancé, I zipped my mouth.
"You're awfully quiet," he said openly after a few minutes. "That's weird. Until now, I thought talking was your favorite hobby."
"And you've been a silent angel all your life, darling," I snorted.
"Hey stop that, Judge, I'm innocent!"
"Did you know that in Timbuktu, guilty prisoners aren't allowed to cut their hair? The men usually just let it grow and tie it into a… pigtail."
"W-what?"
"Yeah, they do. And did you know," I went on, taking a deep breath and enjoying myself, "that the moment a prisoner is released, he is given one last punishment to make sure he doesn't do the crime again? Instead of being allowed to go to the barbershop for his first haircut in years, the police let a CAT do the cutting. No, make that eating. They make the cat eat the pigtail, because cats in Timbuktu just LOVE pigtails. There had been hairball issues because getting hairballs has been a cause of cat deaths, but the police never worry about that since the prison is right beside the cat pound. Now isn't that just convenient?"
No reply. I looked at Ranma and he was a pale shade of purple. He had his head down, so I couldn't see his eyes because his bangs covered them.
Wow, he fainted with that false trivia of mine!
"Ranma?" I called. "Ranma wake up, sky's falling." I nudged him with my shoulder. "Ranma!"
No? That left me no other choice.
"Ranma, I had a one night stand with Kuno and now I'm pregnant."
I suppressed a grin that threatened to split across my face as his head snapped up.
"WHAAAT?"
"Oh, yes, Ranma," I continued, covering my face with both hands to reinforce the crying effect. "That was very… very mean of him to take advantage of me like that… I feel so used and… and sore!"
His mind obviously disorganized and his façade becoming terribly hysterical, he put both his hands on my shoulders and shook me. "Tell me that's not true! Tell me!"
I removed my hands from my face and answered him with a victorious smile that held the all the sweetness of honey and the ridiculing sting of a rebellious killer bee.
"Y-YOU!" he accused, flabbergasted. "You queen of all evil you! Scheming, cunning, merciless root of all wickedness! You were the one who went chillin' and killin' Annabel Lee! You made the Jusenkyo springs! You invented calculus! And you… YOU were the matchmaker who got together Happosai's parents!"
I mischievously nodded in sheer agreement. "I am none other than Akane Tendo. And we haven't even taken up calculus yet, stupid."
"Kami-sama, you scared me to death," he panted, clutching his chest. "K-Kuno! Pregnant! T-take advantage! What in the name of hell were you thinking?"
I laughed. "You fainted so I woke you up."
"With the news that you're pregnant with Kuno's baby? You could have killed me on the spot, baka!"
"Otherwise you wouldn't have at least blinked to indicate you were still alive!" I explained, laughing with my heart's content. "Don't go screaming like Kodachi and losing your nuts and bolts about it." Goodness, he looked as pale as Avery.
"But… but you and Kuno… and b-baby… one night stand… S-SORE!" he stuttered incoherently, his eyes showing bewilderment and anxiety and disbelief and… well, all synonyms of the previously mentioned.
"Yes, baby, Kuno must feel so sore now, too…"
"GAAAACK!"
I nearly rolled over in laughter. I've never seen Ranma so… so like that!
"Stop it," he pleaded, covering his ears, "Akane, stop it! You're killing me…"
My laughter faded as I observed him. His eyes were tightly shut, and he really did look so scared… like a little kid trapped inside a dark closet with a freaky doll that looks horribly like Chuckie…
"Hey there, kiddo," I whispered gently, holding his hands. I slowly removed them from his ears and held them down, but they balled up into uptight fists. His eyes were still closely shut (and for a second I fought the urge to laugh at him again because this Ranma was faaaaaaaar from the strong, manly, brave, abrasive Ranma that I knew), his brows furrowed. "You know very well I wouldn't do a thing like that with Kuno. And all hell will break lose upon his disturbed soul before he could ever take advantage of me."
I smiled and leaned closer to kiss him. I felt his hands loosen up below mine as he opened his eyes.
"Ranma. I'm not having anybody else's baby. That was just a joke, I'm sorry."
Clearly, he was still shaken by said joke, but he tried his best to look manly and take back the testosterone he had lost a while ago. "Just… just don't do that again, okay? You could give Happosai a run for his panties, ya know that?"
I giggled.
He smiled at me with a chastising look. Then I saw in his eyes the familiar sight of realization.
"What did you mean by… you're not having… anybody else's baby?"
I gasped, blushing, realizing what I had said. Why on earth did I happen to say that?
"I-I… have no idea."
"Whose baby are you having in the first place?" he asked innocently.
Gosh, those babies in the hospital have their own way of engraving their scream-y, newborn, watch-out-world-here-I-come bawling into people's minds.
"Dunno… yours?" I supplied meekly. And then I gasped. Goodness, if the tomatoes had seen how my blush intensified, then they'd immediately resign from the Tomato Company!
I focused on my hands that were still holding his, but I'm pretty sure he was blushing, too.
"Wow, that's… that's something," he breathed, a bit shaken. "That's really something."
Hurriedly, I looked at him. "Geez, I'm sorry, I shouldn't ha–"
"There's… there's snow on your nose," he interrupted my rush apology in a whisper as he lightly brushed his thumb over the tip of my nose.
Then he encompassed me in the warmest and sweetest of all embraces. We gazed at the pond and the dark, frosty sky and didn't mention a word about Kuno or cats anymore. I just sat there in his arms, taking pleasure in his presence.
But he was much happier for the rest of the night, the reason of which I have a justifiable, rational, tingle-inducing, heart-fattening, squeal-making idea. And that made me much, much happier, too – happier than the carp inside Dad's aquarium now that they're safe from being Kasumi's next culinary specialty the moment Spring comes rushing in like… well, like the way it always does in that comfy, sunny, flowery, feel-good way.
Author's Notes: New term here, people: mommish, Avery and Akane's term whose meaning borders on "fussy" to "excessively motherly". And as you can see, Ranma and Akane are very, very comfortable with each other now, and that makes the world a better place. ;) That would also leave lots and lots of room for WAFF and other equally, if not more, lovely scenes. Lo and behold, the Akane you see now is far from the brooding-darkness-in-her-heart Akane in the earlier chapters! See? She did lighten up. One more thing: the only person who can break through Avery's barrier of calmness and composure is, of course, his very own brother. Anybody who has a sibling knows that. Avery may not be perfect, after all… haha! (",)
I hope this one didn't sadden you like what the previous chapter did… because in order for Christmas to be merry, I have to let go of the depressing words completely. And that's what I did for this chapter. Okay, maybe not completely, since there were still some emotional thoughts from Akane, but it's generally light, right? Avery and Ranma being buddies is adorable, don't you agree? And so are Avery and Anthony when they bicker like kids (Avery's yell of "Give that back you oversized dog!" was, of course, a pun regarding Anthony's startling resemblance to Sesshoumaru)! Ah, this entertainment is good.
Merry Christmas from da Duke! ;)
celestial lelila: First of all, thanks for indicating that you gave that nameless review! (",) I totally agree with you. "the fact that avery is too perfect makes him wrong for akane and all her flaws is a very true sentiment. i've always felt that about akane and ranma both being so flawed that their flaws compliment each other and make them perfect for each other." You, my friend, saw that message in between those many lines of melancholy, and I give you props for that! And hurrah, you're the first reviewer to actually say you liked Anthony because you liked Sesshoumaru! Props! What you said about Anthony and Avery being the perfect compliment to each other is totally true, because having the same personality as your brother would just tip the scales to one side, and that ain't fun. Thank you for empathizing with me when I said that a person like Avery didn't deserve his fate, because that's a universal truth that many people take for granted. And whoah! Avery doesn't have to die, does he? ;) Thanks for reviewing, and thanks too for condoling. I really appreciate it. I hope your holidays were as grand as mine! ;)
Ikerana: Weee, thank you for the praise and for keeping in touch with your emotional self when you read this! I know that to be fully touched by this chapter and feel the emotions in it would be a very hard thing to do if one just skimmed over it, which meant that you read this (miserable, sad and depressing) chapter thoroughly. God, that must've been about 10-15 minutes of sadness, I'm sorry! I hope chapter 9 made up for it. Thank you so, so much for the praise! (",)
RiaSternchen: No problem, I always see to it that I reply to your reviews! And whew, finally somebody noticed the larger roles that Sayuri and Yuka play in this fic. I figured that since this one's Akane-centric, then I should put the girls in. Otherwise, she'd appear like a confused teenager swimming alone in angst, her own humor and crazy assumptions. Girlfriends always help. Yep, see ya! ;)
Lou: Awwww, your review really, really, REALLY touched me. So, so, so much. It's actually one of the main inspirations I had when I was making chapter 9. (",) I'm sorry about the "friend" that you dumped, I'm sorry that both of you had to go through so much pain and trouble. But looking at the bright side, I'm glad that you related with chapter 8, that it touched and moved you. I feel like a much better writer already hehe, now that I know I didn't only amuse my readers but touched them as well. And wow, "Avery seems to be the perfect friend - and is the only original character I've ever, ever seen who was actually interesting. It was as if I'd want to see him in the anime!" Thank you! I just made Avery up and I didn't think the people would actually like him much. Appears I was wrong. ;) Thanks for condoling about Klarence; I know we both relate to the feeling of losing a friend. And bah, let the thief do her bidding; when judgment day comes, I wouldn't really care about that. And thanks, you say? No, thank YOU. ;)
Story Weaver1: I've gotta admit, the Kuno&Nabiki scenes were actually a breeze to write. LOL. But a little gross too, I guess, when I look at it from a different perspective. Haha! And beautifully tragic it is, thank you so much!
kenshinlover2002: Thanks, as usual, for reviewing! I will update, just like I always do. The next chapter will be even better, I promise. (",)
alanna28: Hehe, glad you found the baby portion funny ;) Thanks, too, and I hope your Christmas was as merry as mine.
The-Shadow002: I totally agree with you on plagiarism, it's such a horrid thing! Thanks for condoling. And yeah, I went over the chapter again and I DID see some grammar and spelling errors, thanks for pointing out! I fixed them and reposted this chapter. (",) Gah, I loved the humor in the walnut part, too. Yeah, I DO feel that the speedometer for the chapter was irregular, maybe I was feeling a bit rushed when I shouldn't have… well, I have my bad days. I sort of just bumbled off at the ending when Ranma and Akane were outside the house, and I agree with you when you said it was slightly abrupt. Thank you, as always, for reviewing, and don't worry about the bastards. They're… well, they're bastards, and it's best we leave them alone to do their own bastardly deeds. ;)