Mario and Luigi: Crazystar Saga

By NessSnorlax

Disclaimer: I do not own Mario, like everyone that writes fanfiction for Mario.

NOTE: This had to be re-written because of the enforcement of a new rule. The only changes, besides the fact that the writing style had to be changed, are that commercials are removed. Some things are re-written to make them funnier, because I have improved in writing since then. The previous reviews totaled 36.

This fic was origionally published in mid-December 2003.

Chapter 1: Toad Explains It All

A new day has started in the Mushroom Kingdom. Luigi is busy drying clothes on the clothesline. "Why can't we go over to Wal-Mart and get a washing machine? It's only twenty feet from our house!" Suddenly, Toad runs over to Luigi, with some very important news.

"E-E-E-MERGENCY SITUATION! Did you see the Kingdom Courier?"

"No, but I have a subscription to the Kingdom Picayune."

Disappointed at Luigi's response, Toad enters Mario's house. "MAAARIA... oh, wait, MARIEEEEE!" However, "Marie" is upstairs in bed. Toad shouts a few more times, but Mario starts to take notice. "MARIE ISN'T HERE! Now, will you let me watch TV?"

On the TV, the Super Samus Super Show is on. "It's the Super Samus Super Show, starring Samus Aran!" The next segment features Samus doing a wacky dance: "Come on, do the Samus! Swing your arms from side to side, come on, do the Samus... why am I here? Why can't I be hunting space pirates?"

The annoyed Toad had to shout over the blaring television to get heard. "MARIA! PRINCESS PEACH LOST HIS VOICE!"

"Really? What kind of princess is male?" Mario asked.

"Um... that's a pretty hard question. The Rat King? Oh, I know him; he's secretly a princess and doesn't tell anyone else except his legions of Communist Rats." Toad said. Mario ignores him and just changes the channel on the TV.

The channel is the FOX News Channel. "We have a major story! Prices of socks have gone up in the past four years, from one hundred and ten coins to five-hundred and fifty coins. Most people living in the Mushroom Kingdom are very concerned, as they need socks for sock-related things." Mario, indeed, was very concerned, but not concerned enough. He changed the channel yet again.

He goes through such channels as the i network (formerly PAX), which claimed it had nothing on until 2008, when it would air the Super Old Timey Fun Timey Happy Man-Eating Easter Egg Special. Next, he stumbled upon a commercial for an Atari 2600 contest that ended in 1979. Finally, Mario stumbles upon a show with a talking map. "Dora, Boots, and Diego need to go to Albany. But Dora doesn't know how to get there. They need to go through the Canadian cornfields, onto NY State Highway 341, and they'll arrive at Albany! Say it with me! Cornfields, NY State Highway 341, Albany! Cornfields, NY State Highway 341, Albany! Cornfields, NY State Highway 341, Albany! Cornfields, NY State Highway 341, Albannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyy!" the hyperactive talking map exclaimed as it suddenly dissappeared. "Honestly, that has to be the second weirdest show ever, after the show with the purple and red things."

Meanwhile, Toad is shouting out names that rhyme with Mario. "HELLO! MARIE! MARIAH CAREY! MARY!" He continues shouting more names, even making up some as he goes along. Mario, of course, continues ignoring Toad and keeps on pressing the button on the remote. He stumbles upon a crazy show, imported all the way from Japan.

"Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight..."

"Why does everyone have to rhyme things all the time? I remember the time Bowser tried to rhyme. He ended up eating all the socks in the Mushroom Kingdom. Oh, those poor socks! It should be outlawed!" Mario exclaimed.

The song continues. "...She is the one named Sailor Moon. She will never turn back on a friend, she will always be there to defend, she is the one of whom you could depend, she is the one named..."

Mario interupts again. "Pottery Barn? Bed, Bath, and Beyond? It has to be Pottery Barn, it just has to be!" However, Mario turns out to obviously be wrong. "Sailor Venus! Sailor Mercury! Sailor Mars! Sailor Jupiter! The secret powers are so new to her; she is the one named Sailor Moon!" The song repeats the first verse again.

"I have a good idea for a story," Mario says. "It takes place about a queen named Beryl, in the kingdom that's south of this one, which is just some imaginary island called Uncreatively Named Imaginary Island. The name is from Serbia, but the super happytastic island paradise isn't! She rules that nation thing until..." Mario continues rambling on about the story, writing it down. He rambles on about the queen, cheesecake, and the lawnmowers that eventually eat all of the cheesecake. He said that the lawnmowers were evil, grass-eating lawnmowers, along with evil cheesecake-eating lawnmowers. "...then, the olives from the Beanbean Kingdom ate Queen Beryl, and then the Mushroom Kingdom invaded that kingdom, and then stuff happened."

The TV was still on. "Come, come, come to the Mushroom Square Garden, Garden, Garden to see, see, see Auctionsaurus Rex to, to, to see some type, type, type of action. Go on August 11, 11, 11 for some..." The commercial is abruptly interrupted.

"This is an MKBC Special Report," Announcer says.

"Pocky is good for you," the newscaster said. "We now return to our regularly schedueled programming.

On Sailor Moon, Usagi says something about a problem infesting Tokyo: "But if we don't control the radioactive mole population, the Negaverse could destroy this city and Japan!" "But that is horrible! It's filled with horrible!" Ami feared for her life.

Another news report, however, left the show at a cliffhanger. "Moscow in blames, pencils headed towards New Amsterdam. Film at eleven."

The female newscaster, who was in Damascus, said "Well, Newsreporter, I'm not in a place you mentioned, but we're only doing these pointless stories to interrupt Sailor Moon, and to possibly interrupt certain fanfics somewhere in the universe."

At the main news studio, the newscaster finishes the report. "In other news, Pocky is good for you."

Announcer was about to announce that the report was over, but Enraged Sailor Moon Fan snuck up behind him and started choking him. "That's what you get for interrupting the best show in the world!" Since there's now a major news story in the newsroom, the newscaster reports. "We have just recieved breaking news from fifteen feet away in this studio near the Mushroom Bridge! Someone is choking Announcer!"

"You don't need to make news..." the Cameraman reminded News Guy before he butted into the conversation. "MORE BREAKING NEWS! The cameraman said something!"

"This sure is going to be a crappy job."

Meanwhile, the obviously ignored Toad is shouting is lungs out. "HELLO! MARIE! MARIA! MARIO! GET DOWN HERE! PRINCESS PEACH IS SPEAKING IN EXPLODING VOCABULARY!"

This got Mario's attention, and he rushed out of his house. He changes into his normal clothes, uses the clothesline rope to tie Luigi to the car they're driving, and drives off.

"BUT I WANNA GO TO WAL-MART! I NEED FIFTEEN DISHWASHERS FOR CLOTHESWASHING!" Luigi whined.

"TOO BAD! We have to help the princess!" Mario said.

"Geez, why is it always a princess that needs help? Why can't it be some other guy, like a prime minister?" Luigi wondered.

"Well, think about it for a moment. Nintendo has not created that character yet, and the author is too lazy to think of one!" Mario shouted.

At Princess Peach's castle, Peach is crying. Bowser bursts into the castle. "Sorry, I'm late for my daily kidnapping of Peach!" Toad, however, told Bowser of a problem with something.

"Oh, boo hoo, as long as she doesn't throw up on every little thing," Bowser responded.

As Bowser is talking, Mario and Luigi knock down the door of the castle and crash into Bowser. He is sent flying into the wall, which causes part of the wall and the rest of the castle to fall over. After regaining consciousness, Bowser was mad.

"Hey, you rammed that expensive car into my back! It's 14:62 AM on a Wednesday, so today is a day I capture the princess. So don't try and stop me!"

Of course, a battle starts. "Mario, do you know your action commands?" Toad questioned. Mario obviously knew. "Um, yeah."

Later in the battle, Toad remembered that he forgot to tell Mario something. "MARIO! I forgot something! You can dodge Bowser's attacks!" Like before, Mario knew and responded with "I think I learned that a few seconds ago."

"OK, Mr. Ugly Bad Guy, could you please attack?" Toad said. However, this statement made Bowser angry. "How dare you call Bowser, King of All Koopas, Mr. Ugly Bad Guy! I put on Koopa Makeup every day to make me look prettier!"

Bowser proceeds to burn Toad, who starts to run around, shouting "IT BURNS! IT BURNS! SOMEONE HAS TO TELL MARIO HOW TO AVOID BOWSER'S ATTACKS!" He continues to run around saying "it burns" and stuff.

Out of nowhere, some weird music starts playing and a big ball of a gaseous material suddenly appears. A person inside of some type of machine appears from what is seemingly thin air. "Mario! Are you surprised! It's me, Pokey." It was Pokey Minch from EarthBound! "I assist only the strong and able! That's Pokey. You guys look pathetic! The Apple of Enlightenment has already made a prediction. ...But I won't let what the Apple of Enlightenment predicted take place. You guys will be beaten by Giygas."

Not knowing what's going on, Mario is confused. Luigi, who's never heard about the Apple of Enlightenment, wants to know what it is. "Yes, apples are an okay food, but what is so special about an enlightening apple? Does it talk? And where can I get some of this 'enlightenment' food?"

Ignoring Luigi, Pokey continues his speech. "Giygas will be stronger, a more powerful entity than any other!"

Bowser, who thinks no evil is greater than him, says "No evil thing can be stronger and much more evil than Bowser!"

Luigi scoffs. "Oh, please. All you do is kidnap a princess that doesn't send out legions of armies to defeat you. I don't know why, but it's how Nintendo designed the games. Why not capture Donkey Kong or Pikachu?"

Pokey, ignoring the two, continues the speech. "Why? 'Cause of me. I was led by Giygas, and now I'm here. The Apple of Enlightenment couldn't predict this. Master Giygas. No, Giygas is no longer the wielder of Evil. He has become the embodiment of evil himself... which he cannot control on his own. He is the evil power.

Before a battle could start, Mario interrupts. "Ahem, you're in the wrong game. Remember, this is a Mario game, not a Kribby game."

All Pokey had to say was "You fool! Saying Kribby will make the planet Urf explode." So, in a galaxy far, far, but not too far away, a planet called Urf exploded. Truly a sad day for all humanoids on Urf.

Giygas is angered. "How dare you blame the evil entity Giygas on a mistake! The evil Giygas never makes mistakes! Also, spiked shell guy, how dare you blow up my home planet by saying the cursed word "kribby." Now, I'm going to eat you like those pancakes you'll find at the meat packing plant of doom, with it's own sixteenth century soldiers guarding it for some weird reason and various other things." Giygas eats Bowser and goes away.

"Great," Mario said. "Since we can't rescue the princess from Bowser, OUR STORY IS RUINED! Why, Nintendo, why couldn't you come up with a game where someone else kidnaps Peach?" Mario starts sobbing.

"Everything will be okay, Mario. Nintendo will surely invent some villain that they'll only use in one game to kidnap Peach," Luigi explained.

Peach was just siting back, about to speak. Unfortunately, bombs fall out of that weird text bubble that appears out of her mouth.

"Oh look! Aren't those bombs pretty? They'll make a huge EXPLOSION!" Luigi said with awe.

Author's Notes: I do know what FOXBOX is; it's a programming block for kids on FOX, now called 4Kids TV. They have lots of horrible shows, like Fighting Foodons (and the Winx club). shudder

MKBC Mushroom Kingdom Broadcasting Company

-The NessSnorlax