1-2 Catacomb Terrors
What's this? A chapter posted early? Unbelievable!
Now, my faithful readers, what you are about to see in this chapter may disturb you, horrify and disgust you. (It's not that bad, it's just a very cursed image that will be implanted in your head.
Crash Bandicoot and Super Mario are owned by their respective companies, not me.
Inside the dark, forgotten about basement of Peach's Castle (now rabbit and portal painting free since 1996!) the unusual team up of human and marsupial heroes waded through the waters, sharing stories of their past adventures as a way to get to know each other and pass time. Mario and Luigi's arrival into the Mushroom Kingdom as babies, the bandicoots backstory as mutant experiments.
"And that's why we never look ourselves up on the internet anymore." Luigi finished his story, to the clear discomfort of everyone involved.
And of course delving into the more… awkward aspects of their histories. Thanks, Luigi.
"Ignoring everything about that story, it's so weird how casual of a relationship you guys have with your arch-enemy." Coco said as she and her brother walked next to each other, her being there mainly to stop him from trying to lick the walls again. The moss looked tasty to him. "Our arch-enemies just try to kill us half the time with harebrained schemes of world domination, instead of kart racing or challenging us to party games."
"Yeah, some people think it's weird, but I think it's actually pretty nice. We get invited to his son's birthday parties sometimes." Mario cheerily said. "Oh, and sometimes we hang out at my place and play video games too."
"He actually remembered to invite me last time. He even used my name on the invite instead of "Green Mario." Luigi said, regarding Junior's party. He was just happy to be included, honestly.
Crash gave him a "yeah" and two thumbs up for that, impressed for whatever reason. Coco just thought it was sad.
"So, what's your history with this N. Brio fellow, anyway?" Peach asked them. "He seemed fond of you two, in his own little way."
"He once worked for Dr. Cortex. He was the one who perfected the machine that made my children what they are today." Aku Aku began explaining. "At some point, he decided to betray the doctor and got our help in destroying a space worthy version of his mind control machine, the Cortex Vortex. After that, he disappeared for a while, but then we found him in Tranquility Falls, working for Cortex again, and trying to betray him again, with our help again."
"Isn't it weird that Cortex just keeps hiring him again. You'd think he would be suspicious." Luigi pointed out.
"Yeah, I don't think Cortex really notices the fact that N. Brio hates him. Crash and I remember our time back when we were being tested, Cortex treated him like dirt. Revoked his bathroom rights, made him scrape our guts off the floor, made him sign all his own birthday cards, the whole shebang. And yet he somehow doesn't notice any of this betrayal stuff going on under his nose. So much for super genius."
"He sounds like quite the jerk, huh." Mario commented. "Bowser would never treat his minions like that. Sure, he yells at them and knocks them around once in a while, but it's more in the sense of a disappointed dad. He's a great guy once you get to know him. You'd like him."
Crash could agree to that, liking your arch enemy that way. He liked Cortex plenty enough, and meeting someone with a similar relationship to his was always nice. If all enemies got along that way, the world would definitely be a happier place.
As they let the silence of the basement take over for the moment, Aku Aku began thinking. "Hmm, I think the disappearance of our two enemies may be related somehow."
He took in the questioning stares everyone gave him as a sign to elaborate. "Both our enemies disappeared around the same time, a full month ago. Is it possible that when Cortex arrived in your dimension, he encountered Bowser and joined forces with him?"
"That does sound likely. The encounter part, not the joining forces part. Bowser doesn't like it when people come to steal his thunder. He's quite the egotist, you see." The princess said. "He won't accept any kind of alliance unless he's the big guy in charge. He said so himself when we attended his son's birthday party. He was complaining about some wannabe who wanted to collaborate with him."
"Hmm, that doesn't disprove the theory though. Cortex is usually pretty willing to work under others leadership. I suppose as long as he has his own underlings, and that his goals align with Bowser's, that he'll have formed an alliance with him. He did ally with my brother, Uka Uka after all."
"Well the only way we'll find out anything is if we take down this N. Brio guy and get our answers out of him, right?" Mario said, jumping in front of the group. "So come on already! The exit should be right over here!"
Mario rushed forward, leaving the others to follow behind. Crash was the first to start following, agreeing a lot with the red plumbers energy. The rest followed behind them as they rushed the basement area.
Mario turned a corner to where he knew the exit was, only to start frantically waving his arms until he fully skidded to a stop. Crash did not notice this, continuing forward, and not noticing Mario telling him to stop.
When the rest arrived, they all winced at the sight of Crash being electrocuted by a wall of lasers, the bandicoot convulsing for a good while before finally being blasted away and into the wall behind the group.
The barrier shutdown to reveal N. Brio's hologram projector hovering behind it. The scientist's holographic mug revealed itself as the others lifted the twitching, slightly burned bandicoot off the ground and onto his feet.
"Hah, you didn't think reaching me would be that easy?" N. Brio declared to the angry group. "I'm not going to let you test my creations until I've tested your skills! I need my army to be perfect before I can send them to Dr. Cortex!"
The group examined the obstacle course N. Brio had made for them. Somehow, the floor had been carved out into a spike filled moat, with platforms ascending and descending at a rapid speed. Parts of the wall were marked with a bullseye, possibly to indicate where they needed to wall jump. They would occasionally be electrified, making that a relatively difficult challenge. Beyond that were a pair of ropes, swinging back and forth with a barrier between them periodically turning on and off. And finally, a bunch of saws flying through the air by the exit door, just enough space between them for a platforming master to jump through.
"It seems…" Coco was first to make a comment. "Short."
The mad scientist looked utterly offended at her comment. "Of course it's short! We spend most of our time setting up the-the-the one at the entrance, instead of exploring the rest of the castle for any hidden entrances. But noooo, you just had to take the easy way in! So this is all you will be getting. Deal with it!"
A squealing sound came through the projector, catching N. Brio's attention. "Not again." He sighed. "I have some important work to attend to. You go on ahead and finish this. When I return, you have better completed this, and you better have something nice to say about it!" The projector shut off and flew away.
Luigi looked at the obstacle course with a fearful look in his eyes. "Hoo, boy, that looks deadly."
"Yeah, even Bowser isn't usually this intense. Sure, he uses lava and spike balls, but never like this." Mario scratched his head as he spoke.
Crash simply sighed as he began stretching, while Coco turned to the others to explain things. "Yeah, the obstacles our enemies make for us are usually of the more lethal variety. But once you get a good fell for them, they're easy as pie." She said with confidence. Then she started to lose it. "If you ignore all the impalements, the getting crushed, the electrocutions, the-" .
The Mushroom Kingdom residents looked very worried as Coco continued to list off various ways they have died. Peach even turned to the floating mask to ask him. "Is this normal for you?"
"Unfortunately, yes. I can't even begin to count the amount of times I've had to revive these two from some unfortunate mishap. Our adventures can get quite intense and difficult. Thankfully they've been getting better at staying alive as of late." He said while shaking his head.
"Well, if you ever need them, we have some 1-Ups on us just in case. We're no stranger to dying on particularly difficult challenges."
"That's very kind of you, princess."
"And educational television. Ughh." Coco shivered at that last part. That was the worst of them all in her eyes. "So, who's gonna go first?"
"Well Crash looks like he's good for a round." Mario said as he watched Crash psyche himself up.
Crash was definitely up for it. Dying or not, a good platforming challenge always provided a satisfying rush of adrenaline for the bandicoot. And this one looked like a lot of fun to him. He was definitely going to thank N. Brio for it. Maybe even send him a nice fruit basket as a thank you gift.
Giving the others a thumbs up to signal he was ready, Crash got an all fours. Coco stood in front of him, giving him a countdown. "Three. Two. One."
When his sister said Go, Crash ran into the obstacle course. With expert skill, Crash jumped across the platforms, jumping on and off them in spite of their rapid speed. He wall-jumped off the walls just as they happened to not be electrified, making it across the area unharmed. Then came the ropes, which he clung onto for just long enough until the barrier turned off, letting him swing through it unharmed. Finally, the buzzsaws. With excellent timing, the bandicoot leaped through, right in between two of the flying blades, and made a perfect landing right on the other side. He made it through completely unscathed.
Everybody cheered at Crash's masterful skill in platforming, applauding him as he bowed, accepting the praise.
With one final bow, the upper half of Crash fell forward, with his legs remaining upright through the power of cartoon physics.
So it turns he didn't make it through perfectly unscathed.
"Uh oh." Mario pulled out a green mushroom, a 1-Up, out of his pocket, then entered the obstacle course. The plumber made quick work of the course, long jumping over the death pit, wall jumping off the walls before and swinging past the ropes before they could even activate their respective deathtrap parts, and slid underneath the buzzsaws to reach the bisected marsupial.
He stuffed the 1-Up into Crash's mouth, waiting for it to take effect.
The bisected Crash disappeared, and in his place a whole Crash blinked into existence. The bandicoot quickly examined himself in surprise, and happily glomped his hero.
"Hahaha, you're a hugger, huh?" Mario said as he was squeezed tightly by the happy marsupial.
After a while, the others had successfully made it through the course, Peach being the last to make it through as she landed gracefully on the floor. All everyone had to show for the whole ordeal was some burned clothes. Oh, and Coco's ponytail was on fire.
Luigi panicked and used his hat to pat out the flames, extinguishing the fire before Coco actually noticed. His reward was an odd stare from Coco, wondering what he was doing. Luigi's actions went unnoticed as per usual.
Once everyone finished patting themselves down and checking on each other, they went through the exit door, on their way to the foyer.
"Good, you made it through."
Entering the foyer of the castle, the heroes surveyed the damage the scientists had caused. Wires coming in and out of the doors, strewn all over the floor haphazardly, the room looked like a complete mess. At least the newly installed chandelier was left untouched. At least they had an inkling of good taste.
"I hope you actually had fun back there. I know you would have enjoyed it more if you had taken the actual route I had se-se-set up for you." N. Brio said passive aggressively, his hologram floating in the center of the room.
Crash gave the scientist two thumbs up, making his opinion clear.
"Yes, that's nice, Crash. Your feedback is highly appreciated." N. Brio rolled his eyes.
"So, what's it gonna be?" Mario walked forward, speaking for the group (Minus Luigi, who'd rather not). "Giant Piranha Plant? Giant Goomba? King Bob-Omb?" He listed off some familiar bosses he had faced.
"Muhahaha! Oh, I have something far more interesting in mind."
N. Brio's projector flew over towards a large metal door, replacing the doorway to the upper floor of the castle. "You see, I've taken quite a liking to the test subjects I happen to have with me. Especially this Toadsworth fellow."
"What have you done with him?" Peach said, fearing what was coming next. What had he done to her beloved steward?
"Oh, nothing bad, no need to worry yourself."
The doors suddenly began to open, startling everyone. They moved slowly, lot's of steam coming from behind, and the sound of stomping could be heard beyond the doorway.
"I simply gave him a few upgrades, is all. Muahaha, MUHAHAHA!"
Once the doors fully parted, Mario, Luigi and Peach gasped at the horror that stood before them.
"Ah, Princess, there you are." Toadsworth greeted her. "I hope you can recognize me despite my drastic changes, my chaps."
Drastic changes they were. The average Toad was usually quite small, barely reaching Mario's full height. Toadsworth, however, now towered over pretty much everyone. Imagine transplanting a toad's head on the body of a massively bulked up bodybuilder, and you'd get a pretty apt description of what he looked like right now. Despite all the bulging muscle, his clothes still fit on him, albeit stretched out and torn in some places.
Oh, and he had legs too. Finely toned, muscular legs. Let that sink in for a moment.
"I will admit, my chaps, I actually quite like this change." He said, flexing in front of everyone.
Mario, Luigi and Peach continued to gape in terror at the sight. "What have you done to him?" Peach managed to say, in spite of her horrified state.
"As I said, I upgraded him. My best work yet if I have to say." N. Brio smiled proudly. "Now, Toadinator, please test your might against these heroes. I need to see how successful you are before I can begin mass producing more of you. Good Luck!" With one last maniacal laugh, N. Brio left the scene.
Everyone turned to stare at the Toadinator, wondering what he was about to do.
"Apologies, my chaps, but I do believe I am not in control of myself. May as well test out my bodacious muscles against you." He jumped into the air and at the heroes. They jumped out of the way, and the Toadinator punched the ground,sending out a massive shockwave. "I trust you chaps will be able to deal with me."
Boss Time
The group scattered across the foyer, watching out for the Toadinators next move.
Leaping high into the air, the Toadinator stomped the ground, unleashing a shockwave that everyone had to jump over. He began to leap around the arena, repeating the shockwave attack, and keeping everyone jumping in the air.
"Oh, I was hoping we didn't have to hurt any of the poor toads." Peach said mournfully, dodging the shockwaves alongside Mario.
"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think anything we can do will hurt him through all that muscle." He reassured her, holding onto his hat as he jumped.
With one powerful leap, the Toadinator slammed the ground with his massive fists, nearly knocking everyone off their feat. Luckily for them, that action resulted in said massive fists getting embedded into the ground, locking him into place.
"Oh bummer. It appears I am stuck, my chaps." He helpfully declared.
Crash bravely rushed forward, and did what he did best, spin the enemy. Sadly, Mario's statement was proven true, since his spin did nothing to the Toadinator and his awesome muscles. The bandicoot held his hands, cringing in pain.
"We'll need something far heavier if we want to hurt him!" Aku Aku said as he observed the area high in the air. He looked around quickly, and then he spotted it. "The chandelier!"
Everyone looked up at the structure that dangled from the ceiling. They just needed to knock it down somehow.
With one powerful lunge, the Toadinator pulled his fists out of the ground, knocking Crash high in the air and onto the second floor. "My awesome muscles cannot be held so easily, my chaps!"
He leaped at the nearest target, which as expected was Luigi, causing the poor plumber to shriek in terror and start running away.
As Luigi was chased by the Toadinator, Peach and Mario began formulating their plan. Pulling out her parasol, the princess signaled for Mario to jump into the air. When he did so, she opened it up, letting the bouncy parasol propel Mario all the way up to the chandelier.
Luigi took notice, and realized what the plan was. With newfound confidence, he began to lead the Toadinator's attacks towards the center of the room, right underneath the chandelier.
Performing his powerful leap attack, the Toadinator slammed his fists where Luigi once was. The green plumber had dodged the attack right on time, leaving the bulked up toad stuck once more.
With him in position, Mario leapt up in the air and gave the chandelier's canopy a strong kick, breaking it.
The Toadinator collapsed as the giant chandelier crashed right on his head, the attack dealing serious damage in spite of his incredible musculature.
Unfortunately, this was a boss battle. One that followed the rule of three.
"Well that's rude, chaps. We just hung this chandelier last week!" He complained as he ripped his fists out of the ground and shook off the remains of the castle decoration of his body. "Now I believe I must get serious!"
He shoved his fist into the floor, and heaved a large chunk of ground out of it. With one hand, he tossed the debris right at Mario, Peach and Luigi. They dodged the projectile, thankfully, but now the Toadinator continued digging an infinite amount of rocks out of the floor, somehow not digging himself deeper into the ground.
Hey, it's game logic, deal with it.
"Great, the one day we decide not to bring our hammers." Luigi complained. "How are we gonna deal with this?"
Up at the second floor, Coco and Aku Aku helped a groggy Crash get up from the floor. They took notice of the attacking Toadinator, and that the others were in danger. But mainly, Crash realized the familiarity of the attack.
"What is it, Crash?" Aku Aku asked when the marsupial grabbed his attention. Crash started to pantomime someone growling, flexing his muscles while he was at it.
"Tiny Tiger? What's he got to do with this?" Coco asked. Aku Aku, however, was much more familiar with who Crash was referencing.
"Koala Kong. You beat him by reflecting his rocks!" He realized. Crash nodded happily when he managed to get his message through. "We need to grab his attention."
"I got this, guys. Hey, ugly!" Coco yelled at the Toadinator, grabbing his attention. He held a rock in his hand as he turned to stare at the bandicoots, giving the Mushroom Kingdom heroes a chance to run into the castle. "Your mustache looks like a caterpillar died on your face!"
"How dare you insult my mustache!" That got him mad. "I'll say, I've consulted only the leading experts in mustache care to get it this finely coiffed! Take this!"
Now he began to throw rocks at the bandicoot siblings, the duo dodging the giant projectiles effortlessly, letting them break apart on the walls.
"Stay still, my chaps!" Toadinator increased his efforts, pulling out rocks and throwing them at a much faster rate. When that wasn't enough, he dug both his fists into the ground and pulled out a particularly massive rock. He took aim at the bandicoot siblings, who had converged by the door and were taunting him with those devilish smirks of theirs.
With a grunt, he tossed the giant rock at the two. They jumped out of the way, and the rock broke apart when it struck the door, leaving behind two reasonably sized stones, ready for spinning.
"Oh dear." And the Toadinator had exhausted himself with that barrage. He was wide open.
Crash and Coco rushed to the stones. Nodding at each other, the two spun the stones in perfect sync, sending the two flying directly into the Toadinators face, knocking him on his finely sculpted butt.
Two hits down, one more to go.
The Toadinator shook his head, recovering from the hit and beating on his heavily muscled chest. "I have had enough!"
He leaped into the air and onto the second floor, Crash and Coco jumping out of the way on time when he landed. "Now that I have the high ground, my chaps, this will be far easier."
He grabbed the metal doors behind him, pulling them out of the walls and using them as makeshift shields. Crash and Coco realized why when they took note of the amount of debris lying around the foyer. They had to get those shields off him.
"Did we miss anything?" Mario's voice came from behind them. The bandicoots turned around to see the Mushroom Kingdom residents coming out of a sideroom, Mario and Luigi now wielding giant hammers.
"Not much, standard boss fight fair." Coco casually explained. "We just need one more hit with these rocks to knock him out."
Mario and Luigi nodded, watching the Toadinator peek out of his makeshift shields. The boss started stomping the ground, causing the floor to tremble a bit as he set up for an attack.
Suddenly, he leapt into the air and stomped onto the ground, the impact sending everyone flying.
The Toadinator jumped back onto his spot, shields still up, as he prepared for a second attack.
"I got it!" Mario had an idea as he got up from the ground. "You thinking what I'm thinking, bro?"
"Yeah?" Luigi asked nervously, but caught on soon enough. "Oh! Yeah!"
"You two stay by the rocks! Trust me!" Mario said to the bandicoots.
The two were confused, but they decided to see where things went. They stood by some rocks, watching as the two made their way to the center of the room.
After psyching himself up, the Toadinator made another leap at the center, aiming to stomp the Mario Bros. into pancakes.
That was exactly what the two wanted, as they swung their hammers right at the Toadinators feet. He was knocked high into the air, his flailing causing him to throw the steel doors away by accident.
Taking it as a sign for them to take action, the bandicoot siblings spun the rocks at the Toadinator, hitting him square in the face and propelling him into the wall. With a groan, he slid down the wall, onto the floor of the upper area, and fell into unconsciousness.
They did it!
"Woohoo!" Crash cheered, and he celebrated with his trademark Crash Dance. He pulled off his sick moves while Coco giggled as she watched.
"Toadsworth!" Peach cried out as she rushed towards the musclebound steward. "Are you alright?"
"Ah, princess, is that you?" Toadsworth mumbled out. "Ah, you're alright. Thank goodness I didn't hurt you."
The other's joined Peach, with Aku Aku floating over to check on him. "I apologize for what happened, Mr. Toadsworth. Our enemies tend to do these kinds of things to innocents. Once we deal with N. Brio, we'll have him undo this process immediately."
"Oh, I don't mind this at all, actually. I asked for this in fact."
Everybody blinked in confusion at that answer, with a resounding "What?" as a response.
"Mr. N. Brio explained to me that he would turn me into an invincible beast. I thought that this way, I'd be able to better protect you, princess. He was kind enough to explain the whole process to me, and even agreed to letting me stay at the Mushroom Kingdom as long as I helped train the others."
"That's… nice? I guess." Peach responded. "I'm thankful you at least made this decision thinking about my safety at least. That's very thoughtful of you."
"All for you, your majesty, all for you. Now go on ahead and deal with N. Brio. I'll be here, resting, and maybe do some crunches to start maintaining my newfound physique." Toadsworth flexed his newfound pecs, disturbing everyone.
"You have fun with that, I guess." Luigi said as he walked to the staircase. "Let'sa go, everyone."
The heroes all entered the stairway to the upper floors, leaving behind Toadsworth to rest his head on his incredibly toned arms.
Next time (Which may be a lot sooner than you think.) our heroes face off against Dr. N. Brio. And a little status update on someone long gone.