Mario and Luigi: Crazystar Saga
By NessSnorlax
Disclaimer: I do not own Mario, like everyone that writes fanfiction for Mario.
Chapter 5: We're Not Going to be Bothered to Go Anywhere Today
"We defeated the final boss!" Mario exclaimed. Then, the end credits appear. Then, a slide saying "The End" appears. Of course, it's the...
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Luigi exclaimed. "No, it is NOT the end! It's only the fifth chapter, and we haven't gotten down Hoohoo Mountain yet!" Mario thought of a great idea. "WELL, NOW WE HAVE!" They jump down the mountain and land near their car. All of a sudden, Kamek appears.
"Hi! I ate your Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga guide, because I needed breakfast and couldn't find any Waffle Mouse locations!" Kamek said. "OH NO! Not Waffle House!" Mario exclaimed.
"Don't worry, there aren't any Waffle House locations around here... wait, he said Waffle Mouse?" Luigi asked.
"Well, I don't know what Waffle Mouse is!"
"And now, its time for..." Kamek said, but ends up in a bug net. A zookeeper is nearby. "YAY! I caught a flying hippo! It flies and is a hippo and (insert Latin name here) and blah blah blah..." He sees Mario and Luigi. "OM-GUH! It's Mario and the British Bathroom!"
Luigi, of course, is angry. "It's LUIGI! L-U-I-G-I! HOW HARD IS THAT TO SAY? HUH!"
"Ohm y gosh! I met a character from The Simpsons!"
Luigi stared. "Uh, no, it's the Luigi from the MARIO games!" "Whatever," said the Zookeeper. "Now, I'll take this flying hippo back to my lair... on the 45th floor of the Empire State Building! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And with this, farewell!" Zookeeper jumps out of a window and disappears in a cloud of smoky things. Trust me, you don't wanna know what's in there.
"Well, at least we know where it is when we need to defeat him," Mario said.
Okay. Now, let's see what Fawful and Cackletta are doing. Both of them are still in New York.
"HAH! Of broadcasting equipment getting have I Cackletta before!" Fawful boasted, while running outside a building. "Now, taking empty of building will I!" He points to a building with a banner hanging outside of it that says:
"FREE BUILDING. CALL (212) 555-SMB3 AND PAY 20 TO OWN THE BUILDING!" Of course, he calls the number and pays twenty dollars to own the building for free.
"Next of and, Fawful Broadcasting Company starting will I!"
Cackletta appears out of nowhere, and, of course, does her traditional laugh. "EEYAH HEH HEH HEH HEH! I'll give you fairy dust for that equipment!" she offered to Fawful.
"NO! Of equipment broadcasting turkey needing it I for!"
So, for some reason, Cackletta just leaves and goes to a store called the "New York City Fireplace Depot."
"HEY, look, it's probably a crappy Super Nintendo game," said Cackletta. The "crappy" Super Nintendo game is Chrono Trigger. The working person heard her, beat her up, and gained 8675309 experience points, and grew five levels to level five.
Of course, for the purposes of this fic, Cackletta is revived so Mario and Luigi actually have a villain to defeat. That means the working person beat her up again, and Cackletta kept being revived again, and the cycle repeated.
That is, until Announcer appeared and threw Working Person into the Magic Happy Evil Bake-and-Shake Swirly Pit of Doom, where he lost a life and ended up in a fictional kingdom, called France.
Meanwhile, the Mario Bros. got their radios. They were about to leave, until...
"OOH! This looks tasty!" Luigi exclaimed, and ate the radio. Mario just stared at him in confusion. "You idiot!" he said. "You're supposed to use it for scaring away rocks!"
"Aww, but it was made out of sugar and tasted like cappuccino mocha latte flavoured red meat, the kind PETA hates."
Mario just stared in confusion. So did other people, because no one knows what a "cappuccino mocha latte flavoured red meat" is.
So, the Mario Bros. go back up Hoohoo Mountain to find another radio. "We're going..." Luigi said, but was interrupted.
"THEY ALREADY KNOW THAT! Why does everyone repeat what I say?" Announcer asked.
"Well, in normal fanfics, the characters aren't supposed to break the fourth wall. But, like the Berlin Wall, we tore it down and we can now do whatever the hell we want!" Mario said, as he ate forty super mushrooms, turned his feet into rocket boosters, all while dancing on the top of the Kremlin, eating a Tupolev airplane and turning his hat into a reality show. Announcer was amazed, and said that it was the best damn fourth-wall breakage ever. Using the magic powers of what the text says, everything returns to normal.
"You better not eat another radio, or I'll call you Loo from now on!" Mario said angrily.
"Okay, okay, I swear I'll never eat another radio again." Luigi said in a scared tone.
So, the Mario Brothers go back up the mountain and find a helipad, something they haven't seen before because it wasn't in the game. "What game?" Luigi asked.
Of course, I'm going to ignore what he said.
"No, seriously, what game?"
Luigi, I suggest you be quiet or I'm going to call you Loo from now on. Anyway, we were at a helipad before Luigi kept on asking questions. They go inside the helicopter that was parked there.
"There should be a radio in here! Aha! There it is!" Mario said, pointing to the helicopter radio. He hopped up onto the right seat, took a crowbar that was on the floor, and was using it go force the radio out. Luigi, however, came up with a better idea.
"I know! How about we just fly it instead?"
"Uhh, Luigi, all we needed was a radio, and one that is too big to fit in your mouth!"
Luigi doesn't listen to Mario's idea, and starts up the plane. It hovers off the ground a little bit, but just won't go any higher. Luigi tries harder, and it finally goes up. However, the helipad is attached to it.
"Was this attached to something?" Luigi asked. A sign outside read "YES IT IS!"
"Well, that said something." Mario said, surprised that an inanimate object talked.
For some reason, the helicopter is going faster than normal. Now, they are flying over China. It knocked down part of the Great Wall, which soon regenerated itself afterwards. Luigi was weirded out, while Mario was complaning that he wanted to land the plane.
A few seconds later, they're flying over Italy. They hit the Leaning Tower of Pisa, and it goes straight. The tourists and regular people are cheering. Eventually, Luigi ends up in Manhattan, where the helipad hits Cackletta in the head.
"Damn those flying helipads! I mean EEYAH HEH HEH HEH HEH!"
Eventually, the string that the helipad is attached to falls off of the helicopter, seding it going into the place below. Luigi lands the helicopter in the same place where they started.
"Wait... where did the helipad go?" Mario asked.
The helipad ended up in the Hoohoo Commercial District, where all the store places are. The manager of the Snacks Fifth Avenue looks up into the sky, where he sees the helipad falling.
"Why does this part have to be ON A BRIDGE?"
"Every part of the village is on a bridge, idiot!" the Hoohoo Dental Manager responded.
"Well, who cares, we're going to fall to our very beautiful and doomtastic doom!" exclaimed the owner of the Anime Store, while running around panicking.
Of course, the helipad collides into the bridge, bringing doom to the land. The Snacks Fifth Avenue lands on top of the FIREFOX television station. For some reason, the owner is on the roof, saying random things.
"It begins..."
No one ever knew what he meant, and it would never, ever be revealed, ever.
Meanwhile, the Betamax tapes, VHS tapes, 8-Track tapes, cassete tapes, Sega tapes, and data tapes fall out from the anime store onto the bridge below. "Look at all of the tapes! Inuyasha, Sonic, Futurama..." a Bean Guy said. However, he realized that something wasn't right.
"...waiiiit, Futurama, although a funny show, is not anime! That store is a rip-off! THEY LIED TO ALL OF HOOHOO VILLAGE!"
But what about the third store, the Hoohoo Dental? Well, stuff fell out of that too. A lot of dental equipment fell out and hit another Bean Guy on the head.
"DAMN YOU DENTAL EQUIPMENT!" He exclaimed, but then opened a parasol umbrella. Bean Guy put it above his head, and the dental equipment flew in random directions, destroying mountains and vital game places. "Yes! Now, my head is bruise-free, thanks to the Mega-Repel-a-Sol (patent pending)!"
In all of this mess, the Mario Bros. are being ignored. Right now, they are headed towards Castle Town.
"Weren't we supposed to go to Beanbean Castle Town?" Mario asked. "Yes, we were." Luigi responded.
So, they jump down the mountain. They notice a statue, and try to scare it away... but nothing happens, because unlike rocks, statues are unaffected by gospel music. The Mario Brothers wonder what to do, until...
"How about we use the hammer!" Luigi said.
Of course, Mario didn't like that idea. "Uh, Luigi, you do realize that this isn't the real game and we use radios to scare away rocks?"
So, they went back to wondering what to do. Mario pulled out the radio, and put on a country music station.
"This is BZAP 88.5, the country music station for this part of some kingdom with a food name! Now, it's some song that the author doesn't know the name to because he or she doesn't like country music by Dolly Parton!"
On the radio, any song by Dolly Parton starts and the statue runs away. "Oh god/goddess/supreme being, evil music!" it said while running away.
After the statue ran away, the Mario Bros. are finally going down the mountain. "You know, I wonder what will happen for the 1000th anniversary of Mario Party." Mario said.
"Well, we're not going to be around that long, so don't worry about it." Luigi responded.
A thousand years later, Luigi and Mario are still alive because they're fictional video game characters. Hanging on two hovering lamp posts is a banner that reads "MARIO PARTY 1006th anniversary. Bring cake. Oh, and the letter "I" because someone in this fic hates it!"
"MAMMA MIA! You're right! It's the 1006th anniversary, not the 1000th!" Mario said, panicking and running around in circles, causing mailellogram boxes and barcazoids to disappear.
"You know, six years don't really make a big difference, but it's more important if it were the 1000th! I mean, more people would come and bring their ancient artifacts known as Nintendo 64 games!" Luigi said.
In the next chapter, they actually go down the mountain.
The FIREFOX TV station has nothing to do with the browser.
Whatchamacallit: Well, Paper Mario 2 wasn't released when the chapter was uploaded.
-The NessSnorlax.