SCENE 8
(Four men dump the fourth coffin beside Ichabod Crane. The stable owner prises the lid off it and Ichabod Crane looks tentatively inside. It is the body of a headless woman.)
Ichabod: Ew, she stinks.
Y. Nesborth: Well, she would, sir. She's been dead for three weeks now.
Ichabod: Shut up, titch.
(Young Nesborth starts crying. Ichabod looks uneasy.)
Ichabod: I didn't mean it!
Y. Nesborth: WAAAAHHH!
(After several minutes, Ichabod get tired of the crying and ties him up with a piece of rope which was conveniently lying around.)
Ichabod: Now, back to examining. Hm...they're all headless...
Stable Owner: Yes, that's why they're in the coffins.
Ichabod: I worked that out myself, thank you. Ooh, look at her stomach.
Stable Owner: Why?
Ichabod: No reason. She's fat, isn't she?
Stable Owner: Look. She's been stabbed in the stomach.
Ichabod: So? She's dead, she wouldn't have felt anything.
Stable Owner: You are dumb, aren't you?
Ichabod: NO!
(He thinks a moment)
Ichabod: Oh, I get it! Someone stabbed her in the stomach before she died!
Stable Owner: Precisely. But why?
Young Nesborth: MMMFFF!
Stable Owner: I think you'd better untie him. He's turning blue.
Ichabod: Good. I think I'll examine the body and find out why she was stabbed in the stomach.
Young Nesborth: MMMFFF! PRFFNT!
Stable Owner: Ooh, look. He's going purple.
Ichabod: Interesting.
(He walks off. The stable owner unties Nesborth.)
Ichabod: Bring the body to the doctor!
(The doctor's room. The doctor is trying to sleep. He is rudely interrupted by Ichabod, who walks in and loudly starts clanging around before the dead body is dragged in. The doctor wakes up.)
Doctor: AHHH! (recognises Ichabod.) Oh, it's you. What the hell are you doing in here?
Ichabod: I need the operating table.
Doctor: Where did you get that body? From a grave?
Ichabod: Yep. Don't tell the Reverend. Now piss off.
Doctor: It's my own room!
Ichabod: Don't care. Piss off!
(The doctor takes the hint and leaves.)
(Five minutes later, Ichabod Crane comes out of the room covered in blood. The Reverend, Notary, Magistrate, Doctor and Baltus are all standing there.)
Reverend: Bloody hell! What did you do to her?
Ichabod: I told you not to tell him! (to others) We are dealing with a madman.
Baltus: We worked that out from the headless corpses.
Ichabod: Shuddup. The Widow Winshlip was pregnant.
Magistrate: Yeah, what else is new?
Ichabod: Isn't it strange that a widow should suddenly become pregnant?
Notary: Not in this town, mate! Not with this Rever...
(He shuts up at a look from the Reverend)