Mario and Luigi: Crazystar Saga

By NessSnorlax

Disclaimer: I do not own Mario, like everyone that writes fanfiction for Mario.

Chapter 5: Goin' Down the Mountain

Of course, all was well in the Beanbean Kingdom, until something horrible happened. The Mario Bros. were going down the mountain, and realized that they DON'T HAVE A CAR!

"First, we need a car. Specifically, a SUV, so we can drive over rocks without listening to gospel music!" Mario exclaimed.

"That's true," Luigi said, agreeing with his brother.

So, the Mario Bros. are walking until they reach a car dealership that the villagers call "Outer Hoohoo Mountain Ford-Maserati." Luigi is jumping for joy and literally runs, jumps, and skips into the main building, but Mario is just standing there, looking confused.

"That is the weirdest, strangest, most unrealistic car dealership later."

Luigi, already in the building, is greeted by a salesman, whom we will call Salesman. "Hi! How can I help you! How about buying this Ford Thundercougarfirefalconjettasorrentotouraegdelsolcivicxabeetleplaystationbird?"

A random beanperson in the dealership hears this. "The Playstation is not the name of any car!"

"WHO CARES?"

Mario comes in. "I'm here to buy a car!"

"I know that, why else would you be here?" Salesman asks.

"To buy toothbrushes for my toothbrush cannon!"

"Well, if you want toothbrushes, there's a store conveniently located right next to here that has toothbrushes!" Salesman points in the direction of the store, called "The Toothbrush and 19th Century Cannon Store."

"Wow... how convenient!" Mario then leaves the car dealership and proceeds to go to the store.

While everyone was talking, Luigi was walking around, looking at cars. He saw one that caught his eye.

"That, my friend," Salesperson explained, "is a used Hesse Motor-Cardboard Factory Concern Der Funfzig. It has a cost of 100 million coins. And as you can see, this car has five seats, monitors in the seats, steering wheel, door, wheels, radio, roof, and license plate holding area. Plus, as a free bonus, it comes with your own Wal-Mart store, complete with monitors as the floor tiles." Luigi was getting bored of Salesperson's rant, and falls asleep on the floor.

"And we can't forget the best part: there are FOURTEEN Xboxes to go along with all your 15,492 monitors! And you can even watch TEE VEE!" Salesperson turn on all of the monitors, and they are displaying a television program(me).

"And now, President Pac-Man of the Mushroom Kingdom and vice-President Lloyd Irving are going to make a speech thing dealy," said the newsguy. The monitors are now showing the podium where Pac-Man and Lloyd are.

Of course, Pac-Man makes a speech, but no one understands it. Since the media has no idea what he's talking about, they start asking Lloyd questions.

"What is your stance on the environment and the oil drillings in Asmashka?"

"How are you going to outsource jobs to call centres in India and/or Pakistan?"

"When are you going to make another Sheelos fanfic?"

Of course, Lloyd didn't understand this at all, especially the words "environment," "Pakistan," and "to." His response was to run off to a house, yelling "I CAN'T TAKE IT!" while dashing through the streets in Toad Town.

The screen now goes back to the newsguy, who is now drunk. "Ahahahahahah! That's funny! And now... hic and now... it is an esplosion of a boblical preprotion! Oh... hic that's funny! And now... and now... this weirdo Mithos Ygg... ygg... WINDOWSILL... he goes making a sporch!" Newsguy then spins around in his chair, falling off the balcony that he's on. He still thinks he's spinning, though.

On the stage, Mithos Yggdrasill makes a speech. "Give me the chosen! MuwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"He still makes a demonic laugh that freaks out everybody, including Salesman. He then turns off the 15,492 monitors.

Back at the dealership, everyone just stares at him, except Luigi, who is still asleep. Salesman then resumes his duties. "So, Luigi, as you can see, it has the things I mentioned, but ABSOLUTELY NO freaky angel people!" At this point, Salesman realizes that Luigi is asleep. He then pokes him in the arm, which doesn't make him respond.

Then, Salesman pokes Luigi in the eye. This time, he responded by waking up. "Ow! My precious eye! My beautiful, beautiful, 3-D eye!" Luigi then runs around the car dealership, scaring the random villagers and making them hide in the cars and furniture.

After Luigi's rampage of pain, he goes outside and finds a car that he seems to like a lot. "I think I'm going to buy this one. It's only two coins!"

Of course, Salesman appears out of nowhere to give an explanation of the car. "Oh, good choice! As you can see, this car has a piece of paper with an engine drawn on it, the radio is actually a chunk of rock made to look like a radio, and the mirrors are actually Reynolds-Wrap tinfoil. It's mirror-tastic!"

"I'LL TAKE IT!" Luigi exclaims in his highest voice. Salesman hands him the key to the car, and Luigi goes inside.

Luigi is very excited, and starts the car. However, it only goes a few inches, and then it stops and collapses. "Eh... well, I can still sell it back!"

Unfortunately for Luigi, the car dealership collapses. "Oh, crap!"

Meanwhile, Mario has spent all of his time at the toothbrush and cannon store, pacing around it for a few hours. Mario finally talks to the salesman. "You see, I need a toothbrush that is smart and witty, but fierce and hard."

"Wow, you must really like brushing your teeth!" the salesguy replied.

"No, not really. I need it for my toothbrush cannon I'm making."

"Oh, okay."

Mario purchases the toothbrush that is handed to him, and leaves the store. Luigi is still outside of the car dealership, waiting for Mario.

"Did you get a car?" Mario asked.

"Well..." Luigi said, "... it depends on your definition of car."

"A car is another word for the letter five!"

"Uh... MAMMA-MIA! It's a Goomba?"

Luigi was right; it was a Goomba! Not the car, though. "HEY! I'm waiting for people NOT to..." Before the Goomba could finish, however, Mario jumped on its head and got 100 points. Or he would of, had the game that this fic was parodying be Super Mario Bros.

"No, seriously Luigi, did you get the car?"

"I tried to, but since I tried to eat the radio, the car collapsed."

"Do you even know where our other car is?"

"No! If I did, wouldn't most of this chapter not exist?"

"Well, I sure need a new Rolls-Royce because..." When Mario said "Rolls-Royce," that kind of car magically appeared. "OMG! A car! How did it happen?" Luigi said, still surprised.

They both got in the car, and drove down a highway. Of course, the gospel music radio station was on really loudly, so all of the rocks would get out of the way (obviously). However, this creates a problem, as most of them run onto the highway, which means CERTAIN DOOM FOR THE MARIO BROTHERS!

"No, it doesn't. There is such a thing as "walking," you know. Ah, well, I'll just put the car in my pocket." Mario then takes the car and somehow puts it in his pocket.

Luigi, who is easily amazed by anything, asked "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Well, this is a fanfic based off of a video game, and in video games, anything is possible. Well, as long as it's programmed, but then you can use an ACTION REPLAY!"

"Speaking of video games, the best video game ever made is the one where you play as the president of Mexico!" Luigi boasted.

Mario just stared at him, not knowing of any game like that. "I'm sure it isn't."

So, the Mario Bros. are now walking down the mountain, after finding another path around all of the rocks. After actually REACHING the place they needed to go, they enter a cave. It has two mine carts, which is good because there are two main characters.

Mario was amazed. "Look! Mine carts! They're funktastically delicious! Orangey orange, purpley purple, and strawberry strawberryness! Part of a complete box of CHOCOLATE Lucky Charms!"

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" Luigi asked while staring at his brother in confusion.

Then, of course, Mario does everyone's favourite thing: make random faces. His first face: O.o.X.B.Z.-.-.A.X.E.T.B.C.XS.s.x.Y.

"And your point is...?"

Mario's next face: F.I.R.E.E.M.B.L.E.M.I.S.V.E.R.Y.F.U.N.!

"While that face actually makes sense, exactly HOW are you making them?"

Okay... since Mario is acting all strange and freaky, let's see what Fawful and Cackletta are doing. They are in New York, the same place they were in a few hours ago.

"Now, making must of I sure that network my watch people infrared network evil instead that of, crappy huge calendar network that being broadcasted on TV huge mega-giant there up!" Fawful said, still saying random gibberish that no one can understand. Fawful is currently outside the ABC headquarters there, pacing around the lot, and reading a newspaper called "The Newspaper News." The main headline is "ADIL EXTREMELY GLAD THAT FANFICTION DOT NET NOW HAS ALBANIAN LANGUAGE UPLOADS!" and another headline is "HOW TO MAKE ASS-KICKING GRAHAM CRACKERS!"

On the TV, the ABC Nooze is on, specifically the show "World News Tomorrow."

"I'm Brock Kentman for World News Tomorrow," Brock said. "Today's big story, besides the Mushroom Kingdom presidential inaugural-dealy (which we all saw with the weird angel freak), is that video game characters are staging a massive protest outside the Nintendo headquarters in Kyoto, Japan, Redmond, Washington, and that place in some European place. We go live to Jennings Peter, where he's going to interview the star of a video game that most people have never heard about, Ness Lee of EarthBound fame."

"Well, Ness, what do you think about this situation with the bathrooms?" Jennings asks.

"When the Super Nintendo or GameBoy Advance/Nintendo DS is turned off," Ness explained "what do we do? We do whatever we want, but when we go to the bathroom, we have to GO IN THE BUSHES because there ARE NO BATHROOMS!"

"But aren't there bathrooms in your game?"

"Technically, yes, but they are all occupied by random lines of text! In fact, the only known video game with bathrooms is The Sims series, but it's a real-life-like simulator, so it's logical to include them!"

Fawful then made a bold statement, and actually speaking in a regular voice: "I want the TV station to become a major network, so I HAVE FURY ACROSS THE U.S.A.!"

Meanwhile, Mario is still making random, un-makingable faces. This time, his face is: E.A.R.T.H.B.O.U.N.D.C.A.M.E.O.U.T.I.N.1.9.9.5.!

"Wow, in advancement in faces you can't make technology, Mario can now display NUMBERS on his face!"

Luigi, although still amazed by everything, throws Mario into a mine cart. Luigi goes into the opposite mine cart and they start some mini-game.

IT'S MINI-GAME TIME! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

Er... not really. The mine carts end up going to fast to get such treasures as batteries. The carts go so fast, they end up outside and crash into a... cryogenics chamber, of all things.

"Why would THAT be out there?" Luigi asked. "Cryogenics isn't even possible yet! Or is it...?"

Mario is still in face-making mode. What face is he making? THIS ONE: W.H.O.R.E.A.L.L.Y.C.A.R.E.S.?

Luigi just sighs, and then procedes to tie the chamber to his back and drag it with him. A few minutes later, the Bros. were walking around and one of the rocks from the highway above hit Mario on the head because it was fed up with hearing gospel music, of course. Luigi just stays there, waiting for his brother to wake up.

Mario woke up... a few hours later. "That was weird! I was dreaming that I was flying all over the place in a racoon outfit, flying around and stomping on all the tiny little Goombas!"

"That's because it all really happened, back in the early 1990's! Don't you remember your own video games?"

"Yeah, I remember the 1990's very well," Mario reminisced. "Back then, I used to eat piń... oh, I mean ņ... no, make that ñ... YES! I used to eat piñatas for breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, luinner, dinnakfast, dinnert, scrunch, munch, and dessert."

"Uh, Mario, at least more than HALF of those meals don't exist!" Luigi pointed out.

Mario ignored him. "Well, what are we supposed to do next?"

"Duh! Go down the mountain to Castle Town! Geez, can't Nintendo come up with more creative names?"

After hours of chasing rocks away with gospel music, Mario and Luigi finally enter Beanbean Castle Town. However, it's all destroyed and stuff.

Mario was looking around. "What happened here?"

"Well," Announcer said, coming down to the Earth in human form (he's normally just a voice and is saying the non-speaking parts, like these sentence in the parentheses apple monkey dishwasher) "In the year 2004, which was the year that this chapter was originally uploaded, just a few seconds ago, again, when it was uploaded, this town was hit by a pebble. The pebble destroyed the town, somehow."

"I swear, that is the weirdest thing I've ever heard!" Mario said. For some "unknown" reason, Mario gets shocked by lightning.

"And now, I bid you goodbyeness!" Announcer exclaimed, disappearing in a random cloud of cloudness.

What will the Bros. do in the next chapter? Find out in the next Castle Town! But reverse "Castle Town" and "Chapter!"

1) The name of the car is a composition of many car names, though the ones with "bird" at the end don't have that part, except at the end of the whole name. These were the cars used:

-Ford Thunderbird
-Mercury Cougar
-Pontiac Firebird
-Eagle Falcon
-Volkswagen Jetta
-Kia Sorrento
-VW Touraeg
-Honda del sol
-Honda Civic
-VW Beetle
-Sony PlayStation (not a car)

2) When I say things like OMG, the characters inside of the story are actually saying "OMG!" and not "Oh my god!" And they are supposed to break the fourth wall.

3) When I originally wrote this fic, Chocolate Lucky Charms and the Nintendo DS didn't exist. But now they do! Oh, and since the new fanfiction writing thing doesn't accept the underscore traditionally used for faces, I had to use periods for the mouth.
And each chapter is longer than before.

4) NessSnorlax is not drunk or on a sugar high while writing this fic. I'm being serious.

HAPPY DAY!

-The NessSnorlax