Mario and Luigi: Crazystar Saga
By NessSnorlax
Disclaimer: I do not own Mario, like everyone that writes fanfiction for Mario.
Chapter 8: Someday Night City (watch out for singing!)
"WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE!" Mario exclaimed, obviously happy about something.
"Why are you saying that?" Luigi asked.
"Can't you see, Luigi? We're going down some slide in some theme park!"
As it turns out, Mario and Luigi are at a theme park, riding down the slide... in a Hummer H1.
"WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE! WHEE!" Mario exlaimed, still being happy.
"MEOW! MEOW! WAKE UP! MEOW! MEOW!" Luigi exclaimed, mimicing Mario.
"Luigi... you know that this isn't a..." Then, from what is seen to Mario, the theme park melts and the area around it turns to black. Then, the dashboard of the Hummer re-appears, with Mario still in the seat.
"Woah! How did I end up here?" Mario asked.
"Mario, you were in what people call a 'dream.'" Luigi explained, "That's why the theme park melted. And when you were sleeping, we someow got stuck teetering off the side of Joke's End!"
"MAMMA-MIA!"
A part of the castle collapses into the water, sending the car that the Bros. were in sink to the bottom.
"LOOK AT EVERYTHING!" Mario exclaimed, never seeing such a sight before. "I see sea lions, land sea lions, and strawberryfish..."
"Strawberryfish?" Luigi asked.
Then, all of a sudden, Lucky, the cereal mascot for the Lucky Charms cereal, appeared. "That's right! Red strawberryfish, purple horseshoefish, and green keyfish! Now part of Undersea Lucky Charms, also in chocolate flavour! Part of this good breakfast!"
Mario was confused. "How the hell did you get in here?"
"How else? Through the sunroof!"
"MAMMA-MIA!" Water then came through the sunroof, somehow drowning Mario, Luigi, and Lucky, even though because of the physics of the game, they can actually breathe underwater for some unholy reason. Then, the water melts, fades to black, and Mario finally wakes up, seeing the dashboard of the Hummer for a third time.
"Mario, you were in what people call a 'dream.'" Luigi explained, again, "That's why the water melted."
"YOU ALREADY SAID THAT!"
"I know that, but when I did, it was in the real mushroom world!"
"Well, that was weird. Now without potassium!" Mario stated, wondering why it doesn't have potassium this time. This made everyone landed in Bulgaria. The end.
"NO! IT IS NOT THE END! THERE'S STILL DOZENS AND DOZENS OF CHAPTERS TO READ THROUGH!" Mario said, angrily. Then, this caused everyone melted into the Bulgarian street, magically appearing back to where they're supposed to be, or going back to that fantasy place called 'real life'. Because Bulgaria began with the letter 'B', it started to exist in all planes of time and space, but I'm going off topic here.
"Yawn. Get on with the story! Or else we have to listen to your boring speech about Bulgaria and that country's awesome inventions such as the wheel, the letter '5', and Europe!"
And so, Mario existed again, back in the Hummer SUV, because Bulgaria exists in all planes of time and space, so you can do that sort of stuff. "Now, please, can we get back with the story?" asked Announcer.
"It was you who led us off topic!"
Luigi was not happy with all of this. "We're supposed to be finding the legendary bucket of KFC! Come on Mario, stop wasting our time!"
Using his Zeus-like powers, Announcer sent a thunderbolt down to Luigi, but it hit the sidewalk. The sidewalk was upset about this.
"Damn you! You hurt me! You'll pay for this!" the Sidewalk said, in a pissed off tone of voice.
Mario and Luigi were weirded out. "How do sidewalks talk?"
However, it wasn't question time! It was move-on-with-the-story time! They were driving down the 5-kilometre per hour zone at a speed of 120 kilometres to go to the Chucklechuck Woods. They end up driving into it, but after driving for five miles, they saw something spectacular.
"Look! It's Sonic!" Luigi exclaimed.
"I don't see any burger places." Mario said. "What are you talking about?"
"Sonic the Hedgehog! Who else would be named Sonic?"
"Oh. Good for you! Why he is in a Mario fanfic is beyond me."
The Mario Bros. continue on driving, and driving, and driving, and sounding boring, until they reach the intersection of Fake Street and Northwest East West Drive. Lucky, the Lucky Charms leprechaun, comes back to try to sell the Mario Bros. more cereal products.
"Strawberry bacon, grape chicken, and apple tuna! Now part of new Cat Food Lucky Charms, part of this complete breakfast!"
"Will you get out of my car?" Mario asked, obviously annoyed.
Lucky then leaves the car, feeling dejected, but still happy because that's how General Mills forces him to feel. Fortunately, it wasn't all bad, as Mario just got a new idea.
"I know! I was put on this earth for two things: to rescue princesses every Wednesday, and to invent strawberry bacon!"
Luigi didn't care, because he was still driving the car. They eventually reach the Chateau de Chucklechuck, the last word still not being French, only to find that it was replaced with a mall!
"Well, we're at the mall, but it's not just any mall! It's the Quadruple Pines mall!" Luigi exclaimed.
"That's great, Luigi." Mario said, "but we were supposed to go to the Chateau de Chucklechuck!"
"Uh oh..."
This time, Luigi ends up at the right place, which still exists. Annoucner is lying to you! And for some reason, a Boo apepars!
"Welcome to the HAUNTED ROLLER DISCO! Bwahahahahahaha!" the Boo shouted, in a freaky tone of voice.
"You idiot!" the aptly-named Another Boo said. "The roller disco is over there! Somewhere! So, Mario and strange green guy that I don't know the name of despite being in Mario games since 1983, where is the roller disco?"
"Double-you tee eff? You don't have feet! How are you going to use the roller disco?" Mario asked, weirded out for the second time.
"You know, that's a good question. Anyway-- my goodness! There's the flying roller disco spoken of in Hyrulean legend!"
Another Boo wasn't joking. It was real! A roller disco, shining in the sunlight, was flying towards the rainbow over the waterfall which doesn't exist in the game, but is there because I say so. The roller disco is playing the song Dancing Queen by the Ever Holy Gods of Sweden, ABBA.
"Now I know why it's haunted!" Mario said, in a frightened voice.
So, after all of that confusion, the Mario Brothers go inside the Chateau, and magically, appear right in front of the barrel room! The happiness was ruined, however, when Luigi started singing.
"I ate a dunce cap, tra la la la la, it tasted horrible, and it really did! The dunce..."
Mario was angry. "Instead of making up horrible songs, how about going through the maze?"
"But with singing songs, and the Ocarina of Time, we can go seven years into... THE FUTURE! Or PAST if you're in THE FUTURE!"
For no apparent reason, the Super Mario Bros. theme song starts to play, and singers come out singing some song.
"Oh, it's the FUTURE! Yes, the FUTURE! The god damn FUTURE! Where we speak in CAPS LOCK!"
Mario was still angry at all of the singing. "Will you get out of our fanfic? This isnt' the 'HEY HEY LETS SING CRAPPY SONGS HOUR'!" Fortunately, for Luigi, they went off, but were still singing their crappy song.
"We're leaving this FANFIC! Oh, yes, this FANFIC! This funny FANFIC, where it's a crazy adventure about two plumber guys!" Before leaving to the Land Beyond the Fanfic, however, a lightning bolt made the singers explode.
EXPLOSION COUNTER: Let's say 500.
Then, so Luigi would be even more pissed off, the roller disco flew over them, playing Dancing Queen in the background.
Luigi was mad. "I'm so mad!" Luigi shouted, not knowing that I, the Announcer, explained this to him. And they can very clearly hear us.
"Us? There is more than one announcer?"
That's right, Luigi. We're part of a vast right-wing conspiracy stretching from coast to coast. We hide the truth about Area 51. We take away your freedoms. We announce weird fanfics.
Luigi was now scared of the world. "They're being random again..."
Meanwhile, at the roller disco...
"Oh, no, the roller disco is flying again!" Sir Booington, the manager, exclaimed.
DJ Boo Diddy was frustrated. "Can't we do anything about it?"
"I'm afraid not," Regular Boo, who isn't really special at all, said in a dissapointing tone.
Fortunately, Dr. Boo was on board, and he knew what was going to happen. "Well, we're going to die again. Let's sit here and daydream about the past, when the roller disco flew over such places as over the reader's house, and airplanes, and the airport, and the aeroport."
Dr. Boo soon starts to daydream, thinking about the beautiful day of Decembuary 5, 1995, a time before the Beanbean Kingdom was invented by Nintendo. The Boo DreamTeam, as they called themselves back then, parked their roller disco in the parking lot, and are eating pancakes at the Falaffel House near the Single Pine Mall.
"So... what the hell is a falaffel?" Regular Boo asked.
Dr. Boo wondered. "These pancakes are a health violation! They make me vomit!"
Outside, there is a sign that clearly states, "We use used meat!" This made Dr. Boo even more confused.
"Who would make pancakes out of meat?" Dr. Boo asked. He called the health department, but it was too late: many vans that said "Sometown Area Health Decepticon-type Unit." Sir Booington was acting crazy.
"Rocket! I'm taking a rocket! I'm packing my suitcase! Look out moon!"
This made Dr. Boo crazier, as he couldn't take the Health Decepticon overload. "This is a roller disco! We'd all melt before going to the moon! And then we'd rain fury upon the town of Sometown, Pennsylvania! Mwehehehe! What's a moon?"
"Sorry, but I'm afraid that I have to cry now," Sir Booington said, holding his head out of a window. As the roller disco is flying over beautiful downtown Burbank, the people saying stuff such as "it burns," "why me," and "what is the true meaning of wife?" On the local C BS television station, they have a speachila report.
"People, we have a speachila report - the word 'speachila' was invented by someone who was drunk! More at 11."
"But right now, we're here to report the evil seen downtown. We'll cut live to our weather person, Weatherperson."
Somewhere in the mystical place of Mysticaland, Weatherperson is trying the best that he can to give the report. "Well, it's flying over the city, and it'll melt our brains! We expect it to move over the Rocky Mountains before Sir Booington realizes there's a doctor in that flying roller disco. In the meantime, let's eat it!"
The NewsReporter 21 Action News Team was disgusted. "You expect us to do THAT!" One member of the team shouted in disgust.
And so, we cut back to the Mario Brothers, before it gets even crazier than before. They, too, are talking about the roller disco. Luigi, fed up with all of the singing, was still angry.
"If I see that roller disco one more time, I swear I'm going to kill it!"
"Dude, you can't, like, kill a roller disco, man!" Mario said, acting like a hippie for... one reason.
"This is more out-of-character than ever, Mario."
"So? Dude, no, I can like, eat more pebbles, man!" After Mario said 'pebbles,' a game show host's desk suddenly appears somewhere.
"Congradulations! Pebble is the word of the day! You win a pebble falling to your head!" the random Game Show host said, in an equally strange voice. A pebble falls from the sky, and Mario is normal again. So is the fic, for the most part, which means that the game show host dissappeared in a cloud of cloudy things.
"Now, let's find the exit!" Mario exclaimed, now eager to get out of here.
Luigi didn't hear this, and is reading through the Player's Guide. "Aren't we supposed to find these two French guys who are supposed to teach us this technique?"
"Well, no, because we already know all of the techniques!"
We haven't checked Cackletta's base yet! Let's check that out!
"Eeyah heh heh heh heh," Cackletta cackled, "So, you're here for the evil sidekick application?"
"Of course," Petey Pirhana, from Super Mario Sunshine, said, "I went to Pirhana State University, you know, somewhere on Isle Delfino?"
"Yes, yes..."
"And, like many pirhanas, my major was eating people or other various things."
"Well, Petey," said Cackletta, while reading from her list, "I think you'd be someone who can be very evil and the third member of our gang. However, you have to take the Evil Class with professor Fawful first so I can choose who'll become member number 3. Next!"
Ganondorf, who didn't look to much different, walked up to the desk. "I am... er, let me think... Frodnonag of the Odureg tribe in that Eluryh place! I take over Hyrule... I mean Eluryh, and spread evil, and badness, and boring rants..."
"The reverse the names of places trick doesn't work, Ganondorf," Cackletta duly noted.
"Was it because I insulted your horrible IKEA base?"
"Yes."
"Aww..." Ganondorf walked off, feeling dejected. The audience goes "Aww..." too.
"Okay, what the fudge is going on here? There's not supposed to be an audience here!" Cackletta exclaimed, very outraged.
"But this is a fanfic! There are forces that are more powerful than us reading what we say right now!" Random Person shouted.
Hold on... the Mario Brothers are doing something... you should read that instead!
"Let's find the bucket and GET OUT OF HERE!" Mario shouted.
"Not yet," Luigi pointed out, "You see, like all our games, we have to go on some long, boring adventure first. But we'll eventually get the legendary bucket of KFC!"
After trying to search for a door, they eventually find one. But the Mario Brothers end up in to the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad, Evil, and Bolded Text So You Know Its Evil Barrel Maze of DOOM! (Not the Computer Game)!
"Mamma mia! That looks hard to get through!" Luigi exclaimed, shocked at this travesty.
"Not really." This time it was Mario pointing something out. "All I have to do is use my fireball technique so the barrels will explode."
Mario uses the fireball technique and the barrels explode. Then, strawberry bacon started pouring out of the barrels, creating some that are mountains high! (Yet somehow could still fit into the house.) It covered the brothers and another someone lurking in the room with tonnes and tonnes of bacon.
"Damn it, they already invented strawberry bacon before we did!" Mario realized.
"Oh, well, why would anyone want strawberry bacon anyway?" Luigi asked.
Then, Luigi just went off to another part of the room, singing crappy songs, causing various terror alerts around the world to be heightened. Unknowingly to Mario, someone else started to follow him.
"This strawberry bacon tastes good, don't you think?" the person asked.
"Well, I haven't had any yet, and... wait a minute, you're not Luigi!" Mario realized, quite shocked at this discovery.
"Curses! I have been found! Are you one of those policemen?" said Popple the Bandit.
"Well, not according to any of the games I've been in, but I have had many jobs, such as plumber, and carpenter, and go-kart driver, and princess rescuer, and fighter, and lamp designer, emperor of Japan, emperor of Poland, soccer star, fitness instructer..." Mario kept rambling on an on about jobs.
"Well, I have to go check on Rookie! So, come to the next room, and most importantly, don't defeat me!"
After Popple left, Luigi emerged from the bacon maze, and the world was safer, at least for a few chapters. "It's always a party with strawberry bacon!"
"Yeah, well..." Mario said, seriously, "I found this evil dude called Popple, and we have to fight him after this commercial!"
The screen fades to black, and the product placement begins!
"Do you want the mediocre-ist in cars?" Someone A asked.
"YES!"
"Do you want the mediocre-ist in foreign space cars from inner space?" Someone A asked, again.
"PROBABLY!"
"Then come to Outer Hoohoo Nord-Kasatroti! With Nord Explosions starting at the low low price of 2 coins, and this ULTRA-EXPENSIVE (Insert Sportscar Here) at ONE coin! That's right, ONE coin!"
"So come to Outer Hoohoo Nort-Kasatroti! Located at 111 One Street, Hoohoo Mountain." The horrible car dealership commercial ended, and we move on to the next commercial.
"Come to Mushroom Square Garden for Super Smash Brothers: The Musical! Watch as 25 characters duke it out, in musical form! It's filled with drama..." The first part of the commercial shows a fight with Link and Kirby.
"And now I must eaaaat yoooou..." Kirby said, as the Link actor flew into Kirby's mouth. Then, Kirby breaks into a song about eating Link. Backrground singers accompany Kirby when singing.
"Oh, I have eaten Link!"
"Yes, he has eaten Link!"
"Yes, I have eaten Link!"
"He has eaten Link!"
"And now I'll get a new ability!"
"He gets a new ability!"
The commercial then moves on to another scene, with the commercial announcer voicing over. "And some other things, too! So cone down to the Mushroom Square Garden to see Super Smash Brothers: The Musical! Buy the soundtrack, too, which includes all 98 hit songs from the musical, such as I Have Eaten Link and Master Hand Stole My Lunch! Tickets are only 10 coins, so come today!"
"That's it! I'm buying tickets to Super Smash Bros: The Musical!" Luigi exclaimed, almost running off before Mario stopped him.
"Not now, Luigi! The fic isn't over yet! We still need to defeat Bowletta, which doesn't happen until the end, and reveal more of the plot before we know it in-character!"
"You're right..." Luigi said dissapointedly. He soon cheered up, though. The two Mario Bros. continued to walk through the strawberry bacon maze, eating it all, and then leaving to find...
"Look, there's Popple!"
"Hurry up Rookie!" Popple said, hurriedly, as he realized that Mario and Luigi were in the room. "We need to steal this strawberry bacon to grow on the organic hippie farms!"
"We'll just see about that!" said an angered Mario, stepping out onto the platform Popple and Rookie were on.
"No, actually, it helps the organic hippie farms by having more organic-ness and Commodore 64!" Popple pointed out.
"And your rookie is?" Luigi questioned.
Rookie turned around. "Oh my gosh! Those two look familiar! I think their names are Mariah Carey and Carl!" he said, obviously forgetting important information (such as men don't really have the names of female superstars). Popple just stared at him blankly.
"You're saying you know these two idiots?"
"Well, that's what I said!"
"Well, who cares! Let's just fight them anyway!" And so, a giant star blanked out the screen as it turned to battle mode.
In the next chapter, they will fight Popple and Rookie, and they might get the legendary bucket of KFC.
-The NessSnorlax