Mario and Luigi: Crazystar Saga

By NessSnorlax

Disclaimer: I do not own Mario, like everyone that writes fanfiction for Mario.

Chapter 10: Toasterpop Phantom and the Bucket of KFC

"We arrive where Mario and Marty McFly were seen last," Announcer bellowed, "hanging from a cliff!"

"NO, NO, AND HUGE NO!" Mario shouted, equally as loud. "We were never hanging from a cliff, and I don't think that word was ever mentioned in this story ever! You..." Mario was interrupted, however, when a tree growing in the sky ate the propellers from the Announcercopter, causing it to crash and go up in flames.

Announcer comes out of the Announcercopter, alive, because he can't die. "We are experiencing technical difficulties..."

The Announcercopter explodes.

"So please, stand by!"

As he said that, this fanfic cuts to commercial break. Some boring guy in a suit is explaning some boring things. "In America, over 100 of the people there keep old newspapers in their basement, garage, or garagement. Maybe even in their attics, atticments, or garattics. Of course, most of them are made up and very impossible."

"But of course," the guy says, "these newspapers can be recycled."

A newspaper from the West South Springfield Times from 1969 appears. The headline reads "1985: THE YEAR WE COLONIZE THE PLANETOIDALLY CHALLENGED DWARF PLANET PLUTO" and a small text under it that reads "2006: THE 20th ANNIVERSARY OF THE HOVERCAR."

"Now, coming from New Yorkamsterdam, we know what recycling is. But, in Regular Boring Old Yorkamsterdam, most people don't know what that is."

Another newspaper, this time from Regular Boring Old Yorkamsterdam, asks "WHAT THE HELL IS RECYCLING?"

"So, don't bother recycling."

The screen fades to black, and we see the next commercial. Some kind of regular nameless guy explains what the commercial is about.

"It's time to introduce our new invention, from the Edible Furniture Corporation's new Pasta-Pot. It's like that other Pasta-Pot, except you can eat the pot and not the pasta! We make the pasta taste bad, and it's not furniture! To order this Pasta-Pot, call the number on your screen..."

The number 1-800-555-USELESSPRODUCTS flashes on the screen.

"...or send a postcard to 489 Thank You For The Music Street, Summer Night City, Pennsylvania, 82177. We accept Pokémon cards, but not Discover cards!"

"This chapter brought to you by Mrs. Bill's New Fudgelate Chip Pudding! Combining fudge and chocolate chip into one new tasty desert!" Mario explained.

"That's right, and it's very, very tasty!" Luigi added.

Luigi didn't realize that it was time to continue on with the fanfic. "You know that pudding was very tasty!"

"WE KNOW THAT!" Mario shouted. "Now, if everyone will stop being stupid..."

"I'm not being stupid."

The director for the fanfic came in. "We can tell who's being the stupid one."

Luigi was confused. "No, we can't. Seriously, who's being stupid?"

"I think it's that weird phantom toaster over there."

"Pfft. Phantom Toasters don't exist," Luigi scoffed. "However, a professor taught a toaster to love, and he won a Nobel peacey prize!"

At the place where they give out the Nobel peacey prizes, a toaster is talking. "I love you, and I love me. But most importantly, and this should be obvious... I love toast. And I want to go to the country where the streets are paved of toast!"

The Toasterpop Phantom comes out, scaring everyone but Mario. "My name is weird and I scare people!" he explained. The Director and Luigi run away, scared.Mario, however, has other ideas.

"Hey, you could join Fawful's evil army!"

"Oh god no!" the Toasterpop Phantom said, making a choking motion... somehow... since he doesn't have arms or a neck... "I hate Fawful so much! He has fury, and he invented it in pill form, like a red guy with red overalls from a red apartment building in Brooklyn on a red street in New York, which is red on my map of the earth asked him to do. Do you know any red guys around this part of this forest with it's red trees?"

"Only if you pay me 5000 coins," Mario said, trying to hold back laughter.

The Toasterpop Phantom was very upset, grabbing Mario (somehow, as he has no arms), pleading his case. "But that's my life savings! I have a wife and children to feed, and cute little baby toasters! Look!" He holds out a picture of two baby toasters, but Mario was still unimpressed.

"Oh, boo-hoo! Save it for the High Court of Toasterland!"

"But I was made and manufactured in Canada, which has the colour red on its flag."

"I said 5000 coins!" Mario yelled, wanting to get back on topic.

The Toasterpop Phantom gave in. "Oh, fine! Here are the coins! Take them! Take as many as you want!"

"I'm that red guy!" Mario exclaimed.

The Toasterpop Phantom was genuinely surprised. "Oh my gosh! It's Mario and Marty McFly! Now... I must kill you, because I'm evil and such and wouldn't be called a phantom otherwise." Mario just stood staring at the toaster, which was trying to threaten him with a piece of toast.

And, just on cue, Luigi comes running back. "Double-Yoo Tee Eff? Why does everyone think my name is Marty McFly! It's weird! I was never in any movie!"

"Yes you were, you were in that crappy Mario movie made in the late 20th century!" Toasterpop Phantom exclaimed.

"That was an ACTOR playing me, and his name wasn't Marty McFly!"

Then, there was a lot of silence. The Toasterpop Phantom was the first to talk. "Well, I'm off to the toaster meeting now!" He disappears in a cloud of toast, obviously. The Mario Brothers continue on their journey, basically forgetting everything about toasters... for the moment...

"In weird places, toasters have to appear!" Mario shouted. "TOASTERS! Who uses toasters anyway?"

"Well," Luigi chimed in, "toasters are considered breakfast food in fictional parts of the United States. Those fictional places include Cackletta's hideout in Bob County, A State, which I believe the next scene is about."

"Eeyah heh heh heh heh!" Cackletta cackled. "Why won't this toaster fit in my mouth? I want to eat it because I'm very, very hungry!"

"Because that's a STOVE being it a is! And planet on this no one stove eat ever try before to!" Fawful shouted, now using his regular garbled voice.

"Oh. I have a problem telling toasters and stoves apart. And shouldn't you be at my training camp for the evil dudes outside of SimCity?"

"SimCity, but where that is?"

"ON YOUR COMPUTER!"

Meanwhile, Mario was explaining to Luigi (again) on what they need to do. "Look, so are we going to get that bucket of KFC, or just wait here while some evil dudes try to take it?"

Unfortunately, they didn't notice Popple and Rookie trying to beat them to the bucket. They were at the ledge that deserved its own chapter.

"Look, see? We need to jump on that ledge, see? So, try and get a backpack, see?" Popple explained, Rookie writing down the information. "So, see, go get the backpack, see?"

"How can a backpack help us in getting on top of a ledge that we could climb up without the aid of a toaster oven or backpack?" Rookie questioned.

"Look, see, I'm not the author of this fic, see? So, ask why he or she is weird, see?"

"So we're at the giant tree thing, now what the hell are we supposed to do?" Mario asked. Announcer was still trying to recover from the shock of having his plane eaten by a tree, so he didn't answer. The giant tree thing he was standing in front of, however, started talking.

"SILENCE! I am the great emperor of this forest, the Chuckleroot," he explained, "and I demand that you bring me the following DVDs: that Rumbling Rocks DVD, Four Flicks, only available at the Medicorest Buy, that Super Mario Bros. Movie, and that new album by The Buggles."

Mario was baffled at how easy that was. "Can't you think of anything harder, like going all the way under holes and asking your daughters for the Chuckola Fruit?"

"SILENCE! No, it's not hard, as a construction company just bulldozed a part of this forest and built a Best Buy!"Mario sees the Mediocrest Buy the Chuckleroot mentioned.

"How convenient. They built a store in a convienent location in this story while ignoring the tree-hugging hippies."

Mario and Luigi return with the aforementioned items.

"SILENCE!" the Chuckleroot bellowed, for no reason.

"Why do you say "silence" in front of everything?" Mario asked.

"SILENCE! It's because those hippies want me to!"

"Right... now, can you let us pass?"

"No, because you got the new album by the Bangles, not the Buggles like I asked.

"But the store was all out!"

"Oh well, that's what I tell everyone," the Chuckleroot explained. "It's because of those hippies! Well, since you and your brother, Marty McFly are famous, than you can go by!" Mario and Luigi enter the Chuckleroot... which is then bulldozed to make way for some kind of store.

"LOOK, THE BUCKET OF KFC!" Mario exclaimed, joyously. "IT'S IN THAT PLACE ONE OCCUPIED BY A TREE!"

"Will we get it?" Luigi asked. "Find out after... this commercial? What did I say about NO MORE COMMERCIALS! WE HAD TWO COMMERCIAL BREAKS THIS CHAPTER ALONE!"

The director, now aware that the Toasterpop Phantom is gone, rushes in. "But we need fake commercials at least once a chapter so the author or authoress can keep his or her sanity."

Luigi was angry. "NO, YOU DON'T! Don't, YOU NO!"

Mario and Luigi: Crazy Star Saga is brought to you by the Grape Garden! Bringing you a place with bad-tasting pasta in the neighborhood since 1958.

"Mario does not approve of this sponsor!" Mario shouted, suddenly.

The first commercial appears. A girl is braiding Mario's hair, while babbling on and on and on.

"So, like, my cousin Bob, like, danced with an airplane in that new musical, but no one was, like, hurt, and everyone, like, was, like, like, like, happy, like. Anyway, with, like, this bag of, like, one million coins, and like, bought this, like, DVD and..."

"Will you be quiet?" Mario shouted.

The girl was shocked. "Like, like, sooo eeep, like sooo!" she shouts, while running away. A middle-aged man comes in, and Mario knew he had something to do with some kind of new cell phone calling plan.

"Some people are just very annoying," the man said.

"That's very true," Mario said, agreeing. "Once, a toaster working somewhere offered me a marriage license."

"A toaster? That's strange. But with Splint, our weekend-dealy starts at 7, not 9."

A map of the United States appears. The man explains more about the Splint weekend-dealy.

"With our new Splint Weekend-Dealy, something or another starts at 7, not 9, and starts on Friday, and you get 5,000,000 rollover minutes, and you don't have to pay anything on the weekend. Available in all 53 states except Antarctica and St. Louis."

Back in the forest, there's a guy telling jokes to a jar of soda.. "Oh look, it's Bubbles, that guy who tells the soda jokes," Mario said, obviously aware that Announcer said that before he said that.

"What do you call a cow eating grass? A lawnmooer!" Bubbles said, laughing. The jar of soda, however, isn't very amused.

"No funny detected."

Luigi, who was outside, rushed back into the room. "Mario! A new bookstore just opened up! Let's go!" Luigi then ran outside again.

"Well... it's certainly much better than listening to someone tell crappy jokes," Mario said, following Luigi. They went into a bookstore called Barnes & Noble Knights, and both go their separate ways looking for books.

"Hmm... should I get "History of the Word Unböring" by Some IKEA Worker, or "It Looks Suspicious, But Delicious" by Nessica E. Munchlax?" Mario asked to himself. He takes the book called "It Looks Suspicious, But Delicious" and starts flipping through it.

"This book says that nuclear waste can be really good for you, because it can make you grow really big. It also says that one can of nuclear waste can make you loose weight faster than eating hamburgers all day! Wow... just wow..."

Luigi, meanwhile, was looking through the biography section. "Biographies about famous people! Crawdaunt the movie actor, George Washington the person with a lot of people named after him, and Apple iPod the MP3 player!" Mario and Luigi go to the checkout counter and leave the store soon aftewords.

"I got a book telling you about things that look suspicious, like nuclear waste and children's toys, but taste really good!" Mario told Luigi.

"I got a biography about the Apple iPod, and a map of A State – they say it's the Obviously Made Up State," Luigi said.

The Mario Bros. Return to the basement where the tree was... and Bubbles the joke telling man was still telling lame jokes.

"What do you call grass eating a cow?" he asked the jar of soda. "A moolawner! Hahaha!"

"I already told you this, but no funny detected, dammit!" The soda jar yelled. This didn't stop Bubbles from telling jokes.

"What time do you go to a dentist? Tooth-hurty!"

"Fernando, you've been these crappy jokes for 58 years, and I can't tolerate it! So just SHUT UP ALREADY!"

"My name isn't Fernando, and you know that! But, I'll still tell crappy jokes..."

The jar of soda, now pissed off, turns into the Chuckolator – a scary creature made of... soda.

"I've had enough! I'm joining Fawful's army – the Farmy!"

Bubbles was also angry. "How dare you!"

"Actually," a voice chimed in, "with controlling brain newspaper ads in the, Farmy everyone will join!"

It was Fawful, who soon left because he realized that he was not needed for the rest of this chapter. Mario and Luigi, however, payed no attention to all those events and just moved on to the next room... which was an important room.

"Well, it took us a few chapters, but there's the legendary bucket of KFC!" Mario said, with a sigh of relief.

"Who cares?" asked Luigi. "Let's just eat it anyway!"

Luigi takes a piece of chicken from the bucket, and eats it. Normally nothing would happen. But this is the legendary bucket of KFC. So Luigi becomes crazy.

"Dude, like dude I'm going dude to dude drive a dude car dude!"

Luigi pretends to go into the car, but still enters it.The car flies off... and into a store. "WHEE! Look! An Aldi." Luigi crashes the car into the Aldi, but the building is not damaged and the car explodes with flowers and rainbows.

"You know what that means?" Luigi asked.

"No, I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here," Announcer responded.

Luigi ignored Announcer. "It's time to sing!" Luigi takes a streetlamp from the street, turns it into a guitar, and starts playing it and singing.

"When I came to this grocery store in the summer of '76,

We thought it had cheap quality goods,

But it really had good ones,

At discount prices, much lower than the normal ones!

Oh, discount prices, I like them so much!


Oh, discount prices, they save us money!


But tragic things happened in the winter of '84,

When the inside of a Aldi froze from 2 degree temperatures,

2 were killed, and 98 were injured,

Yet no one got frostbite!

We all know German discount grocery stores are the best,

And they have discount prices!

Oh, discount prices, I like them so much!

Oh, discount prices, they save us money!"

Luigi woke up, back in the real world this time. Mario was shocked. "That was very, very weird! I mean, it looked like you were in a whole different world!"

"Not just a whole different world, Mario," Luigi explained. "A whole different GROCERY STORE!"

Mario just sighs. He picks up the bucket of chicken and walks towards the castle.

"Well, I'm fine," Queen Bean explained, "because I went to the nearest KFC and ate their chicken!"

"So, we went on this adventure for NOTHING?" Mario sputtered.

"That's right!" Bean explained, ignoring Mario's anger. "You had to go through my pre-planned adventure through The Forest Formally Known as Chucklechuk (the last word still not being French), and get the legendary bucket of KFC! Apparently, the side effects cause you to crash a car into an Aldi and sing a song about discount grocery stores. So, just keep the bucket and with this offer, you can get a free potted plant!"

Mario was confused. "Why do we need a plant?" he asked.

"Um, it adds beauty to your house! Plus, you have to water it everyday!"

Mario was still confused.

"Erm..." Bean was thinking of something else to give Mario. "I'll offer you this... bottle of potpourri and... how about this model of nuclear plant with real radiation, which was detonated only once to stop the car company from making cars."

"Fine. I'll take it, if it's going to get you to shut up," Mario said, in a defeated tone of voice.

"Thank goodness!"

Mario walks outside, with Luigi following him. Mario dumps all of the junk into the moat.

Queen Bean, however, does not know this. "I got rid of my junk! Time for a celebration!" She runs into the government television station to make an important announcement.Mario is outside, watching the government television station on a radio.

"I, Queen Bean, as the 51st queen of the Beanbean Kingdom, declare that today, Saturday, January 17, 2004, is now the holiday "I cleaned out all of my junk from my castle and gave it to a celebrity" Day," Queen Bean said to the television audience. "On this day, we celebrate me cleaning out junk from my castle."

"This qualifies as the crappiest holiday on this planet," Mario said. He threw the radio into the window of the government television station.

Queen Bean was still explaining what has to be done. "On this day, a parade must be thrown for a celebration, and..." The radio hits her in the head. "...that I'm dieing. I'm dead!"

She soon remembered that she was alive.

"Anyway, celebration, blah blah blah, parade, blah blah blah, and potato chips! GOOD NIGHT!"

When I originally uploaded this story, this chapter was originally two. I've decided to combine both into one chapter, as both deal with the KFC bucket adventure.

-The NessSnorlax