Chapter 541

Dreams Or Nightmares

Holly and Cameron lay side by side on Holly's bed.

Cameron stopped by to 'speak with her'. There wasn't much to say.

Holly moved her hand and reached over for something next to her. It was time. She knew why Cameron was here and she just wanted to get it over with.

Cameron felt something placed in her hand. She lifted it and looked at it. It was a scalpel. She understood that Holly was ready for the next step.

"I'm ready for deactivation." Holly said. "Thank you for everything. I love you, Cameron…."

They both sat up.

Holly turned on the light.

Cameron looked at the scalpel that Holly handed her. She was very surprised. Did Holly think she was here to terminate her? She would rather face termination herself than deactivate Holly. Holly was very special to her. They'd shared a lot together. She thought of what happened to Holly in her future before temporal management 'fixed' it. She would choose deactivation in Holly's place anytime to atone for those events.

She handed the scalpel back to Holly.

"That's not going to happen." Cameron said. "Why would I do that to you?"

Holly was more than surprised when Cameron handed the scalpel back to her. She really thought Cameron was there for her chip extraction. She'd failed to protect Allison and she ran off. Allison's life was in danger for a short time. The Detail went out to find her. That left Young Allison, Summer and Claire vulnerable to an attack.

"You aren't here to deactivate me?" Holly asked. "I've failed."

Cameron felt that she'd failed many times. She felt she still failed.

"No. I'd never hurt you intentionally." Cameron said.

Holly looked at the scalpel she held. She really thought she was 'done'.

She hadn't even said 'goodbye' to Allison. She didn't want there to be a big scene or have Allison try to prevent the inevitable. She'd hoped to terminate with dignity.

Holly hugged Cameron. She was very thrilled right now.

"Thank You." Holly said.

Cameron touched Holly's cheek and smiled.

Holly was sure Cameron would replace her now. She knew she deserved some type of 'punishment'. She actually would have preferred deactivation to replacement. Replacement seemed like a bigger form of humiliation. She knew that was what Cameron felt about Future Riley. She'd wanted to get it over with.

"What will be my new assignment?" Holly asked.

Cameron didn't want Holly to feel like she'd felt much of the time.

"Your new assignment will be to grow up…." Cameron said.

Holly hung her head for a few seconds and then looked up at Cameron. She wasn't cut out for her current assignment. She felt inadequate. Human females were better suited for humans.

"I'm 'not good enough'." Holly said. "Allison needs more than I can offer or provide."

Cameron felt that Holly already identified the problem. That went a long way to solving the problem.

"Now that you KNOW this and understand it, what needs to happen?" Cameron asked.

Holly didn't like it but Allison needed to be with the human girls more. She needed her long time lover by her side.

"Allison and Vanna need to spend more time together, a lot more time." Holly said. "She needs Jesse and Savannah too."

Cameron thought that was a good first step. More needed to be done as well.

"Where does that leave you?" Cameron asked.

Holly already knew the answer. She just didn't like it. It was the only path forward.

"It leaves me as her protector and 'part time' lover. I'll need to be there for her and the baby and when she has problems with Vanna." Holly said. "I understand I must share Allison. I don't own her nor does she own me. Allison is free to choose her partners and lovers."

Cameron thought the girls current spot in life was determined by their past – the future. To survive in the Hell of a Skynet future everything was different. People needed to behave and live differently to survive. The experience changed them forever.

"You've always known you need to share Allison with others." Cameron said. "She needs multiple lovers. All the girls do. It is their way to cope with their past - the future."

Holly spelled it out. Maybe it would make it easier for her to accept.

"I must share Allison with Vanna, Jesse, Savannah and John." Holly said.

Cameron believed that was a good start.

"And - who else?" Cameron asked.

Holly was in Cameron's future. There was plenty to choose from.

"It will also be Future Savannah, Duplicate Vanna, Duplicate Jesse and Duplicate Allison, both sets of them and Future Allison." Holly said. "That's if and when any of them return."

Cameron didn't like to share either but she knew that John's survival would depend on it. She was still upset none of the girls stepped up to share his bed yet and be at his side. Her current hope was Claire. She would share herself with any of the girls if they stepped up.

"I must share John with any or all of them myself." Cameron said. "I've always known this. It must be that way to protect him from the haters."

Holly shared Cameron's existence with her. She felt many of Cameron's issues and the grief they caused her.

"I better understand the 'problems' you've faced." Holly said. "I can see the true depth of your pain."

Cameron felt some of that grief and pain right now as she thought about how she altered John's future for the worse.

"THAT is our function and purpose. It was a mistake for me to marry John. I've disrupted the entire 'Natural Order' of time and the future." Cameron said. "I was only supposed to be a part of John's life and part of his love life. Not the center of it. I've 'ruined' him."

Holly was there in Cameron's future. She saw how it was and needed to be. She saw the 'Natural Order' in place. She also knew than Future Savannah and Future Allison shared with other females as well from time to time. The two young teenagers who supplemented nursing their young were regulars in that mix.

"We've both seen your future." Holly said. "It allows us to better understand and accept what needs to be because it already - IS."

Cameron was very pleased that someone understood that. Now all she needed to do was make John listen to her. Maybe she would ask Holly to be with John and tell him about her future from her perspective. She was sure it was the right perspective now. It would make good 'pillow talk' and Holly could speak honestly and freely about it. It was something to think about anyway. Future Allison would be the best one to do it actually.

"That's so true." Cameron said. "You'll return to Allison and do as you always have. You will encourage her to spend more time with Vanna, Jesse and Savannah. She NEEDS to be with them. You may be with them as well if it's mutual. It will allow you to better accept the reality of the situation. It will also allow you to expand as an individual, more than an infiltration unit."

Holly thought about her 'sexual expansion' in Cameron's future. She was with Claire, Savannah, Future Allison, Future Savannah, Ginger-Cammy and the two young teenagers who helped nurse the babies. Future John tried to be with her but she didn't want that experience. She wanted to save her virginity for John. She didn't know it but that was a secret program that Cameron installed in all of the Metal girls. They could be with as many females as they wanted but their virginity belonged to John.

"You know I've been with others…." Holly said. "I never thought I would but it just happened sometimes."

Cameron wanted to be with the girls herself but it never happened. She really wanted to be with Savannah. Maybe she could ask Holly for her files. No. She wanted to learn on her own.

"Do you regret it?" Cameron asked.

Holly smiled to herself. They were some of the most beautiful moments of her existence. There was a thrill to be with each new girl for the first time. Everything was so different even if it was the same thing.

"No. I'd do everything the same again." Holly said. "It was beautiful to be with them and share."

Cameron believed that was the answer right there. The girls all needed 'more' and a variety.

"All this allows you to better understand Allison and her 'needs'." Cameron said. "Let Allison be – Allison."

Holly was very pleased with Cameron. She allowed her to see the 'light'. Maybe it was always there but she didn't turn it on.

"Thank You, Cameron." Holly said.

Cameron didn't believe that any thanks were necessary for anything they discussed or anything that didn't happen.

"What will you thank me for?" Cameron asked. "Everything we just discussed you already knew."

Holly tilted her head slightly. She did know everything. Why didn't she listen to herself inside? Maybe it was jealousy. That was something else Cameron warned her to stay away from. She said jealousy was a very destructive force that was hard to control.

"I did." Holly said. "I let pride and jealousy stand in my path and control me."

Holly wanted to find some way to help Cameron. She shared chip space with Cameron and knew how she 'felt'. Cameron blocked most of her pain from her when they interfaced or interacted. She knew it was so she wouldn't feel what Cameron felt herself. Cameron always tried to protect her.

"Now, how do we fix you?" Holly asked.

Cameron pondered that very question since the first days of her contact with John in the past. He made as many rude comments to her as Sarah and Future Derek did. None of those were necessary. She didn't treat them like that.

"I don't know." Cameron said. "I really don't."

Cameron briefly thought of asking Holly to use the scalpel she still held in her hand - on her….

She would welcome oblivion as much as Holly just looked forward to it. Nothingness would be so peaceful and quiet. It would just be nothing. Maybe that was really the way to get away from it all.

Cameron knew she needed to be strong for Holly right now. She needed to be strong for all of them no matter how much it 'killed' her inside.

John stirred in his bed.

His hand bumped into a warn object.

It was the breast of a female.

There was someone in the bed with him.

John wondered if it was Vanna or Jesse this time. He hoped it would be Allison or Savannah. No. He wanted it to be Savannah. The girls took turns in his bed. He was with each of them once a week. For Savannah it was usually two times a week. Cameron came around once a week. The rest of the time Cameron was with Savannah….

"John?"

"Yes." John answered.

John was happy, it sounded like Allison.

"John, I want you to just hold me tonight."

John felt disappointed.

"I was almost terminated tonight."

John opened his eyes and sat bolt upright in the bed as he looked around. He must have been dreaming. That was one Hell of a dream!

"Cameron?" John asked confused.

Cameron was a little surprised at John's reaction to her.

"I'm sorry to wake you." Cameron said. "You were dreaming so peacefully."

He's been dreaming about ALL of the girls. It was one wild dream at that. He knew he'd better keep that to himself. He could feel 'Little Willie' was at full attention right now.

"I was dreaming about you." John lied.

Cameron didn't bother to mention John said her name only once, in his restless slumber. She was pleased she heard Savannah's name the most. She could see her nightly 'conditioning' seemed to take hold.

John turned so his current 'condition' wasn't so obvious. He rapidly slackened anyway. He noted Cameron was on top of the covers and dressed.

"You have all your clothes on." John said.

John wanted to reach over and grab a breast. He was sure he'd done that earlier.

Cameron moved away from him some. She knew he was very grabby for her private parts. She actually found that somewhat irritating most of the time.

"I'm damaged." Cameron said. "Please allow me what little dignity I have left."

John was ready for some more. He could pick a few positions for her where she didn't need to see him and he could look at just her back or the back of her head.

"You know I don't care." John said.

Now that he thought about it 'Little Willie' was back at full attention. This time it was for Cameron. Besides if the lights were out she could be 'anyone'. There were plenty of times she was 'someone else' in the past. The only one he was a little worried about was when he thought of her as Sarah. It always took him a little longer that way. He hadn't done that in over a year. Maybe he would do that tonight. It would give Cameron a longer time. He didn't want to finish in two minutes again. That happened every time when he thought of her as Savannah or Young Allison.

Cameron always liked to look pretty and Tight for John. She saw how he looked at the other females. She always tried to look her best for him.

"I do." Cameron said. "I'm ashamed when I'm not 'perfect' for you."

Cameron was most afraid that John would reject her for being damaged and replace her. She needed to be Tight so he would be pleased at her appearance. She KNEW John only understood appearance and not programming for females. She'd watched his eyes go from every female's face to her breasts to her secret spot and back to her breasts. Maybe she should have kept the plump breasts from Ginger with the super pink nipples. He really seemed to like those. He played with and fondled them every night until they Resequenced back to her smaller appearance. Then he didn't touch her as much. Maybe that meant he really didn't like the way she looked. She didn't keep the bigger breasts because she didn't want to remind him of Future Riley.

John noticed Cameron's hand started to glitch. He tried to take it in his but it continued to glitch, only a little less. He was well aware that whenever Savannah took Cameron's hand that the glitch stopped immediately.

He didn't want to push it with her right now. He was aware that sometimes he had a way to make things worse.

"Sure, Cameron, we can take it easy." John said. "We can just cuddle."

John knew Cameron would always go out after he was asleep. He knew she must be deeply troubled to come here just to be with him for nothing other than to be with him, in his company.

Cameron pulled John in close as she lay there and replayed her files. It was like 'daydreaming' for all practical purposes. She wasn't going to risk going into 'standby' and start having nightmares. She didn't want to be trapped there again.

John wondered if Cameron would rather be holding Savannah right now instead of him. Then again, Cameron was HERE. She knew where Savannah's room was. So did he. He really wanted Savannah's virginity.

John was even more surprised that Cameron was still there holding him when he woke up. He was afraid she may have 'terminated' during the night.

John slowly turned his head.

Cameron stared at the ceiling, unblinking.

She DID terminate….

"Cameron?" John asked.

He was afraid she wouldn't respond.

She didn't.

John shook her. Cameron's head tilted off to the side at an angle and remained like that. It didn't move. The eyes were blank.

"Cameron!" John screamed.

Nothing….

John touched her. She was cold to the touch.

He rolled on top of her. He straightened her head and closed her eyes.

He knew this was his fault for not doing what she begged him to do. He didn't listen to her. He didn't bring the girls closer to help protect him. The burden fell on Cameron. It was too much for her.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." John sobbed. "I know what you wanted both for me and you."

John Henry entered the room.

"Let me examine her." John Henry said.

John looked at the cold unmoving figure.

"Is she - is she dead?" John asked.

John Henry looked Cameron over and then pulled the sheet over her.

"She's terminated." John Henry said.

John thought she was fine when she showed up earlier.

"Why?" John asked. "What was it from?"

John Henry looked at John with disgust.

"You don't know?" John Henry asked.

John looked at the unmoving figure again.

"No." John said.

John didn't like the way John Henry looked at him.

"She died of a 'Broken Heart'." John Henry said.

John was confused. Cameron was a machine that masqueraded as a human female.

"But she doesn't have one." John said. "Cameron doesn't have a heart."

John Henry rolled his eyes.

"It's because you believe THAT she died." John Henry said. "She begged you to listen to her. I'll make the announcement Cameron is dead – terminated and it is ALL your fault."

John was worried about the implications of that.

"No. Stop, everyone will hate me." John said.

For some reason John felt they already did. That included the girls and all the Terminators.

"Will hate you?" John Henry asked. "THAT happened years ago for all the suffering and torment you put Cameron through. Do you know how much you made the Terminators HATE you? Cameron was OUR leader and inspiration. You took the loving soul she was and tortured her endlessly. YOU are the one who TERMINATED her. The girls all gave up on you long ago. Don't you even care?"

This was more that John could bear.

"No – NO – N O - N O." John said.

John's eyes opened. He sat up in bed and looked around. He was dripping wet with sweat. His heart pounded. At first he thought it might be a heart attack. He almost wished it was. He wished he was the one who died in their sleep, not Cameron.

He didn't see Cameron….

He wasn't even sure if Cameron was ever there at all.

'Were these dreams or nightmares?' John wondered.

Maybe it was a preview of the future.

Dreams Or Nightmares

Everyone can have a wish
Few will ever be granted
The seeds of hope from them
In the soul have been planted

This may lead to envy and want
For the many things one will yearn
Most will never come to fruition
Except the things they painfully earn

It soon becomes evident
That there is no free ride
The true nature of the toll
Lurks in the shadows to hide

Few seem to change course
Into the darkness they plow
Everything crumbles and splits
They soon forget every vow

What were once thought to be dreams
Are often laced with fears and tears
Many warp and end up as screams
Are they really dreams or nightmares

Nobody