May 8th
Chapter 2
I thought of Edward, the kind stranger, often. Did I imagine him, as the child psychologist assigned to me suggested? I wasn't sure, but I knew I was daily thankful for his presence and when I said my 'Now I lay me down to sleep's' each bedtime, I prayed for him. In thankfulness, I prayed for his health and happiness. I never prayed for him to come back, that would be selfish.
I tried to be strong and brave for him. I wanted him to be proud of me. But as the days passed, the only time I felt confident that he even existed was on the anniversary of Mommy and Daddy's death. Each year Uncle Charlie and Aunt Renee took me to the cemetery to talk to theirgravestones and for some reason rip open the wounds of that life-shattering day.
Edward told me they had traveled on and I believed him, so I felt no connection to the place. Instead, I would lie between their stones and focus on where they might be, trying to connect to them and speak to them wherever they were.
It was the one time each year I could feel Edward near. I imagined him with his eyes closed and his face lifted to the sky helping me get to my parents.
I missed them.
I missed him.
After three years, I had learned to hide my pain to lessen the concerns of others. Uncle Charlie and Aunt Renee were nice to me and gave me a safe home, but they just wanted me to be better, normal, so I tried to give them what they needed from me.
Maybe it was what we had shared in the forest, maybe he was just my imaginary friend. But late at night I would talk to him in the darkness; in hushed whispers, hoping he could hear me wherever he was. I tried each day to live with him in mind. Strangely, I felt as if he was the only person on earth that truly knew me.
~o0o~
Third grade was a happy year for me. I was good at school things and I found that if I smiled people liked and accepted me.
Jessica Stanley had demanded I be her friend at recess our first day. She was the Baptist minister's daughter in our logging town of Forks, Washington. She was entertaining and made me forget about remembering. It seemed very little was expected on my part, so it was easy to fall into a friendly rhythm with her.
"Bella, we're going to the swings first. Mike and the boys are playing catch out in the field and if I go high enough Mike will be able to see up my skirt," she squealed. I found her somewhat shrill when excited.
"Um—okay?" Why she would want that kind of attention confused me, but I was learning that just because your family goes to church doesn't mean it's going to take with you. Jessica was proof of that.
When the bell rang for recess, I slipped my history book and folder into my desk and hurried to meet Jess by the back door leading to the playground.
"What took you so long? Mike is already out there." She grabbed my hand, dragging me to the swings.
I went to my favorite, looking forward to soaring, when Jess grabbed my wrist.
"No, these give Mike a better view," Jess whispered pulling me to the end of the row. I watched Debbie Manning slide into my favorite and gave up any hope of getting it back.
With harsh, jerking movements, Jess began awkwardly rocking and pumping her feet to get as high and fast as possible.
I followed her at a slower pace, enjoying the sun on my face and the wind in my hair.
"Mike, hey, Mike, look how high I can go!" Jess yelled.
Sure enough, her skirt was flapping against her chest with each push forward, only to flop down modestly on the way back.
Mike paused with his mitt poised mid-air to see why his name was being called. When he locked eyes on the swings, Jess began waving frantically and kicking her legs higher.
Mike frowned and returned to catching Eric's pitches.
"Why was he frowning?" Jess looked over at me, "Bella, what are you doing? You're swinging like a baby! No wonder he frowned. Stop being strange, B, or I won't be friends with you anymore."
My joy evaporated under her tirade and I slowed my swinging feeling self-conscious.
When Mike and Ben's voices rang out across the field, our attention was turned back to the boys. We looked just in time to see Eric throw the ball wide over his friends' heads.
I followed the course of the ball while Jessica hopped out of her swing and began running to Mike, taking this opportunity to get his attention, no doubt.
But my eyes followed the ball to the tree line at the edge of the playing field. When the ball hit the ground and bounced, I saw him standing in the shade of the tree line.
I stopped breathing and my heart began racing to get out of my chest.
He's here!
My God, he's real!
I started to stop my swing to run to Edward, but he took a step forward and shook his beanie covered head 'no'.
I froze and was rewarded with a smile.
I began to slowly swing again with my eyes glued to him and he nodded with another warm smile.
I began enjoying soaring with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair and Edward watching, reflecting joy back to me.
Our connection was broken when Ben shouted, "found it!" running back to center field.
When I looked back to Edward, he was gone.
My heart sank and my swing stilled.
The bell rang and everyone began running back to the school building. I looked out to the tree line, but found it empty.
While everyone ran past me, I walked to the field's edge. Peering into the empty woods, I let my heart free.
"I miss you every day, Edward. Thank you for visiting." I stood until the second bell rang and then ran back to class.
I slipped into my desk and tried to hide the searing pain of seeing Edward for just a moment.
As Mr. Banner began pacing and lecturing about the properties of light, I looked down to see a note on my desk.
My heart began racing, hoping—
Please don't be sad. –Mike
My hope came crashing down. I glanced over my right shoulder and gave Mike a small smile. He nodded and smiled back. I didn't bother to look at Jessica as I pulled out my science notebook and copied the title off the blackboard.
Introduction to Light- May 8th.