I have an update - I'm not happy with it, but I do have it. I hope it explains stuff.
And plus, you wouldn't believe how long I spent trying to come up with what Ashley would be saved as in Spencer's phone (I changed it last minute, from "Ash Mob").
And, I don't know why I've randomly started to use song lyrics as titles to these two parts, meh, I'm weird.
For all thoes who have left feedback - you all rock like a big slab of igneous (rock)
Chapter 3 (Part B)"You smiled at me and girl you tore right through me" Or,
"I'll write your name across the wall with all the blood that spills from my heart"
Same Day – Spencer's pov.
---------------
She felt so tired, her constant fighting with Ashley weighing down on her heart – randomly making her sleepy. Each fight was about the same thing; Spencer's fear. Spencer's fear of her mother, Spencer's fear of Madison, Spencer's fear of not being accepted. You name it; the blonde was scared of it.
What Ashley didn't know – because Spencer hadn't told her – was that Madison and her army of cheerwhores were making her life hell, always snipping at her, their off hand comments digging deeper than anyone realised. Then there was her mother – who had recently found out exactly how close Spencer was to Ashley – and it would be an understatement to say that she wasn't happy. The elder Carlin had threatened to send Spencer back to Ohio, the blonde knew that her mother was serious, that was of course unless she ended her "sordid little fling" with Ashley. Unfortunately as her mother had only recently returned home, her father seemed to be doing anything his wife wanted, afraid that if he didn't she would leave. Spencer feared that, that included sending their deviant daughter to live with her grandparents. Paula wasn't the only one in her family who was proving to be a problem, as Glen had basically ostracised his little sister.
Ashley knowing little of all the pain her girlfriend was going through, found no logical reason for her fear and reluctance – hence where most of their fights were coming from. Only making Spencer feel worse. She felt guilt for not being truthful with Ashley – she was to nervous to tell her about all the psychological torment Madison was putting her through, worried that Ashley would get into another fight which would have been grounds for expulsion or just simply make it worse. As for what Ashley would do if she found out about Spencer's family, Spencer didn't want to think about that.
To add to everything else, Spencer knew that she wasn't putting her whole heart into the relationship because of everything else going on (and all of her fears). The blonde knew that Ashley deserved better. She deserved someone who wasn't scared to show how she really felt, someone who didn't look over her shoulder before leaning in to place a soft kiss on her lovers' lips. Someone better than Spencer.
The blonde yawned as she crawled onto her side, her mobile phone cradled in her hands as a report that her text message had successfully been sent to "Snuggle Bunny" flashed on the colour screen.
She thought back to the previous night, going over to Ashley's house, kissing the brunette, touching her, making her moan, making her whimper and gratifying her, over and over – never wanting the night to end. Never wanting to forget how the brunette felt, or looked, or tasted or smelt, or sounded or…she wanted every part of their loving making to be engraved in her mind. It was their last time together – Spencer knew that, Ashley didn't though. The blonde didn't want her lover touching her, not intimately, she didn't want to be pushed over the brink of ecstasy, she didn't deserve it. She knew Ashley was confused, but Spencer was going to make everything better – that night was about Spencer and her selfish wants and needs – she was going to make it so Ashley found someone better. Someone who could love her in the way the brunette deserved. The idea had come to her a few nights before after a row with her mother then with Ashley. The idea of hurting Ashley made Spencer sick to her stomach, but this way was easier and less painful for the brunette.
Spencer pushed Ashley away muttering about being "too tired", she crawled onto the person she cared about most in the entire world and urged herself to stay awake and take in every detail of their last night. But all too soon fatigue took over her small frame and pushed her into slumber, her arms holding wrapped around Ashley so tightly that with any more constriction the brunette was have been having problems breathing. The blonde never wanted to wake up, because she never wanted to let go, she never wanted to let go of the girl that she compared to the brightest stars in the galaxy. The girl that was more precious than platinum and rarer than a blue moon.
When she had woken the next morning Ashley had asked if she was okay and if she wanted to talk about anything, Spencer merely bobbed then shook her head, not trusting her voice. She had urged the brunette to have a shower, shooting her a confused look, Ashley had made her way to her en-suite. And Spencer had run out of Ashley's house as fast as she could. Doubting her ability to go through with what she had planned, knowing she needed to.
The foundations were in place, now all she needed to do was lay the bricks. She was already at some random bar/club – she didn't know the name of the place, nor did she care – she was being served alcohol and guys were hitting on her; that was all she needed. Throwing her head back, she let another shot of vodka pour down her throat, the clear liquid scalding her insides. She looked at her watch, eight fifteen; she was on track. She just needed more alcohol, praying that if she drank enough she would forget the whole night. She nodded her head towards the bartender as she slapped another green bill onto the top of the bar.
It was ten to nine and he was pushing her though her bedroom door. Spencer tried not to compare him to Ashley; she tried not to think of how heavy and gruff his touch was, or of how he tasted like beer and cigarettes. She willed her mind not to notice the way old-spice lingered in the air around him – the scent turning her stomach.
She didn't want to take note of how fast their clothes were being ripped and thrown to the floor, or of how she was being tossed under the covers on her bed. She begged her brain not to register him entering her, and she willed her body to go numb. No part of her brain or body complied though – and her mind stayed painfully sober. She wanted to focus on something, anything other than his sweaty palms on her skin and his groans in her ear. Her eyes found an imperfection in the wood on the back of her bedroom door – it looked like someone had crudely tried to carve something into the wood. She gave the flawed area of door her full attention. She rested her chin on the guy's (whose name she didn't bother to ask for) shoulder, her blonde hair veiling her face – she could still see through perfectly, but no one would have been able to see her face.
The piece of marked wood she was focusing on flew out of her eye line as she heard a double-beeping sound – the type emitted by a watch at the turn of the hour. Ashley stood in her doorway, her body stiff, tears welling in her eyes. The brunette turned and ran – completely unaware that Spencer had seen her, and that the blonde had seen all the pain pour into her eyes. Ashley had no idea that, that image would haunt Spencer, the image of her hurt-filled eyes. An image that struck like a blow ripping through her heart – crushing every part of her.
The boy seemed not to notice the appearance and disappearance of a third person in the room and continued with what he was doing – finishing quickly. Afterwards he was puzzled when Spencer pushed him away and told him to "get the fuck out of her house". The blonde had run to the bathroom feeling as if she was going to retch. The vodka shots she had downed under an hour before made a reappearance, and the blonde slumped next to the toilet.
Spencer crawled over to the bath/shower; using the frame she pulled herself up. She mustered the energy to turn the shower on and flopped into the tub, her shaking body directly underneath the cold jets.