Title: Breaking Down The Barriers.
Spoilers: Everything up to Take It Like A Man…And maybe other bits and pieces, but I've only watched snippets of episodes after season nine, so the chronology is kind of fuzzy and abstract to me to me. My apologies if I've missed something.
Category: Harm/Mac shipper. ONE SHOT.
Summary: Webb pops the question, Mac says yes, but what does Harm say?
Rating: T? Something like that…
Disclaimer: JAG does not belong to me. It doesn't matter that the series has finished its run. No, you did not miss the auction they had to sell the rights to JAG, I wouldn't have the money to buy them, anyway. Let's just say I'm borrowing the characters for a little fun and that I'll return them to the proper figureheads when I'm done. No harm, no foul.
AN: Okay, let's just imagine for a minute that things had progressed on from Tangled Webb. Only, Harm didn't find Mattie, Webb didn't 'die', his and Mac's relationship progressed even further (I know, what would she be thinking to do that? It's nearly as bad as when she kissed Webb while he was still crispy! URGHH! But still…) Webb proposes to Mac and she says yes…I know, I know, this is the Brumby fiasco all over again. Harm can't say 'the words,' so Mac goes for the other offer, instead of really looking at other ways Harm has been trying to communicate with her. Just humor me; I promise, I'll get us back to Harm and Mac working things out…But I warn you, in this world, things have to get pretty bad between Harm and Mac before they are to heal…
OOOO
Harm's apartment remained in darkness, a full three hours after he got home. The only light he'd seen since he shut his front door was the one inside the fridge, as he went to get himself dinner…well, not dinner, a beer, but that was the only thing he felt like consuming at the moment.
At the office today, he had really thought that his ears and eyes were betraying him and playing tricks when he had looked over at his former partner, after hearing Mac's laugh following Harriet's shriek.
"Clay asked me to marry him and I said yes…"
'Oh, good God, no!'
It wasn't said aloud, but Bud must have seen as much written on his face, because he put a consoling hand on Harm's shoulder.
Harm just looked at him in surprise, looking round just in time to see the rest of the bullpen turn their curious gaze towards him.
He shook his head and retreated into his office.
"Well, that was kinda rude," Mac commented.
"I think he's probably just…surprised," Harriet fumbled for an excuse.
She knew how deep Harm's feelings for Mac ran, but it was not her place to say so to Mac.
'Hell,' Harriet thought to herself, 'how can Mac not know already, after all Harm did for her, this year? He shouldn't have to say how he feels, she should know it, after everything that's happened.'
"Whatever…He's such an adolescent…" Mac brushed it off, "I'm not going to let him spoil my and Clay's happy day…"
Mac took off towards her own office.
Harriet just watched her go, worriedly. She had only come in to visit with her friends, but as loathe as she was to leave this situation without trying to help her two best friends, she still had to get the children home for lunch.
OOOO
The next few weeks that passed were not any better. Harm and Mac didn't have any cases together, but watching the two of them interact was excruciating for everyone involved.
"I don't know," Jen Coates was trying to explain to Bud and Sturgis in the break room, one day, "it's not like they're being mean or nasty to each other, but…I don't know…they're not Harm and Mac…She's tried to extend the olive branch a couple of times, but he just seems…cold…"
"I'm not surprised," Bud commented, with unusual candor, "Takes a while for your heart to recover when it's been stomped all over…"
"Hang on…I didn't say that aloud, did I?" he seemed as surprised as anyone else in the room, "Oh thank goodness the Colonel and the Commander aren't here, just now!"
"Forget you heard that," he dismissed himself, so that he could go and get ready for court.
After he left, Sturgis added, "I must say, I think I agree with Commander Roberts. I've known Harm for a long time and I know that he feels deeply, to his very core. When he's hurt or cornered, he tends to retreat."
"Well, I don't know how far he's going to be able to retreat, Sir….I'm worried…about both of them. I'm worried that one of them is going to decide to leave JAG…"
Sturgis nodded, gravely. He'd had similar worries, himself.
"I'm afraid that is something they're going to have to sort out for themselves, petty officer."
Jen stood in the break-room, chewing her bottom lip in thought, long after Sturgis had left.
OOOO
"What?" Mac asked, staring at Harm, incredulously.
She knew that very morning, when the general had assigned this first case to her and Harm that this would begin something bad, but most things she could live with. She'd turned a blind eye to a lot of Harm's bizarre behavior, while she had been engaged to Mic, but this really was too much.
Harm just ignored her question, so she asked again, "What do you mean! We've got a case together, Harm. Of course we need to meet up and work together on it. We're due in court on Monday!"
"And we'll have all of Wednesday, all of Thursday and all of Friday. If we split the work up, we'll be ready well before Monday."
"But if we meet up at some point over the weekend, we can go over everything, so each of us knows every detail and we won't get any nasty surprises while we're in court."
"I don't have time to meet up over the weekend, Colonel. I have plans that can't be changed, so we're going to have to be ready by Friday. Now, we're wasting valuable time arguing about it, so let's get moving."
Harm didn't give Mac another chance to say anything, but left her standing in his office, where she'd come to confront him, ten minutes earlier.
Mac gave a heavy sigh and shook her head. She could take Harm's anger, his frustration, but she couldn't take his indifference. It was like he felt nothing at all…Nothing for her at all…
OOOO
"These files are the interviews that Commander Rabb gathered at Quantico, yesterday, Ma'am. He asked that I bring them through here, to you…"
"Thank you, Coates," Mac couldn't quite keep the annoyance out of her voice.
'So what?' she asked herself, 'Now he can't even bring files over to me in person, he has to send the petty officer to do it for him.'
She didn't so much as look at the files Jen had brought, before gathering a pile of the ones she had copied this morning.
"Here are the interviews I conducted, yesterday."
She tossed them onto Harm's desk.
He didn't even look up.
"I'll take care of the rest and have copies of them on your desk by the end of today. That way, tomorrow we can figure out which way we're going to proceed in court."
"Okay."
Mac was too tired to try and pursue it any further.
When she returned to her office, she shut the door a little harder than she had to, out of sheer frustration.
OOOO
"What on earth happened in there?" Mac shouted at full volume, even though they were both within the confines of the elevator.
Harm just remained silent, keeping his emotions bottled, just as he'd been doing for over a month, now.
"I looked like a fool in there and I want to know why one of us didn't notice that glaring inconsistency sooner!"
"I just missed it, Mac, that's all. I've been busy with my own issues and I'm sorry, but I must have let it slip by. You didn't notice it either…"
"It wasn't in the deposition that I took, Harm!"
"But you read those files too. I had Jennifer copy them and drop them by your office. How did you manage to miss that little detail? You were first chair on this case…"
"Which Judge Helfmann didn't fail to point out in front of the whole court! Do you have any idea how foolish I looked?"
"Hey, I was there too. I got Judge Helfmann's full wrath, as well. What is it about you, Mac? How is it that you think I'm supposed to be super-human, beyond making mistakes? Because I've got news for you; I'm not beyond making mistakes; I'm only human."
"You could have fooled me…"
This time, it was Harm who proceeded, full steam ahead.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Just that you've been treating me like a leper for weeks, now. You've even been kind of frosty with the rest of the staff, Harm. Why can you not use more that one or two word sentences in my presence? And why are you suddenly distancing yourself from me? Do you find it impossible to be alone with me?"
"I told you, I've just been working through some issues, lately, that's all…"
This time, even though they were now out of the elevator and walking into the JAG bullpen, Mac didn't accept the excuse Harm had been handing to her for days, now.
"No," she shook her head, "Ever since Clay asked me to marry him, you've been avoiding me…"
As Harm went to refute the allegation, she cut him off with a flash of the palm of her hand.
"You've been avoiding talking to me, interacting with me. Hell, I can't remember the last time we had lunch together."
And now, her voice really did get loud, as Harm attempted to dish out his 'I've been busy' excuse again.
"Harm, this is washing over to your friendships with our other co-workers and friends, too! Harriet tells me that you haven't been around to see either her and Bud or the children since she was last here…What is going on? And none of this 'I've been dealing with issues' bullshit! Why aren't you talking to us? Why can't you bring yourself to tell anyone about what it is that is wrong? Why can't you tell me? Why have you never been able to tell me? This goes back a long way, maybe as long as we've known each other. Why can't you tell me what you're feeling, right now? Would it really be so terrible to tell, even show people what it is you're experiencing?"
"YES!"
Bud now really was glad that General Cresswell had stepped out for an all-afternoon meeting with the SECNAV, an hour earlier. There was no way he'd have failed to hear this, had he been in his office, right now.
"Yes, it would be so terrible, damn-it! Do you really want to know why I've been trying to keep everything weighed down inside of me? Because it hurts too much to set it free; to let it fizz up inside of me. I can't feel that hurt anymore. It's just less painful not to feel at all. I can't stand feeling that pain every time I go to visit our Godchildren, because they remind me of you. I can't eat lunch or working-dinners with you, because it reminds me of everything that I'm never going to have with you again. And I especially can't carry on as normal around you, give you my congratulations because I'm not happy for you, Mac. I'm not happy that you accepted the proposal of the guy who put your life in danger and who is only too happy to drop you to the curb without any notice, every time his work calls. I'm not happy about the way he treats you, because you deserve so much more. I know he can say the words that I can't, but what about the way he treats you? Doesn't that count for anything? Why do you need words so badly when actions are supposed to speak louder than words? Sure, he can tell you three little words, promise you the life you want to have. But when have his actions ever backed those words up? How much do they spell out love?
I resigned my whole life to come and find you and I don't regret it, not for one solitary second, because it is more important to me that you are okay…That's why I can't stand to see this. I don't have any 'hero complex.' I don't have to ride in on a white horse and save you. I don't have to dominate you, be on top. I only want to see you well and happy. But what I've been seeing doesn't say 'happy,' Mac. It doesn't even look like what I know as 'Sarah MacKenzie.' That's what is killing me about this, Mac. And I feel like I'm dying inside…"
The entire bullpen was silent, barely even daring to breathe. Many didn't think they'd ever seen anything quite like this, not even on their favorite soap opera. Bud would later muse about how Harriet really had missed quite a performance. Harriet would go on to drill him on every exact detail.
The silence seemed like it was never going to end and many staff members had looked back and forth between the main players of this Greek tragedy several times.
Mac finally shook her head, gently, before wrenching the gaudy bauble off her finger and going to take best friend in her arms and stretching up to kiss him soundly.
"I don't think even I could have orchestrated something as amazing as that!" Jen commented quietly, once the general hubbub of the bullpen recommenced, with extra vigor.
"There are some fireworks that can only Harm and Mac know how to set off," Sturgis told her and Bud, with a smile of satisfaction.
The End
AN: Good? Bad? Ugly? Feel free to tell me about it…