Oh lord help me, I'm writing Teen Titans fanfiction. I really have lost it.
(I'm so screwed)
But, I will admit that it is... inspiring, to read the bizarre things others have written. I've never watched the show myself, actually... but upon eventually reading the works of a friend, I've gotten interested in the subject. And, being the Man of Light that I am, I've decided that Starfire is my favorite character. Why? She's the good girl. And like all good characters, she's typecast.
So here it is. Starfire, drinking, and following roads others think end. That's the secret of light- trying.
So, without further ado, it's...
"SHOWTIME!"
-
The Street Beyond Dead End Road
The funniest thing about my companions is that they don't realize how utterly eloquent I am. Those of you reading this- written in the Tamaranian language of K'roll- will find that somewhat strange- this is, after all, chapter twelve of a diary I never meant to write, and by now, I'm certain, something of the good humor I possess, of the beauty and nobility of spirit (come on I find it funny) in me, and of the fact that I write complete sentences, must have gotten through to you by now.
However, my English skills are... not up to par. They aren't even up to sub-par. According to what I learned when back on Tamaranian for the wedding my sister cooked up for me, my English is terrible enough to impress even fellow Tamaranians who understand it with incompetency.
Still, I'm getting better. It's to the point now where I can read the labels on the bottle, or write English without slipping into backwards-tongue.
-
The funniest thing about my companions is their attitudes towards drinking. Raven is scared to death of alcohol, afraid it will unleash the burning demons of her mind on the world.
Beast Boy is immune due to his changeling nature- he can't get drunk, period. Cyborg doesn't drink because his stomach is no longer where it should be; in fact, his stomach is just a giant metal container that he stores about half the food he used to eat in. Losing half one's flesh does surprising things to one's appetite- less flesh means less raw material needed.
That's the way he put it, anyhow, and truth be told, we at the Titans- none of us older than 19, all of us with histories longer than anyone on the planet- never asked him anything else about it. He said it in the cold, clinical way that he affects every time he says something that disturbs him about himself. We don't ask when somebody says, with their tone, " I don't want to talk about it."
(Because then they might force us to answer the questions we don't want to talk about.)
So that leaves Robin, my best friend- maybe boyfriend (it's true, boys and girls- even we don't know, and we're involved in it). But he won't drink either. Says it hurts his training, and he also tells me I should stop, which I find funny.
(Leave me be, it keeps me sane.)
So, here we are, end of the world, I'm on a rooftop drinking, and this diary is the only person in the world I can talk to. Everyone else has me set in their heads. I'm put into a little box, shoved to the side. I'm who they think I am. That's truer for me than it is for anyone. Hell, even Raven has the ability to at least talk with these people- the language barrier is worse than I ever thought it would be. Oh, if only someone I could confide in without sounding stupid.
Like this book. Heh.
It's weird, but I hate that they only view me as happy- goodness, everyone's allowed some depth, aren't they? I want to be more than the beautiful alien girl.
But hey...
I guess that's why I'm here. Dead End Road.
How long it's been since I've thought that of that term.
And how... completely settling it is.
-
Dead End Road.
It's a term from Tamaran, actually, though I've translated it into English. (Correction: I had someone else translate it for me.) And... well...
It's a meaning for someone who feels like they have lost everything. They've reached the end of the road- Dead End Road. A euphemism, perhaps... but also, like all the truly good allegories, very much true.
Dead End Road.
I'm there.
I'm at Dead End Road. I drink, which to the Tamaran physiology tastes extremely sweet, though the amount of alcohol required to intoxicate one of us is unknown- we reach toxic levels of alchol before we get drunk, so it's physically impossible, actually.
(Wild how that works.)
But I don't drink just because it's delicious- which is, admittedly, half of it. I drink because that's the classic Earth answer to problems like mine- moping. I can't fix it. They think I'm just the happy girl- and I am happy, damn it, that's the worst of it- and I so badly want to be somebody else. I want to be loved for me, damn it, for the beliefs and the cheeriness and the optimism that make me happy. It's like hating Raven for how droll she is, without knowing why. Or thinking Cyborg is strange looking, without realizing how much he realizes that.
I want to be known for who I am, and I can't get there because too much is in the way. History, the fact that this team of all teams needs a relentlessly cheerful presence on it, and the language... always the language.
But maybe...
Maybe there is something beyond Dead End Road. I choose not to go back. I choose to continue down Dead End Road.
Maybe it never ends!
-
Starfire stopped writing in her diary after this. Starfire, while she stated with the Teen Titans and was always a core member, began taking more and more trips to planets that spoke, or at least knew of, Tamaranian. And there she gained what she wanted.
She was regarded on so many worlds not as just a hero, but as a wandering knight-errant, an old samurai of ancient Japan. She was an inspiration to all, not given to philosophical, pointless debates, but an optimism and a courage that could humble lesser souls.
On Earth, her memory faded, the memory that of a happy girl who didn't really have a thought in her head. She was regaled as part of the first five Titans, but she never acheived fame here. But in planets past Earth...
Her legend is alive and vibrant, the story of a woman of courage, passion, and laughter. For Starfire, the street past Dead End Road was more than worth traveling.