Chapter 6

No-Plan-Escape Plan

Cate

So, after finding out the killer freelancer guy was a killer freelancer girl, Church, like he should have done before, explained what the hell was going on.

"Let me get this straight," Tucker started as soon as Church was down explaining. "You're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose, and beat the hell out of the reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?"

"In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary," Church responded.

Tucker then looked at me. "How come you didn't know?"

I looked back at him, confused. "How WOULD I know?"

"Don't girl's have connection shit? Sisterhood whatever."

"Yeah, no, that's bullshit. Girls don't even like each other. We'll tear each other apart before the war does. Hell, not having that connection still keeps us from killing each other."

"I should have known," Caboose finally said as Tucker, and I turned to him. "She didn't like me... Girls, never, like me."

"Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you," Tucker responded.

Caboose looked down. "I like me..."

Eh, I tolerated him.

Tucker then looked back to Church. "I don't think I've seen a girl that mean before. Are you sure she's a chick? And not a guy? Or like, part guy part shark?"

"I'M a girl," I info sized.

Tucked then turned back to me. "You're less mean, more bitter. Besides, for some reason, I stopped seeing you as the opposite sex."

To honest, I didn't really know how to take that. As long as he stopped flirting with me, I was okay with it… sort of.

Church just ignored our conversation. "I'm pretty sure I'd know if Tex was a guy. And I'm definitely sure I would know if she was part shark."

I looked at Church, still confused. "Wait. If she's a girl, then why is she named Tex?"

"Uh... because she's from Texas."

I just stared at him, still confused as that made no sense.

"Trust me, it makes sense," Church assured. He then looked back at everyone. "And you can't blame her for being so aggressive. It's not entirely her fault, to begin with."

"Right," Tucker stated. "You should blame God. First, he makes hangovers, and now, half women are half sharks who won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!"

I looked at him and smirked, though again, no one could see it. "I'm pretty sure it didn't does matter if she was half of anything. You wouldn't even get half."

"Will you two shut up with that?" Church shouted, getting back our attention. "She got recruited into some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell."

Caboose titled his head, confused. " A.I... What's the A stand for?"

Church sighed, annoyed. No doubt, being annoyed with the interruption. Again, no pity, his own fault. "Artificial," Church answered.

"...What's the I—"

"Intelligence."

"Ooohhhhhhhhh what was the A again?"

"Let's move on," Church quickly said, avoiding a repeat of the idiotic cycle.

"So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer," Tucker interjected, going back to the situation at hand. But underneath it all, she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?"

"Oh, hell, no," Church scoffed. "She's always been a rotten bitch; it's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements."

Tucker and I exchanged looks with each other before looking back at Church. "Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch their buddy," Tucker said sarcastically.

"Yep," I stated as I popped my "p" "She's a real killer, not joking about the last part; she's really a killer."

Church just seemed to ignore us as he turned back Caboose, who actually oddly quiet. "So, how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?"

Caboose finally hummed in thought. "I think so..." he said, still confused. "That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot."

I had to think about that. That was more confusing than Church being a ghost, having a literal assassin girlfriend, who is now infused with an aggressive A.I., becoming worse than before.

Church just sighed. "Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot."

R.C.

"Jesus! What are you doing?!" Grif shouted.

I turned around with my hands slightly covered in blood and didn't meet my slightly creepy standard. "I'm playing tic-tac-toe. What do you think I'm doing?"

Despite my strong objection to playing live-action Operation, Command didn't actually give me a choice. They wouldn't have a doctor or transport out for another 17 days. So, they gave me instructions to keep Donut's brain from coming jelly… no pun intended. Since I'm the only one with a memory that never forgets, I was up for— I was forced to do it.

"Playing fucking God with Donut?!" Grif exclaimed.

"I first off, I'm playing doctor with Donut," I emphasized. "Second, why are you even here?"

"I was trying the avoid the chick trying to fuck my face in," Grif said. "Then, I see this shit show."

I looked to Grif, confused. "The killer assassin chick that in a cell."

Grif didn't say a word; he sure didn't have to. "Wow," I said slowly.

"Shut up, Operation from Hell," Grif countered. "Are you even a little freaked out?"

I shrugged. "Thought I would be, seeing that my record is saving two cats and a dog dying. But after the first few times of starting Donut's heart back up, it got better."

Grif was quiet for a minute but then asked. "Don't you hate cats?"

"And you see if my problem."

"Jesus," Grif explained. "I'm got back with the mercenary, enjoy playing jigsaw with Donut's head, crazy," he said as he walked and practically ran away back the cell block.

"Pussy," I called out. "This is mild experimentation, at best." Well, it was, well, at least to me.

Cate

After we gave Caboose better clarity, better being Caboose, we were able to continue.

"Not to sound bitchy," I said aloud. "But the Reds are probably pissed at us that we sent a killer lady to kick their asses, and all we have is a broken tank and a ghost, and they still have a working jeep," I stated as they just stared at me like I was the that was nuts. "WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO NOW?" I yelled.

"Well, don't worry," Church said neutrally. "because I have a great plan for how we're gonna rescue Tex.

Tucker looked back at Church. "A plan?" he said, sounding mildly annoyed. "Oh, man, I hate plans. That means we're gonna have to do stuff. Can't we just have a strategy, or ...mission statement?"

Church ignored Tucker's statement as he continued. " I just need you guys to run a distraction while I spring, Tex."

Caboose laughed nervously. "Distraction? Heh. That sounds a lot like "decoy."

For once, Caboose was 100% right: that pretty much like a decoy. "Yeah," I said. "You want us to run around like chickens till the cut our heads off?"

Caboose looked at me. "You do chase bird—"

"Don't even think about starting that crap again!"

Church sighed exasperatedly before he continued. "The way I see it, the reds have absolutely no idea how many freelancers we have out here. So, all I need from the three of you is to run around in the middle of the canyon, wearing black armor, while I sneak in the back of the base."

"So, again, back to the chicken thing," I repeated again.

"Yeah, but you won't end up as drumsticks," Church said, basically mocking me. "Cause their jeeps not fixed and their guarding Tex."

I finally exchanged looks with Tucker; well, Church wasn't wrong even if he was still an ass about it.

"Sounds good," Tucker finally said, looking back at Church. "But Church, where the hell are we gonna get two suits of black armor?"

Church looks at something, all three of us follow that look. I hated this idea, but Tucker hated it way more, looking at the late and malfunctioning teleporter.

"… Oh, fuckberries…"

After some serious convincing, to be more specific treats, we got Tucker to go through teleporter first; thank God, chivalry is here, but then it was my turn…. It wasn't too bad.

"Are you okay, Cate?" Church asked.

"My body isn't ash," I retorted. "So, pretty good."

Tucker turned back to the base that Caboose was still standing on. "Come on, Caboose!" Tucker yelled.

"Does it hurt?!" Caboose asked from across the field nervously.

"No, not at all!"

Caboose looked back at the teleporter and then back at Tucker. "Okay!" Caboose looked back at the teleporter. "Here I come!" He then ran through the teleporter.

Church then looked to Tucker and I. "Does it hurt for real? Church asked out of curiosity.

I shrugged, but Tucker chuckled, and I could tell he had a smirk under his mask. "Oho, yeah. Big time."

As soon as Tucker said that, Caboose popped out of the teleporter and…

"Owwchie."

It hurt.

Caboose slowly turned to Tucker. "You lied to me," he said severe and scarily… well, at least for Caboose.

Church looked at me. "Wait, why didn't it—"

"Do you really want to know why? Or I can tell about real pain—"

"Nope, I'm good," Church said quickly.

"Roger that," Tucker said over his comm speakers.

After we finally got into position, as Church was somewhere in the canyon while we're once again, paid decoys led a fucking ghost… that was the weirdest thing I ever thought or could say.

"Oh, oh oh, oh, Tucker, Tucker Tucker," Caboose chastised Tucker. "Is that is that Church?" Church said something, but Caboose kept going. Thankfully, I was at another rock. "Tell him that I... I said... for me to say hi?"

"Whoa, wait, wait, hey. What? I missed that," Tucker said while still trying Caboose was talking to me. Shut up, man, I'm on the radio!"

Caboose said something, but I missed it, but Tucker continued. "I'm not yelling; I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...no, I'll tell him you said 'hi' later. No, you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?"

I had enough. "Hey, caboose, turn on your headset…. Your left…. Your other left…. THERE IS NO OTHER OTHER LEFT!"

This moment lasted forever until we finally got Caboose to just wait until Church returned, but we still had problems…

"Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you," Tucker shouted, enough to get Caboose's attention.

"They can't see me. I can't see them!" Caboose objected.

"That's because you're facing the rock," I finally mentioned to exhausted from this shit.

Caboose looks to see the red base. 'Oh, right." He finally ducked behind the rock.

"Real Smooth, dipshit," Tucker responded.

"Hey, Tucker, Cate," Caboose responded… much to our dismay.

"What?" Tucker said, exasperated.

"I'm having a really good time... with... you."

"That's one of us. So, that's great, Caboose," I said, completely tired of this shit.

"Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers."

"Would you please go hide behind another rock?" Tucker begged.

"Screw this," I shouted. "I'm moving to another rock."

"Take—"

"Then lose your balls!"

At the moment, if Church didn't come back, I would shot his spiritual stuff off… God damn, I hate ghosts, and I hate this fucking army!

R.C.

I finally took a break from Operation Donut and keep the jelly inside… every pun intended; I was decided to do something else as soon as I washed my armor. As I walked down the hall, only to bump into Sarge.

"Hy, watch—" Sarge started… sounding really weird… let me rephrase that: less like Sarge and a bit less southern. "Holy shit, that's blood!"

I sighed. "For God— how am I supposed to keep Donut alive if I have no blood on me."

"Wait, you're a doctor."

"No, I'm—" I immediately stopped. "Wait, you know I'm not a doctor."

"Uhhh…"

Okay, they do not have an eidetic memory, but everyone knows why I'm not a doctor and that I'm going because Command is shit… though Sarge would never say that. "Yeah," I said slowly after finally starting at "Sarge." "I'm going to—" I as soon as I turned, I was face-to-face with the mercenary, who kicked our asses… out of her cell. "Can I say one thing?"

"What?" the two both asked.

"I literally can't forget this, so you guys suck; I won't forget this, and hope Donut's blood over my armor gets on you."

"Duly noted," "Sarge," said. "Tex."

I was then hit in the stomach and then back of my head. Even when I fell unconscious, I just realized I probably pissed off an angry girl assassin… She wouldn't forget either… well, shit.

Cate

We waited for at least half an hour before Tucker and I both noticed Caboose looking through the sniper rifle.

"What're you doing?" Tucker asked out of curiosity.

"One of the reds has Tex," Caboose asked, me hearing through the headset not being near Tucker and Caboose. "I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends."

"Yeah," I started. "Not sure that will work… in any situation."

"Yeah," Tucker agreed… still weird to say (type). "you don't actually believe any of that, do you?"

"Ohhh," Caboose said excitedly and confidently. "we're gonna be best friends."

I rolled my eyes then thought for a moment. "I mean," I started saying, thinking out loud. "I mean Church wanted to Tex out, and he is a ghost so he can possess people so that might be—"

Bang!

I looked to the red leader in the head and fall to the ground, revealing ghost church… confused and soon to be angry ghost church.

"Church," I drily finished.

"Could have said that faster," Tucker instigated.

"I know it wouldn't have made a difference."

"Yeah."

"What the?" Church finally said. "Where did my body go?" He finally realized and once again transformed into an angry ghost Church… honestly, that's just regular Church. "Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!"

"Tucker did it!" Caboose instantly exclaimed.

R.C.

I finally started to wake from being knocked out by fake Sarge and badass chick mercenary, dragged by myself to somehow tell Grif, Simmons, and Lopez… mostly Simmons and Grif, at least what I think is happening.

"Use your fingers, not your knuckles. That there, that's good—lower back. Yeah, I can feel that working already. Don't be afraid to go too low. ... oh yeah, shee-atsu."

Now, THAT sounded like Sarge. I finally came to see Grif walking as Sarge was yelling… whatever at Grif. I looked at Grif. "What happened?"

"Sarge got shot in the head. I saved his life by giving him CPR, and he still hates me."

I was silent for a minute before saying anything, and what I thought I was going to say was weird. "… Am I dead?"

"No, I wish I was," Grif stated drily.

"Noted."