"The morning star always gets wonderful bright the minute before it has to go, ---doesn't it?"
-Thornton Wilder, Our Town
Chapter Ten – Morning Star
Dean lay on his bed inwardly trembling from the intense feelings overwhelming him. The energy that surged through his body with a fierce, bestial origin scared him more than the prospect of dying. This new force possessing him made him feel more alive and powerful than he ever had in his young life.
His body was foreign to him now, as if it was no longer his. His mind felt trapped in a strange realm, the body of a beast. He knew it was only a matter of time before the beast took over complete control of what life he had left. Funny how I feel more alive now, knowing I am on the brink of death.
He had only disobeyed his dad's orders twice before in his life. The first time when he was ten and left his brother alone, and that Shtriga almost brought about their doom. Six years later, he repeated his mistake. As a teenager he had let his own wants and desires cloud his judgement and had once again left Sammy alone and unprotected, only that time vampires threatened to make him pay the ultimate price.
Another six years had passed and now at twenty-two, he prepared to disobey his dad for the last time. Tears moistened his eyes as he came to terms with the prospect of leaving his brother alone and unprotected yet again, of never again being there to protect Sammy.
He threw his legs over the side of the bed, steady on his feet once more, thankful the bruising of his abdomen no longer pained him. He grabbed his t-shirt, long sleeve shirt, and jeans and quickly dressed before sitting down on the chair to lace up his boots. Dressed and determined, bolstered by his newfound energy, he slipped out the side entrance of Joshua's cabin and proceeded to the trunk of the Impala.
He reached under the frame of the car for the magnetic key case that held a spare set of keys. He unlocked the trunk and took what he needed.
Sam will take good care of you, girl. Just don't go letting him work on you. He may be a college whiz-kid, but he don't know an alternator from a distributor. Make sure he takes you to Bobby if you need any work done.
Dean patted his baby, his final goodbye voiced only in his head. He took off at a dead run towards the woods. His surging vigor giving him boundless strength and energy, the final gift of this bite, the speed and fortitude to escape his family and do what needed to be done.
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Sam panicked as he stared at his brother's empty bed. He felt the bed and it was cool to his touch. He raced out of the room straight to his dad's room, bursting through the door.
"Where is he? What did you do to him?" He screamed at his dazed father who had been sitting quietly staring out the window, his vacant mind lost in a world of could have been's and should be's. John snapped to attention, his mind suddenly alert.
"Sam, what are you yelling? What's wrong?"
"Dean's gone. What did you do?"
John rushed to his feet, running down the hall to Dean's room. He stood in the open doorway staring at the empty bed. Terror filled his eyes as his hands massaged his face, trying to relieve the tension that was gripping him, trying to make some sense of this situation.
"Sam, when did you last see him? Sam, answer me!" John ordered, his voice low and rumbling, fear driving his words.
Joshua heard the commotion and came running.
"Sam, when?" John repeated.
"I haven't seen him since his seizure. He sent me away. He wanted to be alone." Sam replied with a stunned, grave tone.
"John, do you think he heard us?" Joshua asked.
"Heard you? What could he have heard? What were you saying?" Sam was screaming now, knowing in his heart his dad was somehow to blame for this.
"Sam, enough. We need to find him. He couldn't have gotten far." John replied.
"I asked you a question. What were you saying? Joshua, will you tell me?" Sam pleaded.
"Sam, it's more important to find your brother. Do you hear me? I'll answer your questions after we find Dean." John decreed.
"John, you better check to see if any weapons are missing." Joshua added with a concerned look on his face.
John had not wanted to even consider the possibility, but he knew Joshua was right. He quickly exited to the Impala and checked the weapons container. He knew every weapon and exactly where it belonged, he instantly knew the Glock pistol was missing along with several silver bullets.
"Sam, do you have the Glock?" John asked.
"No."
The silence hung in the air, mocking them as their terror increased. Silence sure could be a bitch. Sam stood paralyzed with fear, tears forming in his eyes as the implication hit home.
"Dad, why would Dean take the gun? What the hell did you say? Tell me. TELL ME!"
John turned and walked away. He couldn't face Sam now, he couldn't face himself. He should have realized with Dean's heightened senses he might have been able to overhear them. He should have known Dean would do the same thing he himself would do in his situation. He should have seen that Dean would try to save him from the bitter task and do it himself. Damn, why am I so blind?
Determination filled his gut as he set about tracking his son. He needed to be quick, Dean would try to get as far away as possible, but if his strength waned he would end it wherever he happened to be. John had to reach him before that moment.
Dean had misunderstood, all hope was not lost, there was still a slight glimmer of hope and the Winchesters only need the slightest hope to come out victorious. They had done it too many times previously, beaten the odds, and this was not going to be any different. He had to get to Dean in time to prove that to him, to stop him.
Dusk would be upon them in a few hours and the full moon would be rising. He needed to stop Dean from using that gun and he needed to stop him from rising up and howling at the moon. Joshua had concocted his last desperate injection that would either cure him or kill him. It was strong and its effect was a calculated risk, but John knew it would work, it had to. It was their last desperate hope.
"Sam, Dean thinks it's hopeless. He took the gun to end this, to save us from him turning. We have to find him and give him Joshua's last injection. I need you to be strong."
Sam just nodded at his dad, too spent to argue any more, and too terrified to voice his fears.
They armed themselves with dart guns to subdue Dean if need be. They also loaded silver bullets into their handguns, just in case.
"Sam, if you see a wolf you shoot to kill, you hear me? Don't even consider your brother. If he has already turned then he is dead to us anyway, you hear me? Don't go getting yourself killed. He wouldn't want that. Do you understand?" John issued his final orders.
"Yes, sir."
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Five miles away Dean slowed to a jog, finally relaxing from the distance he had put between himself and his deathbed. The fresh air and warm sun on his face invigorated him, all his senses coming alive and infusing his soul and mind with the joys of living as he shook off the stench of death that had enveloped him as he waited for the reaper at Joshua's.
He had never before felt so alive. These last moments on earth were turning into an intense sensory overload. Every fiber of his being was on fire with the wonders of life. Every sight, sound, smell and touch magnified and enhanced, his mind bursting with the memories he was bombarding it with.
He could hear the birds' wings fluttering as they cut through the still air overhead and he could see the tiny bee buzzing by the flowers collecting its nectar thirty feet away. He could smell the distinct aroma of every individual flower and the scent of rain due any moment. All these wonders were easily within his grasp and he devoured them, unable to sate his appetite for the flavors of this earth.
The trout gliding through the babbling stream nearby were distinct and vivid in his mind and he was drawn to them. He stood on the bank of the stream watching them swim and with one swift motion reached down and snatched up a trout with his bare hand. The large fish squirmed within his grip, struggling for freedom, desperate to live. He peered into the glassy eyes for a moment before returning it to the sanctity of the water, not wishing to cause it harm, knowing all life was precious now.
His mind opened up and embraced all these wondrous events, reveling in the simple pleasure of existing in this remarkable world. All the facets of life that he had never had time or need to explore at last opening up a brave new world to him, a place of beauty and intricacy. What an amazing world he lived in, and how fortunate to finally realize that as he prepared to die.
Suddenly he fully understood one of the lessons from his youth. Mrs. Denton, his high school English teacher and the only teacher he had ever connected with, would be so very proud. She was a fireball and loved life with a passion he had never before witnessed. She almost succeeded in opening him up to the possibilities of life. In two short months she exposed him to thoughts and ideas he had never before contemplated, quite a considerable task under the circumstances of his life.
Sam thought he never read books, and he mainly didn't, much easier waiting for the movie to come out; but he had read books under her guidance and even more shocking had actually enjoyed them. She revealed a world he never knew existed, a world of beauty void of the evil he was so used to observing. She shared her passion with books and in so doing opened his shuttered heart just a fraction.
Ultimately, she forged a place for herself deep in his wounded heart alongside his mom. She was fighting cancer even as she struggled to continue teaching her classes. Her determination pressing her onward even as her body failed her. Her funeral was the only one he ever attended.
Previously and since, he had known many who died, in their line of work death was inevitable. Still, funerals are for the living, and hunters don't have time to live or mourn, there is always more evil waiting to be vanquished.
He thought back now to her teachings and he remembered one line in particular that had never made more sense then it did right now, in this moment in time, as he stood between his life and his impending death.
"The morning star always shines brightest just before the dawn."
She had spoken those words to him the last time he saw her, just before she died. He now understood. The only difference being, he was shining brightest just before the dusk, just before the full moon would transform him and Dean Winchester would cease to exist.