Chapter 22

The hanyou raised his nose to the air and drew in a deep breath as the smell of strawberry shampoo invaded the air. He loved that smell. Kagome's scent. No matter how many times he had told her that he couldn't stand her scent, he always found himself sniffing in the air around her, trying to draw in breath after breath of her sweet fragrance.

He slid from the silky bed and popped his head out of the room to look down the hallway. He thought about before, when Kagome had seen him without any clothes. That hadn't been the first time, had it? He didn't keep track of those types of things. He tried to forget them, if anything.

He hopped down the stairs and was greeted by a cloud of steam, trailing from the open bathroom door. Inuyasha could hear a soft sigh and immediately felt sorry for coming down in the first place. He knew what happened next and he knew he wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it.

Soft, bare, feet padded against the carpet. Droplets of crystalline water trickling off her bare body and soaked into the white carpet beneath her feet. The steam finally began to clear and Inuyasha's heart began to pound as the figure within the foggy glaze was revealed.

Kagome.

She stood so poised, so angelic, with her black hair, soaked and curled by the warm water she had bathed in, dangling over her pale shoulders. Her hazel brown eyes gazing straight at the hanyou, their irises quivering as her full lips parted. She was barely a figure in the haze. Just a faint outline, a glow, in the fuzziness.

Inuyasha stood, dazed by all that she was. Her soft sighs, her perfectly poised body, her lingering scent.

He waited for it, knowing it would come. He had seen what he had seen and now he had to pay the price, take his punishment for gazing upon her unclothed body once again.

"Inuyasha…" She said, her voice so light and innocent. Something that not many had. True innocence. The voice of a goddess.

He turned away, wishing she'd just say it and get it over with. Wishing that she'd just plow his face into the ground again with that one simple word. 'Sit'. So why was the area silent?

His sparkling golden eyes traveled back to Kagome as the blanket of silence smothered him. It choked him until he was unable to speak and barely able to see Kagome in front of him anymore.

"W-What…are you doing?" She asked, her voice as innocent as it had been when she had spoken his name just a few moments ago.

"Now…Now we're even." Inuyasha said, his voice soft, as if he was trying to sound as innocent as her for that one second.

Kagome didn't speak. It looked as if the miko wasn't even breathing but perhaps that was because Inuyasha didn't dare look down to her chest to see if it rose and fell with her shallow breaths. Her hazel brown eyes glistened and shook as she peered back at Inuyasha with quivering lips parted. Her eyes were so hypnotizing and beautiful to the hanyou. He lost himself in them, unable to speak. He watched her eyes, watched himself in her eyes until thick lashes periodically corrupted the gleaming orbs of brown.

Kagome's eyes shimmered in the foggy haze, locked onto Inuyasha's as her brows slightly angled inward. She had an excuse, now, to use the command and send him to the floor beneath her feet. Still, she did not. What kept her? The fact that he might have done it on accident? All the rest of the times could have been on accident but she had uttered the word then. Why not, now?

The speechless hanyou stepped closer and a small gasp left the miko's lips. She shuddered and moved one foot back, water coating her pale skin and making it glitter in the fogged light that burned through the steam that surrounded them.

Somehow, the two seemed to lose all sense of time. They continued to stand there, the awkward sheet of silence tangling around them both and choking the words from their throats…if they ever did decide to speak to one another. How long had they been there? An hour? Why didn't one of them move?

Their cheeks, the color of pale rose petals, burned and throbbed. Neither of them knew what was going to happen next, what the other person was going to say, do, or think. The moment needed to end. It needed to end before it smothered them, choked them, suffocated them and the silence deafened.

Gathering the will and courage, Inuyasha pulled his locked amber eyes from her angelic form. He let out a short breath and rose a clawed hand and pressed it over his eyes. He knew he would just look back at her if he didn't do so.

He listened to her bare feet pad back into the bathroom. He heard the rustling of a towel and how she wrapped it over her shivering body. She hadn't noticed how cold she was getting, standing and staring like that.

Another choked breath pushed from Inuyasha's throat as he held his hand over his eyes, his claws digging into the skin on his cheeks.

He heard Kagome's feet pad over the carpet in front of him and dash up the stairs. He slowly dropped his hand from his eyes and pushed a forced breath through pressed lips. Had he really stopped breathing during that moment? It had seemed as though time had stopped. Had it really? It sure felt like it. Like neither of them could move because time had completely stopped and frozen them there.

The white haze had faded and left the dazed hanyou in silence once again. That stupid silence.

"RAAH!" He cried out and lashed at the air. He couldn't take the silence anymore and he couldn't make it stop.

He pinned his white dog ears to his head and tried to shut out the silence…but that resulted in more silence.

Slowly, the hanyou mounted the stairs, careful to go slow to make sure the miko was fully dressed by the time he got there. He was never one for knocking. Strangely, the steps never seemed to end. Maybe it was just the dazed half-demon but step after step, the staircase never seemed to end. Finally, he let out a relieved breath as he reached the top.

The hanyou was silent as he entered Kagome's room. He found her settled on her bed. He felt heat rise to his cheeks at seeing that she still wasn't dressed but instead, wore a large, fluffy bathrobe. He quickly lowered his eyes.

"Do you want to…sit down?" Kagome's soft voice suddenly cut through his thoughts and forced his sun-golden eyes upward to look upon her again.

He didn't say a word as he stepped over to the side of the silken bed. He took a moment, a dramatic pause, before he slid onto the surface and pulled his legs inward, into an Indian style sitting position. He glanced back up at Kagome but quickly down once more. It wasn't so much that he felt awkward around her. He didn't really know why he looked away from her. It left the miko confused.

'He looks…so embarrassed…' She thought, staring straight at him as the pounding of footsteps echoed down the corridor.

"Sis? Hey, where'd you put the remote!" Souta cried, bursting in without warning. He had to catch himself on the doorframe to keep from toppling over and onto the carpet.

"Um…Did you check on top of the TV?" Kagome replied, pulling her eyes away from Inuyasha to look at her brother. "And don't you ever knock?" She added.

"Uh...no…I…" Souta stopped as he finally realized the look of the situation. Maybe it was the fact that Kagome was sitting on her bed in a loose bathrobe with Inuyasha who had such a guilty expression on his face.

Slowly, a smile began to form on his lips. Inuyasha and Kagome. He had always loved that idea. The idea of having Inuyasha as a big brother. Slowly, he took a step back, ready to give them their private time.

Inuyasha stared at Souta, the same expression on his face though a sad thought dwelled inside. Souta. Such a young, rambunctious kid. A little brother. A sibling. Kagome had a real family while Inuyasha had grown up with none.

'Now…I see why Kagome wants to come back here so much. To see her family…I guess…I never realized how special a family could be…just because I never really had one.' He thought, his eyes lowering.

Souta quickly darted from the room. Kagome listened to his steps fly down the stairs before she finally returned her attention back to the hanyou before her. He looked saddened and she seemed to know why. She had seen the way he had looked at Souta with such envy.

"You…never got along with your brother?" She asked in nearly a whisper. She could tell that the hanyou was envious of her relationship with her brother.

"What's it to you?" He grumbled, his head lowering.

"I don't know...I was just wondering. You know you've never really...opened up to me before. You've never really talked to me..." Kagome said, turning away as the corners of her eyes began to prickle and the rims turned red.
Inuyasha turned his golden eyes back to her with a sorrowful expression. Something else was on his mind. His past? His family?
"Huh? Hey! Don't tell me you're gonna cry!" He said, leaning forward and tilting his head to the side to get a better look at the miko's face. She looked so sad, so hurt that he wouldn't talk to her.
"No...I...never had a real family." He said. How could he resist her? How could he sit there and watch her shed tears because of him.
"W-" Kagome started as yet another silence fell over them. Inuyasha's voice suddenly cut through her words but he voice was so choked and strained as if something hurtful was on his mind.
"I never met my dad...you know...He died before I was born." He said, pausing more a moment but not taking his eyes from his feet.
"He died...for me. I guess I appreciate it, you know. But I hate it. Sesshomaru..." He closed his eyes and clenched his fists, as if not wanting to remember. But it was too late. The thoughts were already in his mind, already haunting him again.
"He blamed you for his death..." Kagome finished for him, scooting across the bedspread, closer to the hanyou.
"Yeah...Ma told me she died too...before I was born. I guess I was confused...until she told me my father brought her back...with Tenseiga. He gave that sword to Sesshomaru and his Tessaiga to me, in my...eye. Sometimes I wonder if he ever really used Tessaiga, if he really ever held it like he held Sesshomaru's sword. Ha! It's not like I want that blunt blade that he carries around...I was just wondering." Inuyasha continued, his eyes narrowed and glaring down at his fingers as he picked at the soft material of the bed.
"Anyway." He stopped. He didn't want to say anymore but the words just tumbled out like a waterfall of memories he just had to think aloud. "I never had a real brother...like you have. I never had someone to play with, all because I wasn't either. I wasn't a demon and I wasn't a human. Neither would accept me...because I was a stupid little 'half-breed'. A runt. It was always: 'you gotta be hard, you gotta be strong, you gotta be tough, you gotta be fearless, you gotta be big, you gotta be un-breakable, you gotta be un-tamable, you gotta be loveless, you just gotta…be everything…'. But I wasn't the only one that was turned away. Do you know the stuff my mom went through? She had to deal with it as much as me. They teased her of having me just as much as they teased me. Damn. That's when it all started. I just hated everyone for treating her like that. I wanted to kill them all...and then when my mom died...I guess I just lost it. I was young, a lot younger than I am now...It was so long ago but I can still remember it. Crystal clear. I can still see her tears. I can still smell and feel and taste them like I'm there all over again."
Kagome tilted her head, her raven black hair falling over her face as she listened and watched the hanyou intently. It was like he wasn't really talking to her but just talking to get so much off his chest. She didn't care. This had to be the first time he really opened up so much.
"I left...and I killed some too...I completely lost it. I...I trashed the village and injured people that had teased me as a kid. I even hurt and killed people I didn't know. I was just...so mad. And then I went to another village, that same anger still burning inside of me. Then...I met her. I felt something really weird when I looked at her. She was just so beautiful and kind and...innocent...but dark and mysterious at the same time. Then I finally...finally...realized what that feeling was. Love. It took me too long to figure out what that stupid feeling was. So I loved her. And she loved me back. It was against all 'laws of nature' or whatever those other old hags of the village said. They said it wasn't right for a mortal and demon to be in love. But they were wrong. I wasn't a demon...I'm not a demon. I'm half human too...half of her kind."

He looked up, finally realizing what he was getting into. He was telling Kagome how he fell in love with Kikyou and how it all happened. He never stopped to think that it hurt her by the slightest bit.
Now, as he looked at her, at how she clenched and unclenched her jaw and stared down at the bedspread.
"Forget it. I'm stopping here." He said, his eyes turning away. He suddenly clenched his fist, his long nails piercing the skin of his palm. He felt the sharp blades sink in and sting slightly.
"No." Kagome said quickly. When Inuyasha looked back at her, he saw that she stared up at him with teary eyes. And she wanted him to continue? "I want to know..."
'I know it hurts...it hurts a lot. He really loves her. He loved her then and he loves her now. Now I know I can't change that. And as much as it hurts...I want to know.' She thought, clenching a fist tightly and then easing her grip as she lowered eyes again to wait for more.

His lips parted, amber eyes dancing over her features. He stumbled on his words, thinking them over, modifying them a thousand time over before he began to speak again. But even as he did, the miko felt like he was leaving so much out, like he had skipped so much, carved a whole part of his life out to avoid hurting her. She didn't say a word, only listened.
"We...we were a couple...we...I loved her so much...and she loved me too, even though she knew about my plans of becoming a full fledged demon. I really wanted that. I...still do. But she wanted me to become human. She told me I could...and one day I told her I would...for her...I was serious, she knew that. I wanted to make her happy, I wanted to be with her. And I was willing to give up everything for her. Then that bastard! Naraku. Damn him! I was on my way to meet her…to become human just for her. But he got to her first. He...he must have done something...he...told her something...and then killed her. He killed her! And...all along...she thought it was me. After she was gone, I lost all sense of that feeling. I didn't feel it for anyone anymore and after awhile, I forgot what it ever felt like in the first place. Then I met you. After that, I was just looking for a place to go, to be safe...and for other people to be safe from me. I was searching for a new beginning and a reason for living again than being stuck to that tree again. It took me so long to realize that I did have a life again...with you and Sango, Miroku and all of them. No, Kagome. I don't have a real family. I don't have a brother like Souta or a real 'girlfriend' like that Hobo guy, whatever, or a mom like your mom or a dad...all I have...is...is you, Kagome."
Her eyes raised back to his, tears glistening at the rims. Without another word, the miko slipped into his arms and pushed her face into his chest, burying herself in his baggy red kimono. She could feel the hanyou's muscles tense in surprise as she held him.
"I don't have a dad either...and it's Hojou...and he is not ...my boyfriend." She said in a whisper as she closed her eyes and felt Inuyasha's warm arms wrap over her slender body in a tender embrace and his head rest against hers as he sucked in the sweet Strawberry and Sakura Blossom fragrance of her still dampened hair.
"Thank you, Inuyasha. You have no idea...how much that meant to me...you really don't"

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I was awefully nervous about making this chapter, to tell the truth. As probably already know, I haven't completed the series yet. So, I'm not sure about getting the entire past right. I know I have a whole thing pushed in there, but it won't show up or make sense till later, so just ignore all that I just said.

Imma freak, I know.