Hi everyone, hope you are all well!

Guest: O, I'm so happy that you liked the first bit of the last chapter about Richard. I had such a difficult time writing that. I was afraid it would be too boring.

Alice714: haha, thanks for your review. I hope this chapter explains more for you, also about Nick- Camille's bed (haha) and a bit about Kris.

Sweepeaspatch: Thanks so much

IsabelMC: I love how you analyze it. I do believe that Camille has too much on her plate right now and can't see clearly, she's in overdrive, her emotions are all over the place and she doesn't know what to think. I think whatever happens between them is always ''fixable'' if they try. Haha. I just love their miscommunication. Haha a psychiatrist. You'll find out soon...

Special thanks to Sweepeaspatch for being my beta!

Chapter 37

Lena

"Hi there." Kris said as she looked down at the small girl that was sitting in the sand in front of her. "So, I have a problem. I wondered if you could help me?"

The young girl looked up at the tall woman. She saw the two ice creams she was holding. The sun was burning on her skin. She had to squint to see the woman against the sun.

"I bought two because I wanted two. But now I think I won't be able to eat both of them before they melt. Will you help me?"

The girl just looked at her, with big eyes. Who was this woman? And she couldn't take anything from a stranger, could she? Why would this stranger even speak to her? She wasn't used to people she didn't know speaking to her. Let alone offering her something.

"If you don't mind... I'm going to sit now. So..." The woman looked at her. Her eyes were big and nice. Warm even. "Will you help me?" She asked again in a warm voice. As if she really meant it.

No one had ever asked for her help. Not like this. Was the woman crazy? The girl narrowed her eyes. She just stared at the stranger as the ice cream began to run down her pale small wrist.

"There you have it. I can't do this without you." Kris gave the ice cream to the little girl who took it shyly. "It's okay. Or don't you like ice cream?" She asked as she gave her an amused, warm look. What child didn't like ice cream?

The girl took a lick of the ice cream before it would run down her own wrist. They ate in silence. Lena couldn't remember ever having met such a nice woman. She felt guilty for pick pocketing her.

When they had eaten the ice cream the woman put out her hand to her. "My wallet back, please."

Lena looked up surprised. How had she known? She felt guilty instantly.

"Don't worry." The woman soothed her immediately in a sweet, warm voice. "Just make sure it doesn't ever happen again." She said sternly. "Do you promise that?"

So that's the first time that Lena met the tall dark haired woman with the black eyes. The second, third and fourth time it was when she had come to the orphanage and read to all the children. Lena had looked up at the woman. Had wished that she could be like her, be as strong and tall. Lena studied the woman's face. The freckles, the pale skin that had become sunburned a bit. The dark curls, the square jaw.

The fifth time, the tall pale woman with the freckles had been angry, powerful and strong. She had demanded and threatened. She had become wild, like a beast, hitting and kicking around her, fast like a lioness. It was strange how red blood looked on a pale person. It seemed more red then on Lena's own dark skin.

The sixth time she had met Kris Milano she had studied her also. Fear had run through her little body, tears had rolled over her cheeks. Screams had hoarsened her throat. She had wished that she had never met this nice tall lady. The woman wasn't strong anymore, and not tall. Her posture wasn't straight anymore. She was a little shivering mass now, lying on the ground. She wasn't screaming. All the warmth had left her face. Her eyes stood hollow and bitter. Sad. There were wounds and blood everywhere. And it was cold and dark and wet. She didn't look like the woman Lena had met that one day on the beach anymore.

Lena missed that day. That day had been warm and light. And there had been ice cream.

Camille's place. Morning

Richard knocked. He opened his mouth to talk and froze when he looked up at the naked muscular chest of Nick McGarrett. His eyes swooped up to the clear blue eyes. So, Nick was still here. Of course he was, where else would he be? Richard swallowed. Maybe he'd just hoped... That Camille would kick him out of her bed when they were done and not let him stay the whole night. Because that seemed even more intimate then Richard had hoped it to be.

"Richard." Nick greeted friendly. "I'm glad I see you. I'm sorry about yesterday."

Richard just stood there with his mouth open. Nick's torso seemed a massive wall of muscle. Of course Camille would go for something like that. She was an athletic person. Her figure was amazing, she looked like a model. Of course she would want an athletic man. Like Nick. Not like himself. "Erm… the er..." Thousands of thoughts shot through his mind, making it difficult to think clearly or even speak clearly.

"Nick? Will you join me in the bathroom?" Camille's voice called out.

Richard's mouth fell open further. She was showering and was asking Nick to join her. How stupid of him to ever think that he and Camille had grown closer... Hurt washed over him and paralyzed him even more then it had done yesterday. He thought that wasn't possible, but he felt it right now. So it was possible indeed. It felt strangely familiar...It felt like when he discovered that Sasha loved another man and didn't like him that way. But the strange thing was, that this felt even worse. He had thought that no one could ever top the pain he had felt over losing Sasha. The love of his life.

"Was there anything you wanted?" Nick asked as he looked to the bathroom.

Nick seemed to be in a hurry. As if he wanted to go there fast. Of course he wanted to go there fast. Who wouldn't? Richard hated the image of Camille naked under the shower, waiting for Nick to come. Waiting for that man to put his hands on her, to put his body against her. Awful! "N... No.. No..." Richard stammered. "I mean... Yes! I came to bring you two to the station. I have the Defender."

"O, okay." Nick smiled.

"Nick!" Camille shouted impatiently from the bathroom.

Nick raised his eyebrows at that. "I'll just be a minute. Or maybe longer. You know how she can get." He winked at Richard. "All bossy and stuff." He quipped. "You want to come in?"

Come in? What was he thinking? Of course not! "No, I'll... I'll wait downstairs... At la Kaz.." Richard mumbled.

"Okay. We'll be down soon."

Richard stared at the door. He just couldn't move.

"Richard? Are you all right?" Catherine asked when Richard walked slowly into La Kaz. He looked like he had lost something and was totally clueless.

Richard looked up at Camille's mother and nodded. He scraped his throat. "Yes. Of course. I just didn't sleep well." He lied.

"I'll bring you some tea." Catherine quickly said. The man looked like he had seen a ghost. Some tea would hopefully do him good. Who knew how long they had been working on the case. They all could use some extra care.

Bathroom Camille

"That was Richard." Nick said as he put on his t-shirt before he entered the bathroom.

"Already? He's early." Camille mentioned as she looked at her watch.

"I feel so ashamed." Nick admitted as he felt his forehead and groaned. Headache.

"Sit." Camille ordered as she patted a small plastic chair in her bathroom. She was sitting on the side of her bath.

He obliged.

"Drink." She ordered sweetly as she put a glass with painkillers in it in front of him. "Does it hurt?" she asked as she looked at his hands.

Nick sighed as he looked at his bloodied knuckles. He'd been so angry. He'd kicked and kicked until he couldn't kick anymore. "I deserve the pain, I guess." He mumbled as he gulped the painkillers away.

"What?" Camille studied Nick's sad face. "Don't say that."

Nick smirked as he studied her stern face. "You're bossy." He smiled softly as he put the glass down next to the sink.

"You hurt yourself, so Oui, I am." Camille explained as her attention was on his wounds now.

She took his hand and began to clean the torn skin with alcohol. "I usually don't act like this."

"Like what?" Camille asked as she was totally focused on his skin.

"So irresponsible and impulsive. Aggressive even. The way I acted towards you yesterday, at your mother's restaurant... I'm sorry."

Camille looked up at him. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I acted like a Neanderthal. I just lost it."

"You were angry. So am I." Camille commented. She understood it fully.

"You were?" Nick asked as he studied her. "What did you do with your anger?"

Camille looked at him. She shrugged.

"You didn't hit anything." He commented as he saw the smooth skin on her hands.

Camille cleared her throat. "I-" She looked up at him. "I...Took it out on someone else." She mumbled softly. She felt ashamed. Slightly. She knew she shouldn't have taken it out on Richard, but he was just such an easy target sometimes. He could annoy her to no ends.

"What?"

"It's not something I'm proud of." She told him sternly.

"You yelled at someone?" He asked. He tried to keep his smile in but couldn't.

"Is that funny to you?" Camille asked surprised as she took up a scissors and bandage.

"I don't know, are you going to use that scissors on me if I answer you?" Nick asked as his eyes went from the shiny, sharp scissors to her face.

Camille looked up at him. "I might." She quipped as she smiled softly. But her eyes stood sad.

"So, who was your victim?" Nick asked conversationally.

"Who do you think?" Camille answered slightly annoyed as she cut the bandage.

"Might it be your senior officer?" Nick guessed without much trouble.

Camille smirked as she looked at him. "It might." She said lightly.

Nick looked away as he smiled and pressed his lips together.

"What is so funny now?" Camille asked.

"It's just that..." Nick shrugged as he looked back at Camille. "The two of you... You're like fire and ice but still you complement each other so well, it seems. I was just wondering if he'll understand your fierceness. He seems a bit emotionally stunted, if I may say so."

"And you're not?" Camille shot back.

"What? Because I'm English?" He shrugged. "I probably am too." He quipped. "I didn't mean it as an insult. I just predict lots of fighting in your future today."

"And why is that funny?"

"Because you misunderstand each other. You're fiery. I like that." He shrugged. "And he's careful, very careful. Analytical. It's funny to see you two work together. Auch!"

"Excusez." Camille mumbled.

"I got the hint." Nick commented. Talking about Richard and her seemed to be a ''no-go'' area for him. "I miss Kris. She was always so funny. She made me smile. I'm just not ready to let her go yet." He mumbled softly. He looked up at Camille. "Are you?"

"I don't want to think about it. I just want to find her. Rip her head off. And then, I'll think about it further." She lied. She couldn't talk about it. It hurt too much. She was afraid she would fall down. Turn into a sobbing mess on the ground.

Nick nodded. "And I can't stop thinking about it. I think that I wanted to numb myself. Yesterday. Just for a while." He admitted honestly as he looked at his bloodied knuckles.

Camille was amazed how Nick opened up to her. How he showed his emotions. She wished Richard could do that so easily. Or would do that, for that matter... Then her thoughts were of Kris. She pushed her tears away immediately. "Who doesn't?" She agreed softly.

"This really is a nightmare come true." Nick admitted as he stared at his hands.

Camille smiled softly. "I can relate to that." She admitted. "I'm sorry for what I said last night. About... Getting over it."

His blue eyes looked up at hers. "You're apologizing?" He smiled and she saw the dimples in his cheeks. She remembered Kris's comments about her partner; how Kris had wanted to kiss his lips, just to feel how that felt.

"You have nothing to apologize about." Nick said.

Camille's eyes began to water again.

"Did I do something wrong?" Nick asked quickly.

"Non." Camille shook her head. "It's just something I thought of. Something that Kris said."

"What's that?" He asked interested.

Camille looked at him. Pondered if she would tell him. "She... She said something about the dimples in your cheeks. That's all." She admitted.

"The dimples-? O...Okay... Let me guess, she was annoyed by them." He concluded dissappointed.

"Non, she- She loved them." Camille quickly clearified.

Nick's clear blue eyes grew wide as he looked at her. Camille saw how he swallowed. He looked away. "I should apologize. I'm sorry. And I... I woke up in your bed." He changed the subject quickly.

"Oui." Camille smirked.

Nick looked up at her. "I hope- I don't hope- I inconvenienced you in any way?" He pried softly as he tried to read her. But her thick curls covered her face and all he could see was that she concentrated on the small cuts on his fist.

"That depends on what you think would be an inconvenience?" Camille stated as she began to bandage his other hand.

"Just that err- I don't... I don't remember much from last night- And I... Slept in your bed?" He'd woken up with his clothes on.

Camille looked up at him to meet his gaze. "Oui. Don't worry. You fell fast asleep with Kris's pillow clutched to your chest." That had been so sweet. In some way... If things hadn't gone the way they had gone...

"I should have never... I had no business in your bed...I'm so sorry. You don't even know me that well..." Nick told her when he thought of how that must have been for Camille.

Camille shrugged kindly. "I didn't have the heart to wake you up." She studied his face. "And my intuition told me that you're not the kind of man that would jump me or do anything against my will." She concluded.

"I wouldn't... I would never..." He agreed immediately.

"I know." She smiled softly.

Nick shook his head, annoyed at himself. "Still, it's not right, what was I thinking? Coming in the middle of the night to you."

"Nick." Camille waited until he looked up at her. "You were in a bad way. Very bad. I can imagine that sitting or being on her side of the bed might give the illusion of her being close again." Camille filled in softly.

"No, it wasn't to have her close it was-" Nick looked away as his nostrils flared. "Stupid, right? She'd probably laugh at this weak behavior of mine." He said angrily as he stood up.

"It's not weak. It's not weak to love someone." Camille countered as she looked up at him.

"I don't- I-..." He stared at Camille with his mouth open. Do I? Do I love her? Really love her? As in more then a friend?! "But it is, isn't it?" He got the most horrible and powerless look on his face Camille had ever seen. "What she did... How could she... I can't let it rest."

"It's too fresh." Camille mumbled as she began to clean up the rest of the bandages.

"I think I can never let it rest." Nick admitted ruefully.

"You will. One day. It will wear off. The pain will wear off."

"How do you know that? I've never met anyone like her. She's important to me. I don't want to let her go. I don't want the old Kris to go." Nick said as he stared at her.

Camille stared back at him. A heavy silence fell between them. Because she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to lose the old Kris too. She didn't know how to face that.

Nick passed her and took his jacket from the bed. "Thanks again for having me." He called out to her. He studied his bandaged hands. "And thanks for this." He said as she entered her bedroom to put away the first aid kit.

Police station, first thing morning

Camille had been silent, the whole ride towards the Police Station. She had stared out of the window as Richard had driven them to their work. Nick was silent too. Staring at his lap, deep in thought. There was a thick cloud of tension hanging around them. And Camille couldn't quite pinpoint why that was. She looked at Nick who smiled softly at her. No, there were no problems there. Then she looked at Richard who seemed tense and pale. She sighed softly as she turned her attention outside again. She didn't have the energy to find out what was on Richard's mind right now, but it was clear to her that the thick dark cloud she was feeling was radiating from Richard towards both of them for some reason.

"I think you have some explaining to do." Richard said the moment Camille and Nick entered the Police Station.

Camille sent him a warning glare. What was it with his attitude these last days?! She had enough on her mind to worry about and didn't need this blunt and off behavior of his too.

Nick looked away and sat down behind Dwayne's desk. "What do you want to know?" He asked.

"Everything." Richard said as he walked towards the white board. "And don't leave anything out."

"Where are Dwayne and Fidel?" Camille asked when she didn't see them. She put her bag next to her chair.

"I sent them to find out what Detective Milano did since she put one foot on the ground here." Richard answered in all business-mode.

Camille nodded. She was happy that Richard seemed on top of things. She felt pain in her chest when she saw Kris's photo on the white board in the middle. It was confronting. It made her think of Aimee. When they had solved her case. Aimee had been on the board too. She didn't know what was worse. To have someone you loved on it because they were killed, or because they'd become a criminal themselves?

Nick held up his hands defensively. "I'm on your side." He reminded Richard.

Camille studied Nick shortly and concluded that he too had picked up on Richard's bad mood.

"There are no sides here. Just a police investigation." Richard bent towards Nick. "Or are you in on this with Detective Milano?"

"Richard!" Camille chastised before Nick could even answer. She'd seen how the man suffered because of Kris's behavior and absence. That wasn't something you could act, was it? Not like that. She couldn't believe that.

"We don't know, do we? I still don't know if Milano acted alone. We trusted her. What's not to say you made some deal with her, and will disappear together with her and the diamonds?" Richard asked.

"Would I still be here then?" Nick questioned slightly annoyed as he narrowed his eyes at Richard. He had the idea that he was standing on trial for other reasons then just the case.

Richard crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You tell me. Why did you come here in the first place?"

Camille walked towards Dwayne's desk and sat opposite Nick. Next to where Richard was standing.

"To help Kris." Nick answered.

"With what?" Camille asked, interested. She hoped she would finally get some more answers now. Find out what Kris had been keeping from her.

Nick looked away and sighed. "I suspected that she didn't come here for a vacation." He admitted as his blue eyes sought out Camille's dark ones.

"What did she come for?" Richard asked as he began to pace.

Nick's nostrils flared as he seemed to remember something. He looked up at Richard. "It was our last case. Kris was working on it, alone. So I thought."

"She was working?" Camille asked surprised and hurt. So she had lied about her whole 'surfing vacation' also? Right from the beginning.

"I'm not completely sure about it, but yes, I suspected as much." Nick nodded as his blue eyes stared at Camille.

Camille looked away in thought. "There was something that she wasn't telling me. It was pressing badly on her. I noticed it. She didn't want to talk about it. I gave her time. To come to me when she was ready to tell me. But she never did."

Nick shook his head. "Who knows what's in that crazy woman's head?!" He commented frustrated as he ruffled through his hair with both of his hands.

"If you thought that she was so crazy, then why are you here?" Richard asked as he stopped pacing in front of Nick and studied him.

"Because she's my friend. And I care about her." Nick leaned back in his seat and looked up at Richard. "She has a tendency to put herself in danger. She hates injustice. Or hated it." He leaned forward and put his hands in his hair again. "I don't even know how to talk about her anymore. Everything I know about her, everything I say... I doubt it all now." He looked up again.

"Yes, that's confusing." Camille agreed.

"Just tell us about the old Kris then, before... Yesterday. We'll filter everything out later." Richard suggested as he took his favorite marker from the white board and fiddled with it in his hand.

Nick nodded.

"What was she working on?" Richard asked as he put the marker against his chin. The cold metal gave him a calming feeling, weirdly enough.

"Again, I'm not sure." Nick looked at Camille. "But you know her too. And if you know her well, you know that she doesn't let go. My Commissioner calls her 'pit bull' for that reason. She puts her teeth in something and doesn't let go, ever."

Camille nodded. She knew Kris like that too.

Richard turned towards the white board on his heels in one swift move. "What didn't she let go of this time?" He asked as he looked at the dark eyes of photo-Kris.

"A case. Our last case. We've been working it for about 7 months." Nick's eyes went to Kris's picture now too. "It was gruesome. A serial killer. He beat woman, tortured them and finally killed them. We met his last victim, Claire Blake. We couldn't save her. When we discovered that she was going to be the next target... It was too late." Nick stared at his lap as the memories flooded back. "It was awful. And Kris..." He looked up at Camille. "She blamed herself. A lot."

Flashback, England

"Kris, we've got the killer. Why can't you let it go?" Nick asked frustrated. They were standing outside, in front of her home. It had gotten dark. "He's in jail now. You saw that. We testified."

"It feels off." Kris shook her head as she looked away. She pulled her jacket closer to her body to protect her neckline. It was cold and windy outside.

Nick sighed impatiently. "We went through every piece of evidence again and again. We found nothing against his brother." He reminded her.

"I'm not convinced." A deep cringe appeared between her brows.

It was the worry cringe Nick always wanted to soothe away with his thumb. "Maybe it's time to let go." Nick pleaded as he grabbed her arm. "We've been on this case for seven months now. Maybe it got to you."

"You're acting like I'm crazy." Kris bit annoyed as she pulled away from his grasp.

"I don't think you're crazy. It's just-"

"-What?!"

"That Claire Blake died wasn't your fault, Kris. You have to let it go."

"NO! It doesn't feel right." Kris insisted stubbornly.

"You're looking for problems that aren't there!" Nick uttered, frustrated.

"Thank you for your support!" She barked sarcastically "It doesn't feel right, Nick! There's something off." She tried to convince him.

"What more do you want from me?! We've been looking for proof against Brad Hollis now for three weeks. We've found nothing. He's clean. What else do you want? If something doesn't feel right... Maybe that isn't someone else's fault but is something inside of you."

Kris inhaled sharply as she took a step back and stared at him. "Do you think this is all just a figment of my imagination?!" She asked incredulous. There was pain in her eyes.

Nick looked away as his jaw worked overtime.

That was enough answer for her. "My god... You do..." Kris's eyes grew big and she gave him a hurt look.

"You have to admit-"

"-I'm not admitting anything." She interrupted him heatedly as she shook her head.

"This isn't healthy, Kris. You're breaking yourself down." Nick told her honestly.

"Don't make it personal. I'm just doing my job."

"Are you? I don't think so. You're going on and on in little circles now. Like a pit bull, just like Ryan said. Let go, Kris. They are dead. Claire is dead."

"Okay, I'll just let it go." She said with venom in her voice.

"Kris." Nick warned. He knew that tone of hers all too well.

"What?" She shrugged stubbornly as she put her cold hands in her pockets. "It's like a button I can just flick off, isn't it? You say 'let it go' and I will."

Nick made a frustrated sound. "Don't be like that." He pleaded. "I didn't say that it would be easy."

Her dark eyes swooped over his face shortly. "Good night, Nick." She turned and made her way up to her house.

Police Station, now

"Then what happened?" Richard asked.

"She kept her distance. We were very close, very."

Richard's eyes shot to Camille involuntarily. As close as he had been with Camille? Is that what Nick meant with close?

"We sometimes saw each other almost 24 hours a day. You know how it is when you work together. And then, she just closed herself off for me. I didn't like that. I was worried." Nick looked at Camille.

Richard chastised himself. He needed to focus on the investigation! He'd told himself that over and over again. It seemed difficult for him.

Nick got a distant look in his eyes again. He saw Kris in front of him. Imagining her. Seeing that memory so vividly. "I wanted her to move on. It wasn't healthy. She didn't return my messages anymore. When I went to her apartment, her neighbor told me that she'd gone to Saint Marie, on vacation. I was surprised and angry, that she would just leave without telling me. I didn't understand. This wasn't like her. To just leave like that. She still didn't answer any of my messages. When I heard from my Commissioner that Brad Hollis had a second house in Saint Marie..." He breathed out and looked at Richard. "I can't explain what I began to feel. Could it be coincidence?" He shook his head as he looked at Camille. "No, I don't think so. It's Kris we're talking about. A stubborn mule all the way."

"The brother of that serial killer has a second house here on Saint Marie? He lives on Saint Marie?" Camille repeated astonished.

Nick nodded.

"Was she obsessed with him?" Richard asked.

Nick bit his lower lip. "I don't know. I could always rely on her intuition. It wasn't off many times. I can't even remember when it was. In a case, that is. Not with the men she chose for herself. But that's another subject."

"And then what did you do?" Camille asked.

"I was almost sure that she traveled here to go after Brad Hollis herself. I was so worried. If she was right, then she'd be going after a serial killer. Alone. So I grabbed my stuff immediately and took my vacation days too. I did tell Commissioner Ryan where I was going. And when I was at the airport he called me to tell me that you needed a British male detective. So at least I could pretend that that was the reason that I came." Nick smirked. "Because I knew Kris would probably not be happy to see me and feel controlled and checked up on. She'd be even angrier then she already was. And believe me, she doesn't get angry fast but if she does, it's difficult." He sighed sadly. "I didn't know how to reach her anymore." He had felt so powerless.

"Maybe she just couldn't use you right here. And she didn't, did she? You were in her way. She wanted the diamonds. She hadn't counted on you coming after her, following her every move." Richard theorized out loud.

"How could she have known about the diamonds in England? Her plan was to go after that man." Camille thought out loud.

"So she said." Richard said as he stared at the photo-Kris again.

"Do you remember when I first saw you all? At la Kaz? And she saw me?" Nick looked at Richard. "She was so shocked that she spilled tea on you?" He reminded him.

Richard winced. "Yes, I remember." He could still feel the burn of the spilled tea on his sensitive skin when he thought about it.

Camille looked at Richard's shirt. She remembered it too. Very clearly. She remembered how his chest had felt under her hand. How good that had felt. So warm. How he had looked. How her hands wanted to roam over his torso like they belonged there. How she'd pushed him into the wall. And how as always, he was just so annoying.

"Before the two of you sparred on the beach?" Nick reminded Camille.

Camille thought back about that. And how she hadn't understood Kris's anger towards Nick then. "Oui." She nodded. "She was very angry that you came, as you predicted."

0000

What do you think? I wasn't sure when to write Kris in the story again. Didn't want to give away too much, but not too less either...