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A Recognised Gain
Part Five
During the night a frost had settled on the ground freezing it solid, the grass cracked under the footsteps of the Doctor and Venetia as they slowly approached the graveside. Hundred of grey stones stuck out of the ground in lines, some stones had fallen, others had crumbled under the strain of time yet they all immaculately remained in their rigid lines.
Venetia's black dress floated around her in the wind – the way a dress floats in the water around a drowning child, she huddled into a black cardigan as the sun began to disappear behind clouds and a bitter wind swept through the air, black ribbons tied her golden curls of her face – she had nothing to hide behind. Her golden curls contrasted dramatically with the darkness of her outfit – it was like a raven caught in a snow drift. Her fingers clenched around the stems of the roses she held, her other hand squeezed tightly onto the Doctors. He wore his pin striped suit as always but had changed into a crisp white linen shirt, he wore a plain black tie around his neck – it felt tight like a noose around his neck. Venetia's pale face rose from the depths of the darkness that enshrouded her, her brown eyes were haunted and fearful as she stared at the hole in the ground.
The Vicar watched the pair and couldn't help but feel a wave of uneasiness overcome him as the man and child watched the coffin approach with the same eyes. Behind the coffin strangers to the Doctor followed; neighbours, friends, and family – the Doctor didn't know and he didn't care, he was watching the box containing Rose approach.
The Doctor closed his eyes remembering what was inside the box; he had seen her before they closed the lid. She drowned in a black dress, her pale forgotten pace reaching up through the blonde curls that formed a halo around her head; her hands were gently clasped together in a peaceful gesture that screamed rage. Within her clasp lay a single red rose – its thorns cutting into her skin but no blood escaping in return. Around her neck a silver locket lay, the Doctor had placed it there – he had retrieved it from a chest he kept in the Tardis, it was made of long lost Gallifreyan silver, inside each little heart there was a photograph – one of Venetia and one of the Doctor, she could be with them forever. An innocent child – a guardian angel – decorated the front to watch over her forever – the Doctor had made sure of it. The Doctor had kissed her cold stiff lips one last time as he had remembered the softness of them – their welcoming warmth had drained away forever like the life within her. Then they had closed the lid encasing her in the darkness forever – a darkness very similar to the one that the Doctor and Venetia were sinking into.
The Doctor and Venetia stood next to the whole in the ground where the love of their lives would rest for an eternity, the other people formed small groups behind them – no one daring to intrude on the twosome. They could feel what the Vicar felt – the Doctor and Venetia acted as though they were the only ones there, as far as they were concerned they were. The coffin was slowly lowered into the grave as the Vicar looked on – a chill was in the air and it shook everyone who attended except for the Doctor and Venetia who just stared blankly ahead. The Vicar opened his book
'Today we join here to grieve for the passing of a loved one. Rose Tyler was chosen to be with Him in his kingdom and join him at his right hand on this day. Though we grieve for her and mourn, I ask you to listen to his words "They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" I ask you to join me in the celebration of the life of Rose Tyler' the Vicars voice rang out over the silence graveyard, his deep voice filling the minds and souls of everyone present as they thought of his words. The Vicar looked down at the grave and pulled a little box of dirt from his pocket, he opened it and looked gravely down
'Ashes to ashes and dust to dust' the Vicar solemnly called out as he sprinkled the dirt over Roses' coffin. The sound of the dirt hitting the polished wood filled the air; the particles flew apart smashing into one another and releasing a cloud of dust and sound. The sound was heard by everyone – the final message to Rose Tyler
'In sure and certain hope of the Resurrection into eternal life'
Venetia twisted the rose bud in her hand until the dark crimson petals were separated from the plant; she held them tightly in her fist, she stepped forwards and sprinkled them onto the coffin along with her tear droplets, mixing with the darkness of the dirt.
The Vicar looked around gravely before closing his bible
'Rose left behind a legacy. She left behind a family who can only turn to each other in this time of need. Her daughter, Venetia has asked to read something' the Vicar nodded to Venetia who slowly walked towards the headstone. She swallowed heavily and kept her eyes on the box
'There were a thousand words I could use to describe how I feel and what she meant to me' Venetia began, her voice shaking 'but I found someone else's words say it all'
She pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket before looking down at it
'I want a mum that will last forever, I want a mum to make it all better' she began to read out the Cyndi Lauper lyrics as her hands shook
'I want a mum that will last forever; I want a mum who will love me whatever' several members of the congregation began to sniffle as the broken, lost little girl continued to read out the lyrics that portrayed her soul.
'I want a mum that'll take my hand and make me feel like a holiday, a mum to tuck me in that night and chase the monsters away' her voice began to crack as tears rolled down her face, the Doctor closed his eyes to the wind battling within his soul.
'I want a mum that'll read me stories and sing a lullaby and if I have a bad dream to hold me when I cry' Venetia whispered, her lip now trembling as she let the tears cover her face and mark the ground.
'When she says to me, she will always be there to watch and protect me I don't have to be scared' Venetia couldn't tear her eyes away from the grave as she pictured her mother doing all these things – then she saw her die. Her voice was teetering on sobs but she continued to speak – her voice soft and hollow
'I want a mum when I get lonely who will take the time to play, A mum who can be a friend and find a rainbow when it's grey' Venetia could barely get the words out from between her sobs; she looked up and met her fathers eyes. Tears now glistened on his cheeks as he felt the pain she was going through – even the Vicar seemed moved by this display of emotion.
'I want a mum to read me stories and sing a lullaby and if I have a bad dream, to hold me when I cry' she begged to the only person who could do this for her – the one person who wasn't here.
'I want a mum to make it all better, I want a mum that will last forever, I want a mum that will love me whatever, forever. I want a mum' she let out her final plea to whatever powers that be before falling to her knees in the grass. She sobbed hysterically as she knew what she was asking could never happen – she raised her head to meet her fathers' eyes.
'I had a mum – but…' her voice cracked one final time 'but she's gone' she whispered in disbelief. The Vicar let her sit that way for a moment before he gently helped her rise; he led her over to the Doctor like a lost ghost. She took his hand and stood beside him, their hands interlocking and gripping on so tightly. Their tears fell and mixed to the floor bleeding into the earth.
The Vicar looked around him and returned to his position at the top of the grave – he looked out over the graveyard as the clouds began to move in towards them.
'Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. The sense of loss must give way, if we're to value the life that was lived. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith; it is the price of love.' the Vicar tried to offer his comforting words to the pair who were past consolation. The Vicar stopped speaking and fell into silence, the wind howled and the birds screamed as the dead leaves danced a ghostly waltz over the long abandoned graves. The Vicar opened his mouth afraid that if he left them in silence for too long then the pair – so hauntingly similar with their pale faces, high cheekbones and haunted eyes – may decided that a world full of pain was too much for them to bare and attempt to join Rose in her plight to freedom.
'If you'd like to join me in prayer' the Vicar began – two pairs of haunted, broken brown eyes stared intensely back at him. For a moment he feared them – he feared the restless power he could see in those eyes, the wild torrents of emotion mixed by a lifetime of pain. He stared at then before they bowed their heads in unison
'O Divine Master, grant that I may seek not so much to be consoled, as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.'
'Amen' the mourners whispered
'Saints of God, come to her aid! Come to meet her, angels of the Lord! Receive her soul and present her to God the Most High. May Christ, who called you, take you to himself; may angels lead you to Abraham's side. Give her eternal rest, O Lord, and may your light shine on her for ever.' the Vicar read from his bible before gazing down into the grave. He folded his hands and bowed his head
' Let us Pray. All-powerful and merciful God, we commend to you, Rose, your servant. In your mercy and love, blot out all the sins she has committed through human weakness. In this world she has died: let her live with you for ever. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen' the Vicar called out to above, the power in his voice being felt by everyone as he truly believe his words.
'Amen' was the choked reply from some of the congregation. Others just stood with their heads bowed listening to the words.
The group at the graveside stood in silence for a moment before the Doctor walked to the head of the grave. The Vicar nodded at him and he wiped his face before staring down at the wooden box that contained his heart
'Rose Tyler' he began, his voice hoarse from crying – he looked down as though he was only addressing Rose 'What can I say about her?' he asked himself. A faint smile passed over his lips
'That I loved her? That she made the best cup of tea in the universe? That she gave one hell of a slap?' he asked as though he really didn't know what he was supposed to be saying – a murmur went through the crowed as they watched the strange man slowly break down. The Doctor dug his hands deep into his pockets
'Can I say that she was beautiful and amazing and everything someone should aspire to become? I'll say this – she was a mother – the best mother in the world. She was friend, a partner, a lover, a carer and a daughter. She was kind compassionate, brave and daring. She trod where none of you would dare to – she saved everyone time and time again. She saved me – she saved me from myself' he quieted as though he was thanking her privately. Warm steady tears began to fall down his face
'She gave me Venetia and for that I thank her everyday. She is Rose Tyler – my sweet brave Rose – the love of my life. And wherever I go and whoever I meet I shall never forget her because it's not possible to love another how I loved her. My sweetest Rose – my love – my Rose is dead' his voice cracked as the truth settled on him on last time.
The Vicar nodded in thanks at the Doctor who slowly walked back to Venetia, tears stained both of their faces but neither of them cared – they needed to release the pain they felt for Roses' death.
'I would like to thank you for joining here to say goodbye to Rose Tyler' the Vicar began his closing prayers 'I ask you to keep her in your thoughts but not to cry for her – not to mourn, for she has not died. She has moved on and watches down over you – where ever you are remember you are not alone. I ask you to listen and think on my final words' the Vicar asked as he opened the bible
'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me. May Rose Tyler rest in peace' the Vicar asked as he closed his bible.
The Doctor and Venetia stared as spadefull's of dirt covered the coffin they watched in disbelief realising she was really gone. The tiny white flakes of snow began to fall from the sky – tiny drops of hope splattering on the blackness, the snow stuck to their hair and coloured their clothes, the snow howled and blew sticking covering her coffin. The music they had selected began to play over the scene – two figures in the dark watching as the world was covered in freshness and innocence, as their pain was smothered by something so pure and good. The haunting lyrics of Sinead O'Connor's voice sang out over the graveyard creating peace in this terrible moment
'Close your eyes, Leave the world behind.' she told them – they obeyed
'Find a place, deep inside. Where - you imagine, that love never dies'
The Doctor and Venetia looked at the gravestone that was smothered in the heavily falling snow
Rose Tyler
A Mother, a friend, a daughter
She will be loved and missed
May she finally rest in peace
May the world not suffer for its' loss
'In the night, when you reach for me. In your heart, hear my sigh.'
The Doctor squeezed Venetia's hand and they slowly turned away from the graveside –they were the last to leave. Their feet sinking into the cold wet snow, neither of them caring as their footprints left a forgotten trail through the church yard.
'Now and forever, Will - you remember?'
The Vicar watched as the twosome slowly retreated, their blackness stark in the fresh white of the snow – a white the country was drowning in but didn't seem to touch them. They lived in their own darkness
'When you love, you're not alone. The one you love, is there beside you'
The walked out of the church gates never looking back, their hands interlocked, the tears freezing on their faces as they ignored the happy laughter of the children – it hit them like canes on puny skin.
'Never lost, or on your own. A gentle hand, Is there to guide you.'
The Doctor squeezed Venetia's hand, each of them reaching their other hand out to the ghost that could never touch them.
'Like the sun, I am shining down, through the vale, through the clouds.'
The music was fading away but they could hear it sharper than if the words were their own. They absorbed the lyrics hoping them to be true as they headed towards the Powell estate. Children stopped and parents clutched their hands as the solemn pair walked through the streets, they were surrounded by an atmosphere of loss and pain – so strong that everyone could feel it.
'When you can't see me, you must believe me – when you love you're not alone'
The Doctor and Venetia stopped and looked up into the sky – they hadn't known what loneliness was until now. Until this moment of soul shattering truth – when the freezing chill of the snow matched the chill in their hearts – things would never be the same again.