Welcome back!
Happy Holidays!
Between IRL stuff and holidays, it took way longer than expected to get this chapter edited and posted.
I was gonna wait until tomorrow to post but then figured, who wouldn't want Feels for Christmas?
Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews/comments!
Please let me know what you think!:)
Brace yourselves - things are about to get real
Ch 8: Loss
Mamoru sighed when he exited the classroom, then sighed again when he was nearly bowled over by a wave of Motoki's frantic anxiety. His friend's fretting on the other side of the closed door was quite distracting.
"Hey, Motoki-kun," Mamoru greeted without stopping, forcing Motoki to fall in step beside him.
"Mamoru-kun." Motoki was unusually quiet. "How'd it go?"
"How'd what go?" Mamoru tried and failed to stifle a yawn. Only one more class to go, then he can crawl into bed for a few hours before attempting to get some homework done.
"I heard some of the other guys talking just now. The teacher asked you to stay after class."
"He did," Mamoru confirmed with a roll of his eyes. "What of it?"
"You never get asked to stay after class. Some of them think you failed Monday's test," Motoki whispered, his hand hiding his mouth as if his words were slanderous. His anxiety was needling him, and Mamoru was ready for it to stop.
"Don't they have anything better to talk about?" Mamoru muttered.
"Well? Did you?" Pressing too close, with his raised eyebrows and pursed lips, Motoki looked about ready to explode. His aura read more anxiety than man right now. Why did this matter so much?
"No, I didn't fail the test." Mamoru breathed a sigh of relief when Motoki's anxiety backed off just that little bit. "But he did want to talk to me about it."
"Why?"
"Because I earned a B," Mamoru replied through a yawn.
Motoki came to a gradual stop, his face an amusing combination of shock, irritation, and disbelief. The corner of Mamoru's mouth pulled up at Motoki's annoyed confusion, and he held back to give Motoki's brain time to process.
Three...
Two...
One...
"A 'B'?!" Motoki screeched. "All that for a B!?"
Mamoru shrugged. "My test scores have been a little lower than normal so, with my first B, he's concerned it's becoming a trend. He was just checking in, asking if everything was OK at home, if I needed any help with anything."
He resumed walking so Motoki had to jog a little to catch up. "What did you tell him?"
"That I'll be sure to let the Dark Kingdom's generals know they need to relax their attack schedule because it's interfering with my studies and my sleep."
Motoki's eyes grew wide, his voice incredulous. "You didn't seriousl-"
"Of course not." Mamoru pinched the bridge of his nose. "I lied. I don't even remember what I said, but he was satisfied enough to let me leave. Are we done talking about this now?"
Sympathy now. Still annoying, but better than Motoki's needling anxiety. "How's Usagi-chan handling the crazy schedule?"
It was foolish to hope Motoki wouldn't think to ask about Usagi, Mamoru knew this, but he had, and he frowned at the mention of her name.
If the Dark Kingdom's sole strategy was to overwhelm and exhaust the senshi, it was working. Having apparently recognized the benefits of teamwork, the generals were coordinating their efforts, wreaking havoc across the city with no discernible pattern or schedule.
The senshi were pulled in all directions, often split up between multiple battles occurring at the same time, sometimes multiple times per day. They were all exhausted and beat down, but none more so than Usagi.
Each use of the Crescent Moon wand, whether to heal or rejuvenate the Dark Kingdom's victims or to purify the youma, siphoned off Usagi's own energy, and their enemy's new strategy didn't allow her enough time to replenish her stores.
This was a burden which could not be shared and came at great cost.
Mamoru didn't miss the way she staggered afterwards, the unhealthy pallor of her face.
Their precious few nights together became Usagi's sanctuary, a safe place for her to crumble and fall apart - her fingers curled too tightly into his shirt, wet face to his chest - where she could cry out her growing number of frustrations: the seemingly nonstop battles and victims, her now constant fatigue, the inability to spend any time together outside her room.
Only during this time did she allow herself to break, and he would carefully put her back together with his words, his touches, and his love.
But Luna's transition to day time research, so she could be home with her charge at night, abruptly ended their nocturnal visits. Usagi was never around in the mornings anymore, presumably waking up too late to get out the door on time. With Crown still closed for repairs, their only interactions now only took place on the battlefield, surrounded by the eyes and ears of her friends and their foes.
This meant no more intimate touches, no verbal affirmations, absolutely no physical signs of affection.
When was the last time he saw Usagi?
Sailor Moon he saw every day.
But not Usagi.
The inability to remember ripped a giant hole in his heart.
At least he dreamt of her nearly every night, of her brilliant smile and melodic voice, of shared embraces, soft lips, and fragrant hair. But dreams were a poor substitute for the real thing, and he quickly came to despise those dreams just as much as he yearned for them, yearned for her.
Outside of his dreams, when was the last time he touched her without wearing gloves?
When was the last time he kissed her?
Or provided any of the physical affection her aura cried for every time she was near?
Last private interaction he shared with Sailor Moon occurred after he pulled her from the path of one of Jadeite's energy blasts. Mamoru's hands curiously burned the instant he touched her, prompting a look down at Usagi's, where he caught her shifting, delicate grasp on the wand's handle.
Braving her wary confusion and the probable fury of the other senshi, Mamoru didn't return her to the battlefield right away, but instead settled them both down on an out-of-sight rooftop before ripping off her gloves despite her protests.
He was not prepared for the state of her hands, the delicate skin bright red, raw, and peeling.
"It's the wand," Usagi murmured, wincing as she rotated her hands. "It's always burned a little, but my healing ability can't seem to keep up anymore."
Mamoru failed to swallow down the lump in his throat.
He hadn't known.
The advanced state of her hands meant Usagi has been suffering this for some time, and he hadn't known.
Without a word, Mamrou cupped her hands between his, grasping them with the gentlest of holds, and brought them to his lips. Her sigh as he kissed the pads of her fingers and healed her tender skin cut right through him.
When his eyes lifted back up to her face, he found hers clenched shut. A single tear leaked out between her lashes and trailed a wet path down her cheek, glinting in the golden glow of his healing ability.
"Usako…" he murmured.
She shook her head, then offered him a sad, resigned smile. "I'm OK, Mamo-chan."
But the new tear forging a path down her other cheek betrayed her.
Since they no longer had those secret nights in her room, where she could be weak with him so she could be strong for everyone else, Usagi had to be strong all the time now.
And she was buckling under that weight.
o0o0o
"Mamoru-kun?"
Motoki's concerned voice forced Mamoru's mind back to the present. Embarrassed and heartbroken, Mamoru slid a hand into his hair. "She's... well, Usa's tired, Motoki-kun, just as we all are."
Motoki opened his mouth but immediately closed it again, as if he had contemplated a clarifying response and then thought better of it. Mamoru breathed a sigh of relief, though stumbled when he was pierced by the sudden flare of Motoki's anxiety.
The two finished the walk to their final class in pensive silence.
Just before entering the classroom, Motoki turned to address Mamoru once more. "Hey, um, Mamoru-" Finding the space beside him empty, he spun around, bumping into a classmate in his haste. "Mamoru-kun?"
Mamoru stood a few steps back, his head turned as if he were reading something on the wall, but his eyes were glazed over and unfocused.
"What is it? Another attack?" Motoki whispered as he moved closer to Mamoru, nervously eyeing the other students walking past them into the classroom.
"I think so. I just felt Usako transform." Mamoru's focus returned, and his eyes shifted to Motoki. "Would you mind-"
"No problem, I'll cover for you. And I'll stop by your apartment after school with notes."
"Thanks." Mamoru offered Motoki a grateful smile before turning away to leave.
Motoki's voice stopped him. "Where is this one?"
"I'm not sure yet."
Motoki's brow furrowed. "Then how do you kno-"
Mamoru threw a quick glance over his shoulder. "Usa will lead the way."
o0o0o
Hours later, Motoki was startled from his homework by a haggard and disheveled Tuxedo Kamen sliding open the balcony door to Mamoru's apartment.
Tuxedo Kamen's eyes dragged over to Motoki as he trudged passed. "Hey."
"Hey... Mamoru-kun..." Motoki mumbled. Wide green eyes followed Mamoru, watching tuxedo fade away to his school uniform just before Mamoru collapsed onto the couch face first, landing with a groan. "So... how'd it go?"
It was a minute before Mamoru spoke, his voice muffled by the cushions. "They set up two offensives in different parts of the city. The girls split up, but Usa had to go to both."
He could sense the anxious movement of Motoki's gaze, his hesitation. "Um, you... uh... you left your shoes on."
Rolling onto his back, Mamoru rested his forearm over his eyes. "Yup."
Motoki sighed. "You can't keep doing this, Mamoru-kun," he gently chided.
Mamoru would have shrugged if he had the energy to lift his shoulders, but right now even talking was a massive undertaking. "There isn't anyone else who can."
With another sigh, Motoki stood up. "Well, I left the notes on the table. Anything else I can help you with before I go?"
"No," Mamoru mumbled. "Thank you, Motoki-kun."
"Anything for Team Moto-ru!" Though his tone was cheerful, Motoki's laugh at Mamoru's annoyed grunt was forced.
When he was startled awake several hours later by the alarm set for 2 am, Mamoru realized his shoes were off and he was covered with a blanket. He sent a silent thanks to Motoki before sitting up, groaning from the effort, and rubbed a hand over his face.
Ugh.
His body was stiff and sore, as if he'd been hit by a bus.
Hopefully, this was nothing a hot shower and a steaming cup of coffee couldn't cure, and he'd still be able to get some homework done before school.
o0o0o
"Usako..." Leaning his forehead against the tile in his shower, warm and steaming from the spray of the too-hot water, Mamoru closed his eyes.
After the second battle finally ended, he heard Sailor Moon beg the senshi to please give her some space, to let her be alone for just a minute before returning to the shrine for more meetings and strategy.
Mars opened her mouth to speak, but whatever she was going to say was cut off by Venus, who gave the fire senshi a meaningful look before turning back towards Sailor Moon. "Go ahead, Usagi-chan, take a few minutes. We'll wait."
Finally alone for the first time in what felt like days, Sailor Moon took her break on a nearby rooftop overlooking the bright lights of the city she was sworn to protect. Plopping herself down on the edge, she let her legs dangle over the side and leaned back onto her hands with a long sigh.
"You're still here," she said without turning around, her voice thick with her fatigue, when Tuxedo Kamen landed with a quiet thud behind her.
"Of course I'm still here, Usako. I'll always be here."
"Mamo-chan..."
The break in her voice had him closing the distance and kneeling down to gather her into his arms. One of hers snaked around his back, the other latched onto the front of his tuxedo jacket with a vice-like grip; both shaking from the force of her cries.
"They're protecting me now, Mamo-chan; Minako-chan told them to. She said it's because of the wand, because no one else can use it," she cried through her tears. "But I'm not special! They shouldn't be risking their lives for me! Especially not the princess!"
Mamoru let out a breath but rested his cheek against the soft crown of her hair without response. The shift in the senshis' protection had not been lost on him, but he would never admit his immeasurable relief to Usagi.
Every time one of the generals redirected their focus onto Sailor Moon, he felt physically ill. There was an uneasiness all the time now, but he couldn't pinpoint the cause, wasn't sure if it was his psychometry picking up something from the generals or if this was a physical manifestation of his constant worry for Usagi's safety.
It all felt very intentional.
And very, very wrong.
Something big was going to happen soon.
The air was thick with warning.
Oppressive.
The constant unease was wearing him down just as much as all the fighting.
"I... I don't want this responsibility. What if... What if I'm not strong enough, if I can't..." She released a shaky breath, long and deep. "I'm... Mamo-chan, I'm just so tired."
The arm around his back tightened, and she pulled herself even closer, burrowing her face into his chest. "I miss you so much."
Her admission, settling painfully deep within his chest, brought his demons out to play.
What, exactly, do you do for her?
Look at her.
Does she look like someone secure and supported by the one she loves?
Mamoru squeezed his eyes shut against the barrage on his psyche. "I'm so sorry, Usako," he whispered into her hair.
Was this to be their fate? To be perpetually trapped within a never-ending cycle of love, regret, and longing?
Is love supposed to be this difficult?
And this painful?
Just as he began to spiral, dragged down by his own fatigue, frustration, and longing for what he could not have; for what he could not be to her, Usagi's voice lifted him back up.
"Mamo-chan."
Her shining blue eyes were gazing up at him, tired and concerned but adoring, asking nothing from him but his love.
Not for the last time, Mamoru wondered what he had ever done to deserve her. Though ashamed she had to comfort him when he was supposed to be comforting her, he knew there was nothing could ever deny these precious blue eyes.
As a tender smile pulled up his mouth, his gloved hands cradled her face, his fingers curling under her jaw as one thumb gave her cheek a loving caress. With a whisper of her name so soft and reverent she shivered, he lowered his head to hers.
She let out a contented and utterly relieved sigh, lips parting and eyes fluttering closed in anticipation of his kiss, but just before his lips could claim hers, the tingling alarm of his psychometry pricked the back of his head and shot down his neck, forcing Mamoru to let her go and completely pull away.
Her confusion, disappointment, and worst of all, her hurt, shocked through him as it all flashed in those precious blue eyes. "Mamo-ch-?"
"Sailor Moon?" Venus's voice announced the senshi's arrival.
Venus' quiet concern gave way to wary anger as soon as she spotted Tuxedo Kamen. Hands glowing at once, their powers a mere call away, Venus demanded he leave at once.
Just before jumping down off the roof, Mamoru spared a quick glance back to Usagi, his jaw clenching at her now dull, downcast eyes and the tense, shaking grip on her skirt.
o0o0o
A freshly showered and dressed Mamoru all but collapsed into the chair in his dark living room. His coffee sitting untouched on the table before him, Mamoru stared without seeing out his balcony window.
When he held her, Usagi's exhaustion and self-doubt crept into his hands and lingered still. He just couldn't shake how wrong it all was, and his worry for her safety continued to prod at the back of his head and stab at his heart.
After everything Usagi said, how could he tell her Minako was right? (As much as he was loath to admit that girl could be right about anything) Despite her objections, Usagi was the most important person in all of this, more so than even the princess.
He knew this because just after Venus' arrival, he discovered something hiding within Usagi's aura, dwelling deep, deep, down.
It would burst to the surface in a glittering, powerful, magnificent display whenever Sailor Moon lost herself to the Crescent Moon Wand's power, only to go back into hiding immediately afterwards. The first time he saw it, Mamoru assumed it was simply the bias of his love for Usagi and his awe of her power.
But when it called to him, he knew better.
Whatever that it was; whatever it meant, would be made clear to them all very soon.
Or so it promised.
But this only contributed to the list of growing fears keeping Mamoru awake at night.
What if the Dark Kingdom saw it as well?
o0o0o
The beginning of the end began not three days later.
The Dark Kingdom blitzed all three days, each general leading their own offensive in a different part of the city, staggering their attacks in such a way the senshi were forced to split up. But Sailor Moon's presence was required whenever there were victims, which the Dark Kingdom generals were all too happy to provide.
In just these three days, the city saw more Dark Kingdom victims than any previous two-week time period of this war.
Usagi was being pushed to the very edge of her limits but refused to even entertain Ami's suggestion to triage the victims first, to have Usagi only heal those in the most dire states.
"My mother told me the hospitals have very effective protocols in place to treat the victims," she pleaded. "You must conserve your energy, Usagi-chan."
Everyone was given a chance to voice their say – the senshi, the princess, both cats.
Everyone except Mamoru.
He remained relegated to his shadows, forced to listen to his girlfriend all but beg to put her own life at significant risk.
After everyone begrudgingly accepted Usagi's position and departed, Usagi's eyes easily found him, softening with her guilt when she caught the fraught expression he could no longer hide. But she lifted her head higher and squared her jaw, and her now determined expression conjured the words she spoke to him the last time the two discussed her safety on the battlefield.
"...I can do this. I have to do this..."
"Usagi-chan?" Luna called over her shoulder.
Usagi didn't break her eye contact with Mamoru when she answered. "I'm coming, Luna."
o0o0o
The crash from the Crescent Moon Wand hitting the cobblestone and then scraping across the uneven surface interrupted the informal post-battle debrief, drawing six pairs of concerned eyes to the swaying Sailor Moon.
"Usagi?" Mars took a cautious step towards her, but when Sailor Moon suddenly fell to her knees in a flash of light and curl of ribbon, it was Jupiter who caught Usagi before she crumpled to the ground.
The frantic calls of Usagi's name gradually faded away until Mamoru perceived nothing but a loud tonal buzzing in his ears and the prickly static of nothing which was once Usagi's aura.
Mamoru had been watching her from the shadows with growing concern, acutely aware of her decreased aura but too afraid to reach out due to Mars' close proximity. When she dropped the wand, he allowed himself to rationalize it away as an accidental slip from her fingers - she'd been using the wand so much lately it was easy to assume her hands were once again damaged - and he made a mental note to seek out another opportunity to pull her away for healing.
But when she collapsed, his lungs forgot how to breathe and his heart to beat.
His psychometry automatically flared at her collapse, tuning itself to only Usagi as it called and searched for her aura, and he didn't breathe again until it found her, fragile and flickering like a candle flame struggling to stay alight. Mamoru had to grip the wall to keep from collapsing in relief.
He approached the senshi then, his heart in his throat and his hands twitching at his sides as he fought against the adrenaline now coursing through his veins.
So focused were the senshi and cats on Usagi, Tuxedo Kamen's approach went unnoticed until he was beside them, outed by his audible exhale. It couldn't be helped – the sickly pallor of Usagi's face and her dull, lifeless blue eyes pulled all the remaining air from his lungs.
She was blocked from his view immediately, Venus, Mars, and Mercury moving to stand between him and her.
"Please," he begged, unable to conceal the pleading in his voice. His hands ached with the now all-consuming need to touch her, to feel the pulse of her heart and thrum of her life. "I only wish to help."
"Your concern is noted, Tuxedo Kamen, but we have it under control," Venus replied through her teeth. Mamoru's anguish blinded him from hers. "You need to leave. Right now."
Despite their own exhaustion, Mars conjured a small flame above one hand, and Mercury's hands glowed an ethereal blue.
Drawing in a shaky breath, Mamoru's tortured blue eyes clenched shut behind his white mask, and his left hand closed into such a tight fist it shook, but he returned to his shadows without another word. With a heavy heart, he watched Jupiter hoist the unconscious Usagi onto her back, then followed as she struggled to carry her to the shrine.
By the time he returned to his dark apartment, he was emotionally numb. All he could feel was the pain in his jaw from keeping it clenched so tight for so long.
'Mamo-chan, I'm just so tired.'
Mamoru punched a hole in the wall of his apartment before falling to his knees and succumbing to his grief.
o0o0o
Sailor Moon's absence from the battlefield in the days which followed had newscasters, reporters, and social media commentators alike engaging in wild speculation regarding her current whereabouts and condition.
Motoki, initially furious and betrayed to learn about her absence from social media and not Mamoru himself, confronted Mamoru after school by storming into his apartment in a fit of rage. But his anger was short-lived, fading away when Mamoru finally allowed Motoki to see the pain he'd been carrying in secret.
At least Motoki had the decency to look apologetic before switching into supportive mode. "Mamoru-kun, what happened?"
Calling the Tsukino household on Mamoru's behalf, Motoki anxiously paced the length of Mamoru's living room while Mamoru sat hunched over on the couch, his elbows on his thighs and forehead resting against his folded hands.
"Ikuko-mama said Usa-chan was attacked by one of those energy-stealing monsters," he explained after the call ended. "Did you know she spent a couple nights in the hospital?"
Mamoru blanched when his mind involuntarily returned to his own time spent in the hospital, years ago, when he woke up concussed, forgetful, and alone. Not knowing if Usagi had someone with her when she awoke formed a lump in his throat so large it refused to be swallowed down.
He wordlessly shook his head.
Motoki's green eyes were sympathetic when he continued, his tone soft. "She's OK, Mamoru-kun. Sleeping a lot, but Ikuko-mama assured me she's getting stronger every day."
Mamoru closed his eyes and breathed a strained sigh of relief.
o0o0o
The repercussions of Sailor Moon's absence rippled throughout the city.
The local hospitals saw an influx of Dark Kingdom victims, most arriving in comatose states exhibiting unusual heart rhythms, as if whatever mechanism the Dark Kingdom used to steal their energy disrupted even their cardiac electrical impulses.
These patients' care were complex and their outcomes uncertain.
Motoki learned from Usagi's mother that Usagi's case was considered highly unusual for a victim in her state, the relative speed of her recovery with no lasting complications was regarded as nothing short of a miracle.
The lucky victims suffered only extreme fatigue and weakness.
During her absence, there was one death, a middle-aged man with a previously undiagnosed heart condition exacerbated by the energy stealing process. Sailor Mercury immediately began chest compressions, which Tuxedo Kamen took over when she fatigued, but neither could save him, and he was later pronounced dead at the hospital.
The city, having already issued several warnings against going out throughout Sailor Moon's absence, finally installed a curfew.
Days after her disappearance from the public eye, with the casualty count climbing and hospitals finding themselves overwhelmed, the question on everyone's mind was "Where is Sailor Moon?"
o0o0o
He lost count of the number of times he told himself this behavior was unhealthy.
When his nightmares returned in full force, subjecting Mamoru to the horrors of what could have been night after night, he took up a silent vigil outside Usagi's house in the late evenings as Tuxedo Kamen. Though hoping for an opportunity to see her, Mamoru contented himself with the ever-increasing thrum of her aura.
Luna refused to move from Usagi's side, leaving Artemis to run point during battles so she could remain with her charge, either curled up against her back or on the pillow near Usagi's head while she slept.
Eventually, his new stalking habit paid off.
Mamoru was just settling in for the night when Luna unexpectedly scurried out of Usagi's bedroom window, and he wasn't going to waste a single second of this opportunity wondering what called her out.
"Luna?" Usagi called, sitting up and rubbing her right eye. "Did you forget somethi-"
Spotting Tuxedo Kamen climbing in through her window, Usagi wordlessly stared, her eyes wide and mouth half-open.
Her appearance - bright blue eyes, rosy skin, and mussed hair pulled into two low pigtails instead of her normal buns - rooted Mamoru to the windowsill. The last time he saw Usagi, she was on death's door. Seeing her now, so healthy and so very much alive…
"Mamo-chan?!"
The overeager tug of her excitement and joy knocked him off balance, but he didn't fall until Usagi literally threw herself at him, sending them both crashing into her vanity, knocking it hard into the wall. The items on top scattered noisily across the flat surface and off the sides.
They fell together in a heap on the floor, Usagi in his lap and Mamoru's back against the vanity, the knobs from the drawers jabbing into his back.
Her mother was immediately at her door, one hand urgently knocking, the other twisting the knob in a vain attempt to enter the room.
"Usagi!? Are you OK? Do you need any help? Can I come in?" Ikuko's voice bordered on frantic.
"It's all right, Mama," Usagi replied without breaking her gaze from Mamoru's face, her smile wide and eyes sparkling. "I just tripped, that's all." When Mamoru nuzzled into the hand Usagi brushed against his cheek, her smile turned tender. "I'm fine, I promise. I'm gonna go back to bed now."
Ikuko's concern faded into a low hum as Mamoru lost himself within Usagi's blue eyes and the feel of her skin, so he barely heard her weary "If you're sure..." before she walked away from the door.
Her footsteps hadn't yet faded when Usagi's other hand slid into Mamoru's hair and pulled, crashing his lips onto hers.
Her lips were insistent but so, so soft, the contact eliciting a visceral moan from Mamoru's throat. As his fingers slid up across her face and into her hair, Mamoru released his transformation so he could finally feel her. The thrum of her aura against his bare hands was so strong, he full body shuddered from his relief.
"Mamo-chan," she whispered against his lips. "I'm OK."
He pulled away to look at her, one hand sliding back to rest against her cheek. "Usako, when you fell..." Mamoru took in a stuttering breath and closed his eyes. When he reopened them, Usagi's eyes softened, and her mouth curled down from the anguish they expressed. "I couldn't feel you. I thought-"
Two fingers gently pressed against his lips. "I'm sorry," Usagi murmured.
Mamoru covered her smaller hand with his and kissed her fingertips. "Please don't do it again," he pleaded.
Usagi sighed as she looked away. "Mamo-chan, you know I can't prom-"
His fingers tangled into her hair to draw her close, his tongue pushing past her lips as he captured her mouth to steal away her words before she could finish uttering them.
He knew she was right, but he hated it; hated that she had to keep putting herself in danger, that he wasn't enough to keep her safe.
Though initially stunned by his unusual forcefulness, Usagi recovered quickly and soon matched the intensity of his fervent kiss. Fingers curled into his shirt and yanked him to her. Back she went, back and down, until all of his weight covered her, pressing her into the carpeted floor of her bedroom.
His mouth broke away to trail wet kisses against her face and down her neck, sighing at the way she mewled and writhed beneath him. When he nipped at her throat before a swirl of his tongue soothed it away, she gasped as her hands slid into his hair to keep his mouth against her neck.
"Mamo-chan…"
His hips rocked into hers at the wanton moan of his name, pulling another gasp from her and a guttural moan from him.
"Usako, I…" Mamoru pulled out of her embrace to slow down, to ground himself, but the sight of her lying beneath him, with her flushed cheeks, kiss-swollen lips, and normally bright blue eyes dark with her desire, was mesmerizing. He was absolutely certain he'd never seen anything more beautiful, or arousing, in his entire life.
Until her hand lifted to his cheek, and her smile up to him was knowing, loving, and very much his.
The lowering of his head was automatic, and he kissed her again, slower, deeper, his fingers sliding into the softness of her hair.
After months of holding himself back, Mamoru fully opened himself to her feelings; finally allowing her love, her pleasure, and her desire overwhelm and consume him until all other senses were eclipsed.
Then he let go.
His own desires and wants led him where he so desperately longed to go, and Usagi was there to greet him, ready to take him by the metaphorical hand so the two could experience it together.
Her fingers were suddenly fumbling with the waistband of his pants and his with the hem of her nightshirt, his lips separating from hers just long enough to lift it from her arching body.
In this dark room, they could just be Mamoru and Usagi; a boy who fell head-over-heels in love with a girl; a girl whose unassuming nature and unconditional love taught him not only how to love another, but how to love himself. Gone were the senshi, princesses, and the Dark Kingdom; his constant worry; his hesitations and doubts.
Their movements were clumsy from their inexperience and urgency but sure from their love, and when they came it was together, clutching at each other and swallowing down their cries to temper the sound.
The feel of the soft carpet beneath him and the rapid beat of her heart against his chest, the smell of them mixed with flowery potpourri that was currently her favorite, and the sound of her warm, panting breaths against his ear brought Mamoru's mind back from the mists of his psychometry and righted the balance between emotion and sensation.
Just like before, Usagi was there to greet him, her smile patient, bright, and sated, her eyes sparkling with joy and love.
While laughing and whispering together afterwards, Usagi gazing up at him from her place on his chest and his fingers combing through her hair splaying across her bare back, Mamoru experienced true contentment for the first time. Every place their skin touched tingled and hummed with their shared post-coital bliss.
It felt natural, it felt right, and he never wanted it to end.
"Mamo-chan," Usagi whispered, her hand lifting to caress his cheek, "I love you."
Despite all the uncertainties in his life, there were two things about which he was absolutely certain: his love for her, and hers for him. His fingers brushed back a loose strand of hair across her cheek to behind her ear, and Usagi rose just enough to kiss him.
But the high-pitched beeping of her communicator froze her mere millimeters from his lips and popped the bubble keeping out the outside world, returning them both to the realm of senshi, duty, and forbidden romances.
He mourned the loss of her warmth when she pulled out of his arms to answer it, rubbing at her eye and feigning sleepiness to Luna, who's tinny voice Mamoru now recognized from the night he discovered Usagi was Sailor Moon.
"I'm sorry to wake you, Usagi-chan," she said urgently. "But we need you right away."
Just like that, a pit formed within the deep recesses of his stomach. The energy of the planet directed his gaze in the direction of Tokyo Tower just before Luna instructed her charge to transform and head there immediately.
Out of their reverie, the air was different; heavy, charged.
Foreboding.
When Usagi ended the call and turned to him, eyes determined and face set, something deep inside Mamoru told him not to let her go, to whisk her as far away from here as he could manage.
But then she reached for him, tangling her fingers into his hair to tug him down for one last deep, unhurried kiss.
"Shall we?" She asked brightly, holding out her hand.
Without hesitation, Mamoru grasped her proffered hand and brought the back of it to his lips to place a gentle kiss against her knuckles. His smile against her skin when she swooned and blushed was wide and adoring.
He would follow her anywhere.
o0o0o
The battle was already well underway when Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen arrived.
If the senshi were surprised to see them arrive together, they didn't show it, but their relief was palpable.
Kunzite casually sat inside a shimmering orb, one leg crossed over the other, floating high above the tower's platform, which was littered with youma. Judging by the weariness of their stances, the number of injuries, and the numerous rips and tears in their uniforms, the senshi were having a rough go of it.
But when Sailor Moon landed, everything changed.
The youma backed off but didn't leave, instead forming a line along the outer perimeter of the tower's platform. If any of the senshi attempted to leave the field of battle before it was finished, she'd have to go through several youma first.
"Ah, Sailor Moon, so good to see you looking so well," Kunzite drawled. "I'm glad you were able to join us." His eyes lazily shifted to Mamoru. "And Tuxedo Kamen, a pleasure, as always."
Mamoru summoned his cane, the tension in his hands obvious as his psychometry burned the back of his head in warning.
Something was wrong.
The other senshi were spread out across the platform with their backs towards the center. Usagi shifted uneasily beside him, her aura flaring with her concern and confusion, but he had to tune her down so he could focus.
Something was very. very wrong.
Kunzite gave away nothing, a large smirk firmly plastered on his face.
But then he sensed it.
In the eyes of her senshi and Kunzite, Tuxedo Kamen pulled a startled Sailor Moon against his chest and leapt them both away, narrowly avoiding the massive blast of energy. When he landed, Mamoru whirled around, pushing Usagi behind him as he searched for the attacker.
He found Zoisite floating above them with an outstretched arm and a disgruntled frown.
The other two generals then materialized in the air, each floating in a different position in the sky.
And all at once, their focus fell onto the lunar senshi behind him.
Despite the aid of his psychometry, now blaring in his ears and burning down his neck, Mamoru and Venus figured it out at the exact same time.
But it was too late.
This was a trap.
A trap into which Sailor Moon was beckoned by her senshi.
Venus called out orders to protect Sailor Moon, but the generals attacked as soon as the senshi started towards their leader, throwing down stream after stream of energy to keep them back.
Usagi's fingers curled into Mamoru's cape, her fear like ice against his back. "Mamo-chan," her small voice whispered. "What's goi..."
But her words faded away as Mamoru was overcome with a strong wave of deja vu.
This has happened before...
Another stream of dark energy had Mamoru grabbing Usagi and tossing her out of the way, but he realized his mistake just as his hands were letting her go.
The instant Sailor Moon was outside his circle of protection, the three generals refocused their assault onto her. Thankfully, Usagi's months of fighting and training kicked into high gear, and she jumped and flipped and dodged the attacks with astounding poise and grace. But this pace would not be sustainable, especially considering her recent energy depletion and rest.
But every attempt made by Mamoru and the senshi to get close was cut off by one or all three generals in the sky. Usagi would be granted a reprieve when the three generals banded together to push the senshi and Tuxedo Kamen back, but it was too short to make a difference, and she was tiring quickly.
"Kunzite!" Venus screamed to the still sitting general watching the battle unfold with growing interest, "Get off your ass and fight me yourself!"
"Don't be jealous, Princess, I haven't forgotten you," he smirked back. "Once this guardian is dealt with, you and I are going to have a friendly little chat."
Venus screamed out a curse, then issued new orders to engage the generals directly.
But this brought the youma back onto the field, and soon the battle atop Tokyo Tower devolved into an all-out brawl; the air a cacophony of desperate calls to power, unintelligible youma screeches, cracking and burning streams of energy, and the clangor from that energy repeatedly striking the steel beams.
Occasional wayward attacks and energy blasts found their way to Kunzite but were immediately absorbed into his barrier, leaving him unphased and unharmed. Mercury called out a warning: Kunzite's barrier grew every time it was hit, so it was imperative to avoid directing any attacks his way.
Mamoru quickly fell into a rhythm: throw his cane at one of the still floating generals to temporarily disrupt his attack, use his hands to burn the closest youma, then catch or retrieve his cane to begin the process anew.
But it didn't matter how fast he moved nor how many youma he incapacitated. As soon as Mamoru managed to get anywhere close to Usagi, the generals refocused their barrage just long enough to push him back.
Usagi being struck was an inevitability, yet when it finally happened, Mamoru still broke out in a cold sweat as his heart jumped up into his throat. As she struggled, her chest heaving and eyes squeezing shut through the pain, his mind screamed at her to get up, growing more and more desperate when Kunzite stood and raised his arm.
"Sailor Moon!" Mamoru's throat burned from the force of his scream.
Her eyes finally reopened and her head lifted, but her gaze was drawn to Kunzite and the way his barrier peeled away, the power gathering into his outstretched hand. To Mamoru's horror, Usagi did nothing but stare with wide, disbelieving eyes as that power was released into a concentrated beam aimed straight for her.
Time slowed down for Mamoru as he ran to her, his psychometry heightening his senses until he felt everything around him with painful clarity: the crackling hum of the energy blast, Kunzite's fierce concentration, the other generals' deranged anticipation, the senshis' panic, and Usagi's pain and paralyzing fear.
He had only enough time to drop to his knees and envelop her to him - his hand pulling her head into his chest and his other arm wrapping around her waist to tuck her into his body - before he was hit. So excruciating was the pain, it overwhelmed all his other senses; muting Usagi's screaming cries, dulling the pressure of her hands pushing against his chest, and her full-bodied trembling brought on by her panic.
When he came to, he was on his back with his head resting against Sailor Moon's exposed thighs. He did not know he collapsed onto her afterwards; did not hear the wrecked, terrified scream of his real name when he did; could not feel the splashes of her tears or the press of her hands when she so carefully turned him over to settle his head in her lap.
As Usagi continued the calls of his name and pleas to open his eyes he could not hear, a voice penetrated his clouding mind, a voice which was familiar yet not, whispering a name he hadn't heard in over a millennia.
"Endymion…"
And what was left of his mind finally remembered.
Endymion.
That's my name...
The reason I was reborn...
...was to find you...
Because the nerve endings in the tissues of his back were either overwhelmed or destroyed, lifting his hands to his beloved's face was an impossible feat, but he tried anyway because he was desperate to touch her one last time.
Through his fading eyes he found her intently watching and waiting, silent tears cascading from her distressed blue eyes.
"Serenity."
His arms fell away along with his strength, and his world gave way to darkness.
o0o0o0o0o0o
o0o0o0o0o0o
"Sailor Moon!"
Mamoru's strained scream broke through the overwhelming pain and exhaustion, but she wasn't aware of the danger she was in until she saw the massive amount of energy flowing into Kunzite's outstretched hand.
With the realization she would never be able to get out of the way in time, her brain shut down, perhaps as a way to protect her from the agony to come.
When Kunzite's image was replaced with black and white, Usagi thought she'd been struck and waited for the pain, but she instead found herself pulled into a warm and terrifyingly familiar embrace.
Even as his arms wrapped tight around her and the side of her face was pinned against his tuxedo, Usagi's addled brain simply refused to accept this was Mamoru protecting her until his agonized cry broke through her panic.
Then, all she could do was scream.
She begged him through her tears to stop; tried to push him away with what remained of her strength, but he only held her tighter.
When he collapsed against her, all her fear, panic, and love for this man converged into a tortured, heartbroken scream of his name from the deepest reaches of her lungs.
And she kept screaming, crying out his name over and over and over again as she so, so carefully shifted his weight off her and turned him onto his back to rest his head against the thighs of her folded legs. His name and her pleas broke, her voice becoming hoarse from the strain on her throat.
Only when his hands lifted to her face did she still, peering down at him to watch, ears poised to listen, and she allowed herself to hope.
But then he whispered a name that wasn't hers.
And when his arms fell away he was gone.
Her grief was insurmountable.
Her tears were so great, she couldn't see.
Her throat burned from the force of her screams and cries.
But she couldn't stop.
Because her cries of his name were all she had left of him.
As she folded over him, clutching at his body and his clothes to pull him closer, as she sobbed and screamed the name only she had for him, everything else faded away.
Gone were the senshi, the generals and their youma, and the tower, and Usagi was left alone with the body of the boy she loved more than anything else in this world.
She would have loved him the rest of her life; she had been certain of it the very first time he kissed her. Beneath his brooding temperament and smirking or bland expressions, she saw a lonely boy so wanting and capable of love he drew her in, and she never looked back.
'Patient' wasn't a word Usagi would ever use to describe herself, but, with him, she knew she could be, because she knew he needed her to be. Eventually, his stoic expressions morphed into genuine smiles, and later, those smiles turned to love.
But all that was now gone…
He was gone…
The resulting scream of her renewed grief, ripped from the depths of her soul and tattered heart, was so distressed, the pain seared through her skull and set her forehead ablaze, the heat snapping her tiara into tiny pieces.
As the Crescent Moon sigil burned brightly from her forehead; as her fuku dissolved into an ancient ornate white dress; as her blonde hair faded into the purest shade of white...
Usagi remembered.
She was Princess Serenity, the last heiress to the Moon Kingdom's Silver Millennium.
Sad crystalline blue eyes slid down to the man in her lap, the man she loved, and now lost, in two lifetimes, and her fingers lovingly grazed his cheek.
"Endymion..."
They weren't supposed to be together. Those of the Moon and of Earth were forbidden to fraternize; it was the Law of the Gods. His death back then was her fault too – if Serenity hadn't traveled to Earth to see its beauty with her own eyes, to feel and smell and to experience, she never would have met Endymion, the planet's Crown Prince.
Endymion was very handsome and strong, his dark blue eyes the same shade as his planet. But it was his character she fell in love with, his kindness, his wit, his love of his people and his planet, his conviction. That love was the downfall of their two kingdoms, culminating in an interplanetary war in which he died protecting her from his people.
In her grief, Serenity had taken up his sword, placed the point against her chest, and...
In present time, Serenity gasped at the memory, fresh tears spilling from her eyes as her hand automatically curled at her breast against a long-forgotten wound.
Was it the Will of the Gods that they should suffer the same fate in this life?
Is this the punishment for the heinous crime of falling in love?
Her eyes returned to the man in her lap, then closed against the agony in her heart.
"...Endymion..."
A large tear leaked out from between her closed lashes, glittering and beautiful, and hovered just above the delicate hand Serenity instinctively lifted to catch it. That tear grew bigger and glowed brighter and brighter until its radiant light rivaled that of the sun.
That light obliterated the remaining youma on Tokyo Tower's platform and forced the generals back while simultaneously healing the senshis' wounds and replenishing their energy.
Venus's astonished gasp only confirmed what Serenity already knew: The Maboroshi no Ginzuishou was found at last.
When Serenity's hand lowered to her lap, that warm, powerful, magnificent light left the glittering confines of the crystal and settled within Endymion's unresponsive chest.
The world once again became dark and still.
And no one moved.
Serenity remained with Endymion's body and her grief.
The senshi stared helplessly up at Serenity.
The four generals watched them all from above.
o0o0o
A soft noise and change in pressure behind him caught Kunzite's attention, and he watched the portal open, out of which stepped his queen, her flaming red hair billowing from the exchange of air between the realm of the Dark Kingdom and the city of Tokyo.
"Queen Beryl-sama," he greeted with a small bow, a fisted arm falling across his chest in supplication.
"Kunzite!" she snarled, "Capture the princess and the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou for the Dark Kingdom!"
He bowed his head in understanding before issuing orders to his men.
The senshi moved when the generals did, placing themselves between the Dark Kingdom and their princess.
But Beryl provided cover, sending out wave after wave of dark energy to give her generals the advantage in what should have been a fair fight.
o0o0o
Serenity's fear of the redheaded woman was deep and visceral, though she did not, for the life of her, know why. The memories of her former life were returning quickly, but it would be some time before they were complete.
When the generals once again took up battle formations, a chill shuddered down her spine and the fingers of her free hand reflexively curled into Endymion's tuxedo jacket.
Serenity was completely and utterly helpless out here in the open.
She wasn't trained for this.
She was never meant to fight.
And Endymion already sacrificed himself for her (again), so she couldn't bear the thought of losing any more important people in her life.
But before she could call to her senshi, the Redheaded Woman attacked, and Serenity could do nothing but scream as the dark energy tingled and burned its way across her skin. The unrelenting pain intensified, growing stronger and stronger until it just…
Stopped.
The residual energy pricking at her nerves, Serenity cautiously opened her eyes to find herself shielded by a barrier conjured by Venus and supported by Mercury, and Mars and Jupiter at her sides. But her relieved sigh stuttered in her throat when she discovered her empty lap. "Endy-?"
Kunzite's deep, rumbling chuckle drew her frantic gaze, and Serenity's heart plummeted into her stomach.
Draped in his arms was Endymion's lifeless body.
She was screaming again, pulling, pushing, and twisting her body in a desperate attempt to break free from Jupiter and Mars' secure hold. Those screams turned into distraught pleas when the generals, still under the protection of the Redheaded Woman's dark energy, turned to leave through the still-open portal.
Kunzite held back, chuckling and smirking at the sobbing princess begging him to release her prince. But he finally left too, and when the portal closed behind him the air was quiet and still except for Serenity's hoarse, broken screams.