Happy St Patrick's Day, where everyone is a little Irish just for the day, and in America we eat corned beef and cabbage, and I get to make my Irish grandmother's Irish Soda Bread!
OK, with that out of the way, I need to be real with everyone for a moment about the content of this chapter.
This chapter is DARK, significantly more so than the preceding chapters, and specifically involving the issue of consent. As we all know, the very idea of Dendy (Dark Endymion) is already a "consent" nightmare, which is something I definitely explored heavily in this chapter, especially in his interactions with Usa.
While I am not trying to spoil anything, I need readers to have an idea of what they are in for.
So:
~~**There are significant consent violations committed against Usa involving mind control, manipulation, and seduction. But let's not forget about Motoki and Mamoru, as they are not in control of their own bodies**~~
If you would prefer not to read it, I totally understand.
And I don't want those of you who feel it is in their best interests to skip this chapter to miss out, so I will include a TLDR in the end notes.
Reading up to the first line break (all of Luna's POV section), which I made more obvious than I normally do, is safe.
Special thanks to Lin_Lamont for reading this at the absolute last minute in order to lend me her perspective on the consent concerns littering this chapter.
Ch 11: Disorientation
Summary:
Everything about this young man was Mamoru.
Except his eyes…
Instead of the warm ocean blue she loved so much…
…were black.
The coldest, darkest shade of black Usagi had ever seen.
"For the record, I still don't think this is a good idea," Luna grumbled from her place on Usagi's shoulder.
Usagi's incredulous face turned towards hers. "You're bringing this up again? You agreed!"
"And I still don't know how you convinced me. We should be meeting somewhere private, not at Crown." Luna sighed. "It's bad enough he knows, but to meet with him for the first time at an arcade…"
"Relax, Luna!" Usagi rolled her eyes. "You worry too much! Toki-onii-chan has kept our identities a secret all this time. It's just that Crown's been really busy since it reopened, and he's been spending most of his days training a new part-timer, so he doesn't have a lot of free time.
"Besides…" Luna frowned at Usagi's change in tone. "I just… he was there for Mamo-chan, so I feel like I owe it to Toki-onii-chan to work with his schedule."
"We'll get him back, Usagi-chan." Luna nuzzled her face into Usagi's neck.
How many times has she uttered those four words to Usagi over the last few days? Luna wasn't even sure who she was trying to reassure anymore.
It didn't matter how many times Luna apologized; her guilt still ate at her soul.
Months.
Usagi dated Mamoru for months, even bringing him into her room while she was away, yet Luna had no clue.
Looking back with opened eyes, Luna could see the devotion Tuxedo Kamen so obviously carried for Sailor Moon; the way Usagi, who is usually so forward, held herself back around not just him, but Mamoru too. Their love had been out there for all to see, yet Luna never did.
None of them did.
She shook her head.
Maybe she just didn't want to see it.
She had been so certain Tuxedo Kamen was their enemy, between his own desire for the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou, and placing that newspaper ad stating it was somewhere in the city, thereby helping the Dark Kingdom gather energy.
Fighting alongside the senshi and against the Dark Kingdom had to be a ruse.
Sailor Moon was charged with an important mission: lead the senshi, and protect the princess and her Maboroshi no Ginzuishou. She was young and clearly inexperienced, much more so than the other senshi, so she was an obvious mark for any of their enemies to exploit.
Luna just hadn't trusted in Usagi enough.
Before the events at Tokyo Tower, Luna just could not understand why Usagi struggled so much as a senshi. It had been incredibly frustrating, if she were honest, and on more than one occasion, Luna seriously questioned if Usagi just wasn't trying hard enough.
So her shame gnawed at her for that too.
The other girls were able to draw on the instinct and muscle memory ingrained from years of training during their lives in the Silver Millennium.
Usagi had none.
Serenity was never meant to fight.
However, considering Usagi's astonishing growth (now that Luna understood exactly what the girl was working against), Luna often asked herself if the ability to fight was something for which Serenity had desperately yearned.
Luna's memories, sealed away as they were, set Usagi up for failure. She was certain of this.
But there was nothing that could be done about that now. Luna could only look forward, and be there to support Usagi in whatever capacity she needed.
They will get Mamoru back.
They have to.
After Crown's doors opened, and Usagi stepped inside, Luna cringed and flattened her ears away from the noise.
When it was busy, the din of the arcade was always a little too loud for Luna's sensitive ears, and today the place was especially crowded.
Luna groaned.
This is precisely why she didn't want to meet Motoki here!
How can they expect to have such a private conversation around so many people? Plus, Luna was hoping to speak with Motoki herself, and she couldn't have his initial reaction to a talking cat bring unwanted attention.
"Now, where's Toki…" Usagi scanned the arcade, her hand to her forehead as if shielding her eyes from a nonexistent bright overhead light. "Ah! There he is!"
Luna wrapped her body around the back of Usagi's neck as the girl bounced her way towards Motoki, who was leaning over the Sailor V game in the way he so often did when watching someone play. But then Usagi stopped so abruptly, Luna had to claw into Usagi's blouse and shoulder to keep from falling off.
Though she could smell the draw of blood, what caught Luna's attention wasn't the injury itself, but Usagi's lack of reaction to it, so her concerned blue eyes flew to her charge's face.
Usagi's eyes were wide, her mouth gaping.
Luna's cautious gaze followed Usagi's, and her claws reflexively scratched into Usagi again.
"Mamo-chan?"
His name spilled from her lips as a low whisper, barely audible to her own ears.
Sitting at the Sailor V console, looking out of place among the kids and teens of varying ages wearing their school uniforms, sat a young man wearing a dark gray dress shirt and black tie beneath a black blazer.
His profile looked just like Mamoru.
But that was impossible…
Wasn't it?
How could he be here?
Why would he be here?
Is this why Motoki wanted her here?
To surprise her?
No…
Motoki knew Mamoru too well.
A reunion like this would be too emotional, too private, to be held in such a public setting.
So, why…?
"Usagi?" Luna's concerned whisper against her ear went unnoticed.
Mamo-chan…
He's here…
Somehow, he must have escaped…
Right?
No…
Something…
Something's wrong…
A hand curled against the pain in her chest.
"Ah, Usagi-chan! I've been expecting you."
As Motoki greeted her, Usagi's eyes remained fixed on the other man, watching as he slowly turned from the game console towards her.
She inhaled sharply.
His inky black hair.
His nose.
His lips.
Her eyes fell to his hands, now resting palm-side down on his thighs.
Everything about this young man was Mamoru.
Except his eyes…
Instead of the warm ocean blue she loved so much…
…were black.
The coldest, darkest shade of black Usagi had ever seen.
Fathomless.
The depths sucked her in, the nauseating pull felt in the very center of her being.
And as she began her descent, the bright lights and sounds of the arcade bled away into nothingness, where she was greeted by unintelligible whispers hidden within the darkness.
The harder she tried to see and listen, the darker her surroundings became, the more indiscernible the whispers.
"Usagi-chan," came Motoki's voice from the abyss, "I'd like you to meet my friend Endou-kun."
Who?
Usagi's mind and vision returned to the arcade with a dizzying spin of the room. A hand lifted to her forehead.
What happened?
Where did I…?
But it was already gone, fading from her mind like the memory of a bad dream immediately after waking.
"He's our new employee. Just finished his training today."
She looked back to the young man, still staring at her with his cold, black eyes. The corner of his mouth lifted into a smirk.
A familiar smirk.
With effort, Usagi dragged her eyes from the not-Mamoru to Motoki, then clamped her hand around her mouth as she swallowed down her scream.
Motoki, one of her oldest, dearest friends.
Her brother in all but name.
Had the same cold, black eyes.
Not-Mamoru stood and extended his arm towards Usagi, the movement drawing her gaze first to his hand, and then to his face.
"Nice to finally meet you, Usa-chan," he said kindly. Her heart skipped a painful beat in her chest. "Motoki-kun has told me so much about you."
His warm smile was a stark contrast to the coldness of his eyes. She swept over his form, from his black dress shoes to his hair.
He's just as tall as…
Usagi extended a wary hand, which he grasped so very gently with his.
His hand was warm.
And its hold was so familiar.
It was as if she was holding…
"Endou-kun?" She said softly.
His smile widened, but then dropped into a frown. "Usa-chan, you're crying."
"What?" Usagi reached a hand to her cheek, and her fingers came away wet. "Oh, I… um…"
Endou lowered himself down to her level and pulled a deep red handkerchief from his jacket pocket, which she followed with widened eyes.
It is the same color as….
But then that handkerchief was at her cheek, gently dabbing at her tears in a way that was all softness and comfort as the fingers of his other hand brushed against the other. "Are you all right?" He murmured.
All Usagi could do was stare.
The way he moved, his mannerisms, and the tone and inflection of his voice… it was all Mamoru.
Except for his cold, black eyes….
Endou?
Is that really his name?
A shaking hand lifted to his pressing on her cheek, her fingertips bouncing against his skin from the intensity of the tremors. His fathomless black eyes held hers captive.
Is he really not-
"Usagi-chan! There you are!"
Endou's hands pulled away at the cheerful voice, and Usagi slowly turned towards the sound. Minako stood near the door, her chest heaving as if she'd run a great distance.
It was then Usagi realized she no longer carried Luna's weight on her shoulders, and her eyes found her at Minako's feet.
Minako was there in an instant, warmly greeting Motoki and offering his friend a kind nod of her head. Her arm fell around Usagi's shoulders, turning her away from Not-Mamoru and guiding her towards the door.
"Minako-chan…"
"Really, Usagi-chan, I've been looking for you everywhere! Did you forget we have study group at Rei-chan's today?"
She kept up the act until they were outside and out of sight of Crown and its many windows, then her arm lifted from Usagi's shoulders and was replaced with both of her hands.
"Usagi-chan, are you OK?"
"I don't… Mamo-chan…" Usagi's whole body was numb, and her mind far, far away from herself.
"Usagi, listen to me. That wasn't Mamoru-san. It can't be. He was taken by the Dark Kingdom." Her light blue eyes searched Usagi's. "Do you remember?"
The image of Mamoru's lifeless body, draped in Kunzite's arms, flashed within Usagi's mind, and she clenched her eyes shut.
"Yes," Usagi murmured through her tears, a hand against the cheek the young man had just caressed. "I remember."
But it was Mamoru's warmth that still lingered against her cheek.
o0o0o0o
An emergency meeting was called, and all the girls arrived at Rei's shrine within the hour.
While Luna and Minako filled in Ami, Rei, and Makoto about the events at Crown, Usagi curled into herself in the corner of Rei's room, silent and still numb.
And there she remained for the duration of the meeting, until Rei gently shook her shoulder and called her mind back to itself.
"Usagi," Rei called softly, "we need to talk to you now."
Usagi couldn't stand the pity reflected in each of their faces, but she allowed herself to be guided to Rei's low table without complaint, where Makoto offered her a generous serving of the chocolate cake she'd brought from home. She accepted it, but Usagi didn't feel much like eating.
"You need to stay away from him, Usagi-chan. Until we have a better understanding of what is going on, I don't want you going back to Crown." Minako's voice was kind, but firm. She was pulling rank.
"What?" Usagi protested. "But what about Toki?" Her fingers grasped a pigtail and tangled themselves within the strands. "His eyes…"
"He's probably just been brainwashed, Usagi-chan. Rei-chan is going to go over there tomorrow and try to do a reading."
Rei nodded. "There may be a way to break him from it, but I need to meet with him first."
"I'll go with you," Ami offered. "I'd like to run some scans."
"And I'll walk Usagi-chan home from school tomorrow," Makoto added. "Just in case."
"Then it's settled." The girls all turned towards Luna and Artemis sitting on Rei's desk. "You each have your assignments. Be careful. Reveal nothing to the Dark Kingdom. And, girls." Luna took a moment to look each girl in the eye. "Protect your princess."
Minako, Rei, Ami, and Makoto all nodded, but Usagi wished she could curl back into herself.
She didn't want them protecting her.
She couldn't lose any more important people in her life.
Her eyes turned to the bruising sky through Rei's open window.
Mamo-chan…
Is that you?
Sometimes, even the best-laid plans go awry.
Makoto was served detention the next day for threatening another student who made a disparaging comment to Ami about her recent test grade, so was unable to walk Usagi home from school.
"Please go straight home, Usagi-chan," she requested kindly. "Remember what Minako-chan and Luna said."
Usagi nodded her head and waved goodbye to Makoto with a smile, but it fell from her face the moment the other girl was out of sight.
She felt no guilt as she crossed Crown's threshold; after all, she had just spent the last several months lying to her friends about seeing a boy.
Endou and Motoki were as she found them yesterday: Endou sitting at the Sailor V console, Motoki bent at the waist as he leaned against the console to watch him play.
Both turned their heads to her in unison, which she didn't have time to find disconcerting because Endou was immediately up out of his seat to greet her.
"Usa-chan, I'm so happy you came back. You worried me yesterday." The tip of one finger grazed her cheek. "Are you feeling better?"
A blush heated her face when she nodded.
His smile grew warmer, and she melted inside.
"Motoki-kun told me you are really good at the Sailor V game." His thumb jerked back towards the console. "Mind giving me some pointers?"
A warning siren suddenly blared within her mind, and for the first time, Usagi actually doubted her decision to come.
She should leave.
Minako will be angry.
But, as he continued to stare down at her with that warm smile and cold, piercing gaze, a comforting fog blanketed her mind, drowning out that shrill warning blip until there was nothing.
Nothing but thoughts of keeping that warm, inviting smile focused on her.
"OK."
o0o
Endou hovered unnecessarily close while she played.
That closeness overwhelmed her senses.
Affected her focus.
"Hmmm…" Endou hummed when the 'GAME OVER' flashed again.
His hum dropped her shoulders.
He'd asked for tips on beating the high score, but she wasn't playing well. Every time the bright 'Game Over' flashed on the screen, Endo hummed his little hum before depositing a new token into the machine. It was bad enough to play so poorly after he'd asked for her help, but to do so with his money….
Usagi started to turn in her seat so she could apologize, but his hands falling to her shoulders kept her in place.
He gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. "Better luck next time, Usa, " he whispered against her ear.
She shivered.
That timbre has whispered in her ear countless times.
When she did finally turn around, she found his face hovering just above her own, and her eyes fixated on his lips long enough to watch them pull into a slow smirk. Her gaze lifted to his face, and his cold, black eyes were there to greet her.
The sounds of the arcade fell away as the whispers creeped in from the frayed edges of her mind, and that nauseating pull led her further into darkness.
"Endou-kun," she breathed.
That smirk grew wider as his fingers glided along her shoulder and up her neck, his black eyes watching her eyelids flutter when he brushed against the tiny hairs at her nape.
Then his finger reached her chin, and he tilted her head back just so.
Usagi swallowed.
"Yes?" The warmth of his whisper lingered against her mouth as he leaned in closer, and with a soft sigh, Usagi's eyes slipped shut, and her lips parted…
"Usagi!"
Rei's voice cut through her mind like an arrow, burning away the darkness and all the whispers in its path.
Usagi fell away from Endou and against the Sailor V console and pressed her fingers to her forehead.
What… What just happened?
What was I…?
But the memory wouldn't come, and after a moment, it was gone.
She looked to Rei standing at the opposite end of the row but was immediately distracted by the sudden change in atmosphere.
Rei and Endou were engaged in some kind of silent, invisible battle.
Fathomless black vs determined violet.
The space between the two now a no man's land - the air charged, heavy, and stifling - trapping Usagi on her stool beside Endou just on the outskirts of the battlefield.
All without saying a single word or moving a single inch.
But as soon as it began, it was over.
The pressure lifted, and Usagi was finally able to release the breath she'd been holding.
No one claimed victory, though Endou's chuckle and Rei's narrowed glare said more than words ever could.
"What's going on over here?" Motoki appeared beside Endou and placed a hand on his shoulder just as Minako and Ami came up behind Rei.
"Don't worry, Motoki-kun, everything is just fine," he said through a wide grin. "Usa-chan's friends just came to pick her up."
"Usa." Her eyes lifted to his face, and he brushed a finger against her cheek. "I hope to see you again soon."
o0o
Minako rounded on Usagi as soon as they were out of sight.
"Usagi! What were you doing? I gave you explicit orders not to return to Crown!"
"How could I not?" Usagi countered, tears pricking at her eyes. Great, now came the guilt. "Whatever they did to Mamo-ch-"
"That's not Mamoru-san."
Usagi's teary eyes whipped to Rei's face, widening when she caught the other girl's pale complexion and beaded sweat across her brow.
"Rei-chan?" Minako's voice was soft. "What did you see?"
"Only what he let me see." She turned towards Minako, her pale face pulled taut. "Everything was mundane; nondescript. Fabrications, you understand."
Ami and Minako nodded.
"Months ago, he and I engaged in a similar… exercise. He still managed to keep me out, but I could feel his presence while he did it. I could feel his life; his sense of self.
"Usagi." Rei's violet eyes shifted so suddenly to Usagi that she pulled back and gulped. "Motoki-san is still in his body. Whatever this Endou did, it didn't get rid of him. He is asleep within his own mind, and his body is acting without him at the helm. It needs him safe and intact to draw on his memories and to physically function. He is, for a lack of a better term, a puppet. He can be woken up and freed.
"However…" she trailed off, and Usagi curled a hand against her hammering heart.
"However?" Usagi echoed. Her voice cracked.
Rei sighed and closed her eyes. "But with Endou, Mamoru-san wasn't there. I couldn't find any traces of him within his subconscious."
Usagi gasped, her eyelids fluttering against the new cascade of tears. "What? I don't… I don't understand," she stammered, her voice thick and trembling. "Who can he be if he isn't Mamo-chan? He looks and sounds just like him." She stared down at her hands, her tears dripping onto the palms. "And the warmth of his hands… it's him… I know it is…"
"It's not."
Regret and remorse lined every inch of Rei's tone and expression. "I'm sorry, Usagi. I know this is hard to hear, but that's not Mamoru-san. The Dark Kingdom is either using a lookalike, or his body itself, to manipulate you."
"Are you absolutely sure?" Minako's expression was hard. "Is it possible the Dark Kingdom just buried him so deep you couldn't find him?"
"I suppose it's possible…" Rei started.
"But unlikely," Minako finished for her.
Rei nodded. "We're up against something none of us have ever seen before. I've never not been able to see or feel the person within the body. If he is in there, I don't know if we can get him out. There was someone there, but it definitely wasn't Mamoru-san."
"Let's say, for argument's sake, that Mamoru-san is in there, but he is just so deeply suppressed you can't sense him…" Ami looked up from her minicomputer. "Do you think whatever is controlling his body would still have access to his memories?"
Rei didn't answer right away.
She bridged the gap to the now sobbing Usagi, who stood against the brick wall with her hands to her face, and wrapped her into a fierce hug. Trembling arms slid around Rei's back, her fingers digging into her school uniform.
"We need to assume Endou knows everything Mamoru-san does." Her eyes closed as her cheek fell against the top of Usagi's head. "And I do mean everything."
o0o0o0o
o0o0o0o
Is Endou-kun really not Mamo-chan?
Usagi lost count of the number of times she asked herself that question in the following days.
While she was usually one to trust her friends explicitly, she harbored doubts about Rei's assessment of the young man who looked and spoke like the boy she loved.
Rei just didn't know Mamoru like Usagi did; none of them did. And that had to be the difference.
Which further fueled the frustration directed at her senshi.
She had been forced to keep her relationship with Mamoru a secret for months.
Months!
Months of secrecy, of pretending his getting hurt in battle didn't terrify her, months of listening to and watching her senshi treat Tuxedo Kamen as an enemy and Mamoru as a person of interest.
But now they knew! They knew Usagi and Mamoru were together, not just in this life but in the last, yet they were still keeping her and Mamoru apart!
Rei had to be wrong.
Mamoru had to be in there somewhere.
Maybe his memories had been messed with just like Minako's. If the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou could right Minako's memories, couldn't it do the same for Mamoru?
Isn't that the entire basis of her power?
That she can heal and restore?
It was all she was good for, after all.
She can't fight like her senshi.
But she alone wields the Crescent Moon wand and its ability to purify.
She and Mamoru had fought over her use of this power.
She almost died on three separate occasions because of this power.
If she can't use it to bring back the one she loves, then what is the point of her?
Or the wand?
Or the still dark Maboroshi no Ginzuishou?
Of her sacrifices?
Of Mamoru's sacrifice?
Those things had to mean something.
Her senshi had convinced her to stay away from Crown, foretelling the evils which could befall her should she return. She had listened, dutifully allowing herself to be escorted to and from school like a coddled princess these last few days.
But no more.
Endou was Mamoru.
And he needed her.
The longer she stayed away, the deeper he fell under the Dark Kingdom's influence.
She was absolutely certain of this now.
o0o
When each of her senshi became unexpectedly unavailable to walk her home the next day, Usagi knew the Fates approved of her plan.
Makoto once again asked Usagi to walk straight home, though now her request was laced with her desperation that she listen this time.
Usagi nodded. "Of course, Mako-chan!" She told her through a bright smile, and with a wave of her hand and bade to have a good night, Usagi turned away from Makoto and left. But she walked straight to Crown, just as she always intended, her determination putting a spring in her step.
Except, when she arrived, Endou was nowhere to be found.
All that built-up momentum and adrenaline from acting against her senshis' direct orders evaporated instantly, leaving behind a deflated and very disappointed Usagi.
Too ashamed to go home, her feet dragged her to the park - their park, which held a special place within her heart because it was along these paths that she had fallen in love with Mamoru. The familiar surroundings always provided Usagi with a sense of comfort, which even now, overshadowed the painful longing in her heart caused by his not being there to walk beside her.
At least, it did until she reached the bend where he had kissed her for the very first time, and Usagi spotted an adorable little rabbit happily chewing on a blade of grass from just outside a line of trees.
Obviously, the Fates weren't as kind as she initially thought.
Considering her past, though, she really should have known better.
"Usa, are you all right?"
Wet, startled eyes fell upon Endou standing a couple meters or so away, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his black trousers, his mouth pulled down into a concerned frown. He was wearing a black shirt today, though it was brightened by the light brown wool cardigan he wore unbuttoned over top.
A hand flew to her face to cover her tears, and she partially turned away. "I'm… um…"
The movement of his hands leaving his pockets drew her gaze, and her breath caught at the dark blue color of the handkerchief he held out to her without comment. As she politely accepted, she swallowed down the disappointment that he didn't wipe them away himself.
And as the corner of his mouth lifted, Usagi started to ask herself if Endou could use Mamoru's psychometry to read her feelings, but then his black eyes found hers, and the thought faded before it had a chance to fully materialize.
What…
She shook her head.
What was I thinking about?
She wracked her brain to remember, because it felt important, but Endou smiled Mamoru's warm smile, and Usagi let it go.
"Thank you for lending me your handkerchief," she murmured. "I'll get it back to you."
"Don't worry about it, Usa. Keep it. I think you need it more than I do." The pad of his thumb wiped away an errant tear, and it was all she could do to keep from melting into his touch."I do hope you are all right."
"I… I will be. I've just been going through some stuff." She lifted the handkerchief in acknowledgement before putting it away in her bag. "Thank you again."
A comfortable silence fell between them, during which Usagi couldn't help but think about how she was standing with Endou in the exact place where she and Mamoru had finally acknowledged their feelings after so many weeks of denial.
Maybe there was a bit of magic to this place after all, and it called him here.
But she searched his face, and his cold, black eyes reflected no love; only darkness. It was an interesting thing really, just how much the warmth of his actions, touches, and smiles contrasted with the coldness of his eyes.
Mamoru expressed so many of his emotions through his eyes.
It was one of the reasons he wore an invisible mask when out in public.
"What brings you to the park?" She asked. "You don't have to work today?"
That familiar smirk pulled up his mouth as Endou tilted his head, the motion causing his bangs to fall around one eye. Usagi clutched at her school bag to keep from brushing them away. "What's the matter, Usa?" He teased. "You aren't happy to see me?"
She blushed and looked away. "I… I didn't say that."
Show me Mamo-chan…
I need to know he's in there…
"I missed you too, Usa." The breath of his whisper was warm against her ear, and when her eyes returned to his face, he was hovering over her just as he did that day in the arcade.
"What?" He softly asked in response to her stunned expression. A finger grazed her cheek. "Is that really so hard to believe?"
Her breath hitched at his words as tears pricked her eyes.
A tentative hand brushed against his cheek, which he covered with his own and guided to his mouth. The soft peck of his lips against her palm scalded her hand. "You haven't been at Crown," he whispered, his black eyes staring intently into her own.
"I'm sorry," she rasped, her mouth and tongue suddenly very dry.
The whispers edged into her mind and Usagi once again began to fall. As he kissed her palm again, his black eyes drank in her gasp and the flutter of her eyelids.
"I need your help, Usa."
"Anything," she breathed. "I'll help with anything you need."
His next kiss was open mouthed and with just a hint of his tongue, and when she moaned, his smile grew impossibly wide against her skin. "I need you to tell me how to find the senshis' Command Center."
Her brow furrowed. "The Command Center?"
"Yes." His fingers interlaced with hers, and he guided her hand off his cheek to place a kiss on her knuckles. Usagi swayed on her feet from his kiss, but when his lips found the knuckle above her index finger and lightly sucked, her knees buckled. She would have fallen if his other arm hadn't wrapped around her back and pulled her flush up against him. "Usa, how do I find it?"
"You… um…" Her eyes fell closed with a sigh as the hand against her back found the gap between her blouse and skirt and began tracing lazy circles against her bare skin. "You need…"
No…
Usagi, do not tell…
He is…
Serenity's voice lifted the haze clouding her mind and drove the whispers away.
Usagi shook her head. "I'm sorry, Endou-kun, what was your question?"
His intense gaze bore into her for another moment, his lips pressed into a thin line, before he released her and stepped back.
"Endou-kun?"
His hands returned to his pockets as he looked away. "I was just asking when you thought you might come back to Crown."
"Oh, I… um." Usagi rubbed a hand against her face. "I'm not sure. Soon, I hope. I really miss- I miss it, so…"
"Hmmm."
That hum filled her with a sense of guilt she could not place, but his smile was back, and Usagi forgot it hadn't always been on his face.
"Well, it was good to see you, Endou-kun," she said with a slight bow. "Thanks again for your handkerchief."
He didn't respond, but when she moved to walk past him, he fell in step beside her.
"Oh!" She exclaimed in surprise. "Where are you headed?"
"I'm not following you, if that's what you're asking," he replied. "I'm going home."
Home?
"Where…ah.. Where do you live?"
His grin took up half his face. "Why? Are you planning to invite yourself over?"
Her eyes widened at the implication."What? No! I-uh…"
His chuckle caught her straight in the chest. "Relax, Usa. I'm teasing you. I live in Azabujuban." When he caught her stunned expression, he laughed again. "What? Did you think I lived at Crown?"
An embarrassed blush set her face on fire. "No," she pouted as she looked away.
His laugh wrenched her heart.
It was Mamoru's laugh, how he would sound when he found her adorably amusing. He had called her that once when they were sitting and laughing together on his couch while talking about their day, and then flushed a deep red when he realized he'd said it out loud. His reaction had her straddling his lap and cradling his face in her hands so she could taste the words on his tongue.
What she wouldn't give for the chance to do that again…
When she chanced a glance back up to his face, she found him staring back, another smirk, smaller this time, pulling up his mouth.
There was no way he could read her thoughts, right?
Her gaze fell to the ground, and the two continued in silence until they reached the crossroads, one leading to her house, the other towards downtown.
"Have a nice evening," Usagi said with a slight bow.
"Usa."
Usagi straightened and tilted her head. "Yes?"
He brushed back a lock of her hair, his fingers lingering behind her ear. "Come visit me at Crown, OK?"
The pull was short but intense, her stomach lurching as if she'd fallen from a great height.
Her hand pressed his against her cheek. "OK."
o0o
"Usagi-chan," Luna admonished when she came home. "Where have you been? I thought you were coming straight home after school?"
Usagi knelt down in front of the low table in her room and began retrieving her homework from her bag.
"I went for a walk through the park," she said as she stacked her workbooks into a haphazard pile. "I'm actually surprised to see you here. I thought you were going to be out until late tonight."
Luna sighed. "I planned to observe Endou at Crown this afternoon, but he wasn't there today."
The clatter of Usagi's pencil as it bounced along the table before falling to the carpeted floor with a quiet thud was nearly deafening. "Oh?" She responded lamely.
"Yes, but we'll try again tomorrow."
Luna tilted her head, and Usagi could feel the weight of her eyes on her back. "Usagi-chan, how was your walk?"
Usagi turned her head towards Luna but not all the way, her eyes lowering to her bag hiding Endou's handkerchief.
"It was uneventful," she lied.
o0o
Usagi didn't return to Crown the next day.
She went the day after.
Endou was sitting before the Sailor V game with Motoki watching over his shoulder, just as she expected.
"Usa!" Endou called as soon as she crossed the threshold. "You came!"
"I did," she said shyly, her fingers rubbing against her skirt.
Why was she suddenly so nervous? Sure, people were now staring because of his loud greeting, but that couldn't be it. Between her penchant for tripping over everything and her own loud enthusiasm, she was used to people staring.
It took the steadily increasing flutter of her heart with each step towards Endou to realize it was nervous excitement, which she first felt the day she met up with Mamoru for their first official date. While only consisting of a walk in their park, that date was the first time she could finally call him 'hers'; that she not only didn't have to hide her feelings, but she was actually allowed to grab his hand and not let it go, which she didn't until he dropped her off at home later that evening.
That feeling was the early blossoms of young love.
"Would you like to play?" He asked with a gesture towards the Sailor V game.
She nodded. "Sure."
Motoki appeared as soon as she sat down and handed Endou a roll of tokens. "Welcome back, Usagi-chan," he greeted.
"Hi, Toki-onii-chan!" She beamed. "It's good to see you."
She tried to watch for any signs of the real Motoki dwelling inside, but the clink of a token, and the game's start up music, pulled her focus back to Endou.
"Shall we?" He said with a smile.
Playing Sailor V with Endou sitting beside her, mostly silent save for the occasional words of encouragement if she lost a game, and his fingers finding their way to her hair between rounds, sometimes following the strands up to her bun to scrape gently against her scalp, was everything she had ever wanted with Mamoru.
She used to dream of this: Mamoru sitting on the stool beside her, his face in a book while his free hand absentmindedly played with the strands of one of her pigtails while she played. Afterwards, they would either join the girls at the attached Fruits Parlor for drinks and a snack, or he'd walk her home, hand in hand, where she'd pull him down for a goodbye kiss with the hand wrapped into his deep red tie.
"You're playing much better than last time, don't you think?"
"I was rusty, I guess," she murmured, her focus directed to the game.
A smirk pulled up his mouth as his fingertips glided along her shoulder with a feather's touch. When Usagi shivered, that smirk widened, and his fingers lingered against the skin just above her neckline to trace irregular patterns, costing her the game when Usagi closed her eyes against the pleasure brought on by his touch.
"Hmmm…" Endou hummed. "Sailor V died."
"What?" Her eyes flew open and jerked to his, but he simply stared back with those intense black eyes and smirking grin.
"Your sprite," he clarified, nodding his head towards the flashing screen without breaking his gaze.
Her shaking hands palmed the flat side of the panel before her. "Right," she said sheepishly.
His words startled her.
It was the way he said them, far too serious for a game, yet somehow too casual for real life. It was unnerving. "Well, we certainly don't want to lose her either."
"Oh?" He inflected, his hand now rubbing large, slow half circles across her upper back. "You say that as if you know her." When Usagi's questioning eyes found his, he clarified again. "The real Sailor V."
"I do," Usagi's mouth said before she could stop it. "She is a good friend."
Endou leaned in closer, his breath warm against her ear. "Is she?"
"Yes," Usagi sighed with a tilt of her head.
"Hmmm." His lips were at her ear now, and his hum reverberated straight through her. "I've always wondered about that." His fingernails lightly scraped against her neck as he brushed away her hair.
She shivered again. "What do you mean?"
When the tip of his nose skimmed her cheek, her eyes fluttered closed. "Sometimes I wonder what kind of secrets she keeps; what else she may be hiding beneath her mask."
Her fingers clutched at the console controls, but she didn't want him to stop. "I don…" She sighed and leaned into his touch. "I don't understand."
"Usa."
She forced her eyelids open, and Endou's fingers ran up her opposite cheek and pressed to turn her face towards his, stopping when her lips were mere millimeters from his.
"She's already lied to you once," he whispered, "How can you be so sure she won't do it again?"
His words jolted her backwards and off the stool, and she waved off the reach of his hand to assist her up. "E-excuse me, Endou-kun. I, um, I need to use the restroom."
He nodded, but his piercing gaze followed her all the way across the arcade, falling away only when the hallway housing the arcade's restrooms broke his line of sight.
Inside the privacy of the girls' bathroom and away from his overwhelming presence, Usagi splashed cold water on her face and took several slow, deep breaths.
What did he say?
Something about Minako being trustworthy?
Cold fingers dug into her forehead as Usagi willed herself to remember, but when the words failed to reappear, she stared at her reflection.
"What am I doing?" She muttered.
Coming here was a mistake.
What brought about this sudden bout of clarity, she didn't know, but Usagi did know she needed to leave.
Right now.
She closed her eyes and took a deep, reassuring breath, before flinging open the bathroom door with the intention of going out the back so Endou wouldn't see her leave.
But she barrelled straight into him the moment she stepped out into the hall.
The wrap of his arms around her back and waist prevented her fall, and though she pressed her palms against his chest, he didn't let her go.
Then she made the mistake of looking up into his face.
He was smiling at her, a tender smile, one filled with warmth and love.
This was her smile, the one Mamoru showed only to her, and only when they were alone.
A blush spread across her cheeks...
His eyes are the wrong color...
...which he caressed with the back of his curled finger.
But his touch…
And his warmth...
His head lowered to hers until their foreheads were nearly touching, and Usagi took a slow, deep breath.
His scent...
"Has anyone ever told you that you're terribly clumsy?" He whispered with a hint of tease.
Her eyes widened and tears pricked at her eyes.
'That's just because you're clumsy, Usa.'
Trembling hands grabbed his face, and he came so easily when she pulled his lips to hers, the contact eliciting a low, needy moan from deep in her throat.
Too long.
It has been far too long since she last kissed these lips and felt these hands clutch at her body as if nothing else in the world was more important than her. The sounds of the arcade fell away until it was just him and her, and this time she welcomed the darkness and the whispers without any resistance.
She fell back against the wall, pulling Endou with her, but his hands glided down her body until he reached her thighs, and when he lifted her up and away, her fingers slid into his hair, and her legs wrapped around his waist
Her gasp from the bathroom door swinging open behind her brought his tongue into her mouth, stroking and sliding against hers.
In here, there were no watching eyes or listening ears.
He pressed her into the wall with the weight of his body, and one hand lifted to palm her cheek, its touch warm and tender.
There was absolutely nothing hurried about his kiss.
Despite their presence in Crown's very public restroom, where anyone, including her senshi, could walk in on them at any moment, his lips and tongue were slow and reverent. He kissed her as if her mouth was something to be savored, as if she was someone to be adored.
As if she was someone he loved.
"Please," she begged when he broke away to trail wet kisses down her neck.
She felt his smile against her skin. "You know what I want, Usa," he said.
Her mouth started to move, but he nipped at the tender flesh of her neck before soothing it away with a swirl of his tongue, and Usagi forgot how to form words.
The whispers were agitated and loud in their excitement.
'Submit…'
"Usa," he breathed into her ear, "Where is your Command Center?"
She swallowed down a gasp when his hand found the gap between her uniform blouse and skirt. "It's…"
'Betray…'
"Yes?" He prompted. His fingers slid up her stomach.
'Submit…'
"It's here…" She ground out through a moan as his hand kneaded her breast over her bra.
'Betray…'
He kissed her again, his lips and tongue languid, sweet and so, so soft, and she let go. Her fingers tangled into his hair and her legs pulled his hips flush up against hers, eliciting a moan from Endou and a gasp from Usagi.
This is all she wanted.
It was all she needed.
More of this, with him.
Nothing else mattered.
Not the other senshi, the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou.
Not even Mamoru.
She had Endou, and that was enough.
He would be all she would ever need.
And anything he needed, anything he required, would be his…
As long as he didn't stop…
"Where, Usa?" He whispered against her lips. His hand pulled away from her breast to her frustrated whine. "Where is it?"
'Submit…'
"It's…"
She tried to pull his lips back to hers, but he held firm, and his black eyes bored into hers. "Endou-kun, please…" she begged.
"Tell me where it is, Usa," he commanded.
'Betray…'
"It's here," she ground out through a frustrated moan. "Here at Crown. I don't know what else…"
His hand clamped around the flesh of her bottom and squeezed. She arched into him with a loud gasp, which he swallowed down with his mouth, but he pulled away before Usagi could respond to his kiss.
Her head fell back with a groan.
'Submit…'
"I need the exact location, Usa," He said between kisses on her neck. "I've looked for it every day, but I can't find it. Your magic must be protecting it."
His fingers brushed her inner thigh, and Usagi whimpered. "Tell me," he whispered in her ear. "Tell me exactly how to find it, and I'll give you what you want."
His fingers rubbed circles against her thigh, moving closer to the apex with every turn, but never close enough, where she needed…
"Betray…"
His finger finally brushed the seam of her panties, making Usagi's head fall back, but the moan of his name caught in her throat, and she choked on it.
Her eyes flew open.
It's not the right…
"Usa?" Endou's concerned voice echoed through the darkness, and the whispers worked themselves up into a frenzy.
'Submit!'
But he's not…
'Betray!'
No!
'Submit!'
I can't…
'Betray!'
I won't!
A shock of blinding white light lit up the darkness, illuminating the creatures dwelling within and burning them all away.
An inferno was raging behind Endou's black eyes as he searched her face, his mouth pressed into a thin line.
"I can't..." Tears coursed down her cheeks, hot and heavy from her guilt.
What have I done?
"Usa-"
"I can't," she repeated, her hands at her face. "This, with you..." A sob tore from her throat. "You're not..."
…him.
Mamo-chan…
Forgive me…
Endou set her down and tried to calm her with a brush of his fingers against her cheek and a soft call of her name, but Usagi shoved him away and fled the bathroom, nearly stumbling into Motoki standing guard in the hallway in her haste.
He may look like Mamoru; sound like Mamoru; smell, taste, and feel just like Mamoru…
But Endou wasn't him.
Her senshi had been right to keep her away; saw him for what he was.
She understood this now.
I almost…
With Endou…
Another sob ripping from her throat made her trip, and she fell onto her hands and knees. Her shame was simply too heavy to shoulder so she stayed where she was, head down, hands and knees scraped and possibly bloodied against the ground, her tears pooling onto the sidewalk.
Minako was somehow there almost immediately, and it was the gentle press of her hand against Usagi's back that finally pulled Usagi off the ground and into Minako's arms, clutching the other girl's uniform as she cried out her guilt and shame.
She wanted Mamoru back.
Her Mamoru.
The young man she loved.
The young man who loved her in turn...
...and called her 'Usako.'
End Notes:
Phew! We made it!
This chapter is probably the darkest thing I will ever write.
While the overall themes in this chapter were always going to be there, it did go down a darker path than I originally intended after I started writing.
But, like the magic in "The Last Unicorn", the words do what they will.
I find it interesting that Naoko even brought us down this path in the manga, because the connotations of such a character - Dendy/Mamoru - is quite dark and controversial, really. But I kept in line with what she gave us, only tweaking it for this particular story.
If you need something of a mental cleanser, a little bit of fluff to chase away the dark, I invite you to check out my Valentine's Day/White Day 2-parter entitled "Idiots".
Nothing dark and scary there, unless you find chocolate, strawberries, or two idiots who can't admit they like each other scary.
o0o
A couple shout-outs for some upcoming events:
-The first ever RarePair Week, hosted by HeavenlyPearl starts 3/28/22.
This will be 7 days devoted to all the SM pairings that aren't UsaMamo or their various incarnations.
I am planning to crank out one single OS for the event, so keep an eye out for that! If I am unable to get it done in time (since OMwF is a cruel mistress) I will still post it.
Whether you have a favorite non-UsaMamo pairing, or hardcore stan UsaMamo like me, I hope you'll check out RarePair Week, Maybe even contribute!
HeavenlyPearl will be reblogging all the stories on her Tumblr – which is called Kaleidodreams - with the tag #smrarepairweek2022
Please see her Tumblr for more info.
-Lin_Lamont will be hosting the first ever Dendy week starting 4/10/22, which will be 7 days of stories featuring Dark Endymion! She will reblog stories on her tumblr – LinLamont – with the tag #DendyWeek2022
Please see her Tumblr for more info.
Dendy is already taking his toll for OMwF, so I am unsure to what extend my contribution for this year will be, but we shall see.
Join us, won't you?
o0o
Thank you so much for stopping by!
Until next time!
o0o
TLDR:
Dendy is calling himself 'Endou', just as he did in the manga, but I removed the friend of Motoki's conveniently named friend Endou that Dendy strangely either wipes from existence, or sends to the Shadow Realm, or whatever it is Naoko did to him.
In this story, that plot point simply doesn't exist.
And doesn't "Endou" just feel like a name Dendy would give himself because it totally isn't "Endymion"?
Motoki is essentially Dendy's brainwashed stooge. His job is to provide free tokens and keep watch.
As in the manga, Dendy headquarters at Crown so he can search for the Senshis' Command Center.
However, and this is where the consent issues come in, since Mamoru was in a well-established, very consensual relationship with Usagi, Dendy uses the fact that he is physically Mamoru to attempt to manipulate, seduce, and slowly brainwash Usagi into telling him where the Command Center is, weaponizing all of his 'Mamoru-ness' to do so.
In the end, he fails, and Usagi breaks free of his hypnosis on her own before it can go too far.
Early on, Rei engages Dendy in a mental battle of sorts, and relays to a heartbroken Usagi that she doesn't sense Mamoru anywhere within Dendy's subconsciousness, leading the girls to question if he can be restored. Rei also advises that they operate under the assumption that Endou has access to all of Mamoru's memories.
Our darling Motoki is simply sleeping within himself, so the girls are not concerned about their ability to eventually free him.