A/N: I had hoped to update this on the 20th of May, which, if you have seen My Fair Lady, you would know is 'Eliza Doolittle Day.' I missed that target quite spectacularly but here is the next chapter, finally.
To those of you still reading this story: thank you so much for your patience as I wrestle with writer's block. I will get there in the end, I promise.
ooooOOOOoooo
Chapter 13: To sir, with love
If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start
But I would rather you let me give my heart
to sir, with love*
Maria swallowed hard, appalled at her thoughts, as she sat with Eliza in her bedsit room. Even though she was now certain that the Abbey was not her destiny, she had no right to think of the Captain in that way. He belonged to the Baroness, and he was a decorated Naval hero, certainly not the sort of man who would romance a governess. What on earth was she thinking? These ridiculous, insidious longings had to stop, she rebuked herself sternly, but it didn't seem to budge the ache in her chest.
She became aware that Eliza was watching her curiously, waiting to hear more.
"Oh Eliza, I got myself into such a mess," Maria blurted out. Then the whole woeful tale of her deceit with the Captain came out.
Eliza listened, astonished and amused, interspersing Maria's story with occasional gasps, murmurs of "Well I never!" and shrieks of laughter at some of the things Maria had said to the Baroness.
Eliza wiped tears of mirth out of eyes when Maria told her how she had implied that her uncle was in prison and the Baroness' horrified reaction. "Serves 'er right, it does. She was a right 'orrid baggage, she was."
She sobered up a bit. "I don't know why such a fine man would be thinking of marrying the likes of 'er," she said disdainfully.
Maria shrugged, feigning nonchalance. It was a mystery to her too, but then what did she know of love? Who knew why people fell in love or how they behaved when they were in love? Her only experiences of it were some long-distant, treasured memories of her parents' happiness; of laughter and gentle teasing and tender looks.
But maybe it was different with the aristocracy where the union of wealth and status counted more than joy and romance. In those terms there was no doubt the Baroness would make the perfect wife for the Captain.
He certainly did not appear to be a man in the throes of a great passion. Maria remembered that the Captain had said that if he married again, his wife would take care of his children if something happened to him. Was that why he was determined to marry the Baroness, Maria wondered, so he could stay behind and face his fate when the Anschluss came? Before she could think about it more, Eliza interrupted her thoughts.
"I can't believe you did all that pretense for me - to teach them a lesson in 'umility." There was a definite hint of tears in Eliza's eyes and her face was soft with emotion.
Maria nodded. "But it was a foolish thing to do and caused me no end of trouble. It was actually me who ended up learning the lesson about humility. I shouldn't have deceived them."
She sighed, remorsefully, "The awful thing is, it turns out he isn't a snob at all. He's just rude and sarcastic with everyone, no matter what their background. Or at least he used to be. Now I just don't know. He seems different somehow, though he still loves to provoke me." Maria paused, still unsure what to make of the Captain.
Eliza seemed to read her thoughts because she said sagely, "You're right, the Cap'n really is one of them enigma thingies."
"He certainly is," Maria agreed fervently. His behaviour was perplexing, to say the least. She added regretfully, "I always seem to be getting into trouble of my own making. No matter how hard I try to learn to control my impulsiveness. The Sisters were right: I am as flighty as a feather sometimes."
"Well you 'ave a good 'eart." Eliza defended her stoutly. "And you're ever so kind, you are."
Then she continued, curiously, "So 'e didn't fire you despite you pulling the wool over 'is eyes from the beginning?"
"I know, isn't it strange?" Maria mused. "I thought he would send me packing straight away as soon as I confessed this morning. But he didn't. Instead he insisted we find you and put everything right. He did say he was being lenient with me because of the children."
Eliza stared at Maria for so long that she felt uncomfortable.
"What is it?" Maria asked uneasily.
"I think the Cap'n is in love with you," Eliza stated dramatically.
Shock rendered Maria speechless for a moment. "What? In love with me? Of course he isn't," she said, flabbergasted. "Believe me nothing could be further from the truth. The only thing he feels for me is annoyance and exasperation, and he simply delights in taunting me. Not only that, he is practically engaged to the Baroness," Maria protested hotly.
As Eliza looked sceptical, Maria continued to deny her suggestion vehemently.
"I can assure you, the only reason he has kept me on is because he is grateful for the way I have taken care of his children. In fact, he said the children would probably mutiny if he sent me back." Maria's eyes softened with tenderness. "I do love them so much."
Eliza wouldn't be put off. She continued thoughtfully but with growing excitement trying to convince Maria. "But don't you see, the Cap'n didn't fire you, when normally something like that would 'ave set someone like 'im right off. And another thing: 'aven't you noticed the way he looks at you? I could see it a mile off, the way 'e looked into your eyes," she said smugly.
"Oh Eliza, I really don't think so. The very idea of it! Why, it's absurd." Maria squashed a tremulous hope unfurling in her chest.
She paused. "But I do know he likes it when I sing." Maria blushed as she remembered his unvarnished praise in the car. "He said it's like a shimmering moment of magic when I sing," she recounted almost shyly.
His words had been like a precious gift that she would treasure her whole life, bringing them out to wonder at them in quiet moments of joy. Was it vanity, she wondered, a bit disconcerted. No, she decided, it was more a thrill of happiness that she could give him such pleasure. But why was that important for her? She chose to ignore that question.
"Well there ya go then!" Eliza said triumphantly, as if that settled everything.
Maria had to laugh. "I may not know much about love Eliza, but I know it's more than liking someone's singing."
"And 'ow do you feel about 'im?" Eliza asked shrewdly.
"What? Well I … I….I.." Maria floundered, caught off guard, and then rallied indignantly. "He's rude and arrogant and mostly insufferable. He's got a terrible temper and he is so moody, and…. did I mention rude? He's very rude, and arrogant…., very arrogant…." Maria continued to bluster, with her cheeks the colour of cherries, appalled that perhaps Eliza had been able to see her secret yearnings.
Eliza wasn't fooled. "There's nothing more irresistible to a woman than a man who's in love with 'er," she said nodding her head wisely, knowingly.
"Oh for heavens sake Eliza, he's not in love with me and I am certainly not in love with him! And trust me, he's highly resistible. He's sarcastic and overbearing and autocratic."
"Mmm," Eliza said with infuriating disbelief.
Maria decided to change the subject because she felt like she was drowning in this one.
"I forgot to mention that Herr Detweiler - the kind gentleman I told you about who has been giving me singing lessons, - well…." She paused, embarrassed. "Well he is trying to persuade me to sing in the Festival. Isn't that ridiculous?" she asked self-consciously. "I do love to sing, but I could never imagine doing something so grand. Why, the Festival is full of some of the greatest, most exalted musicians. Even Bruno Walter and Arturo Toscanini have performed there."
"I ain't never 'eard of them but I guess they must be famous," Eliza said. "And if this 'err Detweiler thinks you can do it, why don't you try? I'll tell you what, why don't you sing something for me on your own this time. I'll be 'onest, though I ain't no expert."
After some persuasion Maria started a few verses of 'I could have danced all night,' the first song the Captain had heard her sing in the ballroom when she arrived.
"I only know when he,
began to dance with me,
I could have danced, danced all night"
Maria closed her eyes as she sang and her imagination took hold. She could see him in her mind's eye, looking at her with those piercing blue eyes as he whirled her around in a waltz. He had that utterly absorbed look he got whenever he listened to her singing; the look that seemed to cut through his usual dispassionate façade and reveal the intense emotions inside - however much he tried to hide them. The vision filled Maria's heart with yearning and gave her voice a richness and poignancy.
By the time Maria finished and opened her eyes, Eliza was staring at her, awestruck.
Eliza didn't say anything for a long moment. Then she spoke in such a bossy tone that Maria wanted to laugh again. "Well I never! That was just loverly, that was. You 'ad better sing at the Festival, me gal. Blimey, that was the most beautiful bloomin' thing I ever 'eard. You 'ave a gift from God and you don't want to make God cross by not using it to give joy to others. You do it for God, and you do it for Austria!" she said insistently.
Maria just smiled indulgently, touched that Eliza was trying to persuade her.
Eliza continued enthusiastically, "You should be on stage with your name in lights. God gave you such talent for a reason. You need to share your voice for everyone to enjoy its beauty. And you can also show all of them 'oity toity madams and Baronesses and whatnots, just what a mountain girl can do!"
Maria shook her head, amused.
Eliza added craftily, "And just you make sure that fancy Cap'n of yours is there to 'ear it! You sing your 'eart out to your Cap'n; just sing to your 'sir' with love; and he will simply drop dead with passion at your feet, mark my words."
Maria didn't know whether to laugh or be cross. "Really Eliza! For the last time - neither of us is in love with the other," she said, exasperated.
"Oh piffle! Just you wait and see. When you sing at the Festival the streets of Salzburg will be strewn with bodies of men shooting themselves for your sake. The Cap'n will 'ave to scramble over them to get to you," Eliza predicted, melodramatically.
Maria burst into peals of laughter at such a ridiculous idea and Eliza joined in.
When she calmed down, Maria hugged Eliza. "Oh Eliza, you are a dear, trying to give me confidence like this. I'll think about the Festival for your sake, that's all I'll say. But heavens, look at the time, we had better get to the teahouse. The Captain is not the most patient of men. Did I mention he is rude? And arrogant, very arrogant…."
ooooOOOOoooo
Maria and Eliza were on their second serving of Opera cake, laughing and chatting, when Georg entered the café.
The manager led him over to their table, eager to show his happiness at the way the Captain intended to help Eliza. "Not to worry Captain, I have been taking good care of your two fair ladies."
Georg watched, amused as both the two fair ladies in question flushed. They looked at each other and then burst into giggles, no doubt embarrassed and guilty at being caught with their second helping.
His attention was drawn, as always, to Fraulein Maria, but his gaze skidded to a halt and his heart started to thud as he looked at her mouth. There was a smudge of frosting on her face, so close to her delectable lips that he could only stare, transfixed. All of sudden he had a dreadful, unwelcome vision of removing the frosting…. with his mouth, God help him.
With clammy horror he wondered once again what the hell was wrong with him. He had never lusted after unattainable women before. This outrageous nonsense had to stop. He swore at himself, cursing the preposterous thoughts, as if he were an adolescent schoolboy who had never seen a woman before.
He cleared his throat as both the manager and Fraulein Eliza seemed to be looking between the two of them curiously. Fraulein Maria was blushing and avoiding his eyes, probably appalled at being gawked at by her employer. She was a postulant after all, and under his protection, and here he was behaving like a lunatic, and worse, a lech; and with his intended waiting at home, no less.
He spoke brusquely, "Right, it's all settled with the florist. You start on Monday, Fraulein Eliza." Georg softened for a moment to see Fraulein Eliza ready to burst into tears with happiness, but he was relieved that she didn't. He brushed aside her thanks. "Not at all. It's the least I can do Fraulein."
Then briskly again, he spoke to Maria: "Now, if you have indulged your sweet tooth enough Fraulein, we should get going. I am sure the children will be running riot by now."
"Of course, sir," Maria got up, her cheeks still hot.
Outside on the street, she gave Eliza a warm hug. Georg was puzzled as Fraulein Eliza looked Maria in the eye and said some unfathomable words: "Remember what I said, you just sing your 'eart out, to sir with love." Then she gave Georg an awkward curtsy with more gushing thanks and left them.
Maria looked after her, dismayed.
"What was all that about Fraulein?"
He stared after Maria as she mumbled something incoherent and scurried ahead to the car.
On the way home there was more oppressive silence. Fraulein Maria seemed restless and distracted, plucking anxiously at the bouquets of violets from Eliza. He wondered what those two had talked about. No doubt Maria had confessed her daft deceit to her.
He glanced at her and was stunned to see she had distractedly pushed some of the violets into her hair and she had buried her nose in the bouquets. Her eyes were closed, as if in bliss, breathing in their scent. Holy Mother of God, she looked as beautiful as a bride. It made his heart clench. He gritted his teeth and gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white, cursing himself once more. What was it about her that drove him to distraction?
He attempted some conversation but received only monosyllabic responses. "Well that went well didn't it? I am sure Fraulein Eliza will be happy with Frau Meyer."
Then, getting more annoyed, he said, "No doubt you will want to teach the children some bawdy sailors' shanties when we get back."
"Yes sir" she answered, not listening, then startled, "What?" as she realised what he had said.
"You're far away Fraulein," he chided her.
"Oh, sorry. Thank you for what you did for Eliza, Captain." Fraulein Maria spoke politely, subdued, her thoughts still elsewhere.
Irritated at her inattention he resorted to his usual sardonic mockery, which bizarrely, made them both feel better.
"Now, Fraulein, you of all people know that confession is good for the soul. What else would you like to tell me?"
His provocative tone was enough to stiffen her back and bring the spark back into her eyes.
"I have nothing else to confess," she said with great dignity.
But then she thought about it a moment and added reluctantly, "Perhaps I should mention about my Uncle Walthar….."
"Let me guess, he's not in prison?"
Maria took a deep breath. "Well, only of his own making," she prevaricated as Georg rolled his eyes, shaking his head, amused.
"And the pirate ancestor?"
"Oh well uhm, that's a family legend but I don't really know if it is true," she admitted.
He tutted his tongue in an infuriatingly condescending way. "My, my, you've been quite the Governess Machiavelli haven't you? But truth be told you weren't very good at it. I don't think we will ever need your services in clandestine work. You're shockingly bad at it."
Maria gritted her teeth, annoyed and frustrated that he had earned the right to torment her like this, after her folly.
"Perhaps you may find it in your heart to forgive my transgressions at some point Captain," she said evenly.
"Oh undoubtedly so, Fraulein. But for the moment I am having far too much fun. Think of it as penance for your actions."
He continued provokingly, clearly enjoying needling her. "I am sure you regret your moment of madness. Perhaps we should look to the wisdom of the ancient Greeks again in this instance. Who was it who said 'No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness,' Fraulein?"
"Aristotle, Captain."
"I'm impressed," he taunted. "What about this one: 'Control thy passions, lest they take revenge on thee.'"
Her eyes flashed with annoyance. "Epictetus."
"Well done Fraulein. Perhaps you might endeavour to remember that the next time your impulsiveness takes hold of you," he smirked.
With a heated response ready on her lips, Maria was proud that she managed to control the impulse to reply, knowing he was relishing baiting her.
"Nothing to say?" He sounded disappointed.
"Nothing repeatable," she retorted before she could stop herself. Secretly, though, she felt rather relieved that her aggravation with him was distracting her from her other confusing feelings.
Georg chuckled. "Oh-ho. That is intriguing. Just what kind of naughty words does a postulant know, I wonder."
"Trust me Captain, you would be the only one who could ever draw them out of me. And there is no need to patronise me."
She turned away from him to gaze out the window, indignation etched in her profile, knowing he was still smirking. But soon her thoughts were occupied with more important things.
After a long silence she broke out impulsively, "Captain I'd like to walk home please."
"What?" he asked, startled at the change in conversation. "No, it's too far." He paused. "I was only teasing Fraulein," he added gruffly. He wondered uncomfortably if she was concerned he would pounce on her in the car, after his unconscionable staring at the teahouse. Maybe he should reassure her about her safety.
"I know that Captain, it's just that I need to think about some things. And the sky is so blue and everything looks so fragrant. I just want to be a part of it for a moment. Please?" she pleaded quietly.
His mouth tightened as he agreed reluctantly. "Alright, I'll drop you off closer to Aigen."
He stopped the car. Unable to help himself he watched her from the rear view mirror as he drove off, entranced as she took a deep breath. She stood, simply, next to the meadow of wildflowers and butterflies, as slender and lovely as a woodland fairy. Her arms were raised out slightly almost worshiping the beauty of nature, her face turned up to the warmth of the sun, like a beautifully blooming edelweiss flower.
A horn blared, shocking him. Swearing, he immediately swerved as realised he had veered dangerously to other side of the almost deserted road. Damn it all, he would end up in a ditch if he wasn't careful, he realised irritably.
Staring at a forest nymph indeed, he snorted to himself. Thankfully he turned a corner and she was out of sight. He resolved grimly to stay out of her way as much as possible until her time with them was over. No matter how stimulating it was to banter with her, to tease her and torment her, he needed to keep his distance. No doubt he would get over his unseemly attraction soon enough.
Maria stood for a moment, drinking in the splendour of God's creation, allowing it to soothe her troubled spirits. For some reason the world seemed to be painted with the most vivid hues today: the magnificent blue of the sky, the bright white clouds scudding across the sky, the lush green of the oak forest, and the splashes of bright red poppies in the field nearby. Insects buzzed all around, flitting amongst the flowers.
Maria breathed it all in as she struggled to find peace amidst the turmoil of her emotions. Her head was churning with the conversation with Eliza. Was she right? Was she in love with the Captain? Surely not, how could she have fallen in love with such a caustic, infuriating man who seemed to delight only in provoking her.
But then there were times when he would let his guard down and he would look at her in such a way that she could hardly breathe. Just now in the teahouse for instance.
The more she saw of him the more he seemed to be falling deeper into her heart: his tenderness with his children, showing he had a great capacity to love; his passionate, courageous commitment to defend Austria; and his honourable, decent behaviour with Eliza, helping her when he had no need to.
And she would be deceiving herself if she didn't admit she did like sparring with him, pitting her intellect against his, as aggravating as he could be. It stirred something deep inside her that he respected her enough to engage on equal terms with her. And there was the secret delight she took in his pleasure over her singing.
Was this love? She just didn't know. But it did feel strangely exhilarating, as if she were floating on a cloud of happiness. Even if it could only ever be her own closely guarded secret, she felt the elation bubbling inside her, making her want to sing and twirl with joyous abandon. Love was the most precious of things, even if it sprang up in the most inappropriate of places.
She walked along the lane towards the von Trapp villa, lost in thought, trailing her fingers absently along the high weeds and wildflowers growing by the road. A song came to her that she had learned long ago but which had little meaning to her at the time. Now it felt as if each word was engraved on her newly enraptured heart as she sang it softly.
I have often walked down this street before
But the pavement always
Stayed beneath my feet before
All at once am I
Several stories high
Knowing I'm on the street where you live
Are there lilac trees
In the heart of town?
Can you hear a lark in any other part of town?
Does enchantment pour
Out of every door?
No, it's just on the street where you live
And oh, the towering feeling
Just to know somehow you are near
The overpowering feeling
That any second you may suddenly appear
People stop and stare
They don't bother me
For there's no where else on earth
That I would rather be
Let the time go by
I won't care if I
Can be here
on the street where you live**
Maria reached the gates of the villa, staring through them just as she had a month ago, but this time with a curious mixture of trepidation, joy and confusion. Oh help, she sighed, unsure of what to do about these unsettling new feelings. There was nothing for it but to keep her newly discovered love to herself.
She just needed to avoid the Captain for the next month and then she would leave and embark on the next adventure in her life, though she had no idea what that would be.
No doubt she would get over her feelings for the Captain soon enough, she decided resolutely. Taking a deep breath, she clanked open the gates once again.
ooooOOOOoooo
A/N: Thank you to those lovely souls who encouraged me to keep going with this. You know who you are. xx
A quick note about why I love the cover photo for this story. Despite the drama and heartache of Dame Julie not getting the film role in 'My Fair Lady,' and Audrey Hepburn not even getting an Oscar nomination for starring in it, I like to think those two infinitely classy, gracious ladies rose above it and became firm friends. The photo shows the two of them when Julie won the Oscar for 'Mary Poppins.'
*To sir, with love, lyrics and music by Black and London
**On the street where you live, lyrics and music by Lerner and Lowe, My Fair Lady
Thanks for reading and I would love to know your thoughts.
I do not own TSOM or MFL.