Chapter 21: Fanning the flames
When Maria wished the children goodnight that evening they were still in high spirits, chatting excitedly about their rowboat mishap, and how astonished they were that their father had not minded getting drenched in the lake. Smiling, she kissed each one tenderly, somewhat surprised herself.
She answered a knock on her door. It was Max.
"How are you feeling, my dear?"
"Much better, thank you. I think my voice is back. You were right. The day on the mountain was just what I needed."
"Splendid. We should have another rehearsal shortly. After all, your performance is only two evenings away. It's best if you put on your gown and get dressed as if tonight were the Festival performance itself. By luck, I managed to arrange a small chamber orchestra to help us rehearse this evening. It was quite difficult finding musicians available in the middle of the Festival but I managed to pull some strings." He chuckled at his own absurd joke.
Maria smiled affectionately. "Oh how lovely! Thank you so much." Touched by his efforts to help her once again, she hugged him.
Max grinned self-consciously, though pleased. "Be down in about half an hour. They're setting up in the ballroom."
The ballroom? Maria realised she hadn't been in there since her first day when she had peeked in curiously. She remembered how she had been drawn irresistibly inside, entranced by the burnished gilt panelling and the opulent murals on the walls. Overawed by beauty of the room, she had felt a song welling up in her; that song that she loved so passionately: 'I could have danced all night.'
She smiled as she recalled how infuriated the Captain had been to hear her singing in his ballroom. And then it had only got worse when she put on her silly accent and completely confounded him. Could it really have been only two months ago?
Maria got ready for her dress rehearsal, though she was distracted by the discussion she intended to have with the Captain later, when she would offer to look after his children while he heeded the call to defend Austria. Nervously, she wondered how he would react.
Maria took out the creamy-white gown that Max had designed for her, the one she had worn to the ball. She remembered how staggered the Captain had been when he had first seen her in it. Looking in the mirror, she was once again astonished by the gorgeous dress, its graceful folds flowing gently around her. With the light catching the delicate embroidery threaded through it, it shimmered softly.
She put on her long white gloves, then sighed at the shadowed sadness in her eyes as she looked at her reflection, a testimony to a love that could never be.
Downstairs, she could hear the dissonant sounds of the musicians tuning up. She peered into the ballroom and gasped. Transfixed by disbelief, she simply stared; it looked even more magnificent than she remembered. The ballroom was lit up, not with the harsh glare of electric lighting, but with several flickering candelabra. The countless candles created a soft amber glow, throwing dancing shadows around the room, illuminating the paintings on the walls in a hauntingly lovely way. The whole atmosphere was dreamlike.
Maria put her hands to her cheeks, lost in wonder at the magical scene.
"Ah, there you are. You look sensational." Max emerged out of shadows, drawing her in.
"I thought candlelight would be far more evocative of the ambience of the Festival. As you know it's being held at the Felsenreitschule and it looks terribly dramatic, with its four-hundred year-old stone arches and muted lighting." He gestured around. "All this will help you make believe you are standing on the stage at the Festival."
He introduced Maria to the chamber orchestra, a group of six musicians. She thanked them warmly for helping her with her rehearsal.
"Right, let's get started shall we," Max said briskly.
She rehearsed the first two pieces laboriously, not entirely happy with how they went. Even though she was able to hit all the right notes again, her voice still sounded strained.
She was on the second verse of the last piece when she jumped in fright as the ballroom doors crashed open. She looked up, astonished to see the Captain. He looked as imposing as he had when she had first set eyes on him in this room all those weeks ago. This time he was wearing the same formal evening-wear as he had at the ball – white tie and tails. Maria's pulse raced, drawn to his magnetism, and mesmerised by how handsome he looked.
Her heart sank though, as she realised that he must be going out for the evening. She told herself that it was only disappointment that their discussion this evening would have to wait, rather than the fact that she didn't know where he was going or who he was going to be with now that the Baroness had gone. She ignored the hideous little stab of jealousy in her belly. Of course a man like him must have dozens of admiring ladies at his beck and call.
But why had he banged open the doors so abruptly like that, just as he had done when she met him? And why was he standing there looking at her enigmatically? Was he in another foul mood? He had seemed good humoured enough, though exasperated, this afternoon when he had fallen in the lake. But she of all people knew how mercurial his moods could be.
She suddenly wondered with dread if Max had forgotten to ask permission to use the ballroom, and now the Captain was enraged that people were prying into rooms that should not to be disturbed. She looked at Max, but he was conferring with the musicians, unconcerned about the Captain's appearance.
Puzzled, she looked back at the Captain. He was gazing at her inscrutably, both hands still holding the ballroom doors open. Vaguely apprehensive, she waited for some crushing words. But he merely stepped inside and closed the doors, causing the candle flames to gutter and dance wildly with the drafts of air.
The only sounds were the tap of his impeccably polished shoes on the wooden floor as he walked towards her. Then he was standing before her and she found that once again she could hardly breathe; as if the candles had absorbed all the air in the room.
"May I have this dance?" he asked, bowing.
Maria's mouth dropped open in shock. "What?" she asked faintly, unable to comprehend what was going on.
She glanced at Max, bewildered, but he only looked at her wryly. "I believe Georg owes you a waltz, Maria. A proper one, after making such a hash of the last one at the ball."
Max smiled at her as she stared at him, dumbfounded. "Personally, if I were you, I would let him stew in his own misery a little longer. He deserves it after being so overbearing, and so ridiculously obtuse for so long."
"Thank you Max," the Captain said dryly, but his eyes were on Maria.
As if in a trance she slowly reached out to take the hand the Captain held out to her. Behind her, the string ensemble, on a cue from Max, launched into a Strauss waltz, the 'Morgenblätter.' Vibrant, lilting notes wafted in the air.
With her thoughts befuddled, she felt the Captain place his hands on her in the waltz position. She couldn't prevent the shiver of shock at his touch. A part of her wondered how his firm hold on her could unleash such a tempest in her body. Her heart was thudding frantically, her blood was surging, and the soft hairs on her arms and neck were standing alert. Every one of her senses zeroed in on where he touched her, his presence filling her whole world.
Swirling around in the Captain's arms she felt as if she were floating, with the notes of the waltz cascading around them. The gleam of candlelight became a lustrous blur as they whirled in circles. Confusion still made her mind sluggish though. She felt as if everything had suddenly fragmented into pieces and was being put back together in an entirely different way that she didn't understand. But if her mind was struggling, her body seemed faster in comprehending, trembling with hope and longing, every nerve ending fired up with anticipation.
She kept her eyes on the medal around his neck too fearful to look into his eyes in case she was wrong. She heard him say her name softly, coaxingly.
Bravely, she looked up. Her breath caught, stunned by what she could see in his face. There was tenderness, warmth, and something so unfamiliar she couldn't name it at first. Was that adoration she could see there? Surely not.
He led her in the waltz to the far end of the ballroom, where the longer shadows gave them a bit of privacy from the musicians.
Continuing to dance, he murmured quietly, "Max informs me I am an idiot, a wilfully blind idiot." Humour lurked in his eyes that she didn't contradict him, she was still speechless.
"He called me every kind of fool this morning, when he told me you needed to go up to your mountain to restore your voice. He said he was sick of dropping hints these last weeks which I kept refusing to see, and he threatened all kinds of dire consequences if I was stupid enough to let you get away."
"I… I don't understand." But little explosions of happiness like fireworks were already going off in her mind.
The Captain quirked his eyebrows. "No doubt you are familiar with the saying: "There are none so blind as those who do not wish to see"?"
The way he was looking at Maria made her feel weak, but she managed to answer, her mind glad of something it could grasp easily through the turbulence of emotions. Their little intellectual sparring game, which had begun on her first night here, was something she could readily latch on to.
"Uhm.. er, that was Thomas Heywood in about 1600, but its origins are in the Bible, and… uh… Plato said something similar before that." She stopped as she saw the tender amusement slide into his eyes. She felt faintly embarrassed by her school-teacherish response.
"Well done, Fraulein." The husky texture of his voice was so infused with feeling that 'Fraulein' sounded more like 'darling.'
"Of course after Max said his piece, it was so damn obvious that I had been in denial, it was like suddenly seeing everything with perfect clarity after being in a fog. But then I needed some way to talk to you without you bolting, as you did when I tried to apologise for my bad behaviour at the ball. I asked Max to organize an orchestra and he managed to get a string ensemble at short notice."
"You arranged all this?" she asked, astonished.
"I asked him to organise musicians and a few candles. Of course he took it to this dramatic level with all the candelabra, but you are so dear to him, I am not surprised."
He paused. "It seemed fitting that we go back to our first meeting, at least for what I have to say."
But then he didn't say any more, as if content to whirl her around masterfully. It made Maria realise how perfect it felt to be led by him. She would happily follow him to the ends of the Earth, and through the fires of hell and back if he asked her to.
The waltz ended but before the ensemble could start a new one, he took her hand and murmured in her ear. "Let's go outside. What I need to say should not have an audience."
He led her to the French doors, but stopped to thank the musicians courteously, then instructed Max.
"Get Franz to organize some refreshments please, I need to talk to Maria. We'll be back in an hour."
Although Max looked complacently happy to see Maria's flushed cheeks, he observed the restrained hunger in Georg's eyes with suspicion. His gaze slid protectively back to Maria, and he said firmly, "I'll give you twenty minutes."
"Forty five," Georg negotiated, irritably.
"Thirty, and then I'll be out for looking for you."
Georg scowled at Max, and led Maria outside. He took her down to the garden, to a grove of trees, shielded from view. The moon was a ghostly shadow, obscured by clouds, but still, a faint mist rising off the lake's surface could be seen. A gentle breeze with a hint of autumn chill cooled Maria's heated skin.
She waited, trembling uncertainly despite everything that happened. A sudden veil of shyness and a lingering sense of disbelief prevented her from throwing her arms around the Captain as she longed to do.
"Maria," the way he said her name felt like a caress, as if he had reached out and stroked a finger down her bare arm, making her shiver.
The love was there in his eyes, unhidden, as he reached for both her hands.
"I've got another one for you." There was a faint teasing light in his eyes. "Who was it who said: "Love is composed of a single soul, inhabiting two bodies"?"
"Aristotle, Captain," she whispered with her heart in her throat,
As if in a dream she felt the Captain draw her closer. His hands reached up to cup her head gently, looking at her as if she was the most precious thing in the world. He lowered his head ever so slowly, and Maria felt the gentle brush of his mouth, as soft as a butterfly wing, against her forehead, her closed eyes, and then trailing along her cheeks.
Then, as if waiting for her final acquiescence, his mouth hovered just above hers and she could feel the waft of his warm breath as she waited, unbearably impatient for his kiss. Unable to stand it, she lifted her head the tiny distance until she felt the smile on his mouth. Her first kiss felt tender, sensuous and achingly sweet. His lips felt dry and warm, and astonishingly, given how firm his mouth looked, velvety.
Overwhelmed by the moment Maria broke the kiss and tucked her head under his chin as he held her tightly. She felt the kiss on her hair. Under her hand she could feel his heart beat, steady and strong. The tantalising scent of his skin filled her nose. Sighing with happiness, her lips inadvertently brushed his neck and she heard him inhale sharply and felt the shudder of need course through him.
Still holding her as if he would never let her go, he started speaking again. She could feel the rumble of his voice through his chest.
"Maria, I'm sorry, I've wanted to apologise ever since the debacle of our first dance the other night. I've been so stupid. Not just that night but for weeks before. I should have realised that I had fallen deeply in love again, but I just couldn't admit it to myself. Perhaps it seemed a betrayal of what I had with Agathe." He paused, sighing.
"Then with all the complications of the Anschluss and worrying about what to do about the children; you being a postulant; and me courting someone else; well it just blinded me to what was so obvious. It's utterly galling that Max of all people, realised long before I did. He is never usually so observant."
Maria lifted her head, smiling. "Eliza realised I was in love before I did too. She sensed it as soon as she saw us together. She was the one who forced me to admit it to myself. I didn't want to believe it. Not when I was supposed to be promising myself to God. But it made me realise I could never take my vows as a nun, not when I loved you so much."
That earned her another tender kiss. Her beloved captain looked at her indulgently. "Do you know when Max claims that he could tell I was falling in love? He says it was that time when I was rendered speechless after hearing you sing in the library."
A puff of laughter escaped Maria. "What, really?"
"But he was wrong of course. It was even before that." He smiled as Maria looked puzzled.
"I think I fell in love with you before I had even set eyes on you. I could never have imagined that such thing could be possible. When I heard you singing in the ballroom when you arrived that afternoon, it felt as if you were wrenching open a door in my life. I remember feeling stunned and disoriented, as if my world had turned upside down.
"And the sheer beauty of your voice made me incapable of slamming that door shut again. Your voice tugged at my soul and moved me like nothing has before. All these weeks I've had an incessant craving to hear it, like a damned addict. Even your morning and evening lessons with Max weren't enough. It's been an endless voracious need.
"And then recently, I've had these persistent melancholy dreams about wandering through a labyrinth and being hesitant to open a particular door. It seems even my subconscious was trying to tell me what I was denying to myself."
Maria smiled. "I think I started to fall in love when I saw the expression on your face when I put on that silly accent."
"Hmm, yes you were quite a minx, tricking me like that. Which reminds me, I still have to think of a suitable punishment." His eyes gleamed with amusement, and something more, a fire, tamped down for the moment but waiting to burst into flame.
The next kiss was not quite as gentle as the first. It was heady and intoxicating but still tightly controlled, as if the Captain was carefully unleashing his passion so as not to overwhelm her. This time she could feel that his heart beat had accelerated when she rested her head against his chest.
Maria wanted this moment to last all eternity, but he was already lifting her head gently from his shoulder, cupping her cheeks.
He suddenly looked grave. "Maria," then stopped as if not wanting to continue, as if dreading crushing this moment of joy. But he forced himself.
"My love." He looked up at the sky, blinking. "For the moment at least, I have nothing to offer you but my undying love. When all this over…" He gestured vaguely. "….the Anschluss. When I return… or when you all come back; then I will be able to get down on my knee and propose. But right now, I cannot. I'm sorry." He heaved a sigh that seemed to come from the depths of his soul.
"It's alright. I understand. In any case I was going to talk to you this evening, to offer to look after the children for you. I realised that when I was sitting in a tiny church on the Untersberg today, that that was God's path for me: to care for the children. I never dreamed or dared to hope that you could love me too."
She sighed painfully. "I don't suppose you will change your mind?" she asked tentatively, already knowing the answer.
"I can't Maria, though it tears me apart. If the Chancellor gives the orders for a mobilization then I must step forward to defend Austria."
"And if he doesn't?"
"I don't know. Nobody knows what will happen. Even General Towarek, when I spoke to him at the ball, doesn't know. And he is privy to all the Government's military briefings and intelligence reports. God knows, nobody has the stomach for another war, not after the horrors of the last one. But how can we just accept being devoured by the Third Reich?"
"Well I can't ask you to be less than you are, even if it breaks my heart." She traced the firm line of his mouth, her smile wobbly despite the spine-tingling way he kissed her fingertips.
"How did she do it?" she asked with a catch in her voice. "Your wife? Sending you off to war, for all those terrible years?"
"Agathe hated it, she was terrified every time she sent me off. But she knew she had married a military man. We don't have a choice about defending our country."
"She was very brave," Maria said quietly. "I will try to be brave too." But she could feel the tears and despair welling up inside and swallowed hard to keep them down. She tucked her head into his shoulder again so he wouldn't see the anguish in her eyes. The thought of something happening to him made her feel as if she were being hurled off a cliff.
The Captain gently stroked her hair trying to reassure them both that a wonderful future awaited. He painted a vision in vivid colours to soothe them both and keep the fear at bay.
"I will come back to you, just as I came back to Agathe. We'll be married when I come back, or when you all return from England. We'll have big white wedding, perhaps in the Cathedral, with you in a dress so beautiful it will make my knees weak. We'll be married by the Archbishop of Salzburg himself, and then I will take you on a grand honeymoon, perhaps to Rome or Paris or Athens, and I will pamper you with every luxury."
Maria smiled tremulously. "I don't need all of that," she whispered. "I just want to be with you and the children, and know that you are safe and well."
He caressed her face, kissing her eyelids almost reverently. "Thank you for offering to look after the children. You don't know what that means to me - to know that they will be in your care. It allays my biggest worry. You have already made them so happy, and they love you so much."
He sighed deeply again. "We don't have much time, a matter of weeks at most, before I send you all to England, to the children's grandparents. Hitler has summoned the Chancellor to Berchtesgaden for 'talks'," he grimaced. "I don't know how long the Chancellor can hold out against him."
Held tightly in his arms, Maria reflected sadly on how unfettered joy could sit alongside both anguish and fear. It hurt her heart to think of it. But at least she could look after his children for him, and ease his mind that way.
She looked up as she heard the Captain's curse. Despite everything, she still couldn't think of him as anything other than 'the Captain.'
"It's Max calling for us. We had better go in," he said, clearly loathe to go back. But then he stopped her.
"Maria, wait. When we go in, will you sing for me? Your voice has been the only thing that has given me respite from the constant worry. I can't seem to sate my need for it, no matter how often I hear it."
Maria whispered, "Of course."
She cupped his face with one hand, love shining in her eyes. She was thrilled when he moved his mouth into her hand to kiss her palm. She felt the tingle of the kiss right down to her toes.
"To tell you the truth, all these weeks I have been singing only for you. It was what gave me the courage to sing in front of all those people at the ball. It was my gift to you, but one I could never tell you about."
"My love." His eyes and voice were full of reverent emotion.
He kissed the tip of her nose. "We'd better go in. No doubt Max is flapping about like a mother hen. There's so much more I need to say to you but it can wait until tomorrow."
They walked in silence back towards the house. With her hand held tightly in his, Maria's heart leapt every time he stopped for a moment to steal a loving kiss.
At the top of the steps Max waited, looking peeved, tapping his foot impatiently. His arms were folded like an irate father of a courting daughter. It made them both smile and lightened their mood.
With a spark of amusement Georg spoke to Maria, loud enough for Max to hear as they went up the steps.
"You have no idea how infuriating Max has been, acting so superior and smug, berating me, just because he realised long before I did. He's been completely insufferable and driving me insane."
Max ignored his comments as they came up to him. He looked at his watch to emphasise his point.
"While I am glad you have finally come to your senses Georg – even if it took you forever to see the light - you are far over the time I allotted."
Georg rolled his eyes, more amused than annoyed at being chastened like an errant suitor.
Max suddenly looked worried as he glanced at Maria. "Wait a minute, he's not going to forbid you to perform at the Festival now is he? I've no doubt he's selfish enough to want to to keep you all to himself."
"Oh." Maria had forgotten about the Festival even though she had been rehearsing barely half an hour ago.
Georg's mouth tightened. "We didn't have time to discuss that – our time was too short," he said pointedly. He paused as both Maria and Max looked at him expectantly, anxious to see what he would say.
He scowled. "Hmm, well, I've hated the idea from the start. But…. it seems to be all arranged doesn't it?" he admitted reluctantly. "And now at least I can keep a closer eye if you try to exploit my fiancée."
"Fiancée!" Max crowed with delight. "Ah-hah! I knew you weren't as senseless as you appeared to be, Georg. That's the most intelligent thing you've done in very a long time. I had hoped you wouldn't be foolish enough to let this girl get away."
"Thank you for the congratulations Max, if that's what that was," Georg replied dryly.
But Max was kissing Maria on the cheek affectionately, as her eyes glistened with tears of joy.
Max couldn't resist needling Georg.
"Now, are you sure Maria? He's hardly a great catch. He's terribly moody and bad tempered. You'll have your work cut out for you, taming his awful temperament. Perhaps you should consider one of the dozens of pleasant young men who were admiring you at the ball instead."
To Max's gratification, Georg took the bait easily, his brows furrowed fiercely. "Max!" he snapped irritably.
Max merely grinned gleefully. Maria soothed Georg's annoyance with a gentle stroke of her hand on his cheek. She was secretly overjoyed and astonished at her power to calm him. His frown eased and he grasped her hand to kiss her fingers.
Despite the pleasure that Max and Georg appeared to take in provoking each other, Maria was touched by the warm, fraternal way they shook hands. With an exhilarated, relaxed smile Georg cordially clapped Max on the shoulder, accepting his congratulations.
Max led them inside. "Right, we have time for more rehearsal. Georg, why don't you sit over there so you won't be a distraction."
Maria sang as if her heart had wings, her voice soaring with the joy of loving openly and being loved back. Although her Captain's face was mostly in shadow she could see the glitter of his eyes and knew the adoration she could see there was mirrored in her own face. He looked tranquil and enraptured. She sang long after the musicians left, with Max and her Captain as her only audience. She sang as many of the candles burned low, their wicks extinguished by liquid wax with a quiet hiss and a wisp of smoke, and as wax dripped down the candelabras forming soft clumps. She sang as another day faded into eternity.
ooooOOOOOoooo
Maria fell asleep with a prayer of thanks on her lips. She realised with wonder, that God had been exceptionally kind to her, making her dreams come true beyond her wildest imaginings.
It should have been a restful sleep, but she awoke abruptly after disturbing dreams she couldn't remember, a nameless dread in her chest. Tossing and turning, she couldn't fall back asleep. Already assailed by doubts, she soon fell prey to the demons that haunt the darkest hours before dawn. They pranced in macabre dances, crushing rational thought and magnifying every anguish and fear and worry into suffocating panic.
Maria shot upright, gasping. She suddenly knew with absolute certainty she did not want to marry the Captain after he returned from an uncertain future. She looked out of her window. Dawn was breaking, though the streaks of the long night remained in the pale sky. She could see a soft mist curling over the lake.
Anxious to tell the Captain, and unable to control the impulse, she put on her robe and padded in bare feet out of the room.
She wasn't entirely sure where the master bedroom was but she knew which wing of the villa it was in. In the hushed silence of the dark corridors she found a door and knocked softly. When there was no response she turned the handle quietly, not wanting to wake anyone else up.
With the faint grey light seeping in from the window she could make out the Captain's form in the bed. But he wasn't asleep. He turned sharply and stared in shock as if she were an apparition.
"God in heaven, Maria, what are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep. I had to talk to you."
"Go back to your room darling. You can't be in here with me. We can talk later today."
"No, this can't wait." She took a deep breath. "I've realised with absolute certainty I can't marry you after you return."
"What?" Though the light was too dim to see his reaction, his tone was shocked, almost pained.
She hastily clarified, "I've realised that we should marry now, straight away, before you send us all away."
"What?" he repeated. For a while he seemed stupefied. Then he got out of bed.
Maria heard the rustle of clothes though she couldn't see in the gloomy light. There was a metallic slide of a zip and the soft clink of a belt. Puzzled, she wondered why he was getting changed. Surely he could talk to her while in his pyjamas and a robe?
Then stunned, she realised he probably hadn't been wearing anything, that's why he was dressing. Did he even have pyjamas? The idea electrified her and she completely lost her train of thought. She felt as if her whole body were suddenly engulfed in flames, scorching her with unfamiliar feelings that were almost frightening in intensity.
It finally dawned on her that her impulsiveness had got the better of her again, and led her unthinkingly into forbidden territory. They were alone in his bedroom, with the coils of pent-up desire swirling dangerously around them. It wouldn't take much to light the volatile touchpaper to start an inferno.
Her Captain walked past her, buttoning his shirt as he went to the door, though he didn't tuck it into his trousers. He looked down the hallway and then shut the door quietly.
"Now, what's this all about? You really shouldn't be here." He sounded harried.
"What? Oh ...uhm..." She put a hand to her hair in consternation as her mind remained blank. It took a while to gather her wits; but then her need to make him understand took over again.
"I've realised we have to marry now. We can't wait for a future we know nothing about."
"Maria," he began patiently. "We must wait. We can't elope. The Church would never allow it."
"But it wouldn't be eloping if we follow all the catechisms." Maria frantically tried to convince him, certain this was the right thing to do.
"Sister Sophia told me once, that before and during the Great War many people got married quickly because soldiers were going off to war. The Church allowed it as long as they could prove that they understood the seriousness of marriage."
He sighed, but said firmly. "No Maria, we can't marry quickly. We'll just have to be patient. Think of the scandal. I know what a snake-pit the aristocracy can be."
"But I don't care about that. You're sending us all away anyway, so the children won't be hurt by the gossip. Austria is going to be in turmoil after the Anschluss. No-one will even notice or care what we do. Which means we only have to answer to God," she pleaded, desperate to convince him as he shook his head.
"Please, Cap- oh! I can't say your name yet," she mused fretfully. "I'll have to practice." She paused and chewed her lip. "'Darling' seems so much easier to say."
A tender smile quirked. "I think I can live with 'darling,'" he agreed. His eyes seemed riveted by the way her mouth plumped up as she bit her lip. But then he wrenched his gaze away as if he needed to focus.
"Maria, my love, listen to me." He rubbed an exhausted hand through his ruffled hair. The light was brighter now and she could see from the smudges under his eyes that he had had trouble sleeping too. He paused for a long time as if searching for the right words, and then spoke carefully.
"We don't know what is going to happen. What we do know is that the Third Reich has a formidable military apparatus, and that Austria's defences are pitiful. There is a chance…. a real possibility that I won't return. I could be taken prisoner or injured or forced into service or…. " He didn't need to spell it out.
"Which means you would be left with the responsibility of seven children on your own, without an opportunity of starting a new life. As much as I would give anything to marry you now, I am not that selfish and greedy."
"Nothing is going to happen to you!" Maria said fiercely, as if by sheer force of will she could prevent it. "But don't you see? We should do it for the children's sake, so that they will have a mother, no matter what. And whatever happens I will be taking care of them for the rest of my life. So you can't deny me this chance of being a real mother to them now…."
She blushed hotly and continued in a whisper, "…and, and also a wife. To you. I could never marry anyone else as long as I live."
"Oh Maria-"
"Darling please, listen to me. You know deep inside that this is the right thing to do, the best thing for all of us; not just for me but for the children too; a chance for unimaginable happiness. You are just being too noble and stubborn. Just let me talk to the Reverend Mother later today and see whether she thinks it's possible for us to marry before I take the children out of Austria."
She could tell his resolve was weakening. Clutching the back of his neck he rubbed it, lost in thought. He paced, restless and brooding, his eyes as dark as night, then stopped to stare out of the window at the orange and rosy hue of the sky. The horizon looked as if it had caught fire as a new day dawned. He sighed.
"God forgive me, but, yes, alright. Let's talk to the Reverend Mother and see what she says," he agreed reluctantly.
Maria gave a tiny squeak of joy, her hands clasped ecstatically together, practically bouncing on her toes with exultation.
As she rushed over to him, he stopped her with a warning finger as he added sternly: "But if she does not allow it you will have to listen to her. Promise me."
Maria flew over to him and into his arms. "I promise. You won't regret this I swear."
He held her in his arms, lifting her off her feet above him as he twirled her around slowly. "Maria, darling, of course I won't regret it. You have no idea how much I want this, but I am more concerned about you. You-"
But Maria shut him up by leaning down and kissing him, astonished at her own bravery. The kiss rapidly blazed out of control, like a spark on dry tinder. Within seconds the conflagration was consuming them both.
Jubilantly, Maria could tell he had forgotten his apparent previous resolve to take things slowly with her, to lead her gently to intimacy. As if he couldn't help it, the kiss was ferocious and demanding. She clung to him, glimpsing heaven. He finally let her go with a groan.
With his chest heaving and drawing in harsh breaths of air, he stepped back. "You had better go, while I am still capable of letting you go."
"Couldn't I stay here a little longer?" Maria asked, yearning to experience more passionate kisses.
"Absolutely not! You're a temptation even a saint couldn't resist. And I have never claimed to be a saint. Besides, I need to face your Reverend Mother with a clear conscience."
Maria smiled. "You're coming with me?"
"Of course I am. I have to ask her permission to marry you. She only lent you to me and now I am stealing you away." He paused and coughed. "Ehrm. Is she very formidable?" The question was only half joking.
Maria laughed at the idea that someone as fierce as he could be, might be daunted by anyone. Elation bubbled through her blood, as effervescent as the champagne she had yet to try.
"Oh no, she's an angel. Now Sister Berthe on other hand, could easily take you on in one of your terrible moods. In fact there was a time when I thought she might be your long lost twin," she added cheekily.
"Is that so?" He raised arrogant eyebrows and tried but failed to look intimidating. "And I don't have terrible moods," he denied with starchy dignity. "Except perhaps when undisciplined governesses get under my skin. No doubt Sister Berthe and I could compare notes about your transgressions. Now, go back to your room please, and make sure no one sees you."
When she still made no move he muttered something uncomplimentary under his breath about disobedient fiancées.
"You know Max has it all wrong. It's me who is going to have trouble taming you," he said disagreeably. With that he strode over to open the door and stood beside it, as arrogantly as he had when he silently demanded she leave his ballroom upon their first meeting.
His face was an austere, haughty mask. But with blossoming confidence Maria laughed softly and walked to the door, playfully drawing his head down for a tantalisingly brief kiss as she left. She was delighted when his mouth clung to hers, and then his hand snaked out to grab her wrist as she sauntered away, reeling her back in for another kiss. She felt euphoric about her newly discovered power to make him lose his precious control, if only temporarily.
Not even sure if her feet touched the ground, she went back to her room, her anguish about the future forgotten for the moment.
She would have to see what the new day would bring.
ooooOOOOoooo
A/N: I have left My Fair Lady behind now, though Eliza will still make an appearance.
Thank you for reading. I would love to know your thoughts
I do not own TSOM