Author's note: Yes, I'm finally updating. But I have a shocking piece of information to announce… I lied! 00 Because this story will not be as short as I have thought. No, instead, each chapter will be a different transcript of each job Emmet tries for. Some will be short, some will be long. I hope that's ok will everyone. Please forgive my lie… :D
Also, please note, that I will actually draw who goes with Emmet where, unless of course, I have reason for a particular person to go with him. Like in this chapter. The reason will become apparent later on.
Esme was NOT Kidding
Chapter 2
Edward's Record
When Rosalie finally persuaded Emmet into the room, they let him look over the list that Bella had created. (A/N: quotes from the list are in italics)
Emmet's Job Ideas (He must try them all, if he disagrees, we'll take it up with Esme. Mwhahaha! No Edward, I'm not conversing in the language of Mhwhaha's. Simply laughing. So sue me. Just kidding! Why was I Mwhaha-ing? Cause of something I wrote; see here? Why am I writing this all down instead of saying it? I dunno, it sounded fun, I guess. On with the list? If you say so…)
"Whoa!" Remarked Emmet, "Bella wrote this?"
This caused a flurry of action in which everyone else hurried over to read over her shoulder, while Bella looked on, blushing. Alice and Rosalie cracked up.
Starting over then…
Emmet's Job Ideas
Hair Dresser
"You think I'm going to be WHAT NOW?"
Fast Food Worker (McDonald's? Burger King?)
Emmet narrowed his eyes at the others.
Ice Cream Man
"Now that I could do! Spreading joy to little kids… and to me! Free ice cream! Yeehah!"
Pet Store Worker
Emmet gave the others a "are you for real?" look.
Grocery Store Dude
"Getting a little uncreative, I must say."
Rock Band Member
"OOH! COOL! MUST TRY!"
"Calm down, Emmet." Rosalie said.
Movie Set Worker
Dance Instructor (tap dancing)
"Who says I can tap dance?"
Alice rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, the time at the amusement park, remember?"
"Oh yeah."
Substitute Teacher (heheh, feel sorry for the kids already)
"So NOT spreading joy."
Book Store Person
Amusement Park Conductor (AHAHAHA! Just kidding. Emmet would freak if he saw that. Heheh.)
Uh… Emmet's unable to come up with a witty comment for this one, on account of him hyperventilating on the floor.
Garden Designer
Still hyperventilating from the last one.
TV Host
"Hmm… that one has possibilities…"
Photographer
"Interesting… very interesting…"
Model
Farm Hand (Mwhahaha!)
Emmet looks in danger of hyperventilating again.
Pilot
"Oh, cool! Like a stunt one! Who crashes planes!"
Others: Gulp
Nurse (Carlisle's Assistant)
Dentist assistant
Window Washer (omg)
Waitress
"Uh, Bella, you know I'm a guy, don't you?"
Janitor
Lawyer (heheh, Emmet's on his way to presidency! Shudder)
"That's it! My life calling! I'm going to run… for PRESIDENT!"
Reporter
"This is Emmet Cullen, reporting for Forks News. We have reason to believe that Esme Cullen aka the one who got me into this mess, is a VAMPIRE!"
Lifeguard
Total : 24
This ought to be good…
"24! 24 jobs to try out! This is ridiculous. I refuse." Emmet exclaimed, now that he was done reading the list.
"No, you will do it," Said Esme, who was gliding through the room. Just as she left she added, "And Emmet, I'd prefer you don't go giving away what we are."
Emmet scowled.
"Let's get started!" Alice cheered.
"We can't ALL go," Bella reminding them.
Alice looked put out for a moment, then suggested, "How about we draw names out of a hat?"
Everyone agreed, so they did. Emmet drew a name out of his hat that he'd volunteered.
"And the lucky winner is," Emmet boomed, "EDWARD CULLEN!"
"Oh yes, lucky me," Edward said sarcastically.
"Cheer up, Eddie, at least we're suffering together!"
At which point Emmet took off running, Edward close behind, yelling something that sounded like, "NEVER CALL ME EDDIE!"
The remaining Cullens and Bella waited about five minutes before they returned, Edward looking triumphant, Emmet keeping a safe distance from Edward.
"I don't even want to know," Esme said passing through the room again.
Emmet didn't scowl again at her, because he was busy throwing scared looks at the grinning Edward.
"So, what does my job consist of?" Edward asked more cheerily.
Alice handed him a notebook and a couple of pens.
"Take these," She instructed, "And keep an exact record of what happens."
"Is that really necessary?" Emmet asked.
"Yes, it is," Alice told him, "That way you can prove to Esme you tried."
"Oh, ok," Emmet said, looking relieved until Alice added, "And of course, it'll make us laugh!"
"Sob," Emmet said.
"Now we have to draw what job!" Alice told them.
Emmet shrugged, so Alice went ahead and drew one.
"Rock Band Member," She read, and Emmet cheered.
"Sweet!" He yelled and bolted out the door.
Edward shrugged at them. "Be careful with Bella," He said and followed Emmet.
The Following is a Hand Written Document by
Edward Cullen
My 'brother', Emmet and I, are currently walking down one of Forks streets. We have just recently seen an ad for rock band tryouts for some new group that's starting and called ahead to say we're coming. Hopefully, Emmet will get a job there, so we can stop this madness. Yes, people reading this, madness.
How I ask you, will Emmet get a job-
Emmet! Don't read over my shoulder. That's incredibly rude.
Oh, I see. We've arrived at the house.
A guy is walking toward us. Emmet looks nervous, as if he actually cares. Ha!
"Hullo!" The guy greets us, "You must be, Emmet!" He sticks his hand towards me.
Emmet just stares at him.
"Uh, no," I say, "This is Emmet," I point at Emmet, "I'm Edward, his brother."
"Sweet," the guy, who is an older teen, says. "Um, why are you writing, man? Is that a diary?"
"No!" I protest. I don't even have a diary. As if I would need to record centauries that I'll remember forever.
"What then, dude?" This guy sounds like Emmet. Why isn't Emmet talking!
"It's… a project I'm doing. Emmet!" I elbow Emmet.
"Wha-!" Emmet jerks back to reality, looking panicked.
"I-I-I'm Em-Emmet," Emmet stammers. I look at him shocked. Who knew he has a fear of job interviews.
"Ememmet!" The guy rejoices, "Cool name! I'm Steve."
Emmet nods, not correcting his name.
"Come on, Ememmet, follow me please, and we can get started." 'Steve' says.
We follow him into the garage, where there are a few more people between Emmet and my own age.
"Hey everyone," 'Steve' says, "This is Ememmet! And his brother, Edward."
They all say hi.
"There are a few more members we're missing, but they couldn't make it," 'Steve' tells us.
I listen to their thoughts. They seem nice. Emmet will be ok with them.
"So, Ememmet, can you play the electric guitar?" 'Steve' asks.
"No."
"Oh. How about the keyboard?" 'Steve' asks.
"No."
"What can you play?"
"The drums," Emmet says.
"Oh. Sorry, man, but we already have drummer. Came just before you did."
Emmet doesn't look to sad, thought still nervous.
Suddenly, he blurts out four evil words I wish he could take back, "EDWARD PLAYS THE KEYBOARD!"
'Steve' looks interested. "Can you?"
"Uh, yeah," I say.
"Play for us?"
"Uh, no thanks," I say at the same time Emmet says, "Of course he will!" I shoot Emmet a glare.
The people start chanting for me to play, so, ONLY because I want to shut them up, I play.
Here, Emmet, take this for a minute, would you? Thanks.
HAHA! EMMET HERE NOW! Now this stiff 'lil entry will be livened up at last! Mission: Make Edward Play Rock Music is working splendidly!
MWHAHAHAHA! I'm genius! Genius I tell you! HAHAHAHAHHAHAA!
Wow, listen to Edward play. AhahaHA! They like the music. Bet they ask him to join their group.
I'm so evil. I escaped the job.
I'm going to take a minute to be ashamed of myself.
Ok, shame over! Bwhahaha!
So many laughs, so little time.
Uh oh. Edward's looking suspiciously at me. Maybe I should have kept that last giggle- er laugh in.
Edward! Don't do anything rash! Hey, what are you doing with that sharp and pointy stake? OH MY GOSH! AHH NOO EDWARD DON'T DO-
Hehe, just kidding.
He really is giving me weird look though.
Whatever.
Uh oh. He's coming over. (nothing sharp or pointy though) Huzzah! I will see the next light! Which reminds me, I haven't written poetry for a while! Or eaten a banana… but that's another story. So here's my poem.
They wanted me to find a job,
To that I replied, "Oh Sob,
I do not want to work,
But from duty I can not shirk.
So I will silently suffer,
'Cause I know I'm much tougher,
Then to voice my complaint,
Instead of writing, I should Paint!
Ok, I admit, I was running out of ideas towards the end there. But you got to admit the start rocked!
Ooh. That last comment was ironic to say while I'm coughEDWARDcough auditioning for a rock band.
Ah well.
Oh, Edward's talking to me. I suppose I should listen.
Uh oh.
He says people are going to read this!
NO! I must shred it!
Ahem, this is Edward Cullen again. I have just saved this document from a frantic looking Emmet.
Back At The Cullen's house
"How did it go?" Esme asked upon Edward and Emmet's arrival.
"Fine," Emmet lied.
"Uh, not fine," Edward interrupted.
"Got a job!" Emmet pipes up.
"Oh, I'm so proud!" Esme says happily.
"Notice how he only said 'got a job' and not who got a job," Edward interrupted again. "I got hired."
A stunned silence fell over the now filled living room.
"Read this," Edward said, handing over the VIP (very important paper).
Author's Note: Hope you liked!
One more thing! Because of many requests, I'm going to type up the shark story and post it soon. :D Glad to know you were curious about it !