Disclaimer: I would not and do not presume to own anything Peter Pan-ish.
A.N. OMG. Can it be true? TWO chapters in TWO days? What. The. Crap.
…what the crap indeed. Well, seeing as how you've all been magnificent readers and reviewers over the past three years, I've decided to get my arse in gear and finish this story. I sat down today and wrote out 3 pages of notes, well, typed, I suppose. And now I have the entire rest of the story outlined and ready to go. Now, don't panic (again ), 3 pages may not seem like much, but these 18 pages only got through 2 of the bullet points on my notes, so we still have a bit to go. But yes, the story is beginning to circle back now, we're over half way there, I should think.
Oooh I can't wait to see what you all say about THIS chapter. -rubs hands together in glee-
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My stomach picked that exact intense moment to grumble with hunger. Teaken's eyes flickered down to my stomach, then back up to my face. I blushed, he grinned.
"After we eat. Come on. It's past time you met Pan, anyway."
Teaken took my uninjured hand and pulled me towards the window. I gripped his hand hard. He turned back and looked at me. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, nothing," I shook my head and gave him a half smile. He tilted his head at me in a knowing way. I sighed. "I just, I'm nervous, I guess. To meet him, I mean."
Teaken wished he could find a way to be reassuring, without telling a blatant lie. "It'll be fine. We'll all be there with you tonight, it's not like we're going to shove you two in a room and wait outside the door."
I paled at that. Teaken turned and placed his hands on my upper arms, gently running them up and down to try and calm me. "Mary, I know this is...difficult, and awkward to say the least, but you will be saving all of us. Every person, creature, plant, and life on this island will be spared because of you. And so much more, Mary. I promise, everything will be fine, and we'll all be here for you," Teaken paused, and pulled me into a tight hug. I clung onto him for dear life. "I'll be here for you."
I shut my eyes, but a few tears found their way out anyway, and dripped down my cheeks and onto his shoulder. Teaken felt them land, and sighed, holding me tighter. I'm not sure what he said next was consciously out loud, but I heard him anyway, and it made me squeeze my eyes shut harder.
"I hate that this is the only way. I hate that I had to be the one to tell you, I hate that you had to be the one, I hate all of this." Teaken gritted his teeth around the words, and squeezed me so tight I almost had to fight to breath. I didn't mind though, I wouldn't have dared to take a breath until he was finished talking. "I wish…things could have been different. I wish…" Teaken trailed off.
I raised my head off of his shoulder, my heart beating so hard I was afraid it would knock me over. Please, I thought. Please let him be wishing the same thing as me…this would be so much easier if it could be him…
"What?" I whispered. Teaken's bright eyes dropped down to mine. "What do you wish?"
He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a long breath. He seemed to be fighting an internal battle with himself. Suddenly he gripped my arms tighter and gently pushed me away. When he opened his eyes, I saw a look of hard resolution in them. I lowered my own in disappointment. With his wish unspoken, my question would have to remain the same.
"It doesn't matter," Teaken said quietly. He moved away from me and turned towards the window. I reached out and snatched his hand before he could leave. He stopped, but didn't turn around. "Mary-"
"It might matter to me, Teaken," I pleaded quietly.
Teaken swallowed hard. He shook his head slightly. "It can't matter, Mary," he whispered.
"Teaken-"
"We should get down to the fire pit." Teaken interrupted. He walked to the window and stepped out. He turned and held a hand out, but he wouldn't look at me. "We shouldn't keep…" Teaken struggled. "…him…waiting."
I lowered my head in acquiescence, and placed my hand in Teaken's as he helped me out of the window. Even as he held me tightly around the waist as the thick vines of the tree lowered us to the ground, I'd never felt so alone in all my life.
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Gods, whatever this was, it was the worst thing Teaken had ever felt in his whole life. His insides felt like they were heavy as the mountains of Neverland, yet they managed to squirm violently around inside him. It had been one of the hardest things he'd ever done, handing her over to Peter like that. He was absolutely sure of it. Not only because he knew she was terrified, confused, and hurting, but because letting go of her hand seemed to make him want to shatter into a thousand pieces. Even now, as he sat with his back against the great tree and watched the festivities happening around the fire pit, he couldn't get her pleading eyes out of his head.
"Teaken, Teaken please. I don't want to do this right now, let's wait until tomorrow, ok?" Mary had begged, trying to peel Teaken's hand off of her wrist and return to the tree. "I'm not even really that hungry, I swear-"
"Mary, you must do this. This is what you agreed to do. Neverland is fading more everyday, and so is Pan. We can't afford to wait. You'll be fine."
Teaken had taken her over to the fire pit, where the Lost Boys were enraptured in the tale Peter was telling them about the day. He was about to get to the most gruesome part, when Teaken quickly interrupted, not wanting Mary to have any more reasons to be afraid. "Pan, sir. This," Teaken said, gently pulling Mary out of her hiding place from behind him. "Is Mary."
Peter stopped his story, annoyed at being interrupted and taken out of his limelight, but he then saw Mary, who was nervously tugging on her long black hair. He stood and cleared his throat, signaling for the other Boys to stand as well. They did, and all bowed to Mary, who only swallowed audibly and forced a smile on her face.
"Thanks, but, you don't have to do that-" she stopped as Peter was suddenly at her side, looking down at her. He held out his hand, and glanced at Teaken expectantly. Teaken lifted his own hand that was clasped tightly around Mary's, and untangled her fingers from his own and placed them in Pan's hand
"Mary, we meet at last. I'm Peter Pan." He flashed a cocky smile, and then turned towards the fire pit. "Come and eat with us. Have you met my Lost Boys?"
Teaken scrubbed his hands down his face, trying to rid himself of the final image of that memory. He couldn't though. He didn't think he'd ever be able to forget having to watch, helpless, as Mary walked away from him.
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Oh my stomach hurt so badly by the time the fire pit burned low and Peter announced it was time to turn in. I hadn't stopped laughing that entire night, it seemed. That is, once I had calmed down and started. From the moment pan had taken my hand away from Teaken's, I had been in flight or fight mode. I have no idea how I managed to walk to the fire pit and sit down without kicking Pan in the balls and running like hell, which was what almost every nerve in my body was screaming for me to do. I suppose it was the tiny part of me that remembered what Teaken had said, and what I had promised to do.
Peter sat me down on a long beside him and Grinz sat on my other side. Grinz had given me his patented grin, and had handed me a huge drumstick of meat that he had just yanked off the carcass. As famished as I had been, I still was reluctant to eat something I couldn't name.
"Um, thanks, Grinz. But what…is…this?" I asked, looking at the drumstick in my hand and at the half eaten carcass that continued to spin over the fire.
"It's dinner, love. Pan-caught-fire-cooked-Grinz-sliced boarhink. The best meal a lad…or a lass," he said winking. "Can get on this island."
"Boarhink?" I asked, looking at the carcass again. As its dead face rotated around so I could get a good look at it, I did notice that its snout bore some resemblance to that of a pig. Other than the one eye in the middle of its forehead and the three tails that jutted out of its backside I had guessed that this was Neverland's equivalent to pork. That had been good enough for me. I bit into the leg savagely and tore the flesh away. It had tasted as heavenly as it had smelled earlier, so I dove in and took another bite.
I suddenly looked up when I realized it had fallen silent around me, and saw all the other Lost Boys and Peter staring at me. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and swallowed half of what I had crammed into my face. "What?" I had asked, my mouth still half full.
The Lost Boys had burst out laughing.
"She's a ringer, she is!" Slightly had howled.
"Now boys, let's be nice. You shouldn't laugh…at…a lady!" Grinz had tried to defend her, but ending up cracking up like the rest of them.
"A lady, huh?" Nibs had snorted into his hunk of boarhink.
"She's about as ladylike-"
"-as the boarhink itself!" The twins had laughed, holding onto each other for support.
Peter had raised his wooden cup of drink high above his head and smiled brilliantly down at me. "Here's to Mary," he had toasted, and the others held up their cups as well, still chuckling. "A lady as savage as the rest of us!"
"Aye!" the other boys had agreed and drank deeply from their own cups. By this time, I had been in full blush status, and I could only raise the cup they had put in front of me. Shrugging with a messy grin on my face, I took a swig as well. I coughed suddenly and looked into the cup. "What is this?" I had inquired, getting my breath back under control.
"Neverberry juice!" Slightly grinned and tossed back his cup full, then reached forward to refill it from the tankard in front of him.
"Fermented Neverberry juice," Grinz had explained. "You'll want to be careful with that, if it knocks us on our arses as fast as it does, I'd hate to see what it does to someone who's never had it before."
I looked up and, feeling a bit more like myself, had teased Peter who was still watching me with an amused look on his face. "Trying to get me drunk, Pan?"
Peter grinned wolfishly, and then shrugged with all the innocence of an eight year old. "I'm sure a savage like you can handle herself. But, if you're worried, I can get you some coconut milk-" Peter had tried to pull the cup out of my hand, but I know a challenge when I hear one, and that had definitely been a challenge. I had looked him square in the face and downed the cup in one gulp. The juice burned down my chest, but the feeling was forgotten as another whoop went up around the fire pit as the Lost Boys had cheered me on again. Peter smirked at me, his green eyes twinkling as if he had somehow still won that last game.
And so the night had gone on, the Lost Boys getting tipsier and tipsier on their precious Neverberry juice. The stories they told had become funnier and funnier until I realized I too had become far too fond of the fruity fermented drink. I hiccupped and giggled to myself, and Peter had turned and given me a knowing look before standing and declaring that it was time to break up the party. The Lost Boys grumbled and stumbled their way half singing, half still laughing, back inside the tree to their perspective rooms. I stood up and immediately had the feeling of the world spinning faster than my own head, and had to be steadied by Peter's outstretched arm.
"Easy there, miss savage," he teased. "I think you've been bested by the Neverberry juice tonight."
Normally, I would have been inclined to argue with anyone who dared to tell me when I was drunk, but for some silly, fuzzy reason, my fizzy feeling body happened to like having Peter's arm around me. Someone deep down, the little bit of me that was sober was appalled. What kind of floozy was I turning into, anyway? There I was, not three hours before, practically throwing myself at Teaken, and now I want to go upstairs with Mr. Peter Pan? Good Lord. I needed a serious break from the male persuasion.
"G'night, Maryyyyyyy!" a drunken Grinz shouted down from his room. "You play nice with Pan, now! Hehehe-OW. Nibs, what the hell?" I sighed and rolled my eyes as he was roughly pulled back into the tree. A long break from the male persuasion.
Peter laughed in spite of the embarrassment I was going through. "Don't let them bother you; they're all idiots, really."
"I hadn't noticed," I grumbled, wrapping my arms around myself and looking at my feet. He held onto one of my elbows gently guiding me until we were at the base of the tree. I knew my face was red, and I also knew it wasn't entirely because of the Neverberry juice. I felt like I was fourteen again, being walked home after a first date. This is ridiculous, I admonished myself. Men are your playthings! You're the most successful tease in New York City for crying out loud! Suck it up and play the game, woman!
But, the thing was, I knew it wasn't a game. I knew my days of being a tease were rapidly coming to an end. Peter and I would eventually have to…
"Mary," Peter said softly, coming to stand in front of me. I dug up the courage to raise my face and look him in the eyes. Oh, bad idea. It wasn't fair. The boy's eyes glowed brighter than most stars. They were so big and green it was hypnotizing. I knew this sudden and violent infatuation had to do with him just being who he was. I had read the stories, and he did seem like the type of boy who would be easy to fall in love with. But obviously I had no idea.
"No wonder you're a legend," I said softly. Then I realized I'd said it out loud. I shut my eyes quickly and gritted my teeth. Get a grip, Mary.
Peter's eyes just widened a bit and he smiled down at me. "That's what they all say," he retorted casually.
"Right, once 'they've' all been at the Neverberry juice, hmm?" I shot back, determined to regain my footing in this matter.
Peter smirked and tilted his head. "No."
"Of course not, it's just because you are so blatantly fantastic. So sorry."
"You don't have to apologize. You're new."
Apparently sarcasm was lost on Peter Pan.
"Ok, well. On that note, I think I'll be heading up to bed."
"Are you really still tired? You've been sleeping all day. You were sleeping when I rescued you."
Oh…right. That. "Yes, well, it was a tiring thing, being kidnapped, I suppose. Listen, Peter, I wanted to-"
"You're welcome, Mary." Peter smiled down at me in an infuriatingly serene way. It just irked me that he had assumed that the next words out of my mouth would have been a thank you. Granted, they would have been, but what if I'd wanted to say "Screw off and leave me with Hook next time!"?
"Yes, well. Ok then. I guess I'll see you around."
"Are you afraid of me, Mary?" Peter asked suddenly, as soon as I'd turned my back to find a vine to lift me up. I felt my shoulders stiffen.
"What do you mean? Why would I be afraid of you?" I tried to laugh it off, but even to my own ears it sounded wooden and hollow.
"You're awfully tense around me, and you won't look me in the eye when I talk to you. Have I done something to make you not trust me?" Peter asked.
Damn that innocent little lost boy voice he could use when he wanted to. I looked up and was immediately captured by those eyes again. "No, no of course not…" I trailed off.
"Good. You're safe here, Mary, I promise you that." Peter dropped his eyes to my right hand, releasing me from the spell. I blinked in surprise as he gently touched my right hand and brought it up between us. His expression hardened for a moment, a frightening moment, but then it relaxed into something that could only be guilt. "I'm sorry that Hook did this to you, but you should know that now, he's even sorrier. He won't hurt you again."
I could only swallow helplessly as his eyes caught mine again. They were so intense, so determined.
"Mary, I don't know exactly what is happening to me, or to Neverland. And I don't know how to stop it; I only know that you can." He looked down again and caught my other hand. He now held both of my hands in his, and he was always gentle and careful not to irritate the wound on my right hand further. "I'm grateful to you, Mary, for saving Neverland. Teaken says you…he says that you are…" Peter shut his eyes and took a deep breath. I knew what he couldn't say.
"I'm Wendy's granddaughter." I whispered.
Peter squeezed my hands a bit at her name. "…yes," he finally said. He looked up into my eyes again. "Teaken says you'll save us, and I trust him. So I trust you. But I don't know how to help you, Mary. So you'll have to trust me enough to let me help, to tell me when and how to help. I know it has something to do with me," Peter sighed and looked out into the forest, sadness and guilt in his features. "It's always to do with me, when Neverland is in trouble."
My hands had gone suddenly cold. He doesn't know…?
Peter looked back at me and smiled. He squeezed my hands carefully. "You're freezing out here. Let's go inside."
Suddenly, Peter's arms were around me and he was flying me up to the window of my room. He set me down on the branch outside my window and held my hand to steady me while I climbed in. He kept a hold of my left hand, so I had no choice but to turn back around to him once I was inside.
He looked deeply at me, as if he was trying to see something deep inside of me…
He's trying to see his Wendy, I realized. I was suddenly heartbroken for the boy.
Peter smiled at me, and kissed my hand.
"Goodnight, Mary," he whispered, and then was gone.
I stood by my window for quite a while, mulling over everything that I had learned that night. I had met Peter Pan and learned all the reasons why little girls today still left their windows open for him, hoping he'd fly in and take them away to Neverland. Hell, I'd leave my window open for him…but I supposed these were extenuating circumstances, as Peter Pan did not always look to be in my legal age range. I had learned that my tolerance of Neverberry juice was less than zero, and I had learned-
I stopped. "Why that little rat." I had learned absolutely nothing from Teaken who now had double the explaining to do. "How could he forgotten to mention that Peter doesn't know how I have to help him?" I ranted. "He's going to get an earful from me, two earfuls, the bastard."
That was, as soon as I could find him. This was certainly a dilemma. I had no idea where Teaken's room was in this massive tree. Wait, the tree. It was as alive as anything else on this island, and really I had nothing to lose by trying.
"Um…hello? Tree?" I asked carefully. I wondered if I should go out onto a branch or something, but surely it would hear me if I was inside of it. "Um, can you take me to Teaken? Er…please?" I looked around the room, and waited for some kind of response. I heard some light creaking and groaning, as if the tree were trying to decide if it should or not. "I promise that my intentions are honorable, I guess. I mean, as honorable as yelling and demanding the truth until he tells it to me," I added as an after thought.
I could have sworn I heard a deep chuckle from somewhere, but the next thing I knew a vine had crept into my window and was beckoning me to follow it. "Oh, thank you!" I said, stepping up onto the branch outside of my room.
The vine wrapped gently around my left wrist, and I held onto it as I was lifted off of my feet and up through leaves and smaller branches. As I was raised up towards the canopy of the tree, I looked out over the shoreline of Neverland. It really was a beautiful place.
The vine ride stopped and I was lightly placed on a thick branch and turned a bit to my right. In front of me was the path that lead up to the top of the tree. I remembered this, Teaken had shown it to me the first day I had come to Neverland.
"He's up there, huh?" I sighed quietly. The vine gave me a light shove in the direction of the path. "Yes, got it. Thank you," I laughed quietly. I followed the path of flowers and twisted vines and stems as I made my way towards the top of the tree. The moonlight hit me suddenly as I came out from under the leaves, and it was so bright I had to squint. Having been sheltered under the tree's thick leaves all through dinner, I hadn't realized what light the two moons brought to a Neverland night. It was breathtaking.
I was so enamored with the view, that I forgot who it was that I had come up here to see. But he saw me first.
"I thought you had gone to bed."
I jumped at the voice, my left hand immediately going to the hollow below my throat, but I let out my breath when I remembered who it was.
Teaken smiled a bit. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."
"No, no, it was my own stupid fault. I knew you were here."
"Did you?" Teaken asked, eyebrow raised.
"Yeah," I said, and walked closer. "The tree told me."
"Did it?" Teaken sounded mildly annoyed. He plucked a flower off of the branch nearest to him, and I heard a tiny whine from the tree. He gave a small smile. "Serves you right, you nosey vegetation." He looked back up at me, and handed me the bright pink blossom. "So why were you looking for me?"
I accepted the flower and sat down next to him. "Oh, only to accuse you of being a lying ratfink, I suppose."
Teaken turned towards me, an incredulous look on his face. "What the hell is a ratfink?"
"Well, you, as I said. Only you are the worst kind." I smirked coldly at him, pulling petals off this offered blossom.
Teaken raised his eyebrows at the poor massacred bloom at my feet. "What have I done this time?"
"Well first of all, you never told me what you promised to tell me earlier and second and worst of all," I continued, turning to look him in the face. "You kind of left out the bit in all this madness that Peter doesn't know about any of it!"
"Ah," Teaken gathered. "So you've talked to Pan, then?"
"Yes I've talked to him. Teaken, how the hell am I supposed to…to…when he doesn't even know!" I demanded.
Teaken sighed. "I suppose the answer to that is in the answers to all the other questions."
"Well then you'd better start talking."
"All right. All right. But Mary, you can't interrupt. You've just got to listen, ok? Do you promise?" Teaken entreated me.
"Hmph."
"Mary, I mean it."
"Fine. I promise. Now spill it. And I mean all of it, Teaken, because if you leave out one more thing, no matter how tiny, and I find out? You'll be searching every oyster from here to the Atlantic to find which ones I stuffed your balls in, got it?"
Teaken winced. "You're very creative, Mary."
"Thank you. Talk."
"I've watched you for a long time," Teaken dove right in. "Ever since the...changes…started happening in Neverland, and Peter swore that Wendy was the only person who could stop it. Now, I'm not sure exactly how long ago she was here, but I knew enough about the worlders and our time to know that she had to be long gone. She chose to grow up, after all, and all grown ups die eventually.
"So I started to follow people that I knew to be family members. The first time I saw you, Mary, you were still young. You still…had your mother."
I jumped, my heart nearly stopping. "You knew about my-"
"Mary, you promised."
I stopped talking, but only by biting down on my tongue.
"The world you live in…can be…addictive to us, if we're not careful. If we go too often, we're seduced into staying by something or even someone. The lost boys you know aren't the same boys who were here when the Wendy lady was. Actually none of us really knew Wendy, we just knew of her because of Pan's stories. He talked about her all the time at first, always preparing us to meet her, as if she was going to come back at any time. We all had to be versed on how to sit quietly at the table while she read stories, and how exactly to treat her, and that we were to call her 'mother' when she did come, at last.
"But, of course, Wendy never came back. She couldn't. She had grown up. She had also taken all of the Lost Boys with her; they all became worlders. But Neverland does funny things to your mind, it makes you forget, makes you think that whatever it is that you believe is the truth. So different boys were sent to here and became Lost Boys as Peter found us and saved us. He started calling us names that we didn't know, but we eventually learned to answer to them. He didn't have a name for me when I came, because all of the names Peter knew from the other boys had been taken by the new boys. So I got a new name. Same for Grinz. Peter didn't know any different, he only saw what he wanted to see; he only saw his Lost Boys.
"Tinkerbell isn't even the original Tink. Faeries only live half human lives, so Pan's been through quite a few Tink's by now. And the funny thing is, he never sees them die. They always make sure to be far away from him when they know its time for their lights to go out. And he never has to go looking for another. They always find him. They're drawn to him, and it seem whatever faerie gets there first, makes it her life's work to protect Peter. Something about him, I suppose."
I could attest to that 'something', but just bit down a bit harder on her tongue.
"Anyway, I began to become different. I started to grow. I was suddenly taller, faster, stronger than the other Boys, and none of us could figure out why. I started noticing things that the other Boys would forget, I would always remember. And if I tried to remind them, they would all look at me like I was crazy. But I knew, you know? I knew that I was right.
"Then I figured it out. It had to be because of all the time I was spending with the worlders. All the time I was spending watching you. Whatever was happening to Neverland, and to Peter, was becoming more serious. I could tell, even if the others forgot and went about their jolly ways, I couldn't forget, and it was starting to worry me. So I followed you more closely. And I started to get seduced by your world.
"I would watch you sneak out of your room every night. Watch you climb down from that balcony, and every time I was amazing that you could do that without pixie dust." Teaken smiled. "I would follow you to that same club, and watch what you did. I watched you with your same friends, I watched you dance, I watched you drink, I watched you-" Teaken swallowed. "I watched you kiss," he said quietly, his face reddening. "It…I was curious, I guess. So the next time I was in the club with you, I let this girl kiss me. It was odd at first, and I'm pretty sure she was drunk, so my first kissing experience was a lot of sloppy tongue." I giggled with Teaken. "But I eventually found girls who were, I don't know, good at it, I guess."
I could tell that Teaken was embarrassed talking about this with me. And to tell the truth, I didn't really relish hearing about him kissing other random girls.
"The more I did it, the more I liked it, and the more I changed. I wanted to stay in the world where these girls would kiss me, where they would dance with me, where I didn't have to watch Neverland die in front of my eyes, and then be the only one who could remember how it used to look." Teaken looked longingly out towards the Neverland skyline, and in the bright light of the moons, I could see the large stain of black among the green terrain. It was much bigger than before.
"But I couldn't forget about Neverland even when I tried. So, I went back, and that's when I found Peter on the floor of his room, in pain. He couldn't even walk, let alone fly. I'd never seen him like that before; it scared the shit out of me. He begged me to find Wendy, to bring her back, and I didn't have the heart to tell him what I knew. So, I did the next best thing. I brought him you." Teaken stopped his story at last, and looked over at me. "The end, I guess."
I sat in silence for a while, as I let all this new information seep into my already saturated brain. So, Teaken had been watching me for years, and so, that's how he'd established himself as the 'Toy Man', and that's how she'd…
God what a convoluted world she lived in.
"So," I said, finally breaking the silence. "So why do you look like the other boys, if you changed more than they did, before they did?"
Teaken shrugged a bit, looking down at himself. "I don't really know how this magic loss thing works, all I know is that I changed differently than the others. They are still, I don't know, young, you know? And…and I don't feel that I am, young, anymore. I remember things, I've, I've experienced things that make it so I can't ever go back to being as innocent as I was."
"Really?" I drawled, narrowing my eyes at him.
Teaken immediately blushed. "Not, not that. That's not what I meant. I haven't…well….I haven't." he said, leaving it at that.
I leaned forward and looked him in the face. "If you came to this island a little baby boy, and have stayed on this island ever since except for the amount of time you spent stalking me, which, FYI, is kinda creepy, then how do you know what I'm even talking about?"
Teaken smirked slyly at me. "That club was an educational place."
I shrieked and shoved him back. "Then you did you perverted little-"
Teaken laughed. "I did not. I told you. Just because I was offered the chance many, many…many times," Teaken grinned at my outraged expression. "Does not mean that I took any of them up on it."
"Oh, so when you turned them down they just decided to give you an anatomy lesson in case you weren't sure?" I crossed my arms.
"Some of them, yes, actually. They were very explicit." Teaken considered a moment. "Especially the men."
My jaw dropped. "The men? You're kidding me."
Teaken shrugged innocently. "What can I say? The worlders thought I was hot stuff."
"The only one who thinks you are 'hot stuff' is you." I retorted nastily as I stood up to leave.
Teaken laughed and jumped up, standing in front of me. "Is this jealousy I sense, Mary? Because you know, you really ought to be grateful to those other girls who kissed me. They are the ones who schooled me in the ways of melting girls into puddles, as you so finely put it."
My mouth opened in outrage and I could only sputter indignantly.
Teaken stepped forward. "If you wanted to learn, you need only ask, Mary," he teased.
My mouth shut immediately, and my body tensed. Teaken stopped laughing; he knew he had gone too far. I turned away from him, towards the Neverland skyline and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I thought I already had," I said quietly.
I heard Teaken heave a frustrated sigh behind me. "Mary,"
"No, Teaken. It's fine. I mean if we're all being so painfully honest tonight, let's just keep the party going, shall we?" I whipped back around to confront him.
"Mary, don't do this," Teaken pleaded, rubbing his hand over his face.
"Teaken, you were honest about everything else. I mean, I hope you were honest. I mean, were you? Honest?" the question I wanted to ask was coming out all wrong and jumbled, and Teaken was confused.
"Mary, what are you talking about? Yes, I've been honest."
"About everything?" I asked, suddenly lurching forward and clutching his upper arms. My right hand ached terribly, but I ignored it. I was getting desperate.
"Yes, everything. I promised I would be, didn't I?" Teaken saw the desperation and fear in my face, felt it in my shaking grip. He picked my hands gently off of his arms and pulled me into a loose embrace instead. I hugged him back as hard as my trembling body could. Teaken was spooked by my sudden break down, I could tell. He tried to lean back and look at my face. I buried it in his chest. "Mary? What is it? What's wrong?"
Well, I supposed it was now or never. Pride, prepare for a serious wound; you may never recover.
"Teaken," I sniffled pathetically and turned my face to the side just enough to breath, and to be heard. I didn't want to have to say this twice. "Can't it be you?"
I clung onto Teaken, even as I felt him tense up immediately. His breath hitched, and almost seemed to stop. I was worried I had killed him some how until he finally breathed in again. I felt his hand gently caress the back of my head, he ran his fingers through my long dark waves until I had calmed down enough to let up on the death hold I had on his torso.
I was so thankful that he didn't ask for an explanation. He knew exactly what I meant, and obviously wasn't repulsed or angry that I had asked him. Now if he would just answer me…
But I already knew the answer. His silence said it all.
I lifted my head only enough to be able to see his mouth. It was set in a firm line. I glanced up into his eyes, and saw a rawness there, a pain that I knew I was experiencing at the same time. Maybe I wasn't as alone in this as I thought.
"Teaken?" I asked quietly, in need of an explanation for what I saw in his eyes. He slowly looked down, past my face and past me, just looking down. It was a look of pure defeat, and I didn't even think; I just did..
My left hand came up to Teaken's face, and before he could lift his eyes to see what I had planned, I placed my lips up against his and kissed him for all I was worth. He tried to resist me at first, but I was determined and desperate for some kind of comfort in the confused state that I was in, and I knew I could find it in Teaken. I opened my mouth over his, and he finally gave in and kissed me back. It was a glorious feeling, like finding a friend after you've been completely lost in the pitch black night for weeks. I clung to that feeling, and to Teaken, like there was no tomorrow.
I'm not sure when I started crying, but suddenly there were tears down my cheeks and Teaken's thumbs were wiping them away, and his lips were kissing them away. I think he may have whispered my name then, because I opened my eyes suddenly, as if being awoken from a dream.
He was so close, his face was so close, his mouth was still touching mine, just barely, and I voiced my hope again. "Please, Teaken," I whispered against his mouth. "Can't it be you?"
Teaken brought both hands up to either side of my face and touched our foreheads together. He kissed me once more, gently, and my eyes spilled over again, recognizing it as a goodbye kiss.
"No please," I whimpered. "Don't do that, don't-" and I moved in to kiss him again. My tongue swept over his lips, and he opened them for me, but even as he did, I could feel him trying to push me away. He was warring with himself, against me, and I wanted to win.
"Mary don't, please. Please stop," Teaken pleaded, even as he chased my lips down. "Mary," he whispered. I finally pulled away, and hid my face in his neck. I was manipulating him. I was hurting him. But God, I was hurting myself too.
"Mary," he started again after catching his breath. "You've got to understand. You've got to try." He pulled my head off of his neck and back so that he could look at my tear stained face. I tried to control my hitched breathing as my tears continued to choke me. He dried my tears again, but more continued to fall. I was really loosing it. "I can't choose between you and Peter. I can't do it. I'm too weak, Mary. You've got to help me. You can't make me choose." Teaken touched his forehead to mine again. "Please don't make me choose," he begged, swallowing hard.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling absolutely wretched. I was a horrible person. I was using Teaken's weakness against him. I felt his hands in my hair again, calming, soothing strokes through my tresses.
"Don't be sorry, just understand. All I want is for you to understand." Teaken Took my uninjured hand in his and stepped back from my embrace. "Come here."
He led me to the edge of the branches above the canopy, and stood behind me. He pointed to the growing blackness in the middle of the island, and then wrapped his arms around me. I felt like crying all over again. It was lose me, or lose everything else he'd ever known. I was being so selfish.
I wiped my face and leaned back into him. "I understand," I said quietly.
Teaken tightened his arms and kissed the top of my head. "Thank you," he whispered, then detangled himself from me and stepped away. I turned back to look at him, but he was already gone. I placed my hands over my face and fought with all the energy I had left not to cry. I slept above the canopy under the moons that night.
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