DarkTaoAngel: Thanks for your reviews, they're so encouraging! Oh, and I've pretty much decided that I'll write the lemon, but I'm not sure how good it'll be. But that's going to be pretty far along in the story, so I don't have to worry about that yet! Oh, and the Hidaka Mountains are real mountains! They're in southern Hokkaido, I looked them up on the internet! Anyway, to make up for the last one, this will be a short author note/disclaimer. I don't own anything in this story except my plot! Please review!
He searched for a moment, and then came across a sharp, jagged rock somewhere to his right. It was the same one he'd been cut with earlier, on his numbed left arm. He couldn't feel any pain on that arm, from his elbow down. He smirked again as he slowly stood up, supporting himself with his right arm. He shakily walked towards the rock, picking it up with his good hand. He smiled as he clenched it tightly in his hand for a moment, watching the blood trickle slowly down his arm. He was testing how strong and sharp it was. It would do the job perfectly. His smile widened as he thought about what he was about to do, and he was still smiling as he brought the rock sharply across his left wrist…
Ren watched as the blood formed slowly beneath the cut, reaching the surface and trickling out, equally as slow, down his arm. The crimson liquid fell silently to the ground, coating the snow a deep red. The cut in his wrist opened a bit more, allowing more blood to escape from his body. It was fascinating to watch, really, and it made Ren wonder just how long a human could go on living with such a cut before dying of blood loss. He'd find out anyway, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he was sure the blood was coming out slower now.
He looked at the rock in his right hand for a moment, the blood hanging on it, showing off in the light as if it were glowing. It was rather pretty, actually, the sight of fresh blood. It was something Ren hadn't seen in a while, ever since he'd met 'them' he given up on his killing. But to kill himself wouldn't be as bad, would it? He didn't know, but he really didn't care. 'They' weren't around to see him do it anyway. Not that they'd care, but he still didn't want them to see it. Luckily for him, they never would. He knew he'd never be found, he'd known that for a while. It made his heart ache thinking about them all, how he missed them… but he merely shook off that feeling for that of his heart slowing down in its beating. At least, that was what he hoped it was. For he honestly couldn't think of how he missed them… it was far too painful, much more painful than what he was currently going through.
Ren took one last look, mixed with mourn and with anger, at the rock in his hand, before bending his hand as far back as it would go towards his right wrist, as he couldn't use his left hand it was too numb, and slitting that one as well. It took a moment before the blood finally started to come, gushing quickly out of the large opening in his wrist. Now both of Ren's wrists were bleeding, quite badly in fact, and he knew it was only a matter of time before his small body could no longer take the major blood loss.
But then a thought struck him: what if his plan actually worked? Sure, he knew that it would when he'd slit both of his wrists, but he hadn't really thought about what he was doing. It almost felt as though this was all a dream, and he could wake up and be fine at any time he wanted to. But now that he thought about it, what he was facing was far more than a mere dream.
He was going to leave behind all he'd grown to love.
He was going to lose his last chance at making everything he'd done wrong better.
He was going to never get to see Horo again.
And then it all hit him…
He was going to die.
"No… I-I change my mind! I don't want to die! I d-don't want t-t-to…" he fell upon the ground roughly, sobbing not only from the pain in his wrists, but from the pains of what was going through his mind as well. "I want to l-live… I don't w-want t-to die…"
He staggered to his feet, his arms hanging limply at his sides. The blood still flowed freely from them, spattering on the ground in large droplets. He dropped the rock still clenched in his hand to the ground, where it was quickly covered in the powdery snow that swirled in the air constantly now. Ren coughed up a bit of blood, but he pretended not to notice it. That had been happening a lot lately. And it could only mean one thing…
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A thick trail of blood signified the path that Ren had taken, only to be covered up by snow and layered once again with blood. He had been walking for almost an hour, searching for anything that could help him out of the mess he was in. it felt as though he had been walking around in circles, and perhaps he had. The blood just kept falling from his cuts, as it had been for the past hour. Ren felt weak, his legs were bound to give way at any time, and it was a wonder that Ren hadn't passed out, or even died, yet. It seemed that his will to live was now much stronger than his will to die.
Tears still rolled down his face, for he could not walk for much longer, he was in pain, and he had not found anything since he'd started walking. One of his shoes had fallen off about one mile after he'd started, and he knew it would make no difference if he stopped to put it back on. If he sat down to put it on, he knew he might never get up again.
Why'd this have to happen? I didn't mean to do what I did; I just thought that it might stop the pain. But I really don't want to die! I just wasn't thinking… I just wanted to…
His eyes were blurry and out of focus, and the new sun rise signified that he'd been stranded for a total of four days, though it felt like an eternity longer. The blanket he'd been using to provide warmth had since blown away in the wind, and Ren had been far too weak to run after it. The hypothermia slowly crawling up both of his arms and one of his legs told him that no matter what amount of warmth the blanket had provided, it was still futile to continue carrying it around as though it would help him to live. The only way he even had a chance to live was if some sort of doctor magically appeared with food, water, and shelter, and even then, the hypothermia, starvation, dehydration, or loss of blood could all kill him in an instant regardless of whether or not he was given the sudden chance at life. He was probably too far beyond survival to live for even one more day, and he knew it.
And then he saw it, a figure ahead of him, walking towards him slowly. At first he didn't recognize the figure, but as it came closer, he knew who it was. It was Jun. Without even thinking about it, Ren ran as fast as he could to her, not even caring anymore that he was in pain and overexerting himself was not a good idea. What was she doing there anyway? She wasn't even wearing a coat, just her normal Chinese dress with the slit in the side and the great dragon around it, but she wasn't running to Ren or anything. Just walking, as though to take her time. But Ren didn't care, he was just happy to see her.
But that was what was odd about it all. It seemed too good to be true, and as it turned out, it was. He ran towards his sister, fell on the ground near her feet from exhaustion, and reached out to her for her to help him up, but where he should have felt flesh, he felt nothing. His hand simply went right through her. He looked at his hand, and when he looked back up… she was gone. She had been nothing more than a mere hallucination. She was never really there.
Ren groaned slightly, trying to stand again to continue walking, but he couldn't. His arms wouldn't support his weight anymore, and he couldn't push himself up with his legs alone, because he always seemed too weak to stay up. he would often sway on his feet for a moment, and then fall roughly onto the snow again twice as hard and painful.
All he could do was sit there.
Sit and wait for someone.
Someone to find him.
But the worst part was…
He'd be dead by the time that happened.
Ren took a small piece of what little cloth was left of his shirt and tied it around his wrists. He would do whatever he could to survive as long as he could, even though that wouldn't be for that long anyway. But if he tried really hard, he could probably see the stars one last night. And then perhaps he'd get his final wish that he'd made to the stars last time he'd watched them answered.
"I just wish that all of this pain would go away…"
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"Ren… please be alive…" Horo had been up in the plane for almost three days already, and he'd found no trace of Ren at all. He was beginning to think that it was hopeless, and that he should go back, but that would be pointless, too. He'd paid for one week of flying, and that was how much flying he intended on doing if that was what it took. Even if he didn't find Ren alive… he at least wanted to find what was left of him. "Please, please be alive…"
The storm wasn't nearly as bad as it had been for the past four days. Sure, the snow was still falling down in thick flakes, but the wind had almost stopped, and the mountain could be seen a lot better, making it easier to spot everything on it as well. Horo was positive that if Ren was down there somewhere, he be able to see him from up in the plane.
They were flying over the southernmost part of the Hidaka Mountains now, so if they didn't find Ren soon, Horo would have to go home and forget about ever finding him. It had been four days, so Horo didn't want to get his hopes up, and something told him to just give up and spare himself the pain of what he might find. He'd face that if he had to, though he really hoped he wouldn't have to. And then he heard it from the pilot, the very thing he was beginning to think he'd never hear. It gave him hope at first, but after he saw it, his heart almost stopped.
"Look down there, do you see it? I think there's something down there!" Horo looked out the window and saw, far below him, what looked like a small wreck, which he hoped was not Ren's jet. There was no way he'd have survived that! Not only was Ren small, but almost anyone regardless of size, would have died in a crash like that. The pilot landed the place and waited inside of it while Horo left to check the wreck for any signs of Ren.
The looked through a large bit of it before he finally found it, all of the evidence he needed. It was a piece of the jet, a small piece, but it was one of the largest of the remaining parts that hadn't been blown into microscopic size pieces. He turned it over in his hands and saw an imprint on the back that read 'Tao.' He knew it had to be Ren's jet.
The pilot had since come out of the plane and was looking around also. He didn't pick anything up, but he carefully scanned the area. He didn't know what this 'Ren' looked like, but he would alert Horo if he found anyone. He didn't see anything remotely human at first, but then he spotted it. There was a body laying not that far away from the wreck. It looked as though it was dead, for it was not moving.
"I think I see someone, over there," he pointed to the body somewhere to Horo's right, "is that him?" he didn't sound that worried, for he didn't even know who Ren was, but he knew that he was important to Horo, so he knew he should at least sound a bit concerned that he could be dead.
Horo ran towards the body, his heart thudding somewhere in his throat at the thought that that could be Ren. He didn't even make it away from the jet… but when he came closer, he saw that it wasn't Ren, but more than likely the pilot instead. Horo checked his pulse and found that he wasn't breathing. It wasn't surprising though, as there was blood everywhere around him, and the wounds he'd sustained most people would never survive from. Horo scanned the area a bit more thoroughly, and saw that Ren was nowhere in sight. He isn't here! That means he lived! He walked away from the crash! But Horo knew that Ren could have been buried under the snow, or stuck under the crash wreckage from the jet, or worse, he might not even be in one piece. And Horo also knew that, even if Ren did survive enough to walk away from the crash, he might not have made it very far. He could have walked a little way and then passed out from his wounds and died. There were so many ways that Ren could have died, and very few that pointed towards him living.
"You wait here, I'll go look for him. If I'm not back by tomorrow morning, go back home and tell my mother. She'll know what to do. I'll be back by tonight… hopefully." He muttered the last word under his breath, took one more look back to the pilot, who nodded and went back to the plane, and began his walk to find Ren, one way or another…
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He had begun walking with the thought that he would find Ren within only a few minutes, but soon minutes turned to hours, and he'd been walking for what he thought was more than three hours, at the very least. He had been following recently the trail of red that he'd found only about a half hour ago, which he had assumed was blood. Ren's blood. Man, Ren bled a lot. I hope he's alright. What happened to make him bleed this much? Ren, what did you do to yourself?
The cold was starting to get to Horo, and he wondered what Ren had had to endure in such a freezing atmosphere. Sure, Horo was used to cold, being an Ainu and living in Hokkaido most of his life, but Ren wasn't at all accustomed to such a cold climate. And what much it be like at night, where temperatures reach well below freezing? Ren must have gotten at least a little hypothermia, which could have killed him unless he found something to keep himself warm. But, how could he do that if the jet blew up, leaving him with little or no extra clothing, and no fire could start at such a high altitude, even if Ren did have matches to light one with.
Horo shivered and rubbed the sides of his arms to keep himself warm. It didn't help much, but it was enough to keep him walking. He was wearing almost three layers of clothing, having anticipated that such temperatures would be only expected so near his own home, but he was still cold. Ren hadn't known how to pack for Hokkaido, so what did he have to keep himself warm? He probably didn't even have a coat…
Horo was about to give up, his face full of sorrow and his mind full of regrets, when he finally found what he was looking for. It was faint, but he could still see it. There was a figure, human looking, huddled on the ground only about half of a mile away from him. He could see it clearly against the snow, and there was no doubt about it. It had to be Ren.
He ran towards him as fast as he could, not even preparing himself for what he might find, he was just too excited to see Ren alive again to even think about the possibility of him being dead. He came closer to Ren, seeing his small body and purple hair, though no longer a tongari style, and that confirmed that it was indeed Ren. Please, Ren, please be alive…
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Ren could hear the crunching of the snow in the distance, and he knew that someone was coming. He looked up slightly, though it made him dizzy, so he immediately dropped his heavy head back onto the snow. His hair clung to his face because he was soaking wet from the melting snow, but he had no energy to stand, or to even lift his hand.
He was huddled in a fetus position, with his legs curled up against his chest, his arms hanging limply by his side. His eyes, barely open for it took too much energy to keep them from closing, where no longer bright yellow. It was as though the very soul and spark had been taken from them. There was blood all around him, mostly from his wrists, which he had attempted to bandage, but had failed so the cuts had opened again and were bleeding worse than before. He was weak, and he could feel the blood draining from all over his body. Yes, he knew that he would die soon.
It was nearly night, and the stars were still not out yet. It was almost as though they didn't want to come out. Ren wanted to see them one last time, but he knew that at the rate things were going at, he would never get to. It's so cold… It hurts; everything hurts. Why won't it stop? Please, someone, make it stop…
But then he saw it, somewhere off in the distance. It was a person, someone coming towards him. Ren got his hopes up right away, thinking that it was someone finally coming to save him. He tried his best to stand so that they, whoever they were, could see him, but he could not, no matter how hard he tried. He pushed himself forward onto his hands to steady himself, but that caused him to topple over frontwards, making him dizzy and even further away from standing. He opened his eyes as wide as he could, which wasn't very wide as they were caked with blood from the crash, and attempted to identify the person steadily coming towards him. As he squinted he could just barely make out the image of the figure, seeing only one thing that really stood out: blue. And he knew right away who it was.
"Horo…" he said weakly, the strength draining from him with each moment. He was still bleeding slightly, and he could feel his bones cracking slightly more under his malnourished body as he lay there, trying to catch the attention of the slow moving figure in the distance. Ren tried to call out to him again, but his voice came out choked and difficult to understand. It was raspy from dehydration, and the realization of the situation was finally beginning to dawn on him. it was a hallucination, just like Jun had been. He was imagining Horo; he wasn't really there. No one was; no one was there to save him.
"Ho…ro…" he whispered lightly, taking one last look at the hallucination he so wished was, and willed to be, real. The last he saw before he fell out of consciousness was blue, and then it all went black…
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"Ren!" Horo yelled, running to Ren as fast as his legs would carry him. He saw Ren's head up, which mean he was alive. Ren struggled to stay in an upright position, but fell back abruptly. Horo began running faster. I'm going to get to Ren in time! But all of his thoughts of finally getting to see Ren again were crushed as he saw Ren fall… and not get up again…
Horo ran faster still, pulling off his thick coat as he did so. Ren would need all of the warmth possible if he was to live. Horo reached Ren soon after, tired, but not even bothering to worry about himself. He was much more concerned about Ren at the moment.
"Ren, wake up! Please Ren… please wake up… Ren, wake up… Ren…" Horo wrapped his coat around Ren's shoulders, pulling him close so that he rested in his lap. He grabbed Ren's wrist and pressed two fingers against it, checking Ren's pulse. It was slow… too slow. But it was still there.
"Ren, hold on a little longer, okay? I'll get you to the hospital and…" Horo swallowed a bit before continuing, knowing fully well that it was all a big 'if,' with no guarantee that Ren would even make it to the hospital in time, "D-don't worry, Ren, y-y-you'll get b-better in no time…"
Horo looked down at Ren's wounds, noticing that he was bleeding considerably, not to mention the loss of blood he'd already suffered. He removed his fingers from Ren's wrists, only to find them smeared with blood. In his haste to see if Ren was alright, he hadn't noticed the two large cuts, one of each wrist. Ren… what did you do to yourself?
Horo tore a piece off of his own shirt, using it to attempt to stop the bleeding on Ren's wrists. His eyes shifted to Ren's left arm, seeing that it noticeably bent in two places. It was obviously broken. Whether or not it was reparable, Horo did not know.
Horo ran his fingers absentmindedly through Ren's hair, thinking through what he should do. Should he leave Ren and get him later, or bring him on the plane and watch him die, for that was almost guaranteed to happen? And if there was a possibility of Ren living, would he ever be normal again? All my fault… it's all my fault…
Horo's fingers hit a bump on Ren's head which, although it wasn't bleeding anymore, was very serious. It could have caused a concussion or something fatal. He lowered his head so that it was close to Ren's, listening to his breathing. It was slightly labored, but at least it hadn't stopped. Perhaps there was still hope for Ren yet.
Horo took Ren into his arms bridal style, holding him close to his own body to keep him as warm as possible. His feet ached from walking for so long, but then he thought about all of the pain he'd caused Ren by him coming out there to look for him, and it was way worse than walking for a few more hours. He didn't want to cause Ren any more pain. He was doing this all for Ren.
Looking up at the sky, Horo found that it was nearly night. He still had a many more hours before the pilot would leave without him. And there was something else he noticed about the sky: it was filled with billions of tiny stars. My wish… to find Ren alive. And I did. Now I wish he could stay that way… Maybe this is a sign; I couldn't see the stars before now. Perhaps they came out for Ren and I. perhaps Ren will live…
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Horo had taken Ren up onto the plane, and the pilot had taken off without another word. They had flown for about an hour and a half before reaching Hokkaido. Horo had left the plane in the more than capable hands of the pilot, knowing that he had better things to do than return it and wait for the plane rental man to give him a long speech about planes. He would never have had the time. Ren was way more important.
Currently sitting in the waiting room of the hospital as he had been for the past three hours or so, Horo awaited the moment when the doctor would finally come out of Ren's room to tell him all of the news about what happened. The good… and the bad.
Horo sighed, looking around the room in an attempt to busy himself and keep himself from thinking the worst about what was going on with Ren. He was just beginning to focus on the patients coming in to the ward he was waiting by, when the doctor finally came out of Ren's room, number thirty-three.
"Mr. Usui?" the doctor said; Horo nodded, and the doctor, a neatly shaven, sterol, and most likely single man, continued, "I have the results of the tests, and I can now tell you how your friend is doing." He paused for a moment, but then continued as though nothing had happened to stop him from speaking, "your friend, Ren, I believe it is, was badly injured when you brought him here. Very badly injured; I'm surprised he lived. Three broken ribs, his left arm broken in two places, and many other crushed bones. His blood loss was much more than many people could have survived through, and that he did is a miracle in itself."
The doctor stopped for a second, apparently waiting for Horo to speak. Not catching on right away, it was another minute before anyone, Horo in particular, began the conversation again.
"Sir, is he alright? I mean, will he live?" Horo was sweating at this point, trying not to just jump up and run into Ren's room to see for himself. But he thought about it, and that would get him no where. If he could see Ren, he would. If not, he would know why…
"We had to do some blood-work, and a transfusion, and his arm and ribs will have to be wrapped up pretty tight. His left arm has been set into place, and though his breathing isn't fully back to normal, he is doing much better than he was when you brought him in. If you want, I can take you in to see him, as long as it isn't for too long."
Horo nodded in response, standing slowly and walking towards Ren's room. He tried to act calm, but it took everything he had not to shout with joy. Ren's alright! He's going to be fine! I can't believe it, I thought Ren was… well, it doesn't really matter what I thought, the important thing is, he's alive!
The doctor held the door for Horo, who entered it eagerly. He wanted to see Ren, and he couldn't wait another minute. He walked through the white doors and into the also pure white hospital room. It was large, but Ren was the only patient in it. That was because Ren was in the ICU, the ward for critical care that people in as bad of shape as Ren needed.
Horo expected to see Ren awake, yelling at him or something, but to his surprise he had to search a moment for Ren, finally spotting him laying on a small bed in the far right of the room. Horo walked towards him, seeing that he was bandaged up on his arms, chest, and forehead. He was either sleeping or unconscious, though Horo couldn't tell which. He looked so peaceful there, just laying, eyes closed, an almost… innocent look about him. Horo wasn't quite used to seeing Ren without seeing his spear at the same time, but this Ren was much more tolerable. He was cute, sleeping, not even fully aware of what had happened to him.
Horo almost jumped out of his skin when his tranquil thoughts were interrupted by a loud beeping from his left. The machine that measured Ren's breathing was making loud noises, and eventually it just buzzed for a long time, not stopping. Horo didn't need the doctor to tell him what that meant, and his eyes scanned the room, looking for someone who was trained to handle that sort of stuff. He didn't know what he would do if Ren were to die in front of him, especially after all of the progress he'd been making in his health since his arrival at the hospital.
A doctor, the same one Horo had met earlier, came in with two nurses, one male, one female. The nurses went to Ren's bedside, putting on rubber gloves as they went. Horo was about to ask why they were doing that, but he didn't have time to. The doctor came to Horo to explain what had happened, and in a whispered yet knowing voice he said:
"We need to operate immediately…"
DarkTaoAngel: Longer chapter! Ren's been hurt, gotten better, and then been hurt again! If you don't know, that machine had to do with his breathing, which has stopped! It's almost like everything is against him living… Anyways, please review, if you didn't like this chapter, or if you did! Let me know what I could do better in this story, and sorry for the late update! Review!