Delphine jogs across campus, she doesn't want to be late. Her post-doc position is an enviable one, and being late, especially so early in the new year would not look good to Dr. Burns. She's only been here six months. Six months of adaptation, and work and… figuring out her new life here. And this, this was one of the highlights.
"Delphine!" Scott waves to her. He was Dr. Burn's current PhD student, and he was excellent. And clean. She has to appreciate that in her temporary office mates. Cleanliness. Also, organization skills. Even if he did get really into biotechnology and conspiracy theories at times.
"Good morning Scott." Delphine waves, she has teaching, and research to do. She changes her boots for her shoes, and hangs up her coat. She has her slides, her laptop. She's ready for this. And intends to spend the morning proving herself before taking another crack at that paper they've spent six months working up to writing.
"Dr. Burns said you were teaching Cell and Molecular biology this morning." Scott perks up.
"I am teaching it all semester, and running the advanced lab. And writing a paper with Dr. Burns." Delphine smiles at him. She doesn't mind Scott. He was preferable to share a study space than many other students. And he got along well enough with she and Cosima.
"Where's Cosima?" Scott asks her.
"Late, as usual." Delphine smiles a little, thinking about Cosima.
"Yeah… that's Cosima." Scott laughs. "But… she was supposed to be meeting Dr. Burns five minutes ago."
"Oh no." Delphine jumps up, and dodges down the hallway. She gets to Dr. Burns office. She should be able to distract her for five minutes, long enough for Cosima to arrive. She knows Cosima's patterns, no doubt Cosima is en route and will arrive shortly. She just needs to buy her a few minutes. And Delphine thinks that she can.
"Dr. Burns." Delphine knocks quickly before opening the door.
"Delphine." The older woman glances up. "What's going on?"
"Well. You see, Dr. Burns. I was thinking of introducing my undergraduates - I mean, your undergraduates to epigenetics."
"Well, Delphine… Epigenetics is a different course… A level 400 course. Cosima Niehaus is covering that course, which you well know. It's her field, Dr. Shakir is on sabbatical. I mean… it also comes up in population genomics, genetics and… well even courses on epigenetics. The microbiology students are still…" Dr. Burns trails off. "What did you actually want to do?"
"I wanted to do some bridging. Try to… interest them in other topics that will follow."
"Delphine, they could take the first year genetics course…And they should! I'm not teaching that one. I don't think it really belongs in your course, except for maybe a brief overview or a case study when you get to discussing chromatin."
"What… What if I work with Cosima Niehaus?" Delphine asks quietly. She wants to make Dr. Burns believe she's serious.
"On epigenetics? Or cell and molecular biology? You know you're teaching introductory virology as well." Dr. Burns points out. "And the other pathology course is on your slate for spring term. I really think two courses a term is enough for a post-doc. You've got a lot of other work on your plate, Delphine."
"I know. I just… I want to do more." Delphine bristles a little at the use of her first name. Dr. Burns notices, and quickly corrects herself. She isn't casual. Not like Cosima is. Cosima who lets her students call her by her first name instead of Dr. Niehaus.
"Well, while I appreciate your enthusiasm and dedication, Dr. Cormier. You've got plenty on your plate teaching two courses this term. But… if your interest in epigenetics continues, perhaps you could arrange to work with Cosima. I … I think that could be quite interesting actually." Dr. Burns considers this. "Though, if you like, I could use your help on Physiology of Stress and Reproduction. Spring-Summer, small course. 4th year. I don't particularly want to teach it, and… I would love more of my summer back."
"I mean, that… that is also an interesting course." Delphine finds herself genuinely intrigued, it's not pathology - which is her focus. But it would be different. And perhaps an… academic novelty would actually help her deal with her other little problem.
"And you're wanting to cover more advanced topics. I understand. And it is… epigenetic-adjacent. Though… perhaps Cosima will want to teach it with you. Or you could switch off… So you each get somewhat of a break.." Dr. Burns nods sympathetically. "Though your breaks couldn't overlap."
"That isn't a problem." Delphine states quickly. She's fairly ready to pursue that
"Cosima did her PhD with us… So… she did kind of get first dibs." Dr. Burns adds quietly. "But… we are absolutely delighted to have you with us Delphine. And… I really do want you working on that research paper."
"I am… I mean… we are." Delphine corrects. The paper was a joint venture. One that was going exceptionally well, she thought.
"I do think it's going well." Dr. Burns adds, glancing at the door. "Oh… Cosima."
Cosima choses this moment to knock on the door. "Hey, sorry I'm late."
Delphine contains her relief, and quickly knows she must get going. Or she really will be late.
"Oh…" Dr. Burns looks down at her watch. "You are late."
"Always late… always sorry." Cosima quips. "Anyways, everything is ready for the meeting? I've got this, Delphine."
"You two." Dr. Burns laughs and looks ten years younger than her 50-odd years. "You two are thick as thieves. I got lucky though, you work brilliantly together. How is that paper coming along?"
"Really well." Cosima doesn't miss a beat. "Delphine and I are taking another crack at edits today and it will be in your inbox tomorrow morning."
"Perfect. OK Cosima… let's have our meeting." Dr. Burns ushers Cosima into her office and Delphine quickly races down to her awaiting class. But it's worth it. It's always worth it with Cosima.
Teaching a bunch of first year undergraduates in a post-pandemic world isn't her favourite. They expect her to have answers, only about half of them seem competent and she's fairly certainly a good quarter will leave Cells and Systems Biology and go to other departments soon enough.
But it's at least a distraction. She's back in the lab when she senses Cosima enter. She smells distinctly of patchouli, which effectively covers the faint scent of marijuana Delphine knows is underneath. She hears the jingling of her jewelry and the clacking of her boots on the floor. There's an unwanted thrill, Delphine thinks. One that she must start getting used to.
"Hey… Delphine." Cosima's voice calls to her, and Delphine takes a deep breath to steady herself.
"Bonjour Cosima."
"Thanks for covering for me this morning… I… I needed you to buy me that time." Cosima smiles at her, and tilts her head. And she is… irresistible. Delphine thinks. Who on earth could resist Cosima? Maybe that was exactly the problem.
"You're welcome." Delphine turns to face Cosima. Her dreadlocks are pulled back into a ponytail, and while she's put on a lab coat, Delphine thinks Cosima's stint in the lab will be a brief one.
"I just have to check our cultures and then… we should get lunch. Unless you're like super busy."
"Non… I already checked them. Results… are as expected. Consistent with what was observed before. RNA editing is… consistent." Delphine informs her. But she knows Cosima will insist on checking herself.
"Awesome. If you give me… a half hour… We can then sneak off campus for a really good lunch… And then come back to our results. And then… this evening, you could come over and we'll work on that paper?"
"Of course. Or we could work at mine. My apartment is bigger. And I have wine." Delphine agrees readily. Trying to not seem too agreeable, or too distracted. She'd gone home for two and a half weeks over the Christmas holidays and had found the distance had done nothing to quash whatever feelings she had for Cosima. Feelings that were increasingly difficult to ignore.
"Perfect." Cosima smiles at her again, and Delphine feels herself lose herself just a little more. She had it bad, Delphine thinks. Really bad. And it is only getting worse.
They walk from campus to Delphine's building together. Cosima is animated, and she finds herself joining in with Cosima's antics. Playing off of her with playfulness of her own that makes Cosima smile a slow lopsided smile that makes her insides do flip-flops.
She buzzes them into the building, and then climb the stairs to the third floor. Her rented condo is small, one bedroom. And her building seems to be at least half retirees. The other half are young professionals. Either way, no one says anything about the amount of time Cosima spents there.
"Wine?" Delphine offers. They'd already grabbed a quick bite on campus, food to tide them over while writing out their current results.
"Yes, please." Cosima grins, helping herself. Cosima grabs two glasses from the cupboard above her sink, and grabs the aerator while Delphine uncorks the wine. It's a red VQA that Cosima had introduced her to. One she was quite happy with.
They sip wine, and work on the paper edits, passing Cosima's laptop back and forth. It was the culmination of their first six months of work. And she was pleased enough with it.
"It… looks good."
"It does." Cosima stretches and takes off her sweater, laying down on the carpet on the floor. "I think… We should run it by Dr. Burns again. Make sure she's happy with how it's going."
"We can. I think you're right. I am getting tired." Delphine nods in agreement, taking in more creamy light olive skin at Cosima's midriff, and trying not to focus on it. She'd tried telling herself at first that her draw to Cosima wasn't physical, wasn't sexual. That it was intellectual. Emotional… and it was… and yet… the more time she spends in Cosima's presence the more she wonders about…what the rest of it would be like.
"So you want to call it a night? Before 10? We could watch a movie if you're getting tired. Or just like… talk." Cosima sits up, glancing at her. That wasn't their pattern. Delphine knows that much. But, perhaps it's best she encourage Cosima to go. She takes another long sip of her second glass of wine and feels her brain pleasantly fuzzy. Maybe it would be OK. Maybe Cosima could stay longer. Her thoughts of getting closer, of maybe kissing Cosima cannot go anywhere. At least not… now. But…
"Do you want to call it a night?" Delphine had initially tried to comfort herself with the knowledge that at least she'd had the fortune (or misfortune) to develop a massive crush on a woman who was actually homosexual. Actively, Delphine snorts at the thought. Cosima's had a girlfriend the entire six months they've known each other. It's never been a secret. The only surprise was her feelings for Cosima. Which came on surprisingly naturally and intensely. She'd tried to deny it at first, brush off the notion she could be attracted to Cosima at all. But it didn't help. It hasn't changed any of her reactions to her. If anything, it's gotten worse.
"Not really… I don't have anywhere to be."
"No plans with Emi?" Delphine prompts. Every week or two Cosima went out with her girlfriend. She was used to it. And starting to get used to the reality that she does experience jealousy. That was new too.
"No… I think if I showed up, Emi would call it a booty call. She might be right." Cosima giggles. "I mean… that happens… It's not so different from your world that way."
"What… What is that like… for you? Being a lesbian." Delphine asks. Wine lowering her inhibitions just enough that she's thinking about it. Or trying not to think about it.
"Do you mean like… identity? Or like the politics of pleasure? Because I'm pretty sure you and I are in different worlds when it comes to that." Cosima responds, looking up from the rug on the floor.
"Well I understand that, biologically, sexuality is a spectrum." Delphine counters. If only she didn't know quite so well. Dealing with the fact she suddenly seems to want… pussy, is less easy. Her face reddens at the thought, but Cosima doesn't seem to notice.
"Well yeah… I mean… I did a guy. One time in undergrad." Cosima shrugs, hands spinning in circles.
Delphine finds herself spluttering her response. "You… you did?"
"Yeah. It wasn't particularly enjoyable… I… I am pretty damn gay. He smelled like a dude . Ruined the whole experience." Cosima laughs a little. She sits up just enough to take another sip of wine.
"What… is enjoyable to you?" She shouldn't be asking, and yet she wants to know. Maybe it wouldn't be enjoyable at all. Maybe she was overthinking all of this. Maybe… maybe it needed to be experimented. Maybe she could… find her answers that way. It would be easier than this.
"Women." Cosima quips with a devilish grin. "I love women. I love… the way they smell. The way they taste. Their soft skin… the female form… I love it."
"I have … grasped that part." Delphine states, a little delicately. "I meant… what… do you…do?"
"Oh god… is this a how do lesbians have sex question?" Cosima mocks the shock. "I didn't think I'd get this shit from you Delphine. You're… pretty enlightened."
"I… Non… it was about you. What you like. Not… what lesbians do in general."
Cosima shoots her a look, looking amused and then softening just a little under the influence. "I mean… I love cunnilingus. End point. But… like otherwise it's pretty much what you'd want a lover to do to you. And more orgasms. That's the big difference there, Delphine. No semen. More orgasms." Cosima is quick to brush it off, but looks thoughtfully at her as she takes another sip of wine.
"More orgasms." Delphine nods. "Like… two or three?"
"Uhh like two or three minimum… Most women can just keep going." Cosima breaks out into a wide smile. "Like… hands, mouth, back to using hands… toys… It doesn't necessarily matter how . That's whatever the mood is. You can just go. No refractory period. No rules."
"No penises." Delphine quips trying to lighten the mood. That was something she found herself thinking about with her burgeoning attraction to Cosima. Exactly how that might work. But it was pointless. Cosima had a girlfriend. What was she even doing?
Cosima chuckles. "OK, you've had enough wine. I am cutting you off and calling Emi to pick me up."
"So bootycall?"
"No… Designated driver. I am… a little tipsy and don't really want to take the TTC home drunk." Cosima laughs and reaches for her phone. "Or… maybe I'll call an Uber…"
Delphine feels herself deflated. She's pushed too far. She needs to accept that Cosima has a girlfriend. Even if she has to accept that she seems to want only Cosima, and no one else. She's stopped dating, the little she'd done on this side of the Atlantic, pretty quickly. And there was no denying why. At least to herself.
"Hey. I'll see you tomorrow and we can go over the paper again next week, alright?" Cosima lays a gentle hand on her shoulder. She can tell she's off, Delphine thinks. Maybe Cosima knows. Maybe… neither of them feel like they can say anything about it. Maybe… Cosima feels something too. They certainly spend a lot of time together.
"Alright. Tomorrow then." Delphine nods, she stands up and sees Cosima out as far as the elevator. Not wanting her evening to end. She never does when she's with Cosima
"A demain." Cosima says in her terrible american accent, and Delphine just smiles at her.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Delphine cannot stop being soft with her. And why should she? She slowly walks back to her apartment once Cosima is gone. Eases herself onto the couch and covers her face with her hands.
Why had she thought asking Cosima about sex was a good idea? Now she has more things to think… or imagine. And the effects… well, those weren't going to go away anytime soon.
"Dormir." Delphine tells herself. "Repose-toi, et dormir. " That is the only solution, for now. But when she closes her eyes, she can still picture Cosima looking back at her. She will have to figure this out. Delphine tells herself. Until then, it will only continue to consume her.
But maybe, Delphine thinks as she glances at her phone as it buzzes with a text, she wouldn't mind being consumed by Cosima.