Cosima closes her eyes once she's in her Uber. She'd given Emi's address instead of her own, and it was going to be a longer ride. But worth it. Especially with how her body and brain were both buzzing.
"You tired?" Her Uber driver asks.
"Yeah. It's late." Cosima agrees pleasantly. She's usually more up for chatting but she's kind of… distracted.
Things had never gotten that tense with Delphine before. She had been… three good moves away from throwing caution and better judgment to the wind. But there was wine, Cosima justified. They'd been drinking. Better judgment is easily impaired. For a few minutes there, she'd thought Delphine would actually go for it. If she'd waited any longer to leave her answer to Delphine's question could have turned into a demonstration.
The thought had come on easy. Delphine's pants on the floor, Delphine under her on the couch saying her name as she brought her to orgasm. Except, there was a risk she'd basically just be self-pleasuring. That Delphine wouldn't be into it. Even if she could get her off fairly easily. Even if it took effort, Cosima thinks she could be into it. And they could have always blamed the wine after.
She shouldn't be thinking this. Cosima reminds herself. She'd decided not to do that, and she couldn't. She was still dating Emi. A relationship with a cute musician who was… pretty awesome actually. And it was fun. Less so when the band was on tour. But that was life. Consuming careers was part of it.
The thoughts of kissing Delphine, of rolling her around the oriental rug, don't go away. In Cosima's mind. Delphine looks good in her jeans and sweater. But Cosima strongly suspects Delphine also looks good in nothing at all. It's just the booze. Cosima asserts. They have a connection, sure. Delphine is intelligent, attractive, fun… but she has also had two large glasses of wine. This isn't reality. This is… intoxication.
The Uber takes 34 minutes to arrive at Emi's apartment. Emi's roommate/bandmate Cleo is happily out. Cosima notes. She wasn't sure what made her decide to haul her drunken ass out to North York, to the luxurious but basement apartment Emi calls home on Rambler Place. But she's here. And so is Emi. Cosima thinks smiling, her sexual thought shift to memories of her girlfriend.
"Thanks, man." Cosima slurs. And she clambers out of the Uber. She sends a carefully taken selfie to Emi, who quickly responds in hearts.
Emi meets her at the door, smiling at her. "Hey Cosima."
"Hey…" Cosima waves and follows Emi in.
"I wasn't expecting to see you today… You said you had that paper thing." Emi quickly leads downstairs. "You're lucky… Cleo is out… she has that… gender odyssey group thing tonight."
"Oh that's tonight?" Cosima doesn't think too much about Cleo beyond her talent on drums. And she was a decent roommate, Emi had said. Clean. Considerate.
"Yeah." Emi nods. "Anyway… the best part… is we have the whole place to ourselves." Emi looks pointedly towards the leather couch.
"Oh… Couch sex." Cosima perks up, and reaches for Emi enthusiastically. She tries not to let on how intoxicated she is, but no doubt Emi can tell she's had at least a glass of wine. She runs her hands through chin-length black hair and smiles. Tonight will end the way she needs it to.
"Fuck yes." Emi groans into her mouth, gripping her back just as fiercely. It's been…two weeks? Cosima thinks. Since they've had sex. And it's been too long. Maybe that's it. She can blame it on that.
Cosima thinks, it is all just a side effect. She undresses quickly, and they work each other to a quick first orgasm on the couch.
"Uhh… I love couch sex." Cosima groans. But then Emi gets up, and she knows she's getting a favourite toy. And Cosima grins, and they keep going. Keep touching. Keep kissing. Keep fucking. Emi can tell her mood, they've been together long enough she can read that. And Emi is willing to keep going, to draw out the experience until she wants her own pleasure. Which Cosima is happy to provide, she slides off the couch and presses her mouth to Emi's sex. She closes her eyes, enjoying it.
When they finally move to the bed. Emi slows down. She is tired, Cosima notes. But she isn;t.
"Lay back… I can do the rest." Cosima offers with a grin.
"The rest?" Emi raises an eyebrow.
"I'm… in a mood." Cosima offers teasingly. And it's true. A mood she is having a hard time satisfying. She wants to keep going.
"Where were you?" Emi is amused at first, teasing back. So Cosma answers.
"I was working on that research paper thing with Delphine." Cosima mumbles and reaches for her girlfriend again. She is still hot. She could still go several more rounds. Something in her just won't satisfy.
Emi yields, and they go one more round before her girlfriend falls asleep beside her. And Cosima glances over, the familiar shape of Emi, the tone of her skin, her short compact body. What the hell was she doing thinking about Delphine? Something was clearly wrong with her. She had a hot, talented girlfriend with her own hobbies and consuming job. They had really good sex together. And it left plenty of space in her life for other things, friends, her research, and other interests. What the fuck was wrong with her? Maybe she and Emi weren't a forever thing, but their relationship was good. In fact, it was admittedly one of her better ones.
"Cosima…" Emi mumbles in her sleep as if on cue. And Cosima leans in, laying kisses on her exposed cheek, only to have Emi wiggle from her grasp. An annoyed groan emerges from her lips.
"I want to cuddle." Cosima asks. She knows Emi occasionally humours her. But maybe today is not one of those days.
"No. I don't cuddle all night. We cuddled enough." Emi responds half asleep with a swat. "It's a king size bed. There's so much space."
Cosima settles on the far side of the bed, leaving the required space between their bodies. Everyone is different. She thinks. And they cuddled after sex briefly. That's enough. She falls asleep fairly quickly after that. The bed is comfortable and her body is tired, sinking into the memory foam.
Cosima rolls over on the bed, reaching for her girlfriend again. "Emi…" It's morning, and they'd gone off and on most of the night. Which makes sense. They've been apart for two weeks. And not like they have any other pressing responsibilities.
"Ugh you're always horny when you come from Delphine's." Emi complains giving her a playful swat.
"Or maybe, I just missed you. I mean, it's been two weeks since we've really spent time together." Cosima suggests. Admittedly it was a weird pattern. And she's not going to deny she finds Delphine attractive. Or that they just get each other. But it doesn't have to be a thing. It could be a disaster as easily as it could be really hot. Plus the Emi factor.
"Really? Did you? So where did you get this appetite? Because you haven't tried to ride me like that since we were three months in." Emi points out, she brushes her black hair out of her face. "I mean, you know I love you… you're amazing. But… I keep feeling there's something off between us. And is that it? Are you fantasizing about Delphine? I don't think the science side is making you horny. And you stayed three hours. To go through edits on a paper! Why?"
"Does it have to matter where I get my appetite as long as I eat at home?" Cosima counters. Surely that was reasonable. So what? How was it any different than seeing a sexy stranger? It didn't have to be different. A wine-induced fantasy didn't mean a thing. It was like those weird sex dreams where you're fucking someone you know but aren't actually attracted to.
"Yes. If it's fantasizing about fucking Delphine." Emi shakes her head. "Like… we've been dating 9 months. Are you into me or not? Are we serious or not?"
"Emi… I wasn't fantasizing about Delphine. And how serious?" She knows they're was discussed three months in, they'd both agreed to it. It was Cosima's preference. Emi had thought it made things easier to establish a new relationship anyway. Surely that was serious enough.
"Move in with me." Emi demands. "Prove you want to be with me. Prove it's serious. You're here two or three nights a week some weeks anyway. You could move in with Cleo and I for now, and when our lease is up we can get an apartment. Somewhere."
Cosima is stunned, but only for a moment. "I… don't want that." Giving Emi more of her time wasn't the plan. Plus Emi was a musician, what happened when the band went on tour again?
"OK. I guess… I guess we've hit the end of the road then." Emi sighs. "You don't see a future with me?"
"I guess so. And I don't… not yet." Cosima feels awkward, suddenly wishing they'd been dressed for this conversations. "Did you just dump me while we were still naked?"
"Yes." Emi is clear enough. "Did you just fuck me because you're hot for Delphine?"
"Emi… No." Cosima shakes her head. "She's attractive. I like her. But whatever friendship Delphine and I have has nothing to do with us. And it never will."
"OK." Emi sits up. "I'm going to shower… Get dressed and clear out your drawer… I mean, if you want to. You're barely here."
"OK." Cosima nods, flopping back on the bed. She looks up at the ceiling until the water stops running. And gets dressed only when Emi has returned.
Cosima takes transit back. She hops on the subway at Yorkdale. Her few belongings from Emi's stored in a canvas grocery bag she'd had shoved into the bottom of her purse.
"Well that sucked." Cosima sighs, riding back home. She's going to be late getting into campus again. But she's not teaching this morning. Just office hours… and maybe Delphine can cover for her again. Delphine did it without even asking before.
She stops at her own apartment, a bachelor near campus, and showers and redresses before running back to campus. The office is open when she arrives, and Delphine is sitting inside talking to one of her students.
"And there is Dr. Niehaus." Delphine announces.
"Oh my god… thank you Delphine."
"It's fine." Delphine brushes her off. "My office hours are right before yours. It's fine." Delphine quickly leaves, and Cosima settles in to deal with the rest of her office hours solo. No doubt she has a dozen emails about the first assignment of the term.
"Cosima… Dr. Cormier was like super helpful." The student tells her. What was this one's name? Kyla? Kayla? Kylie? Something like that.
"She is… Dr. Cormier is fucking amazing." Cosima says only when she is sure that Delphine is no longer in earshot. And Delphine is. There's no denying it.
Kyla, or whatever her name is, giggles. Briefly, she wonders if Kyla has any idea of the connotations but then decides it doesn't matter. Cosima gets back to work. Walking the student through the required steps to the assignment. It leaves her with the sense that this student isn't cut out for hard research, but that's unimportant. They're only undergrads after all.
Cosima finishes out her day, working until nearly 8 pm. She is the last one in the lab after most of the students and faculty have gone home. It's quiet, but it's going well. If she's productive and her brain is flowing well, why stop? Beats dwelling on her shitty morning that makes no sense at all. Beats… a lot of stupid thing she could be doing right now.
"Late night?" A familiar accented voice calls from behind her. A warm hand presses to her shoulder.
"Uhh…I kind of lost track of time." Cosima admits, tapping her phone screen to bring up the time.
Delphine holds out a brown paper bag. The smell emanating from the bag is distinctive. "I got us dinner. Come on… We'll go upstairs and eat in my office."
"Delphine…" Cosima softens looking up at Delphine, who looks like some kind of French goddess right now. But maybe that's the hour of day. And her stomach talking. She is hungry, Cosima realizes. And the takeout bag Delphine is shaking gently at her is increasingly tempting.
"I know you work late… I just… We both need to eat, ma chérie. Come have dinner with me. I got you those vegan taro dumplings from Mean Bao… And I picked up the cold noodle salad we both like. We can split it. I got two forks."
"I could use the company." Cosima admits. She's unable to stop smiling. She follows Delphine across campus, and they stop in Delphine's shared office. They clear off one of the tables, and Delphine presents her dinner.
"I got shrimp." Delphine tells her, eating one of her own dumplings.
"You don't want to try the taro ones? You liked them last time." Cosima holds out a dumpling with chopsticks. She figures she should offer, especially after Delphine went and got dinner for her slightly time-blind self.
"Non.. You eat them." Delphine urges her. "But I will be sharing those noodles with you." Delphine informs her, eating with a fork.
"I didn't see much of you today." Cosima speaks between mouthfuls of dumpling. It is good. And she cannot deny how stupidly happy she is to see Delphine. So stupidly happy that horrible rebound-like ideas are invading her brain. Thoughts of soft lips pressed against her own and her fingers tangled in blonde hair. Thoughts she is fairly certainly should go no further.
"I was busy. But… I am happy to see you now. Do you have plans this evening?"
"It's… Friday?" Cosima asks. Trying to place herself back in time.
"Non. It's… Thursday. But… if you don't have plans this weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a day-trip with me."
"Where? We'd have to rent a car." Cosima throws it out. She could, she could figure that out pretty quickly if they had to.
"Blue Mountain. We could ski, or snowboard… Or something. Just… to do something different." Delphine looks outside, and there's snow on the ground.
"I mean… Delphine." Cosima winces as she tries to figure out a response. She could go with Delphine. Hell. They could go to Scandinave in Collingwood and arrange to stay the night somewhere. It's just she's 75% certain she'd be making a move on Delphine before the weekend was out. And that is unlikely to go well.
"But you … probably have plans with Emi. I'm sorry. I know she has a show Friday night at that club… And you usually go to her shows."
"You need to find yourself a boyfriend." Cosima quips. An old joke, but the look on Delphine's face seems hurt.
"Maybe I do." Delphine says after a long silence, poking at her dumpling.
"Hey… Sorry. That was insensitive." Cosima corrects herself. "I know things with that...Luke didn't work out." Cosima hopes she's gotten the man's name right. She only met him twice.
Delphine snorts softly. "No. They did not work out."
"But we could do something… Sunday?" Cosima suggests. "If weather is clear, we could go to Blue Mountain… Or we could go the AGO, get dinner in the city. Whatever."
"Sunday." Delphine brightens noticeably. "Yes. Let's do something fun Sunday."
"Yeah. I am all yours then." Cosima promises. And she wonders just how she wants this to go. If she's just… imagining things. Or if there's a chance she could have Delphine. And what that would turn into. A total disaster like with Holly back in her MA? Something else? But with Delphine, she's unsure things could ever be casual. Ever be light. It's a risk she's not sure she's up for taking. No matter how hot it would be.