"Heya, everybody! How are y'all doing tonight?"
Lots of whoops and whistles from the crowd.
"For those who don't know, my name is Monika Sehlke, and I'm president of the Literature Club here at Yamaku High School. Formerly, I was apart of the student council, political debate club and environmental science club, but as I'm sure some know-"
"Marry me, Monikaaaaa!"
Huge laughs. Even Monika is holding back a chuckle, masked behind a fake blush. She plays with a strand of her hair. "Wellllll, as much as I'd like to, I don't think I'm in you're league, sooo…" A sneaky smile crosses her face.
The crowd oohs, heads turned back to the now gun-shy boy, wishing he was anywhere but here right now. Not glancing up from her paper, Yuri mutters. "It's like a school idol project or something…"
The four of us were all standing offstage behind the velvet red curtains, just out of sight from the crowd. Backstage, the ropes of the heavy curtains were hanging, all the way down to the floor, sandbags holding down the ropes. Stacks of unused chairs and props from last year's theater performance were stored. The air was slightly humid, the backstage area without air-conditioning.
Monika gripped the mic in her phone, the cord twirling in her finger. She slowly started to walk around the stage, her hair flowing free of it's ribbon. She really was a natural at public speaking, a born showman. The audience was captivated, by her looks and her demeanor.
"I formed the literature club to be a refuge for the inspired, a place where the like-minded, the imaginative and the creative could come to workshop the little sparks of ideas in their head and turn them into something great."
She continued, "It may not seem like it, but the importance of writing and free-thinking cannot be understated. With all the craziness going on in the world right now, in the age where controversial opinions are trying to be silenced and those who voice them to be shunned, free thought cannot be understated as a valuable asset to the human mind."
"I can't…IcantIcantIcant…" I hear Natsuki mumble under her breath, her voice distant and trembling. The thin sheet of paper she's holding starts to crinkle in her shaky hands.
"Natsuki, what's wrong-" Yuri started to say, but she was cut off. "I can't, I'm so sorry but I just can't." Her face was flush red, her eyes wide with fear. Without warning, Natsuki bolted away, heading down the backdoor stairs leading outside. The door clicks open, and she's gone in a flash.
"Oh, nooo…" Sayori says quietly, burying her face in her hands.
"Natsuki! Wait!" I say after her, trying to keep my voice down so the audience couldn't hear. Already a few heads were turning in our direction, at the sound of the door. Monika glances over from her spot at the stage, trying to conceal the look of worry in her face. Her eyes speak volumes.
She looks at me and mouths, "what happened?"
I glance at Yuri and Sayori. Yuri is awkwardly shuffling her papers around in her hand, nervously trying to avoid the situation. Sayori gives me a bewildered look. She shooed me away. "Go! Go after her! Hurry!"
I start to run towards the door, slamming it open with my shoulder. The hot air outside blasts me in the face.
Monika glances back to the now-worried crowd, regaining her footing in her head. She gives an airy laugh. "Ah, sorry about that. Someone, uh...ahah, it's not important." She cleared her throat. "Now, where was I?"
…
"Hey!"
"Watch it, dude!"
"Look where you're going, asshole!"
"Excuse me, excuse me! Coming through! Sorry!"
The festival was in full swing, with the sun already beginning to set across the school grounds. Wafts of smoke from the various foodstands was drifting into the sky, the smells entrancing. Hundreds of students, still in uniform, were mingling between the booths and stands. The booths in this area ran parallel, but all met up around a small area with tables and benches. Nightfall was beginning its approach, with the first twinkling of stars up in the sky glooming.
Up ahead, Natsuki's pink hair was sprinting away from me, her ribbons bouncing. She was ducking and weaving her way through the crowds of students, and disappeared in a flash.
"Natsuki! Wait!" I yelled for her, but she didn't slow down.
I broke through the crowds of students to the sitting area. Dozens of students (mostly couples) were sitting down already, enjoying their hot meals and cold drinks. A few gave me an odd look, but said nothing and returned to their activities.
I swiveled my head around. Where did she-
Dashing towards the seniors building, I saw a flash of pink. Dazed, lost, scared. A deer running through traffic.
'She's going back to the clubroom.' I realized.
I started to make my way towards her. Natsuki paused for a moment. "Natsuki! Hey!" She turns at the sound of my voice, and starts to run off. She has the lead, but I'm catching up to her.
She breaks free of the crowd and runs towards the entrance to the seniors building. She swings open the door and dashes upstairs. Muffled through the glass, I hear her voice, bitter. "Go away!"
"Natsuki, please!" I swing open the door and dashes up the stairs.
I turn the corner to see Natsuki running towards the door. She glances back at me with panicked, fearful eyes. She jiggles the doorknob.
Locked.
She yanks on it harder, but to no avail.
Defeated, she leans back against the door and slides to the ground, burying her face in her arms. Ugly sobs emit from her shaky body.
I slow my approach, cautious. "Natsuki, I-"
She cuts me off. "What do you want?!"
"I-I just want to help you…"
"Help me? You can help me by getting away from me!" Her voice is sharp and doused in hatred. I feel a dropping sensation in my stomach. Dread. Fear. Agony.
I ease back a step. "But, what about the presentation? We need you…"
She sniffles, wipes her eyes with her hand. "No, you don't. My poem is fucking shit. Nobody's gonna like it. I don't even like it. And I know you won't."
"Don't say that. I'm sure it's a great poe-"
She stands up. "Yeah sure, that's what you always say about stuff I do. You can quit being fake, I know you don't mean any of it."
I'm taken aback.
"Wh-what?"
"Seriously! Buying me food, reading with me, sitting with me at lunch? Saying how great my poems are? Nobody's ever given me that sort of attention before, it's weird!"
I feel my heart start to crack on the inside.
"Fine, let's say you are being genuine. Why do you do it, huh? Why are you care about me so much? Every time someone's even given me a shred of affection, it's because they wanted something from me! So what is it, then?!" Her voice cracks, enraged.
I'm speechless.
"I-I…I want…"
…
In life, you're expected to make big, great, possibly life-changing decisions on a daily basis.
It can be anything; a new backpack for school, a lease on an apartment, proposing to the love of your life, going left instead of right down a two-way road.
Even for the littlest of things, it can have a huge impact. Buying a certain bag over another, and getting noticed by the popular kids and growing to become more included in your social life. Signing a year long lease for an apartment that you find out has a bad issue with termites. Taking the left turn instead of the right and getting into a fatal accident.
The truth is, life is all about that, sometimes. Going into the unknown, taking a huge breath before diving into the water. If you constantly shield yourself from that which you don't know (or understand), you'll never experience life on the other side.
I really did take a huge gamble with that night. Reading that particular poem, walking a certain someone to class and taking the tardy for my own, going after Natsuki at the risk of ruining the whole performance...but knowing what I know now...I wouldn't dream of doing anything different.
Not for the world.
...
I pushed my lips to Natsuki's.
She tasted sweet, of strawberries and cherry blossoms. Her lips are soft and pert, silky as a baby's skin. I feel an immense heat rise to my cheeks, my face turning a deep shade of red.
For a brief moment, Natsuki does nothing, awash by the surprise of the moment. A few beats later, she pushes me in the chest, defensive (almost angry). "Hey, dumbass!" She growls. Why would you do that?!" Her voice is seething.
I immediately feel a hot wave of embarrassment and fear. Oh God I fucked up so bad she hates me and shes gonna tell everyone and I-
She grabs my blazer and pulls me in, relocking the kiss. Her arms wrap around my back, as I do the same. I can feel the quick rising and falling of her chest, the quick heartbeats as my chest presses against hers. We stay in this position for maybe fifteen, twenty seconds, the best of my life.
She breaks the kiss.
"I wanted to be the first one to do it."
We relock the kiss, for a few moments. We both fall back against the door of the clubroom for support. Natsuki's fingers dig into the back of my hair, enveloped in the moment. I adjust how I'm standing so I can bring her closer to me, her warmth radiating on my body.
My heart is pounding out of my chest, my mind still unable to comprehend this. It doesn't even feel real, my lips pressed against hers. The thing I've been praying to happen is happening.
She fucking likes me!
Finally, I pull away. "Hey, so um…"
She looks at me, slightly worried.
"We should... probably get back to the others."
"Ah...right…" she says, her voice low. She clearly didn't want this to end, at least not so soon.
I gingerly extend a hand out to her, which she happily takes. Her fingers entwined with mine, and we start to walk towards the stairs.
She nuzzles her head into my shoulder. I can feel her warmth on my shoulder, her cotton candy pink hair brushing against my blazer. I feel like i'm about to faint. Can this really be happening? Is this reality?
If this is heaven, I never want to leave.
…
We slowly make our way down the stairs outside, my hand locked with hers. Natsuki's hands were small, gentle, their small size dwarfed by mine. I could feel the shakiness in her hand slowly fade, her fingers clenched closer.
We move past the crowds of students, tracking our way back to the auditorium building. The back door was propped open just a crack, cool air from the inside blowing out through the crack. I quietly open the door, careful not to make too much noise.
Yuri and Sayori are standing by the door. A look of relief washes over their faces when they see us. Monika glances over, then back to the audience.
"Uh, would you excuse me, everyone?" She quickly clips the microphone back onto its stand and rushes down to meet us.
She quickly embraces Natsuki in a hug. "Oh, sweetheart are you okay? You had me worried to death! What happened?"
Natsuki squeezes my hand. "Ah, s-sorry Monika, I just, um...got stagefright. I'm okay now." She smiles slightly. Monika nods. "Alright. Do you think you can still perform?"
Natsuki nods.
"Okay, because you're next to go up honey. I've kinda been stalling for the past five minutes…"
Natsuki tenses up. "Wh-huh? Now? But ah…" She takes a moment to reaffirm herself, straightens up her posture, and takes a deep breath. "Yeah, I can go. Let's go."
"Okay! Good." Monika says with a smile. She turns to walk back to the microphone. Natsuki moves to join her, but I gently grab her hand.
"Natsuki."
She looks up at me. I don't think I've ever seen a pair of eyes as glossy, rosy or as perfect as hers.
I give Natsuki a quick peck on the cheek. Brief, but soft. Passionate. Filled with love. I see the redness return to her cheeks. She glances away from me.
"D-dummy…" I can't help but smile.
"And next up we have Natsuki! Let's give her a big round of applause!" Monika starts to walk back to where we are, making a small gesture with her hand to get going.
I gently put my hand on Natsuki's. "Okay, go." I say, motioning to the stage. Natsuki gingerly starts to walk out into the pale lights of the stage. Monika takes a spot next to me. Beneath her breath, I can hear Monika speak softly, pride lacing her voice. "I knew she had it in her…"
Natsuki slowly walks across the stage, unfolding her piece of paper and smoothening it out with her fingers. The polite applause from the audience continues for a few moments.
Dead silence follows.
Natsuki clears her throat.
"H-hello...my n-name is Natsuki Tamura and I'll b-be reading, um…"
She glances to us, off stage.
My mind doesn't think twice. I point to myself, make a heart gesture with my hands, and point back to her.
She glances back to the audience. "I'll be reading Because You, one of my personal favorite poems that I've written...for someone…"
I feel a warm smile spread across my face as my heart starts to flutter.
She adjusts the mic and starts to read.
"Because you,
Tomorrow will be brighter with me around
But when today is dim, I can only look down.
My looking is a little more forward
Because you look at me.
When I want to say something, I say it with a shout!
But my truest feelings can never come out.
My words are a little less empty
Because you listen to me.
When something is above me, I reach for the stars.
But when I feel small, I don't get very far.
My standing is a little bit taller
Because you sit with me.
I believe in myself with all of my heart.
But what do I do when it's torn all apart?
My faith is a little bit stronger
Because you trusted me.
My pen always puts my feelings to the test.
I'm not a good writer, but my best is my best.
My poems are a little bit dearer
Because you think of me.
Because you.
Because you.
Because you."