Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
––
"Where have you been?" Michonne demanded when Carol walked into work the following Monday. "I've been worried sick about you. You weren't at home. Rick said you broke up. I—Why didn't you call me? I would have been there in an instant."
I'm really fine, Michonne. She moved around to the register to clock in. I had to sort some things out with a little wine on Sunday, but I'm over it. We were barely together a month.
"Carol, you were dating Rick and didn't tell me. He had to come find me and ask how you were. You kept me out of the loop with Rick and the breakup. I'm worried. I called you like fifteen times this weekend, and nothing."
I know, and we will talk later. For now, I need to...focus on work. She stepped into the back to put her belongings away and pulled her hair up into a bun.
The work day was slow, Carol was thinking about what color would best suit the study Daryl had crafted, and Michonne eyed her the entire day. Carol knew she'd have to tell her about Daryl and the house, but she didn't want to get into it right now. It was like a hobby, and Michonne never told Carol about her hobbies, so it' be fine. She'd just tell her about Sunday, when she got home and experienced the break up. She sat in bed and drank a bottle of wine before taking a very long bath and wishing she had Daryl's dog with her, because he was sweetie. Aside from stealing any food she made, that was.
Daryl was an interesting guy, thinking of. He was very thoughtful and funny, too. He had so many ideas for the house, and it broke her heart, because all he did was talk about selling it off and moving back to the city. She understood his brother and nephew were there, but there were so many great things about their town. She wanted to show him all the wonders she knew of, and she was going to start tomorrow after work. He was going to get an eyeful. She just had to be sure to bring something to write on. Her phone wasn't ideal, because it died all the time. It hadn't been updated since 2016. Michonne had begged her to get a new phone for the chat feature, but Carol just needed a text capable phone. People still called her though, and she didn't know what they expected. Aside from horror-film breathing
Michonne and Carol closed the store down, Michonne hadn't spoken to her since lunch and Carol explained her pitiful Sunday, and they both knew Carol had left details out. Michonne didn't mind Carol having secrets or a life outside their friendship, but she was worrying Michonne with how causal she was over this break up. Rick had pursued her for a year, and a month in it's over, and she's fine. They couldn't be the whole story. What the hell happened? Did he cheat? Did he...suck in a relationship? It was killing her to not know, but she had no right to really ask either. Maybe later, but for now, she'd let it rest. Maybe.
"You have any dinner plans?" Michonne flicked the lights off and pulled the door shut behind them, locking it.
Yes. I made a meatloaf on Sunday, and I intend to actually eat it. Have a good night. Kiss Andre for me. She smiled and waved goodbye, heading to her car.
"Carol." She sighed softly. "Be careful."
Carol drove home and slipped into her comfort zone. She changed into shorts and a tank top, digging the her fuzzy cardigan out of her blankets on the way. She padded down the stairs to the kitchen and pre-heated the oven for meatloaf, and she poured herself a glass of wine. She as so glad to be home and in comfort, because she wanted to think seriously on renovating Daryl's house. He said he'd help her with the basics, and she was mostly in charge of painting and finding any decent furnishings. He did need her help with the sun room, because he was drawing a blank on it. She hadn't seen it yet to give an opinion, but she would this weekend. For sure.
She looked over her cottage and wondered if it was time to renovation this place. It was her first place all to herself, and she loved it, but she would eventually outgrow it. She felt like that was a full of lie, though. She was self-sufficient out here with a garden and well water and solar power. It was a gem in the woods, just like Daryl's house, but she'd made it home.
It was small cottage obviously made for one. It was painted a faded navy blue, a glass-railed porch over the garage, vines growing partly over the side poor where Carol had set up a table and a couple of chairs for outdoor reading and lunch purposes. The inside was mostly a tall ceiling, and everything as in the same room. The kitchen made up half of the living room, and Carol had erased the dining room years ago when there just wasn't enough space. She loved her big blue couch too much to trade it in for loveseat or couple of armchairs. It was a gift from her best friend, and it was staying.
About ten feet from the couch was the door that lead to the bathroom, and above that with the spiraled staircase was her bedroom. It was in its on little cubby hole with windows lining the wall, which wasn't always a win, but she was used to it. She had blackout curtains cropped and fitted, too, if she wanted a nap in the daytime. Outside the hole where her bed were her dressers and a clothes line for delicate to dry. She also had a washer and dryer in the garage. It was small but perfect for one person. Or a couple, but literally not one person more. It'd be a nightmare. Hell, trying to have sex in her bed was a nightmare. There was a ceiling light right above the bed, and a couple guys have really hurt themselves trying to top. She warned them, but no one listened. They sure as hell bottomed every time they were over at her cottage.
She set the wine glass down and felt hollowed. Rick was her longest relationship in a year, and that was depressing. She didn't love him or really see a future with him, but he was cute and nice and wanted to be with her enough to wait a year. He just underestimated the strength of his past relationship. She couldn't blame him. She'd been there, but it didn't make this any better. She loved Carl. He was such a sweet boy, and they were friends, but probably not anymore. She'd already gotten chewed out by Lori on having Carl walked in on them once. It wasn't her fault he was thirsty, and Carol had gotten off early.
She chuckled at that wording and sat down on the arm of the couch. She missed being touched, and it wasn't about sex or kissing. She liked to be held, to be snuggled, and Rick apparently had been slipping out after sex, so she definitely hadn't been held in a long time. Who did she have to pay to snuggle her? Hmmm, maybe she could borrow Spike for a night and just cuddle him instead. She did love dogs, and he was a sweetie. For the most part.
She leaned back to fall onto the couch and looked up through the skylight, seeing the stairs and the light of moon. She stacked her hands on her stomach and smiled at the shine of the stars. Another reason she loved this cottage. She may have broken her wallet all those years to buy it, but it was worth it. Something as hidden and quiet as her. A match. Perhaps her only match.
She shook her head and decided to cheer herself up. She had food and wine, and it was barely eight. She was going to have a good night. She didn't have to work tomorrow, and she could focus on hanging out with Daryl. She would have new friend, and this one even had a dog. A young dog, no sad memories just yet. So, yeah, it'd be fine.
If not, she'd get drunk and cuddle her own damn self.
––
Carol met Daryl at his house the next morning, Daryl was still drowsy and waking up, so she and Spike checked out the sun room. She was breathless at the beauty shining down into the room from the stained glass he'd picked out. It was so gorgeous, and it filled the room in soft lighting. It was natural light, and it felt like home instantly. She couldn't believe he'd done this by himself and didn't think it was amazing. She could barely construct a kennel for display. Wow.
Daryl stumbled to the room and stood beside her, seeing the awe in her expression, and he inhaled before turning to stand in front of her. "Do you like it?"
She nodded vigorously.
"Then once it's done, buy it from me." He chuckled at the glare she sent him, and he downed the rest of his coffee. "I have flooring to do today, so why don't you try out those paints?"
She held up a notepad with pre-written questions. Do you really not care what I paint it?
"As long as it'll sell this place, nope."
You're infuriating.
"But you already knew that beforehand, so...who's really infuriating?" He stepped out of the room to put more coffee in his mug.
She closed the notepad and looked down at Spike somberly. No winning, eh?
He nudged her thigh with his head.
She kissed his head and collected the paints by the door. There were four colors, and they were so different but all the same type of lightness. They were all lovely, and Carol reached for the paintbrushes and rollers, choosing to the grey green color. It would be great for reading and catching the light; it have such a warm feeling to it. It'd be perfect since it was a reading room/study. She could almost see Daryl at the computer, reading some book or the other with Spike lying in the bay window, watching the wildlife traipse by. She loved the image of it and was deadset on making this place one hundred perfect Daryl. He'd love it so much he wouldn't leave it.
She cracked open the can of paint and mixed it thoroughly to be sure of the color. Maybe Daryl would love it and keep it but still move. That would be okay. He would be back to visit, and this place would have a purpose again. She'd been here long enough to know this place was beautiful and a great location for vacations but it was empty. It was buried in the woods, and nobody seemed to wait it. It was a shame. It was such a treasure. She would love to live here herself, but she owned a cottage, and she loved it too much to part with it. She'd probably live there alone or get a dog or something. Honestly, she'd considered getting a dog just to not be alone, but it'd be mean. Her place was too small for a dog. Maybe a cat. There was plenty of room to climb.
"Good choice."
Carol jolted at the feel of breath on her shoulder, and she turned to glare at him.
"Sorry." He held his hands up. "I didn't mean to scare you. I—I kinda forget you don't... I'm real sorry. I'll...er, tap your shoulder next time."
She shook her head to say it's fine and set a hand on the desk. You like it? She mouthed.
He nodded. "It's a good color." He pointed to the kitchen. "There's some snacks in there if you get hungry. But uh, before you get started on that, do you want a tour? See the place you're gonna help me fix up?"
She nodded.
He walked her through the living room to the dining room. It was just passed the bathroom and pantry, and it was an unfinished mess, but he planned to add wood paneling, a fresh coat of paint, and he mentioned a new type of lightening beyond the massive window he had tapped over. Carol didn't know what exactly wood paneling was, but he made it sound lovely. She could almost see it the finish product, and he asked her to pick out a some simple rugs and pictures to hang up in here to fill space for the open house he'd have once it was done. She didn't find that too lovely, but she just decided to grin and nod.
He pointed out te basement door beside the pantry's double doors, and they continued on to the upstairs. Daryl wasn't a basement person, so he wasn't going to do anything with it. Whoever the owners were could live it up with colors and add walls to make a spare room. He didn't know or care. It was just an empty space. He'd leave it that way.
He grasped her wrist at the top of the stairs to show her each of the rooms up there without having to try and get her attention. He could just guide her into the rooms, and Carol followed him into the first bedroom. It was huge for a bedroom, and it was lit up with sunlight from the windows, and the closet was a walk-in. It wasn't even the master bedroom. It was just a bedroom, and Carol wondered just how much he spent on this house now. And how much he had saved up.
The other two bedrooms weren't as spacious but very lit up. They were already done, according to Daryl. They just needed to be painted, and he was considering putting carpet down in one of the bedrooms, but he wasn't positive. He asked her her opinion unthinkingly, and she turned his hand over to write out: If you like it, do it. Her soft fingertip tickled against his palm, and his fingers closed around hers on the last line of T. She looked up at him to see if she'd upset him, because he was unsure already and this wasn't helping, but he didn't look annoyed or anything.
"I'll think about it." He dropped his hand from hers and stepped out of the room. "That door is just a bathroom, and the two I didn't show you are closets."
She looked into the bathroom and wanted to strip naked and jump into the bathtub. It was huge and took up an entire corner of the room, and there was even a separate shower on the other wall, and there were two toilets. It was all painted a light blue, almost purple, and it felt so relaxing. This had to be bathroom goals, because she wanted to move into this one room right here and never leave.
"I forgot I already did this room." He sat down on the edge of the tub. "I got a discount on this stuff, but it wasn't anywhere cheap."
She moved in front of him and grasped his hand, asking: Why sell?
"I know it seems...like I put a lot of effort into this house, and yeah, I have, but this ain't a final stop for me." He shrugged a shoulder. "You know what I mean? It just can't be."
Can't be? She cocked her head to the side.
He chewed on his bottom lip and stood up, shaking his head and facing her. "C'mon, got one more room to show you."
She reached out to touch him, but he slipped out of reach and headed down the hall. She let her hand fall, her chest aching at the pain she'd seen in his eyes, and she went after him. She caught him entering the room at the end of the hall and stumbled into the room, not expecting the floor to drop. He grasped her arm carefully to balance her, and she looked around, instantly loving this room best of all.
It was wide, likely the length of the kitchen to the dining room with dark green walls, trees etched into the paint to mirror a forest, and the ceiling was made entire of glass to see the sky overhead, just like her cottage. It flooded the room with natural light, but the glass seemed to reduce how much light came through, because it didn't hurt her eyes to look around or look up, and it was amazing.
He had a couch and armchair to the left of the room with a TV and another set of food and water bowls for Spike. There was a closet a few feet from the loveseat and across form it was a desk littered with plans for the house, all written in his handwriting, she assumed. One leg of the chair to the desk was chewed on from Spike, and it seemed to give the room more charm. It felt lived in, and Carol could feel Daryl in this room more than any other.
Daryl dropped down onto his bed. "This is my room. Well, for now. I still have to fix it up, too, for when I leave."
She lowered her eyes and folded her arms over her stomach, nodding as a reply.
"We should get back to work." He hopped up. "I'll procrastinate all day if I we don't."
They headed downstairs, Daryl reminded her again of the snacks and drinks in the kitchen, and she stepped back into the study. She looked over at him, and he could see something was wrong with how she was acting, but he didn't know her well enough to know how to make it better. He decided to let time handle it. He really did need to get to work, and it wasn't bothering her enough to say something, so he'd leave her to it.
"I'll be listening to music, so I won't hear you. If you need me, come and get me."
She nodded.
"Spike, go outside and play." He ruffled his hair. "You don't wanna be around all these noises and smells."
He barked and bolted out through the open back door, jumping out into the soft grass of the fenced in back yard.
He pushed an earbud into his ear and recalled that she wore a pair the first time they met and pulled it back out. "Why were you wearing earbuds? The day you fell into the mud? You can't hear, so...and if you don't mind me askin'. I'm not trying to be rude."
She picked up the notepad and wrote out the reply, handing it over. To look normal. People ask less questions from me if I have them in. I forget I'm considered disabled, but other people don't. It's all they see sometimes. She dropped her eyes and hugged her arms.
He grasped the pen from her hand and wrote his own note on the page, handing it back and stepping into the next room to collect his equipment.
Carol found his handwriting on the page, and her eyes burned. She smiled and held the notepad to her chest, turning back with even more determination to make this place a home for him. He seemed like someone who traveled a lot, because they never truly had a place to rest their head, so she would make this place home. For him and for Spike.
She set the notepad down and dipped a brush in paint, getting to work on outline the wall as he'd kindly taped the edges of the shelves and the crown molding. Her eyes fell once more to the notepad, and she realized how happy those words made her. She would have to remember that for the next time anyone made her feel less than what she was.
They worked diligently for hours in their individual rooms, Carol saw Daryl walk through her room more than once, and he always came back with food or water. She was positive he was checking in on her work, but he didn't say anything. He just walked in and out every hour or hour and a half, and Carol decided to check on his work, but he stopped her. He mentioned there were loose nails or something, and she narrowed her eyes at him. He offered her a bagel break, and her stomach must have growled, because he got this cocky look on his face when he said it. She felt it growl, but she hoped he hadn't heard anything.
They sat on the back porch with freshly toasted bagels, two cups of water and Daryl had a side of beer with his water. Carol chastised him for drinking while on the job, and he shrugged a shoulder, tossing the rest of it back. He leaned back against the house and watched eat her bagel, looking out at Spike who was rolling around the warm dirt. He watched her lips curve upward, and he noticed then her freckles were back. They had spread further than her cheeks and nose, kissing along her collarbone and her jawline, and they stood defiant against her pale skin. He could see that soft beauty once more, and he wondered if she even knew.
She was so self-conscious. He'd noticed it in small ways, and he didn't understand how she could possibly be so uneasy in her skin. It wasn't only that she was beautiful, she was also a great person. He'd seen her with customers and with other people, and she was so thoughtful and thorough. She was amazing, and Spike didn't really like other people, but he adored her. It'd only been a couple times meeting her, and he adored her. It had to be that aura she gave off, and he couldn't describe it, but he found himself being drawn to it—to her. He felt like he could tell her anything—tell her everything—and not only would she listen, she'd understand. She would take his burdens and help him carry them. He felt if he contacted her in the middle of the night, if she was able, she would come and sit with him on this porch until he felt better about whatever the problem was, and he'd never known this before. God, he barely knew this... He barely knew her, and he was already dreading moving.
Carol was looking at him now, brows knit and asking him what was wrong on the notepad.
"Nothin', just zoned out." He inhaled sharply like he'd been yanked out of deep thought. "You like the bagel?"
She nodded and set her plate on top of his, resting her hands over her stomach. But only for a moment then she was reaching for the notepad. She began writing, and he wondered what was so important, because she filled out half the page. She handed the notepad over and stood up to play with Spike.
He sat up and read over her words.
When I was a little girl, I used to play in a yard just like this. I didn't have a lot of friends, but I had my family and my imagination. I had so much fun just playing, and I can imagine whoever settles here will have so much fun playing here with their kids or their dog or whoever. I can see them loving all of your hard work, and I can see the laughter and future here. I wish you could see that, too. I don't know you very well, but I do read people with about 75% accuracy, so if I'm right then...you've never had a home like that. A childhood like that, and I want you to know you can still have that kind of home. You and someone you love—a human, you love. You can build that here or there or wherever you call home, but you can have to try and settle yourself. And I don't mean make excuses or adjust to someone else's standards; I mean to find a center and be still. To let roots grow. You can't know how much that helps with any pain, and I'm here for you, no matter what comes, okay? Just learn to look for rainbows while you're trudging through mud for that dog.
He looked up at her playing with Spike and set the notepad down, inhaling and pulling his legs up to rest his elbows there. He smirked to himself and closed his eyes to enjoy the warm weather of spring.
– – –
"Hey, girlie." Michonne grinned at Carol. "Guess what I have?"
A man? Carol mused, and Michonne smacked her ass on her way to clock in. What do you have then?
"A vacation day for you, me and Andre. It's set for tomorrow." She studied her face for excitement but saw none. "We're going to the park. The new theme park. Is that ringing any bells?"
Yes, but why now? I thought we planned to do it in July, not June. It's kind of sudden, you know?
"Well, we've been working hard the last couple of weeks, and it's been two weeks since Rick and you broke up. I want to do something for that. You've taken it like a champ, and Andre misses you. You have no available weekends, so I'm using Thursday instead."
And if I were to have plans tomorrow? She leaned against the counter. What then, Mich?
"You can't be serious?"
She slowly grinned. I'm not. This is so great. I've been wanting to spend time with you both. She hugged her. And she loved themed parks. She hoped it was decent and not a let down. She needed something to cheer her up after Daryl repeatedly cancelling their renovations plans. She'd even shown up twice, and he either turned her away or didn't answer when his truck was right outside. Spike even came to the door to see her, but not Daryl. It wasn't like she could shout and get him downstairs. So much for making friends. On either side.
"Hey, could you run to the general store and get some lemonade?" Michonne broke through her thoughts. "Dale should be there to refresh it about now, so please?"
I can man the store while you're gone, Carol signed. I've done it before.
"Yes, and I know you can do it, but...um, I'm expecting a work-related phone call, and you can't do that for me. You don't even know what it's for."
She nodded. I'll be back then.
"Thank you." She dug the cash out of her pocket. "Help yourself to one, too, if you want. Or anything else you can afford with the leftover changes."
She tossed a thumbs up over her shoulder and headed over to the general store, eager to see how Dale was doing. She also needed an opinion on her new dress. The boots were pretty much on her feet at all times, because all of her summer shoes had to be dug out from the back of her closet. It wasn't time yet, but tomorrow would be, and she needed to know if this dress would work with them. She loved it. It was so soft and comfortable and the light blue was pretty, especially with her skin. She'd already sent Michonne a picture before, but she didn't give a great answer. She was busy with something, so Nadia or Dale would have to do. They were like her parents, so they'd be honest. Or at least make her feel better about herself today.
She entered and saw the "In The Back" sign on the counter. She smiled at Dale's homemade sign and continued on to prepare to cups of lemonade. She could almost feel Dale coming to the front, a tingle of an another being's energy tingled across her skin, and she went to greet him since it'd be a couple days since she last saw him. She ran smack into someone's chest instead. She blushed and stumbled away, apologizing frantically until she saw it was only Daryl. She gulped and dropped her hand.
"Don't you look beautiful." Dale smiled at the sight of Carol. "Doesn't she look beautiful?"
Daryl glanced back at Dale and nodded to appease the man. "You buyin' those?" He nodded his chin to the drinks made on the counter.
Yes. She signed for Dale, hoping he'd come and ring her up instead of Daryl. How are you doing today, Dale?
"I'm lovely." He greeted her with a hug. "And you?"
A little shaken from the bump in, but I'm okay now. She grabbed the drinks and walked with him to the counter, but Daryl was already there, ringing up her total. She set the cups down and reached into her purse to pull out Michonne's money to pay.
"Here you are." He handed her the change. "Sorry about before. It was my bad, not yours, so don't feel bad."
She tucked the change into the side pocket of her purse and started to pick up the drinks when she realized what he just said. She raised her eyes and lifted her hands, a tremble coursing through them as she signed: What...did you just say?
That you didn't need to apologize. It was my fault, he signed back and watched tears form in her eyes. I've been working with Dale to learn how to sign, because we'll kill trees at this rate. I didn't tell you and cancelled our plans to learn. I wanted it to be a surprise. So...surprise. Maybe we can start over from here?
She covered her mouth with her hand.
"He's a quick study, but there are things he doesn't know. You'll have to cut him some slack. We're still learning," Dale signed.
She couldn't stop the tears from coming, and Daryl didn't feel like this was a good sign. He walked around the counter and caught her hands, and she pulled them free to hug him, to thank him. She couldn't believe he'd been trying to learn how to talk to her all this time. He'd taken time out of his life to learn how to speak to her, and she'd been awful about the entire situation between them. She felt horrible for her thoughts on him, but he made her feel less horrible and more lucky and happy. She had friends who ditched her when she lost her hearing, and now she'd made a friend who learned just to be better friends with her. God, that was so amazing of him. And of Dale for teaching him.
He rubbed her back and wanted to assure her it was okay, but she wouldn't let go of him. He held her closer and moved the hair from her back, writing out It's OK on her upper back as she had done on his hands, and she shuddered in his arms. She did begin to calm, so he once more traced it onto her shoulder, and Dale wasn't sure what was going on, but he let them have their moment. If they somehow wound up getting married, he'd have one hell of a story to tell customers.
Carol let go of him and kissed his cheek. Thank you for this amazing surprise. She snuffled and smiled around the emotions in her eyes.
"Well, you did offer to help me fix up my house, so I figured I might as well speak your language. I read better than I...speak, I guess. I'll keep talkin' to you."
I'd love that. She wiped under her eye and exhaled deeply, her heart swelling with bliss.
"Hey, do you have plans for tomorrow? We could go that new furniture store and pick out some things forh the sun room."
Oh, I do have plans for tomorrow. I'm sorry.
"Don't be sorry. You can have a life. I'm not gonna try and stop that, just...lemme know when you're free."
I will. She hugged him once more then Dale to think him, and she departed to deliver Michonne's drink before the ice melted and ruined the flavor.
"You know, flirting in my day involved a lot less crying," Dale jested. "Or avoidance."
"I didn't want to see her and blurt it out," he confessed with a blush on his cheeks, glad to have his back to Dale still. "I can't keep a surprise in to save my life."
"Can't hide your feelings to save your life either. It's only been three weeks. Calm down, son." He smirked at Daryl when he sliced a glower his way. "I'm just saying what I'm seeing."
"It's been three weeks. Calm down." Daryl aped him. "She's not even a friend. I did this to learn how to be her friend. And you know me by now. I get the crazy chicks. Me and woman like Carol don't work."
"Don't be so sold on that idea."
"If we were to happen, we'd probably fuck once and that's it."
Dale frowned at him. "Watch your mouth, son, and you don't know that."
"But I know me. I know my past and my future. She rooted here. I'm looking for any way out of here, so don't tell me we have a chance, Dale. It's depressing." He tucked his hands into his pockets. "And don't let her see you talking about this. I don't want her to get the wrong idea."
"That you like her?"
"Dale, please."
"I'm out of it, but I'm disappointed. I won't be quiet about that."
"Well, thanks, but I have that covered. I'm a huge disappointment to myself already, so," he murmured the end to himself, and he heaved a sigh.
"You have a counter to man. I'm going to the park with Nadia. If you need a hand, let me know." He patted his back on the way out, and Daryl shuddered at the contact. "Take care."
"Yeah." Daryl shuffled his feet and chewed on his bottom lip. He could take himself out of his hometown and out of the city where he lost his brother, but they were still with him. They shaped him, and he couldn't break that mold. He'd tried, and all he earned was loss. So no, he wouldn't get the girl and have the happy ending. He would just have to settle for an ending.
––
"Hey, are you all right?" Michonne met Carol by the door and took the drinks, setting them on a display. "What happened? You've been crying."
Daryl... He learned how to sign, so we could talk to me. She could only offer a trembling smile and watery eyes. I thought he was avoiding me, because I did something wrong. But no. No, he was learning how to talk to me.
"That's incredible, Carol, but...you've only met the man once. How could he be offended by you?"
She snuffled. Well, I took up your advise and am helping him renovate that house. We've been talking on and off for a few weeks now.
"What?" Michonne was taken aback, physically moving back from Carol. "Since when do you ever listen to me?"
I wanted to help him. I ran into him again the night Rick and I broke up, and his dog had run away. I tried to help him find Spike, and we kinda hit it off. Like...in a friendly way. I'm not looking for another relationship, and he's deadset on moving, so it'd be pointless. She picked up her drink and walked over to the counter.
Michonne ignored her own drink and went after Carol. "Does that mean you've thought about it? A relationship with him?"
No. She tucked hair behind her ear and saw disbelief in those onyx orbs. Come on, you know me. I don't date. I've barely been with a man for more than a couple weeks. I'm not going through it again. I'd rather...just makes friends. I can do that at least.
"Hey, Rick wasn't ready. That doesn't reflect on you at all, honey." She set a hand on her shoulder. "You'll find a great guy. I know it."
In this town? It's more likely to rain frogs, Michonne. She sipped on her drink and found it a bit tart today. It was nice, still, very refreshing. She wasn't a huge lemonade fan, but she could always make room for Nadia's.
"So, what...you're just done dating? You're set to die alone in that cottage?" She searched her eyes and saw truly how much Rick had hurt her. It wasn't simply the break up or him not being ready; it as knowing that she as good to use for rebound and uncertainly. It wasn't true. Michonne had spoken to Rick, and he did really like her. He wanted it to work, but he wanted it so much he cancelled out the feelings he still has for his wife. Or at least the feelings towards how their relationship ended. He's still carrying it around, and it's baggage on any new relationship he gets into. Michonne could understand that with her ex, so she talked to him about it, and it was nothing on Carol. If she could make her see that...
Maybe I'll get a dog. She shrugged a shoulder. It's not like I'm a prize, Michonne. I'm thirty-four. I live in the woods alone. I work pargt time in a pet store. I...I've never been a serious relationship, and that doesn't include...what happened when we were kids.
"That doesn't make you less of a person. It makes him garbage."
I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's focus on work and then the park, please. She shivered and moved over to check today's truck. She was jolted when arms wrapped around her from behind, and Michonne rested her chin on her shoulder. She tried not to let her eyes burn, but she couldn't help it. She knew Rick and she broke up due to his issues, not hers, but it was just another failed relationship. She was tired of it, and she was tempted to just stop trying, because the dating pool around here had been exhausted long ago. Everyone was either married, her ex, gay or they just weren't interested in staying in town for long. This place was a rest and recovery type of town, yet she hadn't recovered from anything yet.
Michonne heard the bell ring to indicate their truck was here, and she handed Carol a tissue. I'll handle the truck, watch the front. Ring if you need me.
Okay. She accepted the tissue and dried her eyes, trashing the tissue when a longtime customer entered the store and smiled a welcome at her. Hello.
"You look sad today." Hershel walked over to her. "Is everything okay?"
Not really. She hugged herself tightly.
"Well, come and have lunch with me today. I could use the company of a beautiful lady." He patted the counter and headed to the aisle he needed.
Carol sank down into the chair behind the counter and buried her face in her hands with a soft moan. She was glad to see Hershel and to be able to have lunch with him, but he couldn't understand. He had his wife and two daughters and a son. He had his life figured out. He couldn't understand what she was going through. He had two wives who loved him more than anything, and Carol couldn't even get to a two month anniversary. Her longest relationship was with Michonne and Andre. And her vibrator. Although at this rate, she might want to replace it.
Her shift until lunch dragged, and she tried not to feel miserable, but there was so much more to life outside of needing or wanting a relationship. She knew that and experienced deep friendships and found a love of the woods and the peace in silence, but she knew them all well. She looked for more ways to fill this ever-growing void, but it was difficult. She wanted more from life than just watching people fall in love and finding happiness together or watching her best friend's son grow up. She wanted children of her own, and it was devastating to think she'd finally found someone who turned out to be another dud. She already thought little of herself, and this wasn't helping. She liked to think she was a good person, a good friend to have around and a great girlfriend, but maybe she wasn't. Maybe the problem was her. It wouldn't be the first time.
Michonne tried her best to cheer Carol up, but it didn't work. She'd been beside Carol through so many break ups, and this was just the one that broke hope. Rick was honestly a great guy, and he and Carol were great friends, and Michonne could see why they wanted to try dating, because they worked well together. Rick wasn't in the mind for it, and Carol honestly wasn't the type of woman he needed. He needed someone to be stern with him, to force him to face the issues he had with his ex and overcome them, and that woman needed to be a friend. Carol had stepped over that line a long time ago, and if Michonne had known Rick was her mystery man, she would have let her know this. It wouldn't prevent the fall out, but maybe the fall could have been lighter.
Hershel waited for Carol outside the pet store in some chair Carol and Michonne put out to air one day and forgot to bring back in. They bought new ones the next week, and Michonne stepped out back for air and found the old ones. They weren't in great shape anyway, so it was a good call, even if it was hilariously embarrassing.
Hershel handed Carol her lunch, and she thanked him, unwrapping one of Annette's yummy subs. She picked up a half and bit into it, and Hershel removed his prosthetic leg, letting the breeze whisk over him. He leaned back in the chair and looked over at Carol, who was intentionally focused on chewing so he wouldn't start a conversation. If she was staring at the bread, she couldn't read his lips. He knew her tricks. She was just like his youngest. Beth would avoid embarrassing conversation by staring at the floor on her way through the house. He was impressed she was good enough now to not smack into walls. It wasn't a proud impressed, however.
He tapped on her knee, and she swallowed hard, lifting her eyes slowly. "He isn't worth it, you know."
She set the half-eaten sub down and wiped her hands on a napkin before signing, I think I'm the one who isn't worth it. It has nothing to do with any one guy. It's all of them.
"Oh? All of them? That is a lot. How many were good?" He studied her face as it contorted with uncertainty. "I can't claim to know your track record, but a few of those boys weren't good enough for you. That tall guy who stood you up on your birthday? He wasn't a good person to begin with. He used to steal eggs from the general store. Eggs."
She couldn't help but laugh.
"And that guy with the dreads? He had control issues. I wanted to let Michonne find you two down my horse trail to lay into him. I'm sure once he worked through those issues, he'd a good man, but you did not meet him at a good time. Just like Rick."
Her smile dropped, and she picked at the grains on the sub.
"I know dating in a small town can be hard. Everyone knows everyone, and you avoid a lot of potential partners, because of who they "used to be". You shouldn't be so quick to throw in the towel. You just haven't found the right person. I'm sure you will when the time is right."
And when will that? I've been dating since I was fifteen, and the longest relationship I've had was six months. Mostly because I was in the hospital for two of those months. I think it's time I stop trying. I have other things I can focus on.
"There are, but it's not wrong to want a relationship, to have someone to love for the rest of your life. You can focus on friends and hobbies, but keep your mind open. You don't know when God's plan comes together."
I think God forgot about me a long time ago.
"Maybe you forgot about Him a long time ago." He set a hand on her knee. "He's always with you, Carol. Even though it doesn't seem like it. You have lived through so much to make you exactly the person that you are right now, and that person is worthy of love and of happiness. You have to believe that. Love doesn't have an expiration date, honey."
Hope does. Trying does. I don't want to be let down again. My life has been one huge screw up after another, and I finally have control over my body and how I lead my life, and it's the same. I'm in the same crappy place as I've always been, only now the people around me aren't shit, too. God doesn't have a plan for me, Hershel. If he did...it isn't a good one.
"You can believe that all you want, but I know it isn't true. Michonne knows that isn't true. Everyone who has ever met you know that's just a voice in the back of your head trying to protect you from everything that's happened or might happen. You have to be brave if you want to find love and true peace with your past and your future."
Brave? Are you serious, Hershel? What do you think I am now? A coward? After all I've been through? All I've lost? She wrapped the sandwich up to leave, and he set his hand on her wrist. She glared at him until he spoke.
"You're hiding, Carol. That voice is making you bury all the darkness of your past and all the hope of your future. It's not making armor; it's creating distance. You have to know that you are incredible brave, but not right now. You've been shielding more and more of yourself away after every heartbreak and disappointment. How can you hope to find love or learn to love yourself if you're hiding away?"
She huffed and rolled her eyes to try and hide the tears building there. My lunch is probably over. I should go back in.
"All right." He placed his prosthetic back on, adjusting it and rising from the chair. Have a good day, Carol. You deserve it.
She covered her face with her hands and tried not to cry. She was so annoyed with crying. She was a grown woman, and it would be fine. She still had a chance to not be alone. She could always have a child. She did want kids, and even though it wasn't the way she wanted, she could still do that. She knew plenty of guys around here who would make decent sperm donors. Maybe she could talk to Shawn about it. Hershel would freak out, but they did talk about it once. One of their many what if games and hypothetical. He would be the best one to ask. They were friends, and she knew his family history like the back of her hand now through Hershel, so maybe an Irish baby was in her future. She already had reddish hair to donate to the kid.
She dropped her hands and felt something slimy on her knee. She lifted the sandwich and almost started to cry-laugh at the stain spreading across her knee. It was the dressing Annette made for the sandwich. She hadn't been paying attention when she rolled it up, and she'd made the perfectly funnel for it. So much for every wearing this dress again. Shit.
She headed inside, setting the untouched sandwich on the counter in the back and looking for something to clean this off with. They had nothing more than coffee and cold cuts back here. She had a great way of getting rid of stains before they set, but it was at home, and the only place to get everything was the general store. It was the closest place, but she'd have to walk there and be seen with this huge stain on her dress. Maybe Michonne had a long coat or something.
Carol checked the coat rack only to see umbrella's hanging up, and she wanted to punch herself for suggesting they take the coats home last month. She really needed to start being lazier about season changes. She inhaled and decided to just go without a coat. It was starting to set, and she was starting to smell like a salad. She texted Michonne to let her know she'd be late coming back from her lunch and slipped out the back door. She didn't want to talk to Michonne right now. She and Hershel both were trying to pep talk Carol into being open for a good relationship, but she wasn't in the mood for a lecture again. She loved them, but why couldn't they just let her grow old and bitter? She'd been young and bitter, so why change it up?
She covered her face when the Chambler family walked by on their way to the lake, and she hurried the last two blocks to the general store, praying it wasn't busy. It the perfect time for ice cream bars, and the ice cream pallor was closed for remodeling until next week, so she prayed it wasn't loaded with kids and parents.
And it wasn't. There were a few kids inside with their older siblings, tourists, but other than that it was just Daryl and Dale. She was so relived, and she looked for the items she needed to remove the stain. She used her purse to hide it while she looked, and she saw jeans come into her peripheral view. She looked up at Daryl, and she stood up.
"You all right? You're out of breath." He noticed a certain smell to her that wasn't there before, too, and he tried not to make it obvious, but she looked defeated. "Rough day?"
Very. She moved her purse. And you don't have what I need to get rid of this.
"I got somethin' that might work. C'mere." He headed to the back of the store, asking Dale to man the counter, and Carol wasn't sure she was allowed to follow him back. He turned and motioned for her to follow, and she scurried over with a wave to Dale.
Daryl closed the door behind them and guided her through the breakroom, and Carol rubbed her arms at how cold it was back here. Compared to the heat of the store, it felt like a meat locker. It was likely the summer heat through the glass warming them, and there were no windows in the stockroom. It was chill, especially in a knee-length dress with no sleeves. She was not dressed for this. Jesus, where was the breakroom?
Daryl opened the door and hit the lights, Carol slipped inside and was disappointment that it was the same temperature as the stockroom, but she didn't linger on it. Daryl sat her down and dug through the cabinets, pulling down a small jar and a toothbrush. He tossed a dishtowel at her and told her to put over her knee. He pulled a chair up to her, dropping the jar and toothbrush on the table. He went back to prepare a glass of warm water.
She picked up the jar and recognized Nadia's handwriting. It was another of her homemade recipes. This was a stain remover from the label. She twisted it open and smelled it, and it cleared her sinuses for the next fifteen years. She coughed and set it down, looking up when he sat down. She tried to speak, but he pulled her chair closer until she was right up against him. She swallowed and tensed when he lifted her knee up, his skin against hers, and she couldn't help the red painting her cheeks.
They didn't move for talk for about twenty minutes while he tended to the stain, and Carol tried to concentrate on anything other than how close he was. She couldn't help but be embarrassed. If she had been more careful with her lunch, this wouldn't happening. At the angle he had her at, all he had to do was look a little to the left, and he'd seen her panties. She couldn't say he hadn't already, but she hoped he didn't. She had felt so good about her dress and everything, so she wore a black underwear set, and it left nothing to the imagination it was so sheer. Although if she had the one with lace roses, she was fine. She couldn't remember, though.
Carol saw movement and looked over at Nadia and reddened even more, shifting her knee and whacking Daryl in the forehead. She gasped and reached for him, and he groaned, wincing, and Nadia snickered at them.
"Thanks, boss." Daryl pinched the bridge of his nose.
"What's going on in here?" She looked them over and spotted the unfinished work of her stain remover. "Daryl, you know it'll have to be washed immediately after application, right?"
He closed his eyes and groaned. "Now I do."
Carol looked from Daryl to Nadia, having missed her comment and frowned.
It's fine, honey. Let's go upstairs. I'll take care of that for you. She headed up the stairs and turned the lights onto the sewing studio she used to use for alterations. She kept it clean, so there was no fine layer of dust on anything, but she might have Daryl add some window. It was stuffy up here.
Thank you for trying. Carol smiled and touched his brow. She pulled her hand back when he winced. I'm sorry.
"It's...what is it." He managed a smile. "She's better suited to help you anyway."
She nodded and rose, padding up the stairs after Nadia. She was immediately told to strip and was directed to sakura blossom changing partition, and Nadia let her decide on the dresses she had hanging back there. She didn't think any of them were her style, but she was now naked and cold in an attic, so she had to chose.
She slipped into a light rose colored dress. It was absolutely gorgeous, and it was surprisingly soft against her skin. She loved the flowy hem and wanted to spin to kick it up, but she wasn't a teenager. And Nadia was right outside the changing partition, and she'd probably fall smack on her face. She didn't want to explain how that happened or risk exposing her ass. She did not have the lace rose panties on.
"Oh, you look like gorgeous." Nadia paused lightly scrubbing in the stain remover and gushed over the angel in the room. "That color suits you."
Carol couldn't help but smile. Thank you. I'll take care of it and bring it back tomorrow.
"Keep it, dear, keep it. It'll just collect dust up here." She rose from her desk and grasped Carol's arms. "Aww, you're a picture. Feel free to help yourself to any of these dresses. Give my work some life for me."
She embraced her as thanks, Nadia assured her she'd have her dress done by tomorrow, and Carol departed to get back to work. Daryl was caught up with kids demanding more ice cream sandwiches, and Dale had to do a double take of her. He hadn't seen the dress in years, and he was glad it not only helped but could benefit Carol in this moment. Oil-based stains were Nadia's favorite, and Carol would be lucky if she let Carol have the dress back after all her work, but it'd be an uneven trade. This dress was made for Carol. It had to be. Hopefully someone else was made for her, too, but he'd keep that to himself.
Carol hurried back to the pet store and nearly died from the brisk run and the heat. Michonne tossed her bottle of water and playfully whistled at her. She gave into the urge and spun for Michonne, who laughed and asked where it came from. She told her about the whole lunch-Daryl-Nadia mess, and Michonne made her watch the counter while she restocked. Carol was glad to have something normal to return to, and Michonne was tempted to drop some oil on herself to see if Nadia would give the same treatment.
They wrapped up the day with a few customers, mostly people coming into play with the animals, and their puppy Toby was bought by a very sweet couple who just had a baby. The baby and Toby were the same weeks old, and they wanted them to grow up together. Michonne offered them a discount on food and toys, and Carol brought it home with their website of homemade treats. They high-fived when the couple left, because it was a win for the store, but more importantly, baby Tobs got a new and awesome set of parents. They could tell that couple would come back with Toby and baby Alice in five, or six years, and it'd be storybook.
Michonne said she'd pick Carol up in the morning for breakfast at Jerry's Diner, and they'd make the drive out the theme park and spend the entire day there. She would be sure to bring her camera in case her phone died, and Carol promised to bring some sunscreen and spare drinks. They made a list of last-minute items to get from the store before they left, and Carol was pumped. She couldn't wait to spend the entire day with Andre and Michonne.
"I'm so glad we're doing this." Michonne leaned against her car, and Carol nodded in agreement. "Last summer we took a road trip, remember? You and Andre got so sick from that chili contest we found."
It burned my throat. I'm sure it was bleeding, and poor Andre was down for the rest of the day. He only had one bean.
She giggled. "You were dying, though. I had to go the pharmacy across the street, and you about killed me for telling them your symptoms."
Because you worded it in the worse way.
"I'm sorry. Was explosive shit not the best wording?" She busted out laughing at Carol's deadass stare. "Oh, God."
You are such a dick. I couldn't even go there the next day to get tampons, because they knew me by that!
"I know. It was great." She felt her chest aching from lack of air, and she smacked her knee on the way down. "You—you—Fuck, I can't."
Carol dug her keys out of her bag and headed for her car.
"Oh, come on, wait." Michonne jogged after her, reduced to giggles, and held her hand. "We'll make explosive with laughter memories tomorrow, okay? You, me and our little man. We'll have a great time. I promise. I'll pick you up. Be ready."
You too. She unlocked her car. I love you.
"I love you too." She walked back to her car and watched Carol leave. She exhaled and hoped the guilt building inside her heart stopped. She wasn't doing anything wrong. It was just being a good neighbor, but it still felt like it would hurt Carol if she told her. She knew if she said the whole truth, it would hurt Carol. It'd made Carol be angry at herself, so she wouldn't mention it. They'd have fun tomorrow. It'd be fine. They'd have fun, and this would go away. It had to, right?