Hi guys, thank you for your reviews and asking for more, it really motives me to update ^^. So, like I said to Leopyearbaby29, this is an alternative world in which the girls didn't talk about their feelings like in the tv show. One of the moments in this chapter will be like their talk in 7x15.
Hope you like it and, thank you in advance if you've the time to leave a review, have a great weekend!
Go Big or Go Home – part 2
*** Emily's narrative ***
So, how long can you ignore your heart? How long can you burry your own feelings, your own desires? How long it takes you to figure out what you really want… your true desire... your true love... your true happiness? How long?
(In Rosewood school)
It was lunch break and all the teachers were in the teachers room…
Paige says louder. – "EMILY! Are you listening me?!"
Emily nods without looking at her into the eyes. – "Uh?! Ah…. Yeah… yeah…."
Paige doesn't buy it, she knows that she has been talking to the emptiness for half an hour and when she turns her head to see what Emily is watching without blinking, Paige just sighs heavy…
Alison teases. – "So, tell me, did you already get tired of hearing all my whining?"
Samara just chuckles with Alison's comment while she's preparing tea for the two of them. For the past week, these two colleagues have been talking a lot, something that's very unusual for Alison because the ex QB is not someone who likes to talk about her true emotions, her true fears… but, there's something in the new counselor that has compelled Alison to just open up with Samara and, till now, she doesn't regret it… but, she's afraid, Alison is afraid that all her issues might be too much for Samara… but they aren't…
Samara smiles. – "You know, Alison, I really believe that I could hear you whining everyday of my life and, I would never get tired of it…"
Alison smiles with a little of blush in her cheeks and Emily almost breaks her cup of coffee while she looks at the blushing red cheeks of the English teacher…
Samara says while she gives a cup of tea to Alison. – "So, are we still good for today at 4pm?
Alison nods with a little of hesitation and Samara rubs Alison's arm in order to make her feel better and, Alison smiles feeling the warm contact of Samara hand and looking at the warm look of the counselor.
The touch… the look in their eyes… the tiny smile in Alison's lips… Emily can't stand it and, before her brain understands why she's feeling like this, Emily's body was already standing from the sofa and walking towards the two blondes. Alison was going to say something to Samara but, when she sees Emily walking towards them, she just seals her lips and turns her body in direction of the coffee machine which is beside them, avoiding eye-contact. Samara raises an eye-brow when she sees how Alison changes her posture and she was going to ask Alison why when the brunette approaches…
Emily. – "Hi…"
Samara. – "Hello Emily… how are you?"
Emily replies without looking at her into the eyes. – "Fine… and you…?"
Samara starts talking and, Emily pretends to listen but, she's actually more focus in the other blonde who's ignoring her… Alison didn't say 'hi', she didn't say nothing at all…
(Ringing of the bell)
Alison mumbles. – "I've to go…" (She says while she tries to pass through the two girls) "Excuse me…"
The English teacher walks beside them with the look down and, Emily opens her mouth, she wants Alison to see her into the eyes, she wants to talk with Alison and while she's trying to figure out what she should do, Emily feels a familiar feeling when….
Samara grabs Alison's hand and Alison turns her head in direction of Samara. The English teacher smiles to the blonde counselor and Samara does the same.
Samara smiles. – "Today, 4 pm… ok?"
Alison nods and there's a little of resistance to let go of Samara's hand, but when the bell rings again; Alison leaves. The English teacher is gone but Samara keeps looking at the door, and thinking about Alison, a happy smile appears in her face and someone doesn't look happy for it…
Emily says with a bitter voice. – "I can see that you, two, have become close…"
Samara nods with a smile. – "She's a beautiful person, even if the world keeps telling her the contrary…"
Emily bites her inner cheeks, she was the only one who always said that about Alison, she was the only one who defended Alison, she was the only one who could really see Alison through all her masks… but…. It looks that, she's no longer the only one…
Samara looks at her watch. – "I should go too… have a nice day Emily, see you later…"
The counselor walks towards the door but, she stops when Emily grabs her arm…
Samara looks at Emily and raises an eyebrow. – "Something wrong, Emily?"
Emily takes a deep breath and says. – "What is happening at 4pm?"
Samara. – "What do you mean?"
Emily takes another deep breath, the familiar feeling getting stronger and stronger inside her… jealousy…. Jealousy is a nasty thing… a familiar feeling Emily doesn't like but, she can't control it, especially when Alison is the responsible for it…
Emily says angry. – "Don't play dumb, Samara! I heard what you said to Alison: 'today, 4 pm'…. What is happening at 4pm?!"
Samara doesn't like Emily's tone, and she gets free of Emily's grip while she says with a serious voice…
Samara. – "Look Emily, my business with Alison are MY business with her… it doesn't concern you…" (She starts walking and says) "If you want to know what is happening in Alison's life, talk wit her, not with me… you will get nothing from me…"
Emily presses her lips together, frustrated and irritated, she just sees the blonde counselor walking away. Jealousy is a nasty thing, Emily thinks and while she thinks that, she realizes that someone else has been watching her all the time…
Emily. – "Paige…"
Paige doesn't say a word, she just looks at her angry and leaves very fast…
Emily sighs and rolls her eyes. – "Great… just great…"
*** Emily's narrative ***
So, how long it takes you to talk the truth, to say the right thing? How long can you play around, hurting others, including yourself? How long it takes you to figure out what to say, what to do…? How long?
It was past 5pm, when Alison was getting out of Samara's office; the English teacher was the 1st one to get out of the meeting and beside her, a student was ready to leave…
The student look at Alison and says. – "Thank you, Miss. D…"
Alison. – "Why are you thanking me?"
The student. – "For noticing me… for noticing that I wasn't ok… that I'm not ok… and caring about it…"
Alison smiles and hugs her student. – "It's gonna be ok, Jonah…"
The boy smiles and hugs tight Alison before leaving. Both blonde look at the boy walking through the hallways…
Alison. – "Is he going to be ok?"
Samara. – "We will work hard to make it happen…"
Alison nods and Samara smiles while she sees how much Alison worries about her students…
Samara smiles. – "You saved a life today, you know?"
Alison sighs deeply. – "I did nothing… it was you the one who made him talk about his problems and his suicide thoughts…"
Samara. – "But, like he said, it was you, who noticed it, you sensed something in him and you didn't ignore it… and that… that will change his life for better…"
Alison sighs deeply and mumbles. – "If I just could do the same for me…"
Samara. – "And, what is blocking you?"
Alison looks at Samara into the eyes and the blonde counselor says…
Samara. – "You should talk with Emily…"
Alison. – "Why?"
Samara. – "Because you need it… even if you don't want to admit it…"
Alison sighs and says with a pout. – "Don't you get tired of always being right?"
Samara chuckles and pushes Alison to the hallways. – "Come on, Alison, I assure you that you'll feel better after talking with her…"
Samara is right, she needs to talk with Emily, she needs to make a decision about the baby. The clock is ticking, the time is never right but they can't keep avoiding the subject. This need to be addressed and even if it's terrifying to see how this will go, Alison has to make the 1st step.
With a little of hesitation, Alison walks on the hallways of the school and while she approaches to the pool, she can feel the sweat in her palms, the erratic breathing and the nervous chill running all over her body, but against all discouragement; she steps forwards to talk from the heart; she steps forwards till…
Emily says very loud. – "Paige, wait!"
Paige stops walking and Alison stays in a position where she can't be seen…
Paige. – "This was a mistake…"
Emily. – "What?"
Paige. – "Me… staying, it was a mistake…"
Emily shakes her head. – "Don't say that…"
Paige. – "Emily, look at me into the eyes and be honest with me, what do you want?"
Emily stays with the mouth open, she's not sure of what she should say but, when she sees Paige resuming her walking; Emily panics and she says without thinking…
Emily pleads. – "Paige, don't leave ME!"
Paige turns and says. – "And why should I stay when it's obvious that you're more interested in Alison…"
Emily. – "What?!"
A tiny smile appears in Alison's face but that smile vanishes when…
Emily. – "You got it all wrong, I've no interest in Alison, my only interest is in my baby…"
Paige. – "Are you sure about it? Are you sure that you've no feelings for Alison?"
Emily hesitates on how she should reply but when she sees that Paige is ready to leave again, she panics again and says without thinking on the consequences of her harsh words…
Emily. – "Do you really think I want to be in this position? Do you really think I wish for this?! I didn't! I'm trapped in this sick situation because of Alison and, I hate it…"
A tear falls down Alison's cheek…
Emily. – "I just care about my baby which sadly Alison is carring…" (sighs) "I just want the baby… just that…"
Sadly… sadly… sadly… Alison walks out without being seen and all she can think, it's that word: sadly…
*X*
*** Emily's narrative ***
So, how long it takes you to realize words hurt more than actions? How long can you keep hurting someone without thinking on the consequences? How long it takes you to figure out that it's now or never? How long?
(In Alison's house)
It was late at night when Emily decided to pass by and check on Alison; with the door open, she rushes inside, worried that AD had done something to the blonde, she gets inside the house, looking for Alison…
Emily. – "Ali…? Ali…?!"
The brunette turns her head in all the directions and then, looking at the hallway of the living room, she finally finds the blonde, sitting in the floor…
Emily sits at her side and says. – "Hey, what is wrong?"
With a sad look, settled far away, the blonde says…
Alison. – "I thought about it… about what it means… about what could mean… and…"
Emily. – "And…?"
Alison turns her head towards Emily and says with determination. – "I'm gonna have the baby…"
A big smile appears in Emily's lips but, she tries to hide it and ask, just to make sure that Alison will not change her mind…
Emily asks. – "Are you sure?"
Alison. – "No but, I've done a lot of bad things in my life… killing this baby will not be one of them…"
Emily mumbles. – "Thank you…"
A big smile appears in Emily's lips but, the smile gets tiny when Emily notices that Alison doesn't look happy…
Alison takes a deep breath and says. – "Ok… so, it's settled… I'll do it…"
Emily says while she holds Alison's hand. – "No… we will do it… together…"
Together… the word drops out of her mouth so easy and since the moment she said it, Emily's smile got bigger; who could think that a simple word could make her so damn happy…? Picturing the belly of Alison, growing bigger and bigger; imaging how glowing the blonde will look while the pregnancy progresses, picturing how lovely will be to see the birth of their child, their child…
Emily daydreams with the future that she would love to see… Alison feeding their child, the 1st steps of the baby, the 1st words… a full movie plays inside Emily's head and in each one of the scenes, Alison is part of it. THEY, walking their child to the school; THEY, opening gifts below the Xmas tree; THEY, together, celebrating birthdays, Xmas… yes… a full movie of possible memories invades Emily's mind and, it's beautiful, it's beautiful to imagine all of that and, Emily's heart beats so fast, she's in cloud 9 till Alison says…
Alison. – "Together? There's no 'we', Emily…"
Alison gets her hand free from Emily and the brunette feels a painful emptiness when she stops holding Alison's hand…
Emily mumbles. – "Ali… I…"
Alison cuts her off and says with a bitter voice. – "I know that me… caring your baby is a sad burden for you…"
Emily. – "What? Ali, no… I…"
Alison cuts her off again and says with a cold voice. – "Look Emily, let be honest… you want this baby, well, you will have it and that's it…"
Emily says very confused. – "What do you mean?"
Alison says with a bitter voice. – "You said it before… all I have to do is to give birth… nothing more…"
Emily gulps hard, she remembers what she said, how she said it and realizing about the meaning of her own words, it hurts her badly… really badly… Once again, the movie plays inside Emily's mind but, this time, Alison is no longer part of it… she's not there and, a huge sorrow grows inside Emily's heart because she doesn't want this, she didn't mean what she said but, it's too late to take it back…
Emily. – "Ali… I…"
Alison. – "I will not be part of the baby's life…"
Emily mumbles with sorrow. – "What…?!"
Alison takes a deep breath and says. – "I'm doing this with some conditions, and one of them, it's that I don't want you to mention me in any of this…"
Emily gulps. – "What do you mean?"
Alison. – "The child doesn't need to know that I gave him birth…"
Emily gulps with watery-eyes…
Alison looks at her belly and says with a painful voice. – "I don't want him to know me… he doesn't need to know me at all…"
Emily says with sadness. – "Do you really want that?"
Alison nods
Emily gulps. – "One day, he might ask about how he got in this world…"
Alison. – "And you can tell him whatever you want but, don't mention me…"
Tears want to fall from her chocolate eyes but, Emily closes her eyes, trying to suppress them…
Alison stands up and says with a cold voice. – "It's late and I'm tired, go home, Emily…"
Emily is frozen in the floor, she will be a mother, she will get what she asked for but she's not happy… no, she's far to be happy…
*** Emily's narrative ***
So, how long it takes you to realize what you want? How long it takes you to realizes that it's too late for undo what you did? How long it takes you to realizes that you can lose everything in a blink of an eye? How long?
*X*
(In the Brew)
Samara. – "Are you sure that this is what you want?"
Alison drinks her tea and says. – "This is not about what I want, this is about what is the best for this kid… and it's on the best interested of the baby to don't be around me or vice versa…"
Samara. – "Alison…"
Alison cuts her off. – "I'm evil, I'm toxic… everyone knows that… eventually this kid will grow up and realize that too, so… this is the best for us…"
Samara. – "Alison, don't say that, y-…"
Alison says with pain. – "Do you know how it feels that no matter what you do, you'll always be pointed out like the villain, like the evil? Do you know how much it hurts to be treated like a leper? People keep leaving you alone, keep blaming you for everything bad in their life and you take it, you take it thinking that you deserve it…"
Samara holds Alison's hand and says. – "People have no right to put all in you... and you owe nothing to no one…"
Alison smiles and looking at their hands, says. – "You say that now because you're starting to know me, but with time, you will think the worse of me too and you'll eventually leave too… just like the rest of the world…"
Samara. – "Alison…"
Alison cuts her off. – "I can take the blame for everything, people can condemn me for all the bad in this world; I can take it, they can throw me all the rocks they want and, I can live with that but, I refuse to let this child to live with the burden of being related with me…" (Deep sighs) "I want him be happy, to have a normal life and if I'm in the picture, he will never get that… so…" (sad sigh) "For his happiness, for his well-being, I'm erasing me from the picture…"
Samara sighs deeply, she doesn't know what to say, what to do to make Alison feel better… but, is it really a right thing to say in moments like this?
Alison looks at her watch and says. – "It's late, they will close soon, we should leave…"
Samara nods and they take their bags.
Alison. – "Do you need a ride home?"
Samara. – "No, it's ok, the hotel is no so far from here?"
Alison raises an eyebrow. – "Hotel?"
Samara nods. – "Yeah… I'm staying at the Radley hotel…"
Alison. – "Why?"
Samara. – "Well, I've been looking for a place but, till now, all that's able in the market are houses and buying or rent a house is not in my budget…"
Alison. – "Living in a hotel is also very expensive…"
Samara nods. – "I know, but what other option, do I have? Living in my car is much worse…"
Alison nods and she stays in silence thinking about it…
*X*
*** Emily's narrative ***
So, how long it takes you to act… to make it right? How long it takes you to follow your heart? How long it takes you to make your mind and do what you want? How long…?
(In Spencer's barn)
Spencer approaches to serve more wine but Emily say 'no' at 1st but then, she changes her mind and Emily's cup of wine gets full again…
Emily. – "I have no right to ask her to be part of the baby's life, right?"
Spencer. – "Why are you asking me that?"
Emily rolls over the sofa and stares at the ceiling while she runs a hand through her hair.
Spencer. – "Aren't you with Paige…?"
Emily. – "I'm with Paige…"
Spencer. – "Then, why you're asking for Alison…?"
Emily gulps hard
Spencer. – "It's clear for me that you want this baby, but what you really need to figure out it's with WHO, you want to have this baby…"
We fall apart without reason… deep inside we know what we really need, what our heart is screaming us to do, but we're too afraid to follow it… too scared to fight for it, but no matter how much you fight against it, love… love will always strick straight to your heart. Let's just hope that's not too late when we decide to follow our heart…
Two bottles of wine and a long, very long talk with Spencer, it's what Emily needed to make her mind… In the middle of the night, the brunette walks towards the DiLaurentis house with shaking legs; Emily is shaking, feeling insecure, feeling uneasy but, mostly feeling a spark of enthusiasm of what could come after this… With shaking steps, Emily walks, she walks towards the door of the blonde and she rehearses the speech she's thinking to say to Alison…
Emily. – "There will be bridges for us to mend but, if we stick through it, we will be able to make it, we…"
(In Alison's front porch)
Samara. – "Don't!"
Alison raises an eyebrow while she's opening her trunk…
Samara says while she takes her baggage. – "You're pregnant…"
Alison. – "It's no so heavy…"
Samara insists, she takes inside the house all her things, not leaving Alison to do a thing and, Alison rolls her eyes…
Alison crosses her arms above her chest and says. – "Are you always going to be like that?"
Samara rubs her hands over Alison's arms and says while she looks at her into the eyes. – "If you 're asking if I'm going to be caring, thoughtful and always looking for your well-being… then the answer is 'yes'…"
Alison chuckles and shakes her head…
Samara smiles and she kisses Alison's cheek while she whispers in Alison's ear. – "Thank you, for letting me stay here…"
Alison smiles and blushes. – "You can stay all the time you want…"
Samara holds Alison's hand and says while she guides them inside…
Samara teases. – "Yeah… and, what about forever…?"
Alison bites her lips and blushes a lot. Alison looks at Samara in a way she has only seen someone else before and that person recognizes that look too. Frozen, without being able to move, Emily sees Samara and Alison getting inside the house.
*** Emily's narrative ***
How long…how many times we're going to repeat the same pattern? Are we able to break the vicious circle? Are we able to stand up for what we want? To fight for it, against reason, against hope, against all discouragement… are we really capable to fight for love? Am I ready to fight for love… for my true love…?
Emily looks at the house, she hears the noisy laughs, the happy voice of Alison inside the house and she stays there, still no sure of what she should do…
Go big or go home… what is the thing that this brunette will do?