Hi guys! Thank you so much for your reviews! My plane got delayed and I'm in the airport, waiting, so, here's what it came with the waiting ^^... hope you like it and thank you a lot of you leave a review! Have a great day!
*** Alison's narrative ***
I don't know why we all hang on to something… on to someone we know we're better off letting go. It's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have or maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way because without it, maybe we just wouldn't feel real… but, the truth is, sometimes it's not about having the strength to hold on, it's about having the courage to let go…
Emily. – "Ali…?"
The blonde was the one who wanted to have this talk but, since the moment she put a foot inside the house, Alison stood completely speechless…
Emily sighs. – "Ali, if you have nothing to sa-…."
Alison was looking around, avoiding eye-contact and, the blonde cuts Emily off when she says…
Alison. – "I will never be good enough. No matter what I say or what I do… right?"
Emily frowns, looking confused. – "What?"
Alison was looking around and, turns in direction of Emily; both girls stare at each other into the eyes and Emily gulps hard while she sees something in Alison's eyes… determination…
Alison. – "I'm a human being, I make mistakes, I'm flawed and, I was a horrible teenager girl but…" (She looks Emily into the eyes and says with pain and anger) "But even if I'm a girl with a lot of imperfections, I'm done with constantly trying to prove you I'm worthy!"
Emily gulps. – "Worthy…? Ali… I … I don't understand what you're trying to say, I…"
Alison smirks with sadness. – "You don't understand? Fine… let me explain it then…" (She says with pain in her voice) "I didn't and I don't deserve to be treated the way you treated me today…"
Emily gulps hard, she looks down because she knows… she knows she's the one who did wrong…
Emily mumbles looking down. – "I… I'm sorry…"
They stay standing up, face to face in silence, Emily can feel the piercing gaze of Alison but, she's not able to look up, no, she can't look at Alison into the eyes, she's too ashamed… the brunette just keeps the look down and the blonde gets angry…
Alison says with a bitter voice. – "Sorry? Sorry for what? For fucking me?! Or for just dropping me away and leave there… alone…"
Emily has no words, she just keeps the look down and presses her lips together and, with her attitude, Alison's disappointment just increases…
*** Emily's narrative ***
Communication, it's the 1st thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say and, that's when the regret comes, that's when mistakes are done and that's when the regret that comes from letting something AMAZING pass you by… just in front of your eyes…
Why she's sorry? Emily asks herself that question… it's because she regrets feeling Alison's core erupting with her touch? No… she doesn't regret that, she will never regret making Alison hers but, she regrets how she did it, how she left the blonde after it and, she wants, she needs Alison to know that but… like always… she's just too late…
Emily says with a shy voice while she tries to reach Alison's hand. – "Ali, I…"
Alison steps back, making impossible for Emily to touch her…
Alison. – "I want someone who won't care about my past…"
Emily frowns, looking confused. – "What?"
Alison continues. – "I want someone who realizes that half of the decisions I make are usually ones I regret, and I have the right to overreact at any given moment…"
Alison stares at Emily into the eyes and realizes that Emily has no idea of what she means with all this but, even then, she keeps talking…
Alison. – "I want someone who knows how completely insane I'm and she wouldn't want me any other way…"
Emily. – "She?!"
Alison looks her into the eyes, she takes a deep breath and confess something…
Alison. – "Over the years, I've been in so many fake relationships and I always made excuses why… but I know the reason…"
Emily gulps and her eyes get bigger…
Alison. – "I… I… I… " (She takes a deep breath and mumbles) "I… I like girls…"
Emily. – "WHAT?!"
Alison says louder. – "I LIKE GIRLS! I'm into girls…"
The room stays in complete silence but Alison feels so liberated once she finally said those words… she has never felt so light and, the blonde smiles, she smiles because she's finally ready to embrace herself without any judgement attached and, while Alison is finally feeling happy with herself; Emily is speechless with such confession, it feels so unreal that Emily has a bad time with really believing it…
Emily. – "Are you saying the truth? Or are you just saying this because you want me under your finger?"
Alison looks at Emily and she chuckles with sadness…
Alison mumbles. – "Unbelievable…"
Emily. – "Ali…"
Alison looks at her into the eyes and says. – "I'm done playing games Emily, I'm being honest…"
Emily. – "How can you say that now, after so many years, after…"
Alison cuts her off, feeling angry and frustrated – "Is there really an age to get out of the closet?!" (She sighs and says with a calmer voice) "I think I've fallen in love, just twice in my life… and both of them, it's been a girl…"
Emily. – "Twice…?! Who…? When…? Wh-…?"
Alison. – "You…"
Emily. – "WHAT?!"
Alison nods. – "I loved you… you were always protecting me, always looking after me…" (She smiles while she remembers the old times) "You were my killer… my mermaid… the girl who saw the best of me and believed I could be better and I wanted, more than anything, to be the person you wanted me to be…"
Emily. – "Ali…"
Alison. – "You always felt like there was just one person in this world to love you and, then you find someone else and it seems crazy you were ever worried in the 1st place..."
Emily mumbles with fear. – "Ali… wh-what are you saying? You 'loved' me?! Past tense…?! Ali… I…"
*** Alison's narrative ***
There comes a point where it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That's when the real works begins…
Alison cuts Emily off. – "We deserve to be with somebody who will make us happy. Somebody who's not gonna complicate our lives. Somebody who won't hurt us…"
Emily mumbles with watery-eyes. – "Ali…"
Alison takes a deep breath and says with watery-eyes and a heart wrenching voice. – "I'll never be good enough for you… no matter what I say or what I do… you'll always see me like the pretentious girl who broke your heart for the 1st time, like the bitch who played with your feelings and got her way with it…"
Emily pleads. – "Ali…"
Alison yells with tears in her eyes. – "Am I lying? Tell me if I'm lying, Emily!"
Emily stays in silence, she would love to say she's ok with forgetting the past but, she can't, she hasn't been able to forget it and, Alison waits for an answer but she gets just silence. Emily stays in silence and, Alison gets her answer. The blonde grabs her purse and she starts walking away. Emily panics when she sees Alison ready to leave…
Emily pleads. – "Ali… wait!"
Alison snaps. – "Wait for what?!"
Emily stays speechless once again and, Alison just shakes the tears from her eyes…
Alison. – "Funny, isn't it? You call me evil, you call me liar. But you, all of you, you're worse than me…"
Emily. – "What?"
Alison says with pain in her voice. – "You and the girls, you teach me time and time again that nothing I do ever is good enough…" (She says with sadness and pain) "Every good thing that I'm doing now, it will never be good enough for you and you know what?! I don't care!"
Emily's lips quivers, she finally realizes how she and the girls have been always judging Alison, accusing her for all the bad and never really caring how those judgement could make her feel…
Alison. – "I know how much I value and if you can't see it, then, that's your loss… no mine…"
The blonde opens the front door and before leaving, she gives Emily one last chance to stop her…
Alison. – "Emily… I'm busy holding myself together with tape and glue…" (She says with tears) "I loved you so much that it hurt… it hurts when you just used me as you wish and leaft me alone…"
Emily looks down
Alison. – "I'm so broken that one part of me still believes I deserved to be treated the way you treated me today and, that's wrong, that stop now!"
Emily mumbles. – "Ali…"
Alison looks at her into the eyes and says. – "If you care about me, if you care at least a little bit, you'll let me go…"
Emily gulps with watery-eyes. – "Ali…"
Alison. – "Stop messing with me and just walk away… you've done it before, it shouldn't be so hard to do it again…"
*** Emily's narrative ***
What do you do after you've given all that you've and you've nothing left to give…? After you've tried and you've tried, and you've cried and you cried, and that day finally comes when you realize that this is not how you want to live your life… what do you do? What do you do when you see the girl of your dreams walking away? What do you do….?
The door closes and Emily zones out. She stays alone in the dark for a long, long time; processing all the information, it took her a long moment, maybe too long; but between all the chaos, between all the messy… one thing keeps running inside Emily's mind…
Emily mumbles. – "She loved me…" (She repeats it lauder) "SHE LOVED ME!" (She smiles and says while she runs towards the door) "She loved me!"
The brunette takes her car keys and leaves the house in a rush…
*** Emily's narrative ***
You play dumb even when your whole body is aching to move; you shut your mouth, keeping your truth to yourself because it's not always easy to speak your mind, sometimes you need to be forced to do it. And when you're forced to do it, when you're forced to move and say what you need to say… you analyze everything too much than when the times comes… it's just too late… too late…
Emily parks outside Alison's house, it got her a long time to get there because she passed by a shop; the brunette smiles while she grabs the flowers and the teddy bear she brought; she brought the flowers for Alison and the teddy bear, she bought it, thinking on their baby… yes, their baby, because Emily wanted to do this together… like a family…
Emily rehearse her speech in her car. – "I can live without you, but I don't want to. I don't ever want to… and I hope neither do you…" (She smiles) "Yes, this will work…"
The brunette gets out of her car and she approaches to the house; laughs and music come out of the house and curious to see what was happening inside the house, Emily peeks through the window and sees…
(In Alison's living room)
Alison mumbles. – "I'm not in the mood, Sam…"
Samara puts a records and says while she swings her hips with the tempo of the music. – "I know but, you can't go to bed with a sad face…"
Alison rolls her eyes but, Samara keeps dancing…
Samara waves her hands to Alison and says. – "Come on, Ali! You've to dance it out!" (She stands up in front of Alison and says while she jumps and dance in front of Alison) "Come on! Get up!"
Alison frowns her eye-brown. – "Really?!"
Samara nods. – "Yeah! It's this or crying, so… you choose…"
Alison groans with frustration and rolls her eyes while she gets out of the sofa…
Samara applauses and jumps around Alison. – "Whoa! Yeah! Look at it! Miss. D is on the zone!"
Alison chuckles and blushes while she slowly starts dancing. – "Shut up…"
Samara teases. – "You call that dancing?"
Alison. – "I'm too tense to dance!"
Samara smirks. – "That's why we're dancing!"
It was a nice gesture and Samara didn't stop jumping and motivating Alison to dance till the blonde English teacher was also, jumping, dancing and laughing, just like her. Both girls keep dancing and Emily sees them through the window…
Emily sees the two blondes dancing, laughing, and jumping. The brunette sees how happy Alison looks. The brunette looks at Alison smiling and looks at her roses and the teddy bear which she's holding on her hands…
*** Emily's narrative ***
Maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up for ourselves… maybe we need to let go and accept ourselves before moving on… maybe we need starting to think that love might mean wanting the other person to be happy even if that means they can't stay with you…
Emily puts the flowers and the teddy bear against the front door, she walks away and before getting inside her car, she looks at the house one more time…
Emily takes a deep breath and mumbles. - "I'm sorry, it couldn't be me…"
The brunette gets inside her car and drives away…
Memories are funny things... The good ones fill our lives with meaning of context of clarity and other memories can deceive the ones that make you believe that you know the truth, those are the dangerous ones. When you look back on the decisions you have made in your life the one thing you don't want to feel is regret. But sadly, this moment, will be one of the biggest regrets for Emily Fields… because you should never walk away from love…
Go big or go home, looks like this brunette chose home… let's see how that will work for her…