Hi guys, sorry for being absent for so long, lots of work and exhaustion… here the 7th part, next chapter will be the last one of this mini story. Hope you like it and thank you if you have the time to leave a review. Have a great week-end.
Go Big or Go Home – part 7
*** Emily's narrative ***
When we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle. It's funny, isn't? A weight lifts, the sun shines a little brighter. And for a brief moment at least, we find a little of hope... Hope for a better tomorrow, hope to reach our happiness, hope... Just hope to be with the one we love...
Standing below the door frame with a box between her hands, Emily is entranced on the blue eyes of the girl who is behind Samara. The blonde counselor was going to say something, but she's stopped when Alison puts her hand over her shoulder. Samara turns her head in direction of the English teacher and the blonde says...
Alison. - "Please let me handle this..."
Samara doesn't protest, for her, love is trust so, she just nods and gets inside the house, leaving them alone...
Emily smiles. - "Ali, I..."
The brunette was so eager, her face was glowing with hope till Alison pushed them outside. They stay in the porch and when Alison closes the door behind her, Emily felt like her only chance to make it right was also closing in front of her eyes...
Emily gulps. - "Ali...?"
Taking a defensive posture, the blonde crosses her arms above her chest and, gazes at the brunette with an unfriendly look...
Emily says with a shaking voice. - "Ali, I..."
Alison says angry with a cold voice. - "You're no moving into my house, Emily..."
Emily quivers her bottom lip, tears form in her eyes and, she looks down, trying to hide her broken look, from the blonde. Alison can't see Emily's tears but, she hears the sobs and Alison's heart quivers...
Alison sighs. - "Why we keep hurting each other?"
The blonde didn't want to hurt Emily but, she's reluctant to let Emily in and put at risk the spark of happiness she has with Samara. This is the first time Alison feels real happiness in a long, very long time and, she doesn't want to ruin it like always so, the only thing Alison offers, it's a tissue and without looking at her into the eyes, Emily takes it and clear her tears.
Alison says while she sits in the stairs of her porch. -"I'm sorry if my words hurt you, I never meant to make you cry..."
Emily smiles a little with Alison's words. Knowing that Alison cares about her feelings, it brings her again a little of hope. With a little of hesitation, Emily sits beside her and smiles when Alison doesn't push her away. They stay in silence for brief moment, Alison settles her gaze faraway while Emily fix her look on Alison... Just Alison...
By the corner of her eyes, Alison notices how Emily has eyes just for her and the blonde sighs hard while she runs a hand through her hair...
Alison sighs.- "Please Emily, go home..."
Emily pouts. - "No..."
Why? Why now? Why...? Alison asks herself, she doesn't understand why Emily is trying to move in and the brunette notices the confusion in Alison's eyes so, she says...
Emily.- "I want the chance to be there..."
Alison.-"What do you mean? "
Emily slowly puts her hand over Alison's belly and says. - "I wasn't there when they kicked for the first time... I'm not there when you need something..."
Alison. - "I'm not gonna call you at 2am just because I'm craving for something... I don't want to bother you..."
Emily pouts. - "But I want you to bother me!"
Alison. - "What?! Why?!"
Emily. - "Why?! Do I really need a reason to take care of the mother of my children..."
Alison mumbles with a sad tone. - "I'm not gonna be a mom, Emily..."
Both girls take a deep breath and, hear the sadness coming from their bodies when the air gets out of their lungs...
Emily mumbles. - "I... I… I want to be with you…"
Alison looks at her, their eyes meet and, a silence stays between them till…
Alison. – "Why you're doing this out of the blue, Emily…?"
Emily. – "Ali… I…"
The brunette tries to grab Alison's hand but, the blonde stands up, putting distance between them…
Emily stares at the blonde and says. – "Ali?"
Alison looks at the sky, she looks at the stars and, takes a deep breath to takes in the fresh air of the night. Filling her lungs with air, Alison turns again towards the brunette who's sitting in the stairs of her porch and the English teacher says…
Alison. – "Why? Why you want to be with me?"
Emily. – "You're pregnant with my kids…"
Alison chuckles with sadness. – "So, that's why…"
Emily gulps. – "Ali, I…"
Alison cuts her off. – "You know Emily, these past 5 years, after, after all of you left for college… you never called, you never came, you never looked for me neither check how I was doing…"
Emily presses her lips together because the blonde was saying the truth…
Alison. – "One call, one text, one letter… nothing…" (Sad sigh) "I know you got through hard times these past years but you're not the only one… I got through the hardest of times on my own, alone… completely alone…"
Emily gulps hard
Alison. – "Always being seen like the bad guy, like the evil itself. Nothing can shield you from the loneliness, the gossip, the looks, the rumors… how many times people pointed me out like the responsible of their pain? How many times, people threw me eggs to my head? How many times, people broke my windows and try to intimidate me for what I did in high-school? How many nights I spent on my bed alone… praying for help to please stop my crying, my sorrow…"
Emily gulps hard, her eyes fill with tears again, she had no idea of how lonely Alison had been all these years, how badly people had treated her….
Alison. – "My life just got turned on its head… from being the bully, I became the prey…"
Emily mumbles. – "Ali, I… I'm sorry, I didn't know, I…"
Alison. – "Off course you didn't know, how could you? You never called and, I was too scare to call you…"
Emily. – "Why? Why you were scared to call me?!"
Alison says with sadness. – "They fail to explain how complex love is… like why I mostly missed you every day and even then, each time I tried to call you, I just froze… I froze because why if you didn't take my call? What if you didn't care at all?" (Sad chuckle) "My doubts, my ego… I didn't want to admit I needed someone and then… I just let time fly… and, now, here we're…"
Emily gulps hard, she has never seen Alison explaining her vulnerability like now and, she wants to hug the blonde, tell her she cares, she will always care but… once again, like Alison did in the past… she freezes, she freezes and do nothing….
Alison feels tears shaping in her eyes, so she looks at the stars and says. – "They are beautiful tonight, don't they?"
Emily. – "Huh?" (She looks up at the sky and says) "Oh… yeah…"
Once again, silence stays between them and, the night gets colder; Alison rubs her arms, Emily notices it, she tries to give her jacket but Alison doesn't accept it…
Emily. – "Ali, please…"
They stand face to face, locking their eyes in each other when the blonde says…
Alison. – "I'm getting inside and you're going home…"
Emily wants to protest but before she could say something, a car appears; the brunette recognizes the car…
Emily. – "You called my mom?!"
Alison passes beside Emily and says while she walks towards her home. – "Go home, Emily…"
The brunette looks at her mother, the old woman doesn't look happy, she knows she has a lot to explain but before that, she needs to know something…
Emily turns towards the blonde and says very loud. – "Why?! Why her and not me?!"
Alison stops her track, she doesn't move for a moment and then, she turns and faces Emily…
Alison. – "Why I love Samara?"
Emily nods with watery-eyes
Alison. – "Because she has given me something no one else has given to me: self-esteem, she has shown me, I'm worthy to be loved, to be happy, to be trusted… she believes in me…"
Emily mumbles. – "I… I believed in you…"
Alison smiles with sadness. – "Yes, you did… but not anymore… right?"
Do I believe in her? Will I never doubt? Can I really trust her? Emily gulps hard, she tries to tell her she loves her no matter what, that she will always trust her and never hurt her ever again, but Emily opens her mouth and nothing comes out, not a single word and with a disappointed look, Alison sadly enters inside her home and says while she closes the door…
Alison. – "Good night… Emily…"
The door closes and, Emily just sighs hard looking at the door closed. By the corner of her eyes, she sees her mom waiting in the car and, she takes a deep breath before grabbing her things and, getting in the car with her mom…
Emily mumbles. – "Did Ali call you?"
Pam nods
Emily. – "I see… Are you mad?"
Pam. – "Am I mad that I'm going to be a grandmother and you didn't tell me?"
Emily plays with her fingers, she has no excuses, she was planning to tell her, but she wasn't sure how or when…
Pam. – "I thought we agreed: not more lies, Emily… no after you dropped college and hid it from me…"
Emily sighs hard. – "I know… I know…"
Pam sighs hard again, she wants to ask so many questions but looking at Emily, right now. She knows that Emily is not up for a talk… no right now…
Pam turns on the engine and says. – "Let's go home…"
Emily puts her seat belt and mumbles with sadness. – "Yeah… let's go home…"
The next day, Emily wakes up with tears in her eyes; she sadly chuckles, tasting the salty water coming from her eyes…
Emily sadly chuckles. – "Could I be more pathetic…?"
Pam. – "It's not pathetic to cry for love…"
Emily wildly opens her eyes and sits in bed; she uses her hands to clear her tears while the woman who was standing in the frame door of her room approaches with a cup of coffee…
Emily takes the coffee and mumbles. – "Thank you…"
Pam nods and sits in the bed beside Emily; she softly pats Emily's leg and says…
Pam. – "So tell me… how is that I'm going to become a grandmother…?"
*** Alison's narrative ***
How do you know is true what you feel? How do you know you're taking the right decision? Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love for the rest of your life? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Out of the blue; you doubt, you decide, and then, you breathe out & in what comes after that…
Alison was alone on her house, waiting for Samara to come back with food; she happily opens the door when she hears a knock…
Alison says while opening the door. – "Did you forget your keys…?"
The door opens, and Alison's eyes gets bigger while she stares at the person who's standing in front of her…
Alison. – "Ms. Fields…?"
Pam. – "Please, call me Pam… can I call you Ali?"
Alison nods. – "Off course Ms. Fiel-… I mean Pam…"
Pam chuckles. – "Ali, can I come in?"
Alison nods and the old woman smiles when the blonde let her in. They get inside the living room, Alison asks her if she wants to drink something, Pam replies the 1st thing it comes to her mind and, Alison sits at her side on the sofa, when she brings an ice tea…
Pam. – "Thank you…"
Alison. – "You're welcome…"
Pam looks at Alison's belly and smiles…
Pam points out towards the belly and asks. – "Can I?"
Alison is not sure of what she means, but she nods anyway and Pam glows with happiness. Pam softly puts her hands over Alison's belly and her smile gets bigger...
Pam asks. – "How many months…?"
Alison. – "Next week, it will be 4 months…"
Pam. – "Wow… 4 months…"
Pam talks to the belly and the twins replies with a kick…
Pam chuckles. – "OMG! They're kicking!"
Alison looks at her belly and says. – "Yeah… I guess they like you already…"
Both smile and, Pam looks at Alison with tenderness while she says…
Pam. – "Thank you…"
Alison raises an eye-brow. – "For what?"
Pam. – "Emily told me everything…"
Alison gulps. – "Everything?"
Pam nods and looks at Alison's belly while she says. – "I'm sure this is not how you pictured your 1st pregnancy…"
Alison rubs her belly and replies. – "To be honest, I never thought about kids…"
Pam. – "Really?"
Alison sighs with sadness. – "Children are pure, good and me… I'm dark, I'm evil, I…" (She recalls Samara's words about how amazing human being she's and says) "I'm not dark and I'm no evil, but in the past, I thought I was, so…"
Pam holds Alison's hands and puts them in her lap while she says with tenderness…
Pam. – "I'm happy you don't look down of yourself anymore..."
Alison smiles. – "Me too…"
They keep talking, mostly about the pregnancy and Pam sighs sad each time that Alison's face glows when the blonde mentions the name of Samara…
Alison asks. – "Something wrong?"
Pam takes a sip of the ice tea, while she hesitates on the real reason of her visit…
Alison asks again. – "Pam, what is wrong?"
Pam. – "Can I ask you something?"
Alison nods and they look at each other into the eyes…
Pam asks. – "Did you really stop loving my Emily?"
The blonde wasn't expecting this but, Pam was brave enough to come into her house and ask, so Alison, thought that the last thing she should do, it was to answer with honesty…
Alison. – "I'm always gonna love Emily but…"
Pam. – "But…?"
Alison. – "We've hurt each other so many times, we have broken our hearts so many times… our story is messy, painful… we've scars in all sorts of unexpected places. The wounds are long gone but the scars are there… the pain still lingers and I… I just wanna be happy… I deserve to be happy…"
Pam mumbles. – "My Emy can make you happy…"
Alison sighs. – "Pam… please don't…"
Pam. – "Life is short, we should live it. Love is rare, we should grab it. Anger is bad, we should dump it. Fear is awful, but we should face it. Memories are sweet, so, we should cherish it…" (She holds Alison's hand and puts it above her heart) "Ali… my Emy is not perfect, like you said, she has scars, fears, doubts but even with all her defects, she's an amazing human being so, please, give her another chance…"
Alison gulps hard, she doesn't know what to say and when someone comes back home, she stays speechless…
Samara says while she gets in with bag of foods. – "Hey Ali, sorry it took me so long, I had to drive to the other town since here I couldn't find the chocolates you asked for…" (She notices the guest and says) "Oh, Ms. Fields… hi…"
Pam. – "Hello Samara…"
The room stays in silence and Pam sees it as her clue to leave…
Pam stands up and says. – "I should leave…"
Samara. – "You're welcome to stay and get dinner with us if you want…"
Pam smiles. – "You're really kind, but no… I should go home…" (She turns towards Alison and softly kisses Alison's front-head while she says) "No matter what happens, no matter what you decide to do, you'll always have a special place in my heart till the end of times…"
Alison smiles with such tender kiss…
Pam starts walking towards the door and says to the blonde counselor. – "Do you mind walk me to my car?"
Samara puts the bags of food down and walked Pam outside. Samara closes the front door and they walk in silence till they stand in front of Pam's car…
Samara asks. – "Did you come to see how Ali's pregnancy is going?"
Pam. – "Not exactly…" (She notices how Samara raises an eyebrow and she says with honesty) "I came here to ask Ali one thing; I asked Ali to pick my daughter over you…"
They stay face to face, Pam was expecting an insult, rage, anger from the blonde counselor but the only she gets, it's to see how wonderful person she's…
Samara nods. – "I see…"
Pam raises an eyebrow. – "You're not angry? You're not asking me to stay away?"
Samara. – "Why I would be angry? Why I would forbid you to stay close of Ali when she sees you like the mother she always wanted to have?" (She shakes her head) "No, I'm not mad, I've no right to be mad…"
Pam. – "And what if I tell you, I'll do everything in my power to get Ali back to my Emy…?"
Samara smiles. – "You're free to do whatever you want Ms. Fields… I'll not get mad…"
Pam. – "Are you so sure about yourself? Do you really think you're better than my Emy?!"
Samara. – "I'm not better than anyone… I'm not perfect either…" (She looks at the house and smiles thinking on Alison) "I just love her…" (She chuckles) "Whenever anyone says something really funny and I laugh, I always look around to see if she thinks it's funny too…" (She smiles) "Even when she's not there, I still look around…" (She looks at Pam into the eyes and says with a big smile) "I love her, I want nothing else than her happiness and, if she chooses Emily, if she chooses Emily like her happiness then…" (Deep breath) "Then I'll never be an obstacle for her happiness… she just has to say the word…"
*** Emily's narrative ***
It can be scary to find out you love someone. Love is weakest when there is more doubt than trust but Love is strongest when we learn to trust despite the doubts… the problem is, how do we get there? How can we love and trust without doubts?
Emily was coming back home after a long, very long run in the forest. She was planning to rush upstairs and take a shower but, she changes her destination when she sees her mother in the living room, with a lot of boxes beside her…
Emily looks at the boxes and asks. – "What is this?" (She opens one box and smiles when she grabs a mobile) "OMG! This is mine!"
Pam chuckles. – "You remember?"
Emily nods with a smile
Pam. – "Funny, isn't it, the way memory works? The things you can't quite remember, and the things you can never forget…"
Pam pats the empty sit beside her and says. – "Come here, Emy…"
Emily. – "Mom, I'm very sweaty; let me…"
Pam insists. – "It will be just a second…"
Emily decides to don't protest anymore and sits beside her mom; Emily can't stop smiling while she sees all her toys and everything that Pam kept…
Pam. – "I want to share something with you and I need you to put attention…"
Emily nods. – "OK…"
Pam. – "Before marrying your Dad, we got into a big fight and at that moment I was very decided to cancel the weeding…"
Emily. – "Really?! But you didn't…"
Pam. – "No… I didn't, and do you know why? Because you love someone despite their defects or because all their qualities..."
Emily. – "What do you mean?"
Pam. – "Your Dad was selfish, always taking decision without asking me or considering my opinion; he was extremely jealous when we were younger, he always wanted to play the 'hero' even if he knew how scared I was… yes, your father was full of defects and yet… I marry him and loved him with all my heart…"
Emily. – "Why you're telling me this?"
Pam holds Emily's hand and says. – "Emily, it's very easy 'to love because' but 'to love despite'… that's just once in a lifetime… so I want to know, do you love Alison because she's pregnant with your kids or you love her despite all the bad that has happened between you two?"
Emily opens her mouth and says while she tries to process the question. – "I… I really don't know…"
Pam. – "I see… mmm… you can go and take your shower…"
Emily nods and looking at the hour, Pam decides to make dinner; the old woman stands up and says while she puts a kiss on Emily's head…
Pam. – "Please, don't chase Alison anymore, unless you're sure you love her despite all her defects…"
Looking at the boxes, Emily finds too the old purple bracelet with her name, the one that Alison gave her.
Emily looks at the bracelet and mumbles. – "Do I love her because or despite…?"
The brunette is left alone, with a mobile on one hand and a big question in the other… what will be the answer to that question? Just time will tell…