Bridget Jones: After the Kiss
Chapter III
Insecurity
Weight: 9st 3 (Yeah!); Alcohol units: 12; Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy: Too many to count
Sunday December 308:45am Am really starving now! Feeling nauseous. Went to give Mark a kiss, but he wasn't there! His clothes, keys, wallet, and mobile are gone also. Oh God! He must have gotten Natasha's message and now he's….Gah! I don't want to think about it.
8:55am Message on fridge:
Bridget,
I'm sorry for leaving you. I received a call early this morning about business that needs to be attended to. I'll call you soon.
Mark
Wish Urban Family was not in Paris for the weekend. What does this mean? What business? Natasha? I'll call you…soon? What does soon mean? In an hour? Next week? Three days from never? I didn't even hear the phone. Freaking out…Freaking out……..ok, get a grip Bridget.
9:00am Mark…please don't leave me.
9:45am When is he going to call?
10:45am When the hell is he going to call?
11:50am Who the hell does he think he is shagging me and then running away? Maybe that was his plan all along. He came back to London to get me out of his system and now, at this very moment, he's on his way back to New York, Natasha, and his other haughty friends. Bastard. I'll bet he's going to call from New York and say: Sorry Bridget. I don't think it would work out between us. I've realized that I don't really like you just as you are. You are a ridiculous, fat twit.
12:00pm I. Am. Not. Going to feel sorry for myself. Who needs him anyway. Just because he is smart, handsome, fantastic in bed, and sort of funny. If he rings, I'm not going to answer it.
1:45pm Oh! Knocked over lamp running to phone. Was just Mum. Babbling on about some hairbrained thing that she and Una were planning. Not really listening. When she nagged me with the usual: "Have you met anyone nice, dear?" I chose not to mention that Mark had returned, ravished me like an animal, and then left. "I do hope you can find a date for New Year's Eve tomorrow. Una and I will see what we can do." Oh God! Have become charity case. Told Mum was v. busy with errands to run. Hung up. Laid on sofa with bag of crisps, bottle of wine, and When Harry Met Sally video.
3:35pm Love how Harry and Sally finally realize that they are meant for each other in the end, on New Year's Eve. Oh God! Will surely die alone. Too much wine. Will just rest now…or puke. Not sure which yet.
7:15pm Mark just rang! Said he was sorry for not calling all day. He explained that since having left the law firm here in London for the partnership in NY, and then resigning that position, he had no job. Was busy all day ironing out details of getting his old job back. He did not mention why Natasha called, but the important thing is he's staying here! He's on his way over now. Oww…head fells like lead. I'll just lay here on the sofa for five more minutes before I ….
Monday December 31
12:10am Mark Darcy is such a nice, understanding man. Was still on the sofa when he came round. Gah! At least was able to brush my teeth before I opened the door. Really could have used a few more minutes to pull myself together, but the snow was coming down hard. Poor Mark was shivering when I opened the door. Had to let him in. The smile disappeared briefly when he first saw me. Oh God! Must really look like shit! He proceeded to pluck potato crisps from my rat's nest hair then gave me a big hug. Hmmm….so nice. Would have been nicer if hadn't been so disastrously hung over.
"Are you ok, Bridget?" Mark asked with concern in his eyes as he removed his snowy overcoat. "Yea…sure…I just…fell asleep on the sofa while I was watching the telly. We lingered over to the sofa. He kissed my neck lightly then stopped to brush crisp crumbs from his lips. "Maybe I should go freshen up. Just make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back." Mortified, I left the room before he could respond.
Feeling so much better, I returned to the lounge in a short, pink floaty dress. Mark handed me a cup of rather strong coffee. "I thought you might be needing this." Glanced at the empty wine bottle in his other hand. He motioned me to sit with him on the sofa. Noticed that he had straightened up the flat a bit while I was in the shower. He must really think I am some sort of pig, and this is my sty. He pulled my legs up onto his lap and began to lightly massage my bare feet and calves and kiss my knees. I leaned sideways against the back of the sofa, watching him.
"Mark…" He stopped what he was doing and looked me in the eyes. "You know I didn't think you were going to come back, don't you?" He blinked several times with confusion, furrowing his brow.
"Why would you think that? Do you think that I was just making everything up?"
"I don't know. I guess…well…the note you left this morning…and Natasha…"
"What does Natasha have to do with us? She's in New York," Mark interrupted.
"Well, I know she called your mobile yesterday. Isn't she angry that you left?"
"Well, frankly, yes she is, but that doesn't matter. I've told her that I don't have romantic feelings for her. I never have Bridget."
"But at the Ruby Wedding party, your father said…"
"Yes, and I was horrified when he did. Natasha had led him to believe there was more to us than there was."
"Well, she does seem to be rather…uh…controlling."
"To say the least," Mark lamented, embarrassed. "Anyhow, I don't want to talk about Natasha. It's you that I want to be with. Ever since we ran into each other at the Kafka's Motorbike launch, I've had feelings for you, though at the time I wasn't quite sure what those feelings were. I was confused by my own emotions. I was so extraordinarily jealous of Daniel Cleaver though. Fate seemed to keep bringing you and me together, but then Cleaver would step in." His eyes dropped from mine. "I don't understand why our paths keep crossing. Did you know that he and I actually used to be mates?" I placed my hand in his. His vulnerability showed me a side of him that I had not yet known, so human, so real. Was so turned on. Wanted to shag him senseless straight away…but, we sat holding hands, my head resting on his shoulder.
"Do you want to go out for dinner?" Mark asked, breaking the silence. "I have yet to take you out on an actual date."
"Why don't we order takeaway," I answered, with ulterior motives of course for the suggestion.
"Hmm…I like that idea very much." I could tell from the smolder in his eyes that he understood.
Mark and I ordered Chinese takeaway and ate on the floor in front of the fire. Dinner was quick, as we were both more interested in "dessert". There was no time to move to the bedroom. The urgency of our desire was too intense. Our hands and lips explored every inch of each other's naked intertwined bodies amidst the dim firelight. We parted breathlessly only to come together again moments later. At last, as I rested my head on his bare chest, I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but desperately I wanted him to say it first. Instead, he held me to him, lightly running his fingers down the length of my spine before drifting off to sleep.