Nineteen and Thirty-Three

Chartre

When was the last time he had seen his blond hair, his golden eyes? The last time they've touched, when they've spoken so secretly to each other? So long since they've last met and now it was too late; too late to say that he felt so warm and differently for the young man now.

Three inevitable years have gone passed, and he finally stepped down from his rank in the military. For all he knew, because of him, many have lost lives, and sadly to say it was him to blame (for him at least). All the times he had lifted his gloved hands, and snapped to ignite an ironically controllable fire, he never knew it would've been the end of these poor souls; now it was time to pay the price, and his flame was finally extinguished. He was no longer Colonel Roy Mustang.

In a small cabin he lived now, where in the summer it was warm and sunny, yet dreadfully cold and freezing during the winter. Sadly to say, winter had come a week ago, and matches were all he could bring up his fireplace to warm his cold-felt shoulders. As he leaned back on the empty couch sitting beside the lit fireplace, Roy sighed and closed his eyes, trying to get some sleep after walking through the freezing thick snowy midst of his area. He was shivering, and it bothered him. He was alone, and it bothered him. He wanted warmth.

Where did he go, he asked himself, was it my own fault too? He could remember closing the array, with one last look at the grown boy; he felt remorse, knowing that he wasn't to come back at all. His troubles have passed, and life across the Gate must be peaceful. The younger Elric was now with him, how could Ed complain? His height must have shot up after puberty, and will continue eventually, why should he worry?

Roy shut his eyes tight, leaning side to the arm with his head down. He lost contact to and from military headquarters, and to Central. He lost his sense of dignity and wit, and all he had now was low self-esteem and that cabin he lived in.

Ironically, now he only had one perceiving eye. Accuracy and precision were problems to him now. He had lost all what he gained to be the hardworking, reliable—not to mention good looking—colonel he once knew. Just as his senses directed him to rest, and keep his thoughts away from his troubling matters, there was a faint knock on the wooden door. The branches from the pine tree just outside were once again brushing against the front door, he thought. It didn't really seem to concern him, until the door flew open, hitting the lonely wall behind it. Cold air rushed in like a blizzard as Roy felt his warm breath become cold and visible. Still, he ignored it. Not even the cold weather could calm the tempest in him.

"Why so gloomy, eh?" spoke a voice, and he urged his haggard face to look up. Like he had thought, there was someone standing a few feet away from the couch. In that familiar red coat, his visible right eyebrow shot up, as he jerked to sit up, hesitating to get up on his feet. He felt speechless, like his voice was totally parched, that he needed water to hydrate his dry throat; unable to move, not because he felt a frost bite coming along. "What happened to you, you bastard?"

Roy blinked, and saw that the picture in front of him was inevitable. "I-is it really you…" he stuttered.

"Edward Elric…?"

The blond, now with longer tresses in a ponytail fixed his look on the man from deferring his glance around the place. He grinned, crossing his arms. "How can you forget such a handsome face?"

Ed ambled towards the man. "I remember telling you goodbye, the last time we met."

"Then what are you doing here?"

A pause for silence, as the boy looked up intimately yet so deviously. Ed lifted both his arms over his shoulders into a strong grasp, bringing himself to a tiptoe, considering the man's height. "I came back…

"Because I missed you."

His heart raced, feeling the warmth of his body against his, and his arms around his broad shoulders. His face and body suddenly felt warm, as they embraced, still the door wide open as snow came in the front. Roy closed his eyes, stroking the boy's hair with his hand, pressed his nose against the brilliant colored braids. He finally had that sudden whiff, remembering this all, when the petite boy came around…

Ed sat himself on the stool opposite the couch where the colonel sat, his arms resting on his lap with his hands in between his legs. He twitched his fingers, arching an eyebrow—he felt there was a mistake; a sin. "How has it been, Colonel?"

"Drop the formalities," he strutted, putting up a hand in front of the boy's presence. "I don't go by that name anymore…" he rested his scarred hand back on his side. Ed narrowed his forehead and doubted. "Why?"

"Because I don't deserve to be called such high rank, when I have lost all what it takes…"

Ed looked down at the fireplace, watching the fire dance as the light reflected and gleamed into his eyes. "This eye," he stirred back to the brunet. "reminds me of the times I've been careless and inconsiderate to people I've meant to protect. Now they're beneath the surface suffering more in hell because of me…"

The boy in front of him urged to speak, but Roy interrupted him again. "You many think that I could've taken another chance for myself and do alchemy again, but when the time comes that I snap my fingers, everything is drained down and fear is all that's left in me—it's useless." Ed saw hopelessness, that nothing was left in him anymore. He felt there was no recovery for the man now. "But,

"you're still alive aren't you? I mean, you're still here."

Roy looked down, still unable to take his hand off his black eye patch. "Yeah, I guess I am."

Ed narrowed his forehead and shut his eyes. "Stop worrying about that stupid eye!" he retorted, pulling himself up on his feet. He dashed into the Colonel on the couch, pushing him to lay his head on the arm rest, with his own still small body hovering over him. His golden hair fell on the side of his face, trying to struggle off the man's preventive actions to see what was beneath his eye. "No, don't!"

"Stop moving," he ordered, grabbing the eye patch from his face. Roy's face was yet as clear as ever, yet his longer bangs covering his closed eyes. Ed slowly moved his black tresses off his eyes and whispered, "Open your eyes for me."

Afraid and yet still quite steadfast, Roy steadily opened his eyes, seeing an Edward above him, with his hands beside his face. Now it seemed a bit clear, looking at the boy with yet only an eye, though it seemed as if he saw liberation with both his eyes.

Ed looked down at his neurotic expression, at his stained left eye. No less, it was like a war that occurred to let it happen, that guilt had been pressured under as a dagger pierced through it and left a dry and evident scar on his eye. What did he do really, to deserve him so? When he promised himself no lies, no foolish or dim-witted orders to follow from higher-ups? The man felt cold and hot at the same time.

"Look at you," he laughed. "You're an eye less, and yet you never seem to make me tired of your face."

"Really? Are you for real?" he chuckled, closing his eyes again. "It's a guilt I carry—not something to show off to someone like you."

"It doesn't seem like it. I only get more interested, when you're like that." Ed lowered himself on his elbows, nearly as face to face. Roy opened his eyes, suddenly feeling his warm breath down the side of his neck. Now he felt his soft hair brushing against his cheek, with that sun-kissed scent lingering around as he took a short whiff of it. "Don't you find it awkward, that we're so close?"

Ed closed his eyes and bent down lower. "No, not really. It's fine here with me." Roy felt his breath again, as he too closed his eyes once more. How long has it been, really? It was years ago since they've last felt something for each other; since they both felt the longing to be together, to be alone; since they've last touched lips and let the wind pass by with no one else to know and find out what illegal and prohibited scandal relationship they were risking to be in. Where did it go, was it still around and about? Was he still any younger, finally legal probably? "Tell me, how old are you now? I can't seem to remember after years…" Roy suddenly changed the subject, feeling Ed raise himself a bit higher. He seemed a little annoyed after that second of a long pause.

"Try doing Math, maybe that would help you get your witty attitude back." He laughed. Roy looked up at him with a glare. "What, can't take a joke now? You really are hopeless. But you still take my breath away."

A cheesy pick-up line, Roy thought as he breathed, likely into his face. "You're forking my question, Ed."

"Sorry, sorry." I'm just preoccupied with some matters…" he whispered, brushing the knuckles in his left hand against his cheek. "19. And you?"

He laughed. He's not legal enough, is he? "Well, what of it?" he told cunningly, "I'm 38." He was 33.

Ed blinked at him for a second, then lifted himself from the man and threw the eye patch back at him. He took his coat off his shoulders, and threw it on the open seat in between them both on the three-seater. "You're not a very good liar, are you?" Ed laughed, though he felt serious.

"What? You think I'm lying to you?" Of course he was lying to him. Roy sat up, laughing at himself as he placed the eye patch back where it had been. So long it had been since the last time he had opened both his eyes to someone so deeply…

"I knew you were 14 years older than me. You can't possibly be 38."

"Really? I never knew you were that smart." He grinned. "But yeah, you're right. I guess you caught me." He brushed his bangs from under his patch.

"33."

"Just as I thought."

"And how about you then? You're only 19 years young—and you're not growing any taller too. I bet you're not even legal yet are you?" he chortled. "Hey," Ed chided.

"You know it's going be a crime to call someone short. Someday, if ever I become Fuhrer, I swear I'll make it illegal; all military officers and state alchemist should not be 5 foot 4 inches taller."

"You're going to get sued when you do that,"

"We'll see. Besides," Roy turned to the teen, gazing at his usual toothy grin. "It'll only be two years short before I become legal."

"Why, are you hoping for anything to happen?"

"No, not really, but you're giving me thoughts." He laughed. You're really just a kid, aren't you? It's what makes you different from others… apparently it's what makes me so attracted to you…

"But tell me," Ed suddenly stopped laughing. "Yeah?"

"If you knew how old I was, why'd you still bother to ask? It's a pretty practical thing, don't you think?" Roy asked, resting back on the couch. Ed jolted out of the blue, as a boyish grin emerged from his lips. "Well,

"I only wanted to make you realize that you were still young enough to call yourself mine,"

His only eye turning bloodshot, Roy quickly stirred to him. Only a smile on his face, and Roy already felt different. His stomach was churning, like a whirlpool he didn't wanted to be in, yet he yearned for it in such a long time. He wanted to hate him for making him realize that, but he hated himself for not loving him enough… Hated to love him; loved to hate him—where was his place? Where was his heart telling him to go?

"That's just plastic—I know it is." Roy narrowed his forehead irately, still looking at the boy. "Do you think so? Why?"

"Some pick-up lines you've got there. Where are you learning your words now, eh?" he ignored his question. "If you think I'm so cheap now, what if I show you why it's worth to call you mine?" he crawled over to Roy, dragging along his red coat on his lap as he wrapped his arms around his neck. "When I said I've missed you, I've missed you, and I swear… I promise to be with you forever, even if we are yet far apart…"

Roy began to shake, feeling his voice becoming unstable and his fingers, trembling not because of frost bite. "Why are you telling me this, Edward?"

"I've felt the need to see you… I wanted to see you smile again, because of me…" Roy felt hot tears fall on his back. He held the boy close to him, closer by the second they've touched. "But that doesn't answer my question, Fullmetal…" that name—it was more than enough years since he last called him by his second state name. Fullmetal… it had a nice ring to it.

"Why are you here?"

"Because you wouldn't—I know you wouldn't tell me you love me, after the times I've cried endless nights for you…" he grasped unto his coat, digging his face on his shoulder. Roy felt a smile surface his lips, finally pushing the blond away from his body. "So why are you crying? I didn't say I'd never tell you that,"

"…" he glared at him. "So is it too late to tell you so?"

Ed shook his head, wiping the roll of tears on his face. "Alright then," Roy smiled, sweeping his hair off his face. He gently pulled him closer to his face, as Ed closed his eyes and rested his right ear on his shoulder. He clutched the old uniform he wore, and tried to beckon himself to his still higher-up.

"I love you, Fullmetal."

He felt his lips with his own, lifting his chin with his index and thumb, and holding the back of his nape with his other hand. Who cares if he didn't have authority; who cares if he lost power, and all those other things that made him half the man he once was? Ed could have what was left of the colonel, and it wouldn't make it seem like hell for him. Roy was always who he was to him, and he couldn't care less.

Of what seemed more than just love, Ed began to cry again, kissing and kissing, and deliberately held his face hard against his own, linking his tongue with his own though he was still trying to avoid eye contact with him. He pushed him down, back on the couch, yet still passionate gazes didn't seem to add up in between kisses. At this point, Roy knew his affection was starting at a pace and then became limitless when the 19-year-old started undoing his uniform. Just in time he held him back, the clasp button popped from the top of his uniform, but they finally released from their lip lock and began to gasp for air. "Are you sure you're legal enough to do that?" Roy wheezed, wincing an eye as he redid his buttons, ignoring the already-lost button.

"I could've gone further but I could tell you wanted me to stop—and yeah, I am. Can't think I can take it?" Ed heavily panted, sitting back on the couch.

"Tell me," he began again. "Why is it that I had to fall for someone like you?" he asked. "Don't you think it's odd that guys like guys?"

"Why don't you tell me that, you were the one who started the affection-act." Roy sat back away from him, now fingering the red coat on top of his lap. "I don't want to answer it. It's a stupid question."

"Then why did you ask me that question?" Roy laughed at this exchange, gesturing his finger to lure the boy to him. Ed shook his head in dismay, yet crawled towards him across the couch and leaned back against his chest, trying to make with the ease and warmth. "My apologies then."

Roy smelled his hair again, fiddling with his long golden tresses while he slowly pulled the hair band out till the tips of it. "You always seem to amuse me with your antics,"

"What are those?"

Roy laughed, holding the boy against him. "If only you would stay longer, I would really make an exception in bringing myself some sense just for you."

"You really would?" Ed felt his face above him, looking up at what appeared to be his upside-down face. "If I stayed longer, will you love me longer?"

"No." he replied coldly, yet a smile was still across his face. He continued to brush his hair with his fingers, though Ed didn't seem to like what he had said, even if his expression didn't appear as it is. His eyebrows nearly wrinkled in the middle, and that confused gaze in his eyes, Ed looked uneasy biting his lip to top it all off. Ed opened his mouth, but nothing came out. What do you mean, he wanted to ask, but Roy had something to say to him first. "I can never love you longer.

"I'll love you forever."

A long pause, and only a smile and provocative look on Roy's and Ed's faces respectively. "What kind of line is that?" Ed complained.

"Just shut up and kiss me." The former-colonel commanded, lowering his head to his face—even if upside-down. He had nearly forgotten how his mouth tasted like after living in the snow for so long. If he hadn't showed up, he probably would've lost his taste buds due to the typical snow days. To him, he tasted iron—probably Ed still kept his automail fingers to himself, preferably the usual baby habit of thumb sucking. Sure, he still was a kid but what the heck? He loved him.

Often as times before, he forgets the time he spent in office in the Central Headquarters, tells the blond at the last minute and Ed would suddenly rush things to meet up with the younger Elric after the usual two hours he had alone with the colonel. Right after each tête-à-tête, he'd complain and blame him for disregarding the time just because 'he felt like he needed more time with him alone'. Al had his suspicions then.

But now, things were different. Roy Mustang was now but a police officer serving guard in the coldest and most mind-numbing places to be; Edward Elric lived happily with his finally restored-to-soul brother, Alphonse—but suddenly came back to fill in Roy's need of love.

Must you leave so soon, Ed?

Roy Mustang raised his head from the armchair he was lying on, trying to clear his vision back from a blurry one. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands, finally realizing the cold temperature that was suddenly brought in by the opening of the door. He strutted towards the threshold, closing it and swept the snow that gathered inside of his front door. He stood in the dark, seeing that the cold wind had blown the fire out—which probably explains clearer why it had been cold; not to mention nearly giving him frost bite again.

The brunet walked on over—deciding not to light a fire—to the couch and rested himself again. "It was a dream…" he whispered to himself again, rubbing his temples around. He felt stressed, just remembering how everything in the dream seemed too real to be fake. He held Edward close to him, kissed him right down to the point they've stopped to take a break, and kissed him again, tasting iron like it was for real before he woke up. Where had he been all this time?

"It was a dream," He told himself again, assuring himself that everything was fantasy. He then looked up, his hands at his sides, when he suddenly felt a loose cloth under his seat. Roy hovered himself and pulled the cloth out from the seat and looked at it. Under the moon's light coming from the windows, it seemed to be a rather small hooded coat—to small for him, at least—by the striking bold color of red.

A red hooded coat.

"Was he…" he muttered to himself, his hands trembling under the still warm coat. Roy gritted his teeth, evident enough he was feeling uneasy. "Impossible… He couldn't have…" He hovered his arm over his eyes, feeling hot tears roll off his cheeks as they suddenly turned cold when they reached his chin.

"He was here." Roy suddenly smiled—a bittersweet smile—his cheeks were yet aching. He definitely was here, he told himself.

Letting himself believe that such dream was no dream at all, that what he had experienced was actually reality. Would it be possible then? For Ed to come back from across the Gate of Truth and back to Amestris just to see him? Where does the law of equivalent exchange apply?

Now, he didn't care.

Roy still held the red coat tight in his hands, walking across the room to grab the pair of gloves made of ignition cloth. Hanging the coat on his arm, he began to dress his cold hands with the gloves, quickly directing them towards the fireplace.

A spark had emerged by the faint sound of what seemed like a shatter, as the room started to fill. And then there was fire. Roy felt a moment to surpass his own as a deep longing smile appeared. He was back.

I love you, Fullmetal.