Previously in the Darklyverse: Emmeline got Sirius an interview at Scrivenshaft's, where she's started working, and the two continued to try to be friends again. Snape nearly killed Emmeline with Sectumsempra on a raid. Mary and Cattermole started wedding planning, as did Lily and James. Marlene remained on the outside with Sirius and Remus, despite all of them apologizing to each other. Remus and Sirius experimented with different forms of physical affection around Sirius's confusion about his sexuality.

xx

August 23rd, 1978: Sirius Black

Sirius gets the job at Scrivenshaft's. His first shift is on Wednesday, and he spends most of it working in quiet companionship with Emmeline, who hasn't said anything about the injuries she sustained to their boss and so keeps limping around unsupported. Sirius knows she's probably still in some pain, and he offers to do the heavy lifting of boxes and reach up to stock the highest shelves.

It's not glamorous, and he's not doing anything that he would think of as making a difference in the world, but hey, at least he's got the Order for that—at least his private life has some more purpose to it than work does. The store's grand opening is on Monday, and it's going to be Sirius's job to work the till, while Emmeline has been assigned to stock shelves and answer customer questions about the merchandise.

Working with Emmeline is—actually really nice. On Sirius's first evening on the job, he invites Emmeline to come back to his and Lily's place for dinner, and they stay up late throwing Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans at each other and rooting each other on in wizard's chess with Lily. Back at work the next day, she smiles at him like they've got a secret to share and laughs at all his jokes whenever the store is empty of customers.

The Order's newest mission becomes to find a proper countercurse to the Sectumsempra spell that the Death Eaters got Emmeline with over the weekend. Sirius and Peter both volunteer to help Lily and Dorcas Meadowes with it. It's not like Sirius knows anything about spell-writing, or even about Healing spells in general, but he feels like he owes it to Em to figure out how to—avenge her, or something.

He's at home with Lily when their save-the-dates for Mary and Reginald Cattermole's wedding arrive with Reg's droopy old owl. "To be honest, I wasn't sure whether any of us were even going to get invited to this," Lily admits as Sirius is folding up his parchment and stowing it in a drawer. "It's not like we've done a great job keeping in touch with her."

"Who's she going to invite without us? We make up, like, more than half of her people outside of her mum."

"Still. She could have a small wedding if she wanted one, and—I'm not proud of how I know I've disappeared from her world."

"Yeah, but you and she were never very close; it makes more sense that the two of you would drift out of contact after graduation." What Sirius doesn't say is that he probably owes it to his seven-year friendship with Mary to drop by for tea every once in a while, and that's way more than he can say he's actually done for her since leaving Hogwarts.

"We should make plans with her for dinner this weekend. We could even bring James and Remus and invite Reg—make it a proper date night."

Sirius agrees, because he knows he ought to make more of an effort where Mary is concerned. If he can do it for Emmeline, then he can do it for Mary, too, can't he? Still—he supposes he's been sort of avoiding Mary since graduation, not because he doesn't wish her well or care about her, but because he doesn't know what to say to her. Can he talk to her about anything from the Order? Even if he can, would it just make her feel even more disconnected to do so?

James and Remus agree to go, and Mary writes back yes after Sirius sends the invitation back with Cattermole's owl, so they all plan to meet at Mary and Reg's flat at seven o'clock Saturday evening and get dinner in Muggle Scotland. Sirius feels a little weird about it—the same as he always feels a little weird about going on dates with Remus, James, and Lily—because Peter will be the only Marauder who isn't invited. It's not like they're purposely leaving him out or anything, but it still feels like they're all cheating on him with Lily or something, like they're making it so that he doesn't belong with them anymore.

He almost admits this to Emmeline the next day at work, but he bites his tongue—about that, anyway. He and Em can't talk about the Order when they're at Scrivenshaft's, of course, but it's getting easier to tell her about how aimless he feels about work or funny things Lily or Remus tell him when he sees them.

One nice thing is being able to pay his own share of the rent again instead of asking James to do it for him. James has been nothing but gracious about paying the way for so many of his friends—Sirius, Lily, Remus—but it still gives Sirius a better feeling to know that he's responsible for himself, and that knowledge, along with getting to work with Emmeline, makes working for Scrivenshaft's a lot more bearable.

Even though he's apprehensive about date night coming up, Sirius is a little excited about it, too. He hasn't really seen a whole lot of Remus since graduation, and seeing as that's his boyfriend and ought to be the most important person in the world to him, he'd really like to change that. Remus shows up at Sirius and Lily's place fifteen minutes before they're all supposed to Apparate to Mary's flat, and Sirius all but drags him into the bedroom for a quick snog before they go.

Remus laughs out loud as he allows Sirius to tug on his hand, and then he kisses back deep and long and perfect. But he feels a pulsing feeling that he doesn't know what to do with, so he pulls back rather abruptly, breathing hard.

Remus doesn't seem to have noticed anything amiss. "Hi, Padfoot," he says with a little smile.

"Hi, Moony." Sirius kisses Remus quickly on the cheek. "How was your day?"

"Oh, you know. I'm up to my eyes in job applications, not that any of them are going to pan out."

"Tough break, mate," says Sirius, wincing. "Wish you could come work for Scrivenshaft's with me. Em and I have a ball."

"So the two of you are good now?"

"Pretty good, I'd say. There was a lot of damaged trust that can only be repaired over time, but, you know, I think we're repairing it."

"I'm glad you get to have that," says Remus. "It's good to know that people can—you know—overcome obstacles."

Sirius smiles wryly. "You're think about Marlene, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm thinking about Marlene. Don't try and tell me you weren't thinking about her, too."

Sirius shrugs. "She'll get there when she gets there. Things used to be as bad between me and Emmeline as they are now between us and Marlene, and Em and I got through that. That has to mean something, doesn't it?"

There's a knock on the door at that moment, and Lily's voice floats in. "James just got here. We're ready to go whenever you guys are."

"Be right out," says Sirius, and he snags another kiss from Remus before opening the door.

They Apparate to Mary's flat, then hold hands on the walk over to the Muggle restaurant Mary and Cattermole have picked out for the occasion. Wizarding Britain isn't exactly a gay-friendly place to be, either, but at least Hogwarts was a bit of a bubble and people got used to seeing Sirius and Remus together enough to keep the staring and pointing to a minimum. Here, out in the open, Sirius feels like the Muggles around them can't stop whispering about them being together. It makes him hold Remus's hand tighter and tip up his chin. Let them come at him. Just let them.

For someone who's getting married in a few months, Mary looks to Sirius like she's awfully unhappy. She and Cattermole seem sort of out of sync; they don't look much at each other or laugh much at each other's jokes or even address each other all that often, even when they're talking about wedding planning and you'd think they'd have some common ground. Honestly, though, for someone who's mostly just sitting there quietly and listening to others talk, Mary isn't making a whole lot of eye contact with any of them.

Did they do this to Mary, make her into this shell of a person, or did she do this to herself when she decided to leave the Order behind? Either way, there's a sick little bubble of guilt rising in Sirius's chest.

It distracts him all the way through dinner and home, where Lily and James duck into the spare bedroom and Remus joins Sirius in the one he and Lily share. Remus seems keen on getting started kissing again, but Sirius backs off after a couple of minutes, pecking Remus on the forehead and then scooting back in bed until his back is against the wall.

"She's not doing very well, is she?" Remus commiserates, twisting so that he's facing Sirius head on.

"No, I don't think she is. What are we going to do, though? Break up her relationship? Drag her kicking and screaming back to the Order? She's made it clear that she wants to stay out of danger and leave the fighting to others."

"That doesn't mean she can't still be our friend, Padfoot."

"Doesn't it? How are we supposed to keep up a healthy, mutual friendship with somebody we can't tell about such a fundamental part of our lives? We're off nearly getting killed every night of the month, while Mary's off—planting bushes and putting together a wedding registry."

"That's not entirely fair," Remus argues. "We're all responsible for real, actual deaths, remember? Mary just didn't want any more murders to her name. Look what almost happened to Em the other day."

"Em knew the risks," says Sirius harshly.

"She did. It was her choice, and she made it freely. But you can't blame Mary for not wanting to be involved in an illegal renegade organization that puts its members at risk of death every night. Most people wouldn't."

Sirius rubs his eyes with both hands. Suddenly, he feels exhausted, and not just physically. "When did we grow up and become fighters, Moony? When did we decide we couldn't live like Mary lives? God, I didn't have the slightest idea what to say to her."

"I know. It didn't help having Cattermole there, either. I just wanted to tell her what happened to Emmeline that's got us all shaken up, and I couldn't."

"Promise me you won't ever keep secrets like that from me," says Remus seriously. "Promise I'll always know what's going on with you and you'll know what's going on with me. I don't want us to have secrets between us."

"We won't," says Sirius, and it's the most natural, obvious thing he's said all day. "Even if things change between us, we'll always be honest with each other, and we'll always be a part of each other's lives. I promise."

When Remus kisses him again, Sirius doesn't slow him down—not right away, not for a long time. When he finally does pull away, he's aching inside with everything he doesn't know how to show Remus. He wishes he had a way to show Remus how he feels about him that transcends the physical, but he's stuck here with his below-adequate hands and mouth and body and not the faintest idea how he can stand feeling so close to Remus without an honest way to demonstrate it.

"You okay?" Remus asks.

"Yeah. I… yeah. I just wish I knew how to… I just wish I could, that's all."

Remus reaches for him. At first Sirius thinks Remus is trying to give him a hug, but instead, he starts to unbutton Sirius's Muggle jeans. "Remus, what—? I thought we said…"

"You don't have to do anything," Remus promises. "I don't want you to feel like you have to. Just let me give you this. Please."

Sirius is ready to fight it, but he stops at the look in Remus's eyes. "All right," he says. "All right."