I feel guilty about not updating before the long Columbus Day weekend. Sorry but I just got so caught up with going home for the weekend I didn't realize I forgot to update until I was on the train home! Reviews are always welcomed! Don't mean to sound like a review whore…who am I kidding, reviews make my day :)!

Chapter Six: I'll Go Crazy If You Leave My Side

The pain was still there when her internal clock forced her from her dreams. It was sharp and concrete, reminding her of the turmoil of the past few days and the climax of last night. She had come…and he had told her it was over. Her heart had leapt with joy, if only momentarily. And then the green of his eyes brought her crashing back into reality as she realized nothing would ever be the same again. So she had avoided it, preferring to lock herself into the tiny bubble her father had offered. Her father knew well enough to ignore the subject, talking about everything but. She had never known her father could be so talkative, but they both knew the dangers of silence. Silence gave way to daydreaming and guilt trips; to other matters that drive the mind insane. Silence was the enemy in the room and she had drifted of to sleep, lullabied to the sounds of her father's voice and the mindless drone of the television. But silence had prevailed in her sleep and bestowed ugly visions upon her. Yet through the silence she had dreamt of him, back when they were still a "they". And that had stopped the silence, filling her mind with foolish fantasies that let her sleep, but upon waking, clenched her heart in the most terrifying of ways.

There was no "them" anymore. There was Him, her and she, the last pronoun pronounced almost as a hiss. There could never be a "them" again as long as there was that she. The future scared her now. There was a time when she saw him in it, now she could see nothing. As she sat brooding, she realized the silence was getting to her again and how the room seemed to be closing in on her. Now free of the IV bag, she grabbed a bathrobe and wrapped it around the flimsy hospital gown, walking slowly to the door. She was determined to get some air, to escape the silence so thick in the room. The hallway provided the much needed noise of a busy hospital, but it also proved more dangerous than the silence. He was there, waiting.

"Syd, you shouldn't be walking about."

He stood from the chair and started to approach her. She didn't know what she would do if he touched her. Her heart wanted to run to him and encase herself in his arms, but her brain screamed with the pain of all her wounds, of her broken dreams and spirit. Before her heart could object, her brain sent her flying away from him, down the hallway. A mistake. Still week from blood loss and other things she barely made it four feet before collapsing ungracefully into a heap. She willed herself not to faint and try to fight him as he gathered her in his arms. But she was rapidly losing the battle with unconsciousness and her attack against him was weak. He picked her up easily, like one would pick up a child, and carried her back to her room. She actually welcomed the black silence as it slid over her, extinguishing her fantasy.

Waking up the second time proved to be just as painful as the first. The first thing she saw was his hand furrowed brow and the memories that rushed through her seared like fire.

"You shouldn't have ran."

"I had to. I had to get away."

"You don't have to run from me Syd. It's over between me and her."

"That's the thing Vaughn. It's far from over."

"What do you mean?"

"Face it. We don't get the white horse and the sunset. We don't get the castle with the flying flags and the happily ever after. We get cool collected nods over a briefing table. We get the mad dash for our lives serving our country. And one day, sooner or later, we lose the mad dash for our lives. And then all we get is a standard government burial."

"Syd. What are you talking about?"

"Us. We don't live in a fairy tale. It wasn't the evil witch you tricked you into loving her. I'm not the beautiful princess you were deceived into forgetting. This is real life Vaughn. You gave up on us. And I have to stop pretending that we can go back to normal. I have to stop pretending I'll get the fairy tale ending. I have to stop pretending that we can work through this, that it was all a horrible mistake. All this pretending is killing me."

"We won't have to pretend anymore. We can go back to the way we use to be. We can work on it. I don't want to lose you again; I can't lose you again Syd."

"No we can't Vaughn, don't you see? Nothing will ever be the same again. We will never be the same again. We've lost each other already."

"Just because it will be different doesn't mean it will be bad. We still have time to find each other."

"I don't know if I can trust you."

"Syd…"

"And I can't be in a relationship like that, I can't. That's why we were so great Vaughn. We trusted each other. But that's gone now. And as much as I hate to admit it we have to be true to ourselves. We can't be a couple again."

Her words were greeted with silence and she felt the tiny part inside of her that hadn't been damage break. Immediately she wanted to take back everything she said, blaming it on the past few days, but she knew she couldn't. She was right. They couldn't be a couple again; "they" could no longer exist. She looked him in the eye for the first time since the conversation began and saw his soul laid out for her. It was just as broken as her soul was but she held firm to her words.

"I love you, Syd."

"I'm sorry."

He got up and left her alone with the silence which didn't seem to be quite as oppressive. And as the door swung shut, her solid face broke and she dissolved into tears. She had just done a horrible thing to both of them, taking their already fragile souls and squeezing all the hope left in them out. Her stomach felt as though it had been torn to shreds as she tried to catch breathes in between the sobs. As much as she regretted her decision, she knew it was for the best. They had to stop pretending, they had to move on. If they had gotten back together, like they both wanted too, she knew their relationship would never be the same and they would both regret the decision. It was best to give them time to heal before trying to forge ahead. She just hoped the time she had cruelly forced them to take didn't kill them both.

As the day wore on, she planned out her immediate future to prevent herself from going stir crazy. She was going to put in for a transfer, somewhere far from Los Angeles, probably New York. She knew she would be granted the transfer after several meetings about how sad they would all be to lose their best agent. The transfer was what she needed to heal. They both needed space and time. A quick call to her father insured a lap top would be brought over to her so she could start searching for apartments in New York. She hand drafted her request, relieved when a nurse finally showed up with her laptop. There was a note from a father on it, informing her that he was "out of town" and her "friends in high places" would be checking on her. A quick check of her email revealed no new messages worth keeping and she began to search for apartments, groaning bitterly at the steep prices. By the time she had narrowed her search to three potentials, the door to her room opened and a large floral arrangement appeared. The nurse carrying it obviously was struggling with the heavy arrangement. On closer inspection, Sydney realized that the nurse couldn't have been more than twenty five years old. She smiled lightly at Sydney and waved a card in front of her.

"I have to say m'am, you are one of our best patients. Besides this obscenely large floral arrangement, we hardly hear a peep from you. I mean after we all meet your father, we figured you would be a spoiled rotten rich brat."

"Um thank you?"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay."

The nurse smiled awkwardly before scurrying from the room. She was left turning the small card over and over in her hand. Quickly she opened it and her worst fears were confirmed.

Sydney,

My Maman told me to apologize to you with flowers and chocolate. And even though you tell me it is over between us, I still owe you an apology. I hurt you. I am so sorry. Please don't throw the flowers out, please accept my apology. That is all I ask, that you forgive me.

Vaughn

He had signed it Vaughn, not Michael or Mike but Vaughn. Her name for him. She found herself falling into is writing, that he had done what his Maman had told him to do. And that shook her slightly. She wondered how much Ameile of the truth Ameile knew. Would she still be telling Michael to apologize if she knew she was Irina's daughter?

She put the card with the flowers on the night stand and turned back to her computer screen, booking herself a meeting with a real estate agent in New York. She had no future in Los Angeles.

Hoped you enjoy the chapter. Don't worry there is more coming that is not the end. We still have Lauren to deal with! And the two deaths that I promised you. And if I was to end it there, I might get stabbed.