Previously in the Darklyverse: Several months ago, Voldemort and the Death Eaters attacked one of Lily's town houses during her campaign for Minister of Magic. Lily and Mary started targeting Malfoy's purist voters. Sirius and Remus broke up but kept sleeping together. Lily encouraged Mary and Marlene to make up. With Lily and James's wedding coming up, Sirius, Alice, and Remus considered their future living arrangements now that their roommates were leaving them. Peter fully immersed himself as a Death Eater spy.
xx
June 4th, 1979
"Lily, you know I love you and want you to be safe, but please keep getting yourself into public altercations with You-Know-Who. Your poll numbers are soaring after what happened on Saturday."
Mary is talking, of course, about the Order raids gone wrong last Saturday. It was another multi-shot event, with Death Eaters simultaneously storming more locations than the Order could keep up with—and, moreover, they weren't encroaching on innocents: they showed up in Order members' homes. You-Know-Who himself made an appearance at Lily and James's house, where Alice and Frank were visiting. Lily says that the Order had wanted to hush up the whole thing, but word leaked out to the Daily Prophet somehow, and the next thing everybody knew, on Sunday morning, word had circulated again that Lily Evans had fought You-Know-Who and survived.
After Lily's first brush with You-Know-Who, Mary had been convinced that Lily's chances at winning the election for Minister of Magic were ruined, especially considering that he and his Death Eaters had shown up at one of Lily's town halls: who would want to put themselves in danger of another Death Eater attack? But the Prophet heralded her, James, Alice, Frank, and Mary as heroes who held them all off and got everybody to safety, and Lily's numbers actually jumped. Mary wasn't at any of the battles two nights ago, but based on the figures in the paper this morning, Lily's second encounter with You-Know-Who is having the same effect.
"You realize I could have easily died, right? Then there wouldn't be any campaign for you to win."
"But you didn't die, and now we're actually beating Lucius Malfoy in the polls. Malfoy! With all of his connections and reputation!"
"Okay, so maybe it's all right if we gloat just a little bit," Lily allows, smiling.
"Seriously, though, are you all right? Are you sure you're ready to resume campaigning today? I'd understand if you think it's too soon."
"I just want to win this thing so that we have the resources to put Voldemort down and protect Muggle-borns like us. If that means coming in to work two days after I fought him, so be it."
"That's what I like to hear," says Mary. "I didn't line up anything too crazy for today, just in case you needed to stay home and process more, so I think I'm just going to knock on doors with the volunteers and leave you to work on your speeches for tomorrow. I'll check back in on you around lunch to touch base and decide where to focus this afternoon…"
xx
June 16th, 1979
"I still don't see why I can't just move in with you," Sirius is saying to Remus as they both nurse their butterbeers. They're at the Potter family manor, where the Order has cleared out any Imperiused wizards to make room for Lily and James's wedding reception, standing in the sunny backyard that Marlene has decked out with floral bouquets and a big congratulatory sign fixed to the back of the house.
But Remus doesn't think that it's such a good idea. "You and me, we're still… I mean… I don't know what it is that we're doing together, but it's not sustainable. Are you sure you want to jump headfirst into living with me when we could break up at any moment?"
"When we 'could' break up—does that mean that right now you would say that we're 'together?'"
"Don't joke about this, Sirius, I mean it. Our relationship may be a joke to you, but it's not to me."
Sirius chokes on his butterbeer. He thumps himself on the chest and then says, "You think this is a joke to me?"
"Isn't it? You're always trivializing my concerns about us, and—and it's like you're always laughing at me."
Sirius stares at him. "I'm not laughing at you. I think the reason we broke up is ridiculous, and I still think this thing between us isn't over yet—if it were, we wouldn't still be…" He rubs the back of his neck and looks around. "But I don't think it's funny that you're always so upset about things. I just wish you could see what I see."
"And what's that, huh?"
"I see how much you still love me," says Sirius, totally earnest, "and I see how I still love you, and I know we'll be all right."
"I'm guessing that's what you thought about Marlene before she broke up with you."
Rolling his eyes, Sirius says, "Why do you always do that? You're constantly drawing comparisons between our relationship and what happened between me and Marlene. They're not the same thing."
"Oh, yeah? And why is that?"
"Because we trust each other. We've always trusted each other. Marlene and I were a mess from the start, and even when we were properly together, there was all this tension under the surface that we never really dealt with in a healthy way. You and I speak our minds; we always have. I know that if there's a real issue, you'll tell me about it instead of letting it fester."
"There is a real issue, and I've been telling you for months now about it!"
"Okay, so my sexuality is different than yours. So what? It doesn't mean I want to be with you any less. It doesn't mean I care less about you. If you could just see that, we could get past this."
"But it is different, and the only reason we're still… doing what we're doing… is because I need you too much to let go like I know I should," says Remus. "Are you hearing that? I need—"
"But that's a good thing!"
"It is not a good thing! If I feel like I can't function without you—that's nothing to base a relationship around. We've got to be okay when we're apart in order to be healthy when we're together, and that's not what's happening right now."
"All right, fine," says Sirius. "Say we take some space. Give it a month—"
"I'm not going to get over my dependency on you in a month, Sirius."
"Okay, then six months. Give it six months, until we feel like we're all right without each other, and then we can pick back up where we left off, like we should."
"But that defeats the whole purpose. If I know the whole time that we're getting back together, it won't be real, and I won't get over anything at all."
"So—we have to stop?" says Sirius, and Remus replies—
"We have to stop."
After that, Remus isn't in much of a mood to sit around listening to Sirius's best man speech, so he ducks inside the manor under pretense of using the loo with full intentions of remaining in there until the coast is clear. It surprises him once he's come inside that he immediately runs into Mary. "You should get back out there," Remus tells her. "Speeches are about to start."
"Yeah, I don't much fancy listening to Marlene talking about what a wonderful best friend Lily is for ten minutes."
"Point taken," says Remus. He leans back against the wall, facing her. "I just broke up with—well, can you call it breaking up when we weren't exactly dating in the first place?"
"Still counts," says Mary, shrugging. "But I'm sorry to hear that."
For a moment, it feels like Remus and Mary are right where they started back in sixth year, sitting in the Shrieking Shack comparing gay loves of their lives. But Remus got his person, at least for a while, and Mary—didn't get Marlene, not at all, but she's running Lily's campaign for Minister, so how estranged can they be? "Wait a minute, I thought Lily prompted you and Marlene to make up."
"Well, we're friends again, but that doesn't mean I want to be there when their bond is publicly on display like that. You know what would make this party better? Firewhiskey. Do you know if James has any in the kitchen?"
"Should be some in the fridge," says Remus. "Want some company?"
"Absolutely."
James comes and tracks them both down about an hour and a half later, when the noise of the chatter outside starts to rapidly drop off. "There you two are," he says, shaking his head at them. "The reception's over. Everybody's leaving, and I would like some quality time at home with my new wife."
"Sorry, mate," Remus slurs.
"Are you two too drunk to Apparate? You know what, never mind. Cattermole and Alice are still out there; they can take you both Side-Along."
They stagger outside, blinking in the sunshine, still bright even this late in the day. Sirius is still there, and he starts to walk toward Remus but then seems to think better of it. "Let's get you home," says Alice, clucking her tongue, and Remus grabs her forearm and holds on tight.
xx
July 8th, 1979
Sirius has been living with Gilderoy Lockhart for just one week, and he's already on the verge of killing someone. He's not sure who he wants to kill more—Lockhart, for being Lockhart, or Mary, for setting them up together—but somebody's head is going to fly soon, and Sirius isn't picky whose.
Lockhart, who is apparently working as an Obliviator for the Ministry, seems to work the exact same schedule as Sirius does and never get called in for overtime on the nights and weekends that Sirius is home. All Sirius wants is one goddamn night to himself without having to listen to Lockhart singing at the top of his terrible voice while he's cooking dinner, or to wait a bloody hour and a half in the evening to take a piss because Lockhart is following his nighttime skincare routine, or to repeatedly dodge Lockhart's attempts to "hang out" and fill Sirius's time with mindless, conceited drivel.
So Sirius starts spending as much time as possible out of the flat, usually at Peter and Em's or at Lily and James's. He wishes that Remus—forget dating, forget sleeping together—he wishes that he and Remus were on simple speaking terms so that he could go to Remus's place and bitch about Lockhart to him, but they're not on speaking terms, so visiting him at home is out of the question.
Sirius is with Lily and James now, watching the clock tick down and wishing that Lockhart went to bed before bloody one o'clock in the morning so that he could have a bit of alone time in the evenings, but no, that's apparently too much to ask for. "You know, you don't have to keep living with Lockhart," James reminds him after Sirius gets the venting out of his system. "If you can't stand it and you need someplace to go, Lily and I—"
"I'm not interfering in your married bliss," says Sirius staunchly. "You just got married, and you don't even get to have a honeymoon until after the election for Minister is over. I'm not interrupting your newlywed intimacy."
"You're already here plenty of the time, and we don't mind," Lily insists.
"Nope. Nope. I will figure out a way to suffer through this until I find a replacement for him," Sirius maintains.
But he doesn't particularly feel like impinging on Peter and Em's relationship, either, which means Sirius is basically out of options for people to crash with. He doesn't really have any friends outside of his cohort from Gryffindor, and the only one who also hasn't got a friend or partner to room with is Marlene, which obviously isn't happening. Even if they were on speaking terms, Marlene likes living with Doc and wouldn't necessarily give that up just to room with Sirius.
He supposes he could have asked someone from the Order, but with Frank moving in with Alice, Remus has already snatched up Benjy Fenwick as his new roommate, and who does that leave? Eddie is living with Meghan, Dorcas with Fabian—maybe Sirius could ask Gideon, but he's heard Gideon say before that he likes living alone.
When Sirius gets home, Lockhart is entertaining Amos Diggory and Davy Gudgeon in the living room. "Come and join us, roomie!" says Lockhart in that histrionic way he talks, and Sirius has to force himself not to roll his eyes.
"I'm ready to turn in, but you guys have a good night," he says, maintaining really quite impressive control of his voice.
He misses Remus. Remus would understand.
xx
July 21st, 1979
"But it doesn't matter," Peter tells Carrow, snickering. "You people are so stupid. That's twice now that our people have survived attacks from You-Know-Who—not just survived themselves but got everybody else present to safety—and no matter what I tell you, they're just going to keep thriving. You know Lily Potter has almost got Millicent Bagnold beat in the race for Minister of Magic? And that's directly because of the reputation she's gotten as being strong and clever enough to outwit your lot."
"For someone so confident that his friends will win, you're awfully cowardly," says Carrow, looking totally unfazed.
"Cowardly? I'm only here so that you don't murder everyone I love in cold blood."
"Are you? Or is there a part of you doing this so that there will be a place for you in the Dark Lord's empire when the war is over?"
Peter stands his ground. "I'm here to protect people. You burned Mary's house down. You poisoned Remus. You tortured me—"
"And you could have gone to your superiors—to Dumbledore—but instead, you backed down. You're a coward. I could eviscerate you where you stand—"
"But you won't, because then you'll lose your source of information. Like it or not, I'm the one with leverage here."
"Are you?" says Carrow. "Or are you just telling yourself that to feel less guilty about caving and sharing information with us the second we threaten a pretty hair on your head? Let's face it: we haven't had to threaten anybody you love in a long, long time. Threatening you does just fine. I bet you've even made up reasons why they deserve to be ratted on, haven't you?"
And as much as he hates to admit it, she's kind of right. He could barely white-knuckle it through Sirius's best man speech at James and Lily's wedding remembering that James and Sirius are best friends, James and Remus get to live together (or at least did until James got married), and Remus and Sirius—even if they've broken up—are in love. Where does that leave Peter? Sure, he's got Emmeline, but it's hard to concentrate on how well things are going with her when he's so caught up in resenting the other Marauders for leaving him in the dust.
That doesn't justify betraying all of them to You-Know-Who. It doesn't! But sometimes, he thinks about what it would be like to finally be seen as the important person in the group, and it's—tempting. It's tempting.
Ten minutes later, he Apparates back to a block away from his flat and walks the remaining distance, hating himself. "Where were you? I got out of the shower, and you were gone," says Em, frowning.
"Just wanted to get some fresh air," says Peter lightly. "Dinnertime?"
xx
August 26th, 1979
She's scared she's going to jinx it, but things between Marlene, Mary, and Lily actually seem to be going—okay. Mary spends most of her time campaigning with Lily these days, but the two of them catch dinner with Marlene a couple of nights a week, and when they do meet up, Mary is perfectly lively and friendly toward both of them.
It still smarts that Mary picked Veronica Smethley over Marlene as her maid of honor, but honestly, Marlene's gotten to a point where she understands where Mary was coming from. Besides, picking the woman you're in love with to stand up in your wedding to someone else? That's got to be beyond weird.
Not that Marlene feels weird about Mary being in love with her. It still doesn't quite make sense to her—she keeps going back over her memories with Mary and trying to see them through a lens of Mary feeling that way about her, and she can't read romance into any of Mary's motivations—but then, it's not like Mary ever thought she had a chance with her or tried to make a move. Mary knew the best she was ever going to get out of Marlene was friendship, and she stayed in her lane. Marlene respects that.
She's even met up with Mary a couple of times on their own, just the two of them without Lily there as a buffer, and that's gone okay. Mary fills her in about how the campaign is going and how much she and Lily are both looking forward to taking their honeymoons when the election is over, and Marlene mostly dredges up old memories from back when things were right between the two of them. She thanks Mary for supporting her through her dad struggles and for being her best friend through the years at Hogwarts. She doesn't talk about what happened between them when Lily took her place.
But if things are going well with Mary, they're not going so great with Sirius or Remus.
It's not like she hasn't tried, because she has. She's made small talk with Remus at Order meetings and stopped by Scrivenshaft's during Sirius and Emmeline's shifts together to say hello. But tamping down her anger, even now that Sirius and Remus have broken up—Marlene doesn't know if she has it in her.
And then, one day—she's on orb duty with Sirius, and she looks over at him and realizes that she doesn't want to get back together with him.
She's still mad, of course. What happened with Remus is probably always going to be a sore spot, and she doesn't care that it was just one kiss, or that it probably never would have gone anywhere if Marlene hadn't flipped out and dumped Sirius—he was supposed to love her enough to fight for her, not to bail on her the second that she got hurt and took it out on him.
But—she looks at Sirius and sees somebody whom she'll probably always love, and she sees what he and Remus are going through right now, and it's not like she wants them to be miserable. Marlene doesn't know if she can ever accept Sirius back into her life in a meaningful way, but maybe—she's okay with that.
Finally.
xx
September 20th, 1979
It's almost November, and election day is drawing nearer and nearer. James supports Lily (his wife! he still can't believe it), of course he does, but at the same time as he knows she needs every minute of the next month and a half to continue to gain on Millicent Bagnold—he just wants them to be able to take their honeymoon, to have moments to sit down for meals together at home without Lily always rushing off for the campaign trail. Still, James is overjoyed to be married. He looks at Lily when he's half asleep in the mornings as she's getting ready for her day hours before he has to start his, and he thinks, he can't believe that this is real life. He can't believe he gets to wake up next to Lily Evans—Lily Potter—every morning.
By now, they've evaded Voldemort himself a total of three times. The third time wasn't highly publicized like the first two; the press never got word of who was involved because the Order had their masks on the whole time. When it first happened three weeks ago, James joked with Alice and Frank that he and Lily were "winning," with three encounters to Alice and Frank's two. That lasted about two weeks until Frank and Alice got their third, with Voldemort showing up on one of their raids. Teaches James to mouth off about getting off easy on anything in this war.
Lily gets home from campaigning that night a few hours after James gets off work. Sirius is over again, bitching up a storm about living with Lockhart, and they both wave hello to Lily when she Apparates inside. "Come and sit," says James, stretching out an arm.
Lily all but collapses into the cushion next to his on the couch. "My feet are killing me," she says. "Mary had me knocking on doors all day before our speaking engagement at St. Mungo's."
"How did it go? They've got to be big supporters of yours there, haven't they, what with you working there before this and all?"
"Oh, I think they like me, but I'm not convinced that they like me enough to vote for me. We had those big surges after the two Voldemort attacks, but Millicent Bagnold is widening her lead on me again."
"You'll get there," says James.
"Even if you don't, you've got to be proud of what you've accomplished," adds Sirius. "Knocking Lucius Malfoy the purist into last place? Most Muggle-borns couldn't do that. It restores my faith in humanity a little to think of all those purebloods changing their minds about Muggle issues because they listened to you."
"Thanks, Pads," Lily says, smiling faintly. "Hey, is it going any better with Lockhart?"
"Today I got home from work to find him cooking in the kitchen wearing nothing but a pink apron. The image of his bare arse has been seared onto my eyelids forever."
"Oof," says Lily. "Well, you're welcome here anytime you like, you know that. This place is way too big for the two of us to fill on our own. Thank god we have orb duty in this place every night now."
"Speaking of, I should get home before Marlene gets here for that," says Sirius, sounding very reluctant.
"Are you sure? I thought you two were doing better."
"We're not fighting anymore, but I wouldn't say things are going great. She still looks at me sometimes like she wants to carve out my spleen."
"Well, we can't have that," says James, wincing a little. "Go. Good luck with Lockhart."
"Yeah, yeah," Sirius grumbles. He kisses Lily on the cheek and Disapparates.
James looks at Lily, and the room suddenly feels ten degrees hotter. "We still have about half an hour left before anybody is supposed to show up here. Want to make the most of it?"
"Bedroom?"
"Bedroom."
They haven't made it public yet, but they've sort of been low-key trying to get pregnant. Now is probably a horrible time to have children—just look at the world they live in—but at the same time, isn't the world they live in all the more reason not to wait? For all they know, this war could go on forever, and they might not be alive in a few years to try to have a family at all if they wait.
"I love you," he tells Lily twenty minutes later when they're lying in bed snuggled up to each other.
She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and smiles. "I love you, too, James."
"No, I mean it. I really, really, really love you. I… I can't even imagine how horrible my life would look without you in it. You're my whole world."
She kisses him slowly. "Don't say that. You have Padfoot and Wormy and Moony, and the whole Order loves you, and—"
"I just want you," says James. "I just need you."
xx
October 20th, 1979
When Lily backslides, so does Emmeline.
"I've been waiting for this to happen for a long time," Peter is saying to her as they dig into their lunch. They're at home, sitting opposite each other at the table with a copy of this morning's Daily Prophet sitting between them. It's resting there with the latest Minister of Magic poll numbers, which scream that Lucius Malfoy is rising again and Lily has slid back behind Millicent Bagnold. "A Muggle-born witch barely out of Hogwarts with rumors that she's a vigilante fighter? There's no way. We got lucky for a while there, but there's absolutely no way."
"I don't believe it," says Emmeline. "I can't believe it. If we don't get Lily in there, we're so screwed."
"We've been screwed this whole time," says Peter with a sigh. "We just deluded ourselves otherwise for a while."
"What, you never thought we could win the election?"
"I never thought we could win the war," Peter says. It looks like it's costing him something to admit this. "Lily getting in there as Minister would have improved our ability to do damage control on the Death Eaters' crimes, but our whole government and even the Order are all just reactionary. We've got no idea what the long-tem plan is, so how are we supposed to get ahead of them?"
Emmeline stuffs her mouth full of tuna melt to avoid answering the question. The truth is, she doesn't know. She doesn't think any of them know, and it makes what the Order is doing feel futile, wasteful. What's the point of fighting battles when they're going to lose the war?
It's making everything seem pointless again, like it felt in seventh year. Peter helped, of course, and so did becoming a full member of the Order, at least at first: she felt like she was doing something with her life, like there was finally a purpose to eating and breathing and sleeping, because she could channel that energy into something that mattered. But does working with the Order really matter when they're always two steps behind?
She doesn't know for sure, but maybe Lily becoming Minister would have changed that. It certainly felt like it might change that, like even if they couldn't stop the war, maybe they could make wizarding society safer and more respectful to the Muggle-borns living in it. But if Lily loses to Bagnold…
It's not the worst-case scenario: that would be Malfoy winning, and it doesn't look like he's going to be able to pull that far ahead. But it is looking like Malfoy has a great shot at spoiling the election for Lily, and if he does, Emmeline doesn't know what she's going to do.
She doesn't know what any of them are going to do.
xx
November 10th, 1979
On election night, Lily, James, and the rest of the Gryffindors crowd inside a conference room at St. Mungo's with two dozen campaign volunteers and supporters. If Lily had had her way, she would have done this at Helene's Manor with the Order and nobody else, but as a public figure, she's expected to wait for the results to come in someplace public where the press can get a statement from her. So here they are, at the hospital that's supported Lily generously throughout her campaign, waiting for the polls to close and the verdict to come in.
As of yesterday morning, Lily was still trailing Bagnold in the polls, but she was almost within the margin of error, so no one's counting her out yet. For Lily's part, she just wants the anticipation to be over. If she doesn't win this thing, she'll want to get back to her ordinary life as soon as possible—resume her job as a Healer, or maybe try to get hired into the Department of International Magical Cooperation at the Ministry like she's always wanted. If she doesn't win…
"Are you excited?" asks Mary, and Lily whirls around to face her. Mary has got a Lily Potter badge with Lily's face on it on her robes, and she's carrying two butterbeers, one of which she holds out to Lily to take. Lily grabs it and chugs down half the thing in one go.
"I wouldn't say 'excited,'" says Lily. "Really, I just want to skip this part and be done with it, no matter which way it goes."
"No matter what happened, you have a lot to be proud of," Mary insists. "I will always be proud of you for this."
Lily smiles, just a little twitch of the lips. "Thanks, Mare. You know, I'm really glad you agreed to manage my campaign. We've all missed you so much, and having you back… it's just been really…" She breathes out slowly. "Don't go away again, okay? I don't care if you're in the… I don't care if you are or not. You're an important part of our lives, and you should be."
"Lily, I—"
But she doesn't get to hear Mary's reply because in the next second, they hear Dorcas call out, "Results are in! Turn up the radio."
Meghan McCormack detaches herself from Eddie Bones's arm and pushes a few buttons on the WWN until it drowns out the rest of the chatter in the room. "We're here broadcasting live at the Ministry of Magic, where officials have just counted the votes from each district's goblet. Stand by for the announcement of the winner…"
"Get on with it!" yells Sirius, and everybody laughs.
They have a bunch of lower-level elections to get through before the broadcaster gets around to the one they care about. "And it looks like—yes—our new Minister of Magic is Miss Millicent Bagnold!"
There's a collective groan around the room, and Mary immediately leans in to give Lily a hug. "We fought hard, didn't we?"
Lily nods. "Yeah. Yeah, we did fight."
"I have your concession speech here," says Mary, waving her wand and seizing the sheet of parchment that appears from the tip of it. "Like we talked about, it mentions the possibility of another run when Bagnold is up for reelection. Are you still good with that? Because if you don't want to run again—"
"And miss out on my chance to work with you again? Of course not. I'll try again if you try with me."
Mary beams at her. "For you? I'd do anything."
xx
December 14th, 1979
Alice's stomach is all in knots when Lily Apparates into Alice and Frank's flat. Frank is out with Benjy and Dirk—it's only a little weird that Alice's boyfriend is still friends with Alice's ex-boyfriend—so it's just Alice at home, obsessively scrubbing the grime off of their very old porcelain bathtub. She knows she could just use Scourgify and save herself the trouble, but that would defeat the purpose of taking her mind off of things.
"Thanks for having me over," says Lily. She looks bright and happy in a way Alice hasn't seen her since before she lost the election for Minister.
"Anytime," says Alice, wiping sweat off her forehead. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately. I've just been sucked up into my own stuff, I guess."
"Oh, that's okay. What stuff, can I ask?"
"It's nothing worth talking about," says Alice awkwardly, and Lily leaves it at that. "Oh, I've been meaning to tell you—it turns out my parents did vote for you. Both of them. I know we lost, but I thought you might want to know that."
"I… wow. That's huge," says Lily, looking floored. "I guess we did make a bit of difference in some people's lives, huh?"
"I think you did. I really think you did."
"Listen—I have to admit, this isn't just a social call." Alice frowns. "No, no, it's nothing bad! It's just—I wanted to tell you in person."
"Tell me what? Should we be sitting down for this?"
Lily laughs. "I just—I wanted the Gryffindor girls to be the first ones to find out."
"Find out what?"
"Al—I'm pregnant."
And Alice's face crumples. "So am I," she says. "Lily, so am I."
xx
END OF PART SIXTEEN