Disclaimer: I don't own G.I. Joe or Murphy's Laws...
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A Greenshirt's Guide To G.I. Joe Life
By J.T. Magnus, "Turbo"
Part Thirteen: Privates
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0630
Private Arnold Murphy groaned when, as usual, the Greenshirt wake-up call wasn't Reveille...
This time, it sounded like Rev had picked the song; yep, 'Wake Up, Little Susie', definately Rev's pick. Why did Greenshirts try to get promoted to full G.I. Joes? Murphy's guess was that it was mostly because the Joes were permitted, if they so chose, to sleep in an hour after the Greenshirts had to wake up... the bums...
0713
By morning chow, Murphy was beginning to think it was going to be a baaaaad day; Starduster had managed to pull morning mess duty, which meant that the order of the day would be illness. Gung-Ho or Roadblock were the perferred chefs, or Wild Bill's southwestern fare, hell, even Turbo's concoctions were better than what Starduster made. It didn't even deserved to be called cooking.
0744
As usual after Starduster was in the kitchen, the next stop for most of the Joes or Greenshirts was the Infirmary. Luckily for the poor souls who had to eat Starduster's food, Lifeline had long since come up with something to help them. With a groan, Murphy stood up from the bed and picked up his helmet.
"Thanks, Lifeline," Murphy commented, "Now I've got to run, if I'm more than three seconds late to the firing range, Ironhide's gonna have MY arm and leg."
0800:05
"Murphy! You are five seconds late. That, Private, is the time it would take some weapons to put five rounds right through your skull!" The Marine drill sergeant bellowed, the loss of the lower parts of his left arm and right leg hadn't lessened the man in any way, and their recent replacement with some kind of advanced technology cybernetics had made the lives of the Greenshirts he trained even worse.
For today's training, Murphy found himself teamed up with Privates Quintin McMichaels, Adam Jameson, Grant Crane, Nathan Hawke, and James Thomas, five other Greenshirts who often found their ways onto the hit lists of various Joes. It was supposed to be a simple 'extraction' element, then Ironhide began inflicting the simulated casualties; McMichaels found himself unconscious, Jameson with a broken leg, Crane with a broken arm, and Murphy himself ended up 'blind'. What had been a good team with a mix of Infantry, Medical, and even a Mechanic had ended up dragging themselves out of the course three hours later, the last unit to check back in and the only one to be 'volunteered' for an afternoon training element.
1107
"Man, I can't believe those Joes," Crane complained, "They don't do things fair."
Thomas leaned back in his chair, the six of them gathered in the quonset hut barracks they shared with several other low-ranked Greenshirts, "Course they don't, Cobra don't, Hydra don't... But you're right man, they change the rules so we NEVER win."
"Kobayashi Maru."
The others looked at McMichaels.
Murphy summed it up, "Huh?"
"Haven't you guys ever watched Star Trek? 'Kobayashi Maru,' the no-win scenario. We already know how to win, they're wanting to teach us what to do when that's not an option..."
Jameson tilted his head to the side, "Options, huh?"
"You got an idea, Jamie?"
"Yeah, but I'll need some things from the Motor Pool and Infirmary..."
McMichaels and Hawke nodded an affirmative...
1232
Luckily for Greenshirts and Joes alike, Turbo had managed to draw midday mess. Even though they were usually unorthodox, the unit second-in-command's meals were at least palatable, like that day's combination of mesquite chicken breasts, garlic bread and tea.
"So," Jameson said through a mouthful of chicken, "This Kirk James guy's idea was to change the rules, right?"
McMichaels nodded, "Right, but you've got his name backasswards, it's James Kirk."
1459
As the executive officer, Turbo found himself handling the dicipline for Task Unit Delta as a whole. Usually it was a major, no pun regarding his rank intended, pain, but incidents like the one he was dealing with now were the ones that kept it interesting.
"So let me make sure I'm getting this; when you became certain you couldn't finish the 'extraction,' you set off a series of MacGuyvered smokebombs and 'killed' yourselves and the team that was to 'prevent' your 'extraction'."
"Yes, Major," Jameson admitted.
"Took you long enough."
McMichaels burst out, "What!"
"It took you long enough. You can't always win, but you can always go down fighting. THAT's what being a member of G.I. Joe is about. Look, if you really want some kind of fancy explanation, go talk to Falcon and Cross-Country or Avalanche and Maverick, they know what I mean."
"So..." Murphy began, "We're not in trouble?"
Turbo knitted his fingers together and leaned forward, smirking...
1504
Murphy looked at the six ceiling-high piles of potatos in combined awe and disgust, "I think that guy's watched too many old war movies..."
His compatriats nodded and muttered agreement.
1800
After they had finished, Murphy looked at his hands in near-horror, "If I never see anothe potato, it'll be too soon..."
McMichaels shook his head, "With our luck? Dinner's gonna be potato soup or something..."
After saying goodbye to the others, Murphy headed back to the barracks to collapse for an hour before evening chow.
1941
On occasion, Murphy hated his barracks-mates, especially McMichaels. This was one of those times. While the Joes and the majority of the Greenshirts were getting to enjoy Gumbo ala Gung-Ho, the six of them were eating, while not potato soup, hash browns and salad.
"Why does the universe hate me?" Murphy muttered.
"The universe doesn't hate you," Crane said, picking at his salad, "Just the command staff."
"That's even worse."
2122
"You ever wish life was like that?" Murphy asked as they watched 'The Dirty Dozen'. Then he answered his own question, "No, we'd probably be the ones to end up getting killed..."
2300
When the time finally came, Private Arnold Murphy was all too glad to sack out. He'd need his strength for the next day, and the next, and the next, he'd need his strength as long as the law invented by another Murphy existed...
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Murphy's Law of Warfare: Murphy was a grunt.