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A Greenshirt's Guide To G.I. Joe Life By J.T. Magnus, Turbo
Part Fifteen: Staff Meetings
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"Well, another month, another staff meeting," General Lawrence J. Flagg the third, codename 'Tomahawk', said, "Although I don't see how we can top the events of this last month. Three Greenshirts have been arrested over the past four weeks..."
Beachhead looked down at the table at that.
"...Somehow someone lost a sixteen million dollar airplane. Now, that'd be one thing if it was lost as in destroyed, but this one was lost as in it simply disappeared..."
Ace dealt the last card from his deck and groaned, a Dead Man's Hand; fitting.
Tomahawk turned to glare at Turbo, "And I do not EVEN want to know just HOW you managed to interfere with that television show. You should be thankful we were able to explain it as you being there to examine the possibility of that naval base being recommissioned."
Turbo shrugged, "Not far from the truth."
"And for the love of sanity, Major, would you please stop replacing Reveille with classic rock songs? I may not MIND Gary Puckett, but I'd prefer not waking up to him."
"Okay, any requests?"
"Tom, you may think I'm kidding, but I'm not."
"Understood, General... Who on base wears leopard-spotted bikini-style underwear?"
The unexpected question threw everyone in the room except for Sparks, who saw it too, off.
"What does that have to do with anything, Speedy?" Athena sniped.
Turbo shrugged, "Because they're at half-mast and rising."
Sparks glanced down the table at Turbo and nodded, then the two cousins rose to their feet... and saluted the flagpole out in the Pit's main courtyard. Unsurprisingly, Ace and Clutch followed suit. Finally, even Beachhead did so.
"Gentlemen... Salute the shorts," the Ranger commented, snapping to.
"You know," Tomahawk thought out loud to himself, "Some units go for months without incidents... This one is lucky to last more than a few hours."
Dropping his salute, Turbo chuckled, "Good luck, Jim. Hey, Beach, remember that one training session back when Frontline was formed?"
The drill instructor nodded as he reclaimed his seat, "Even if I forgot, I don't think Go-Shooter would. Poor guy had just arrived and within the first two minutes he thought we were nuts."
"He was right," Athena grumbled.
"You know," Turbo retorted, "I wish you had taken after your parents, you'd have a mind to lose."
'You know,' Clutch passed on a note across to Beachhead, 'I think they like each other. They remind me of Scarlett and me... or even you and Cov'.'
'I'm gonna hurt you after this meeting,' was Beachhead's reply, 'which is lucky for you. They'd probably do worse if they found out you'd said that.'
"Ahem! As I was saying, Sergeant, there was also that incident in town involving Black-Out and Barrel Roll..."
"Otherwise known as the demons of brutality and depravity," Turbo quipped.
"...And about fifteen thousand in damages... What the hell were they doing, trying to jump a car like that?"
"Well, we had been watching this show about a bunch of modern-day Robin Hood types and talking about some of the stunts. One of us, me, I think, commented about a car being thrown into the air and flipped sideways by hitting things like other cars and crates. Ike thought it could really be done, and Thomas disagreed and..."
"Stop, I don't want to know anymore," the general interrupted
"But I haven't even gotten to the best part," his second-in-command countered.
"That's it," Tomahawk said, "Meeting adjourned."
As quickly as possible, the command staff was out of the meeting room and headed out of the building. By the time they were at the front entrance, though, everyone looked out across the parking area in front of the building to the large human-shaped balloons in front of them, then opened up their wallets.
"Pay up," Beachhead smirked.
"Yeah, yeah," Turbo said, "You win this month..."
The command staff continued to look up.
"They've gone too far, this time," Tomahawk said lowly...
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Magnus' Law of Warfare: Monthly command staff meetings are basically sergeants and officers trying to decide who has to deal directly with the bigger bunch of lunatics.
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Author's Note: To see what happens to the Greenshirts for their stunt, read my other story "How To Slaughter Greenshirts With Really Trying".