Bleed Like Me
Usako Side-fic
Author SylviePrincipal
Warning/Disclaimer Self-Injury, Eating Disorder, Ana, Mia, depression, angst.
Sailor Moon doesn't belong to me.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
What was she doing?
Usagi clenched her jaw shut to hold off her cry as she allowed the blade free reign.
Hair down around her crouched form in golden waves and skin a flushed feverish pink, she watched with disjointed fascination as red welled like oil from her arm, bright and smelling of a familiar coppery tang.
She could taste that scent on her tongue, and she could hear her heart in her head, beating in its strong pattern without fail. The feeling was intense and concentrated, all of her attention riveted to that widening line of crimson.
Outside she could hear a distant bird cry.
Why was she doing this?
Purging was tedious, painful and at the moment Usagi could not deal with the sore throat and bitter after taste. After weeks of self-induced vomiting, the burn in her chest was constant. It never left her and actually helped curb her appetite. But the fact was that if she didn't take a break from it, she would soon find herself in a doctor's office.
What other option was there? Usagi knew that she could easily hide the wounds with her gloves while as sailor moon. And it had been cold recently with Tokyo being on the verge of fall as it was.
So, to punish herself for the sin of eating like the fat cow she was, Usagi turned to pain of a more…serious nature.
It did its job well enough, she decided with a barely noticeable nod of the head, as Rei continued to rant in the background of her thoughts. Whenever she even thought to food, she would pinch around the inflamed area, or run into a desk accidentally. The pain was quick, sharp, and very, very effective.
"…would you stop staring off…"
But, could she actually handle inflicting 'that' kind of pain on herself in the stead of purging? Would it even help in the long run? Usagi wondered what would happen if someone accidentally caught sight of her blood, or worse yet, found her in the act?!
She sighed. In certain ways, both were just as risky to do when you were attempting not to be discovered.
"Usagi! Stop being brainless and pay attention!"
A week later Usagi firmly decided that she had had enough of cutting for the moment and hid her 'blade' in her pencil drawer. After having attempted twice to add more than one gash to her collection with no results, she let the issue go.
Usagi thought that perhaps the reason she did not care to cut was that it disturbed her carefully crafted order. Maybe, for a moment, when she did it, she was just Usagi and actually bled like a normal human girl. But the fact was that she was attempting to be perfect.
And failure of punishment was unforgivable.
No, she would stick with her diet games and leave the body art to other, more desperate for pain, individuals.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
AN hmmm, well don't know where that came from exactly. I kinda have the feeling that in my story Usako she would have tried SI at least once. shrug I don't have as much experience with that as with anorexia so I kind of can't elaborate on it as well, sorry.
This was really just a small sidefic. You can read it with or without USAKO and it doesn't fit somewhere specific in the Usako timeline.