Title: It's all about living life
Chapter 13: Serious talk
Author: Ann (Chrystalsandsnowflakes)
Rating: (G to NC-17): G
Spoilers/Warnings: Takes place in the future, so after EOT
Summary: Ranger talks to Sofia and Steph comes to an unexpected conclusion
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, I just play with them

Thanks for the nice reviews! Hope you like this chapter as well. More to come in the future. (Don't want to make promises I can't keep, so I won't say when I'm posting again... ;) )

Serious talk

Damn, I just had another perfect example why my life didn't lend itself to relationships. I had a child that heard horrible things about me. True or not, other children might hear a rumor about their family but usually not in the 'killing' category. More in the 'I saw her kissing him' category. I was thinking fast how to answer this question. I didn't want to lie, but I didn't want her to misunderstand either. I was no cold blooded murderer, but that didn't mean that I had never caused someone's death.

"Sofia, you know about Daddy's job right? That I bring back bad people to prison, so the Judge can punish them?" She nodded yes.

"Sometimes these people don't want to go back to prison, and they get really angry. And when I am the person who needs to bring them back, they sometimes try to prevent that." It was the understatement of the century considering what I had experienced from people who "didn't want to go back and tried to prevent that". Almost none of them wanted to go back (the ones who did usually had the assignment to kill someone on the inside or a contract on their head) and they tried to 'prevent' it by fighting with everything they had. Guns, knifes, assorted assault weapons and good old fists and legs.

"So sometimes they will try to hurt me, to stop me from bringing them back to prison. And if they try to hurt me, then I have to defend myself."

Sofia looked at me with big eyes.

"They try to hurt you, Daddy? But why, you are only doing your job." At least I managed to shield her as much as possible from this aspect of life.

"Because usually people don't like to be punished. You don't like it when Anna sends you up to your room, do you? Even if you deserved it." Her eyes lit up in understanding. Sort of, anyway.

"Anyway, when they shoot at me, I will defend myself."

"So you shoot at people too, Daddy?"

"Yes, I do. But only when necessary."

"Do you sometimes hurt people, Daddy?" I didn't like where this was going. For a second I thought about how I hurt Stephanie, emotionally. But that wasn't what Sofia was talking about. Phew…

"Yes, sometimes people get hurt."

"Did someone die because you hurt them, Daddy?" She is too smart for her own good, I could see where this was going now.

"Yes, darling, they did," I said with a soft sigh. I had no idea how Sofia would respond to this. She seemed to be thinking deep thoughts. She was studying me, and it made me uncomfortable. I tried to look at her as friendly and open as possible. Then she seemed to have reached a conclusion. She put her arms around my neck again and cuddled close to me.

"I still love you, Daddy." I felt a deep inner relieve.

"I will always love you too, Sofia."

Suddenly she withdrew again and looked confused.

"Daddy… You said that you did bad things to people, because they were hurting you." They were trying to hurt me…

"Yes?" Oh God, where was she going this time with her mind?

"Does that make me a bad person too?" Huh?

"How do you mean?"

"I love you, even though you did bad things… So am I a bad person too, because I love you?" Her thoughts were as difficult to follow as Stephs on occasion.

"Oh sweetie! Of course you aren't a bad person because you love me. It makes you an even better person. You realize that even people who do bad things, can be good people. You look beyond the surface, and that is a big quality in people." She seemed satisfied with that answer, and I was very relieved that we had this conversation behind us. She wasn't yet old enough to hear about the things Rangeman did, and how they did it. One day I would explain it to her, if she was interested. If not, I would never drag her into that side of my life. But if she was, I would never lie to her. There were three persons in this world that I would never lie to: Tank, Stephanie and Sofia.

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I sat down on the couch in the office. The last couple of days had been slow. Only two FTA's, and I had caught them both already. Now I was finished, but I didn't feel like going home yet. So I sat on the couch and chatted with Connie about the latest gossip. We stopped when we saw a black SUV stop in front of the office. My heart made a huge jump, but settled again when I saw Lula and Tank getting out. These days I seemed to notice all expensive black cars driving in the streets. Ranger had been gone for a little over 3 weeks now, and I was hoping he would be returning to Trenton soon.

Connie and I looked at each other and smiled. Lula and Tank were definitely in love. They spent each free minute together, going out, getting to know each other. I was wondering what would happen when Ranger returned. I mean, it was obvious that Tank was having a lot more 'spare time' than usual. But for now they seemed to be without a care in the world. I felt a small pang of jealousy. This was how I had felt with Ranger sometimes, and with Joe a lot of the times that we were together. To feel like you are floating around, walking on air. That the rain seems to fall around you in stead of on top of you, that the sun is always shining for you and that nobody can hurt you. That feeling, I missed that feeling. But I also realized, while Tank and Lula were putting on a pretty good kissing show in front of the office, that it didn't last in my relationships. Not with Dicky, and in the end not with Morelli either. Maybe I wasn't cut out for long term commitments. Maybe my lifestyle didn't lend itself to relationships…