Title: It's all about living life
Chapter 20: Dear diary
Author: Ann (Chrystalsandsnowflakes)
Rating: (G to NC-17): G
Spoilers/Warnings: Takes place in the future, so after EOT
Summary: Steph starts a diary to get her life back in order.
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, I just play with them. More to come soon.

Dear diary

My pencil was hovering above the paper. How to write it what I wanted to say? Maybe this diary thing wasn't such a good idea after all… Oh, come on Steph, I said to myself, you can do this, it'll be great fun! I took a deep breath and put my pen on the paper.

Dear diary,

It's been ages since I wrote a diary, so please forgive me for any rambling on my part. I am starting this diary to get my life back in order. Although, thinking about it, that might be impossible. My life has been a mess since day one, and frankly I like it that way. It is just that recently I seem to have lost control over it, and that bothers me a little bit. Let me tell you something about myself. (and yes, I do know that you are not a real person, but it feels good and since nobody reads this anyway, who cares!) After an interesting childhood in which I learned that I couldn't fly (yet) and a very short ill-chosen marriage to a pig with (no longer existent) political aspirations I started working as a bounty hunter. Okay, I'm skipping some parts here, but who cares. That's when I had 2 interesting and sexy men in my life. I married one of them, found out it wasn't what I wanted and we are divorced now. Then sexy and interesting man 2 comes back into my life and stirs things up. So I had to take a break. Any excuse for a little time off, really. So here I am, in Canada. I have rented a car and took off. After 3 hours of driving I found this little diner with shop and it sold diaries and on impulse I bought one. And now I am sitting here, coffee and donut in front of me and a lovely view over a lake writing down my first words. I feel quite good actually. I know that Ranger won't come after me and Joe knows roughly where I am and said he thought it was a really good idea for to go away for a while. He is a lovely man, but just not the one for me I suppose. We have been really happy together, but we both moved into different directions. Now we were friends with a lot of memories. Well, there you have it, that is a very short intro to my life. I will save you all the weird stories about my working life, you wouldn't believe them even if I told them. Till the next time!

Dear diary,

It's been 5 days since my last entry and I have a lot to tell you. I have traveled hundreds of miles since then and met some really nice people. I can't be sure where I am actually, but the people are really nice. I am now staying on a farm. The farm belongs to Burt and Jenny, two of the nicest people you'll ever meet. We met in the supermarket actually and we started talking and then they invited me to their place. So I followed their car and we went to this fabulous house surrounded by fields. They have cows and horses and also lots of apple trees and other fruit. In the end they said I could stay and we made a deal: I will help them with harvesting the fruit while they feed me and give me a place to sleep. Today was my second day harvesting and I feel really tired but happy. Jenny and I work together while Burt looks after the cows during the day. In the evening we all sit together on the veranda enjoying the lovely evenings we get here. Doing this simple and straight forward work helps me relaxing. I feel nice and tired at the end of the days and we are making good progress with the apple trees. Lot's of more fruit after that, though! And Jenny said she'll show me how to cook with the apples: fresh apple sauce, apple pie and so on. I'm actually looking forward to it. Imagine that!

Both Ranger and Joe have never left my mind. Both were present at important moments in my life. Both are very important to me. I love them both, but now quite in the same way though. I loved Joe like a wife loves her husband. I loved Ranger like crazy, but it was never as deep as Joe. Ranger never shared enough to go that deep. I did love him more than a friend at one time in my life, but he backed out and sent me back to Joe. And I was more and more starting to wonder what would happen if Ranger would start sharing equally. Could I really love him like a wife loves a husband….?

Dear diary,

Man oh man is it hard work on a farm or what! I'm absolutely broken, but feel very satisfied with myself. There is no apple in sight anymore, we picked them all! Most of the apples are sold on the local market in town and some Jenny keeps to make some wonderful things with. I made some apple sauce myself the other day, and it is really easy! I didn't burn anything, so I felt good about that. Burt and Jenny asked me if I was interested in staying the rest of the summer, to help them. They even will pay me a small salary. I thought about it, and today I have said that I will. I always thought that this trip would be me traveling everywhere, finding little places and so on. But it turns out I found my destiny within my first week. It is nice, quiet and filled with lovely people. The work is good for me. My mind is at peace now. I know what I want to do. I will stay here for the summer, enjoy the farm and some hard work. (okay, I don't say I'll enjoy that last bit, but it is satisfying to do) Then I'll return to Trenton. I realized that I loved to find out if Ranger and I would be capable of making it work, but this time I will have a few conditions… He better be ready for the new me! I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I made my decision. Now I can enjoy the rest of my stay here (probably about another 6 weeks) and then leisurely drive back to Trenton. I did decide that I would drive back, to have the feeling that I did make something of a road trip after all.

Dear diary,

Cows are funny creatures. That's really all I want to say about it. No really… Okay, I'll tell the whole story. Jenny and Burt have this 1 cow that they sort of see as a pet. It is not used for production, but they milk it (or her, as I should say) everyday for their own use. And today Jenny said she would teach me how to milk her. (her name is Spot 3… ) So she gave me this little chair and the bucket and she got Spot and me in position. It wasn't as easy as I thought, and I have to say that I was glad that I wasn't Spot. The poor girl. I pulled and squeezed and everything before I got some milk out of her. Imagine someone trying that to do to women… Okay, let's not go there. But anyway, Spot was really nice to me and didn't move a muscle. After some adjustments and practicing I finally got it right and got a whole bucket full of milk. I felt really proud of myself and got up from the stool. And that was when Spot had her revenge. With one move she kicked the bucket, which fell over and all the milk was on the ground. Then she turned her head and looked at me. I swear she was laughing and thinking: that's what you get for all that pulling and squeezing! I must have looked really surprised and then angry, because Jenny was laughing her head off. Then she dryly added: before I forget: always take the bucket away immediately after you're done. They sometimes kick when you're finished. Well, no shit! I was so pissed that I vowed I would do it again tomorrow, and do it right! Stupid Spot…