Chapter 30a: Yes or No?
WARNING: Possible tearjerker. Bare with me and wait for 30 b and c to explain the whole situation. :)
Stephanie POV
When he took a step closer I halted him by putting up my hands and whispered:
"Just tell me, Ranger." I couldn't stand looking at him anymore, I didn't want to see the guilt or sympathy in his eyes if he turned me down, so I closed my eyes and hung my head, my whole body vibrating with anticipation. I heard some rustling of his clothing and knew that he was getting ready to answer me. Say yes, say yes, say yes. PLEASE SAY YES. I kept repeating this in my head when I heard his voice. It stopped my heart.
"I can't." My heart started again with the feeling like I just had had an enormous blow to my chest. NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
"Not now. Later…" I had started running to the front door as soon as the first words left his lips and I didn't stick around to find out what might come after 'later'. I had made it perfectly clear that there wasn't going to be a later. This was it, or as it turned out, this wasn't it. The elevator was still at the 7th floor for which I was extremely grateful. I got on and pressed the button for the garage. I felt so empty and hollow that I didn't know what I wanted to do first. Cry, scream, faint. Any of the above… All of the above. I felt a sob built itself up from deep inside me and I put my hands in front of my mouth to keep it from coming out. I felt the first tears running down my cheeks and willed the elevator to go faster. The pain was more intense than I had ever imagined, it was almost paralyzing. I vaguely remember getting in the car and some cars honking on the way to my apartment. Tears leaking down my face… elevator… my apartment… my bed… my pillow… crying… screaming… soothing blackness… Seems my body had chosen for 'all of the above'.