Chapter 30C: Yes or NO?

First things have to get worse, before they get better...

Tanks POV

I was in the control room, trying to solve a problem. I had asked Ram to call Ranger, but Ram reported that he wasn't coming. Then I realized that Stephanie was still with him and that he was right now answering the most important question of his life. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed and I heard Lester and Bobby take in sharp breaths. I looked up to see them staring at the monitors. I looked at the monitor and saw Stephanie standing in the elevator, white as snow. She was pushing both her hands to her mouth and tears were rolling down her cheeks. Wordlessly we followed her on the camera in the garage as she got into her car and sped out of the garage. Did just happen what I thought just happened? It was eerily quiet in the control room, the men were waiting for a clue from me on what was going on, when the phone rang. Ram looked at it and said:

"It's the boss." I quickly answered it. It was silent for just a moment and then I heard Ranger take in a ragged breath. Then some hard 'thonk' sounds, as if the phone had fallen to the floor. Quiet again. And then the most gut wrenching scream I have ever heard. It was so loud that Bobby and Lester, who were standing close by me, looked up in horror. What the hell was going on here?

When I saw the images of Stephanie leaving in tears I had assumed that the stupid bastard had been too afraid to say yes to a relationship. But that scream… That scream sounded like a man who just lost the love of his life. Sounded like he realized that he had let go of the one love of his life. Life is hard and despite the fact that I was pissed at him for saying no to Stephanie, he really needed a friend right now. I ended the connection and screamed at Lester that he was in charge while I walked from the control room to the elevator. Bobby ran after me and we met up while I was waiting for the elevator.

"You're going to Ranger?" he asked. I nodded.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know."

"Do you need help?" I realized that Bobby might think that Ranger called for backup because there was a security problem.

"No, you help Lester fix this problem. Ranger and I will be offline until further notice." He nodded and I got on the elevator. I had no idea what to expect, but I was prepared for the worst.

When I exited the elevator I saw that the door to his apartment was closed. I used my keys to get in and carefully opened the door. I called out to Ranger, but there was no response. I drew my weapon and slowly walked into the hall. There were some sort of choking sounds coming from the living room, and I sped up. He wasn't killing himself, was he? I took another step and then I saw him. He was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall next to the large window. His knees pulled up to his chest, his right arm laying in his lap, his left on top of his knees. His head was laying on top of his left arm and his breathing was ragged. I quickly scanned the rest of the apartment while keeping an eye on him and when I was sure that nobody else was there I walked back to Ranger. I wasn't sure what to say, because I had no idea what happened in the first place. I knelt down about 3 feet away from Ranger and waited. After about a minute he suddenly looked up at me.

"She's gone, Tank." He was looking desperate, his eyes full of unshed tears. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and he whispered:

"She's really gone." His hands went up and covered his face. He slowly shook his head and dropped it down again, his arms on his knees, his hands still over his face.

"What happened?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, she's gone… SHE IS GONE!" He jumped up and hit the wall with the side of his fists, preventing injury this time. He wasn't wearing his sling, I had spotted it near his computer. He turned and was now facing the wall, throwing both his arms above his head and once more hitting the wall with the sides of his fists. It was a move made in pure exasperation, there wasn't a lot of power behind it. Then he slowly leaned forward until his head touched the wall as well and he just stood there. Arms above his head, hands still fisted, forehead leaning against the wall and shoulders slumped.

"What happened, Ranger?" I asked again. He took a deep breath and turned around, letting his hands fall to his sides. He looked at me with complete despair but said nothing.

"What did you say?" I tried again. At that he gave a sarcastic snort and let his head fall back against the wall. I still didn't understand him. She had asked him a straight forward question. His answer could either be yes or no. It looked like he had said no, but he was acting like she left HIM. It didn't make sense. I decided to take a guess, to get a response from Ranger.

"From the way she looked on her way out, I'd say you chickened out. You said no to a relationship and she left. And now you're surprised that that hurts?" It was harsh, but it was the truth. All the time before Morelli, he had played with her and pushed her, but never really letting her get close. But I was convinced that in his dreams he had married her. Then she married Morelli and it broke his heart. He had backed off and she had almost disappeared from his life. Now she was back and available, but not up for playing. And he somehow had decided he didn't want to get serious, despite the fact that he was obviously crazy about her. I wouldn't be surprised if he had dreamed already that they were together again, but today she closed that door because HE chose to, and now he suddenly realized what he had lost. You can't make a bigger mistake in your life. But I wasn't going to sit here and hold his hand while he cried. I had expected him to want to say something about how it was all for the best and all, and I would have nodded and given him a friendly clap on the shoulder and we would have gone downstairs to fix the problem, maybe get shit faced tonight after work. But he made a decision and he should take it like a man. He said no, he knew the consequences. Deal with it.

Ranger still had his eyes closed.

"I don't understand this. YOU told her to leave, and she did. For once in your life you were presented with a very clear choice when it came to her. You've made your choice, now deal with it, man!"