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Chapter 8: The Search for the Sacred Ashes

The night they left Redcliffe. After setting up camp and eating, Malcolm decided it was time. "Everyone," he said while standing up. "Everyone here deserves the full story. I am Malcolm Cousland, Lord of Highever, son of Teyrn Bryce Cousland and Teyrna Eleanor Cousland." His struggles to find the right words.

Leliana stood up, walked over to him, and hugged him. She whispered, "You can do it."

When she stepped back, Malcolm took a deep breath. "Weeks ago, my family was betrayed by someone who my dad fought beside, a man that we trusted with our lives. We were betrayed by Arl Rendon Howe."

Alistair spoke up. "Wait. Arl Howe, the arl of Amaranthine?"

"Yes. I don't know why, but I intend to find out, right before I tear his lying heart out."

"But, that doesn't explain the magic."

"I only had magic for a few months. I was hunting. I was skinning a dear, when a pack of wolves attacked. I killed a few of them, when the alpha jumped on me. I had my shield in between me the wolf, but my sword was a few inches out of my reach. The wooden shield was about to break. I managed to push the wolf off, when the shield broke. I grabbed the sword, and when I swung, electricity coiled down the sword and connected to the wolf. It didn't kill it, but the pack ran away. Since then, I trained myself on how to control it. There have been sometimes when I let my rage take over, that I unwillingly used my magic. And that's is why, I'm leaving the group."

People started to ask questions. Leliana asked him, "But why?"

"At Redcliffe, I used magic and harmed everyone. I don't know how I did it, or what that was, but if my curse is going to harm people then it's best if I be left alone. I am sorry."

As he walks away, Leliana grabs him. "NO! I won't let you leave us, or leave me."

"Leli, I have to. I… I don't want to hurt you."

She smiles at the mention of her nickname. "You won't. I know you. Redcliffe was an accident. You didn't mean to."

"Which is why I must leave. I can't let anything happen to you."

"You said you don't want to hurt me, but you leaving," tears start to fall, "is tearing me apart." She starts crying.

Malcolm holds her. "But what if I do something worse? I won't be able to live with the fact that I could hurt you."

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

As if for an answer, she brings her lips to his. She draws back. "That's how."

Malcolm realizes what he is doing. If he leaves, then he would do worse to her than any magic could do. He would break her heart. He starts crying. "I'm so sorry. In trying to help you, I would do worse than anything magic could. I'm staying. Thank you."

The next day. Malcolm was walking beside Sten. "So, Sten. How did you end up in that cage?"

"I surrendered to your templars."

"Why?"

"I killed a family in a fit of rage."

"Why?"

"Each qunari soldier has a blade made just for their hands only. I lost mine."

"How?"

"I was battling darkspawn at a place called Calenhad Docks."

"Then that's where we go."

At the docks. Malcolm looked around and found a scavenger. He walked up to the scavenger and said, "Pardon me, sir."

The scavenger turned around. "What do you want?"

"My friend," he points at Sten, "and I are looking for a sword."

The scavenger trips over something when he took a step back. "Oh, Maker. Please don't hurt me. I don't have a sword. In fact, I think I know who does."

Sten takes a step. "Where is my sword?"

"T-The merchant who told me about this spot. H-His name i-is Faryn. H-He's a redheaded human, who, l-last I heard, is in Denerim."

Malcolm replies, "Thank you."

They spent the next few days taking a shortcut to Denerim. One night at camp.

Alistair walked over to Halia. "Uh, hey, uh, Halia?" She looks at him. "Well," he sits next to her, "since we're heading to Denerim, I wonder if we could look someone up?"

"Don't worry. Loghain will get what's coming to him."

"What? No. I mean someone else. I have a sister, well half-sister really, and I heard that she's in Denerim. Her name is Goldanna. If we have time, I would like to talk to her."

"Sure. Yeah while Malcolm does his things, we could look for her."

"Really, you mean it?"

"Yeah. I just remembered something. Wait here." She gets up and runs to her pack. She returns with an amulet. As she hands it to him, she says, "Here. Found it at Eamon's study."

He takes it and looks at it. "This… This was my mother's. You said it was in his study? He must have found it and put it together."

As she sits next to him, she says, "It's possible that he was meaning to give it to you, during one of his visits." Alistair stares at it. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, sorry. It's just… You actually remembered about it. Normally, people just pretended to listen to me. Thank you."

"You're welcome." They stared into each other's eyes. Then Halia quickly turned her head away.

Few days later. In front of them stood the gates to Denerim, the capital of Ferelden. Malcolm looked at the group. "Before we go in I need to say somethings. Leliana and I will go in alone."

Zevran asked, "Why can't we all go?"

"It would draw too much attention."

Halia spoke up. "Me and Alistair have to do something in the city."

Malcolm thought it over. "Hmm. Alright. Just wait a few minutes after we go in. This is the capital. We have to be careful. Wynne," he talks to the elder mage who he picked up at the Circle, "take the group and make camp away from here. We'll be back as soon as we can." He turned around and walked in with Leliana. Once inside, Leliana lead him to where the assassin said Marjolaine was. Once inside, Malcolm and Leliana walked into the main room. There was a woman there.

The woman turned around and said, "Leliana, so good to see you, dear."

Leliana started to say, "Marjolaine, I-"

"Oh, pardon me. I tried to make it comfortable, but everything's a mess."

Malcolm spoke up. "Marjolaine, why did you send assassins?"

"Oh, and who is this? Is this your current toy? Or is he simply a stray?"

Leliana spoke up. "You tried to have me killed. Why?"

"Kill you? I know you, Leliana. Three, four men you can dispatch easily. I used them to lure you to me."

"What? Why?"

"'Why?' Because you have information that I can't allow to be made known. Did you think I did not know where you were all this time? No, I knew you became a lay sister. But then, you left suddenly, so what could I think, hmm? You tell me. I know you. After all, you and I are the one and the same."

"You thought I left the chantry, because of you. You are insane, paranoid."

Marjolaine looks at Malcolm. "Let me tell you something. You look at her, and you see an innocent helpful girl. It is all an act. She will betray you, use you up, then discard you like so many others."

"Lies. I know who she is, and I care about her."

Leliana says, "Thank you. This has to end. I want you out of my life, for good. Now leave me alone." Her and Malcolm turn to leave. All of a sudden, Leliana caught a dagger, spun, and threw it back at Marjolaine, which landed in the neck above the collar bone. Realizing what she did, Leliana slumped to her knees. "S-She's dead. She's dead and I killed her. I-I need some time to think. I-I will meet you back at camp. Please go." He hesitated, but ultimately left.

Malcolm asked around for Genitivi's home. After a few minutes, Malcolm found it and walked inside. Inside, he found a person, who he thought was Genitivi.

As Malcolm walked up to him, the guy asked, "Who are you?"

Malcolm asked back, "Brother Genitivi, I assume?"

"No. I'm Weylon, Brother Genitivi's assistance. I had thought that you came with news of his location."

"Wait, you don't know where he is?"

"No. He disappeared. There were some knights from Redcliffe, but they disappeared too. I'm afraid that the search for the Urn of Sacred Ashes is cursed. Please turn away."

"I can't. Arl Eamon needs them for a cure, otherwise he will die."

"No. I will not let anyone disappear. This quest is cursed."

"Listen. I'm a Grey Warden. Eamon will die without the Ashes. I need Genitivi's notes."

"Fine. It seems I cannot dissuade you. He said he would head to Lake Calenhad Dock."

"Did he say what he found?"

"No. What are you waiting for? Go!"

"So it seems like… wait. What's with the change? Before, you were reluctant to tell me, but now it seems like you can't wait for me to get going."

"Oh, uh, it's just… you're so determined to go find them. Just be careful. The knights I sent there, have also disappeared."

"Wait. How do you know they disappeared?"

"Oh, they never sent word."

"But why would some random knights send word to you?"

"Oh, it's, uh, just, ah forget this. Andraste guide me!" He pulled out a dagger and charged at Malcolm. Malcolm grabbed the arm with the dagger, and threw the guy over his shoulder. After 'Weylon' landed and rolled to where his back was to Malcolm, Malcolm walked over and rolled the body over, revealing that the dagger was imbedded into his heart.

"Damn." Malcolm searched the bedroom and found the real Weylon, or at least the body, and Genitivi's journal. After reading the last few entries, Malcolm knew where to head next. But there was something he needed to do first. Walking out of the house, he saw a redhead human.

As Malcolm got close, the merchant asked him, "Welcome, good sir. Would to like to see what I've got?"

"As long as you're Faryn."

"Ah, I am indeed. Is there something I could interest you in?"

"Yeah, there's this one thing I would like. Did you pick up a giant greatsword?"

"Hmm. I think I know what you're talking about, hang on." He looks through his stuff. "Ah, I think this is it." He pulls out a sword, that looks bigger than normal greatswords and with a unique design.

"That's the one. How much?"

"Hmm. Ten sovereigns."

"Ooh, I'll pay," he checks his pouch, "five sovereigns."

"No good."

"Oh, and did I mention that this is a qunari's sword, and the qunari is still alive? You see, if I tell him you have his sword, he won't pay for it, but he will get it."

"W-Wait. You mean this belongs to one of those giants?"

"Yeah. And he killed a family when he found out he lost his sword. With his hands."

"T-Two sovereigns."

"Deal." They exchange the items. "Thank you." He left the city and headed to the camp. When he got there, he walked over to Sten. "Hey, Sten. Here's your sword."

When Sten grabbed the hilt, he stared at it. "Strange. I had almost forgotten it. Completion." He looks at Malcolm. "Are you sure you're a Grey Warden? You must be an ashkaari to find a single lost blade in a country at war."

"Now that you have your sword, will you go back?"

"I will return to the arishok with my report. But it would be a much more thorough and satisfying answer to his question if the Blight were ended first, don't you agree?"

"Yes, I agree and would welcome your continued help."

"You'll have it, kadan."

"'Kadan'?"

"A word that means, 'person one cares about'."

"Ah, our word for it is 'friend'. But you can use 'kadan' if you want."

"Of course, kadan."

At that time, Leliana appears at camp. Malcolm told Sten, "That's all for now."

"As you wish."

Malcolm walks up to Leliana. "Hey."

Leliana looked startled. "Oh, hey."

"You okay? You seem less lively than usual."

"Oh, yeah. It's just… what Marjolaine said is bothering me."

"Hey, talk to me. I'll always listen."

"I can't get what happened out of my head. I'd been in Lothering for years and she still thought I was plotting against her. She didn't trust me. Maybe she never did. She loved me when she could use and control me, and now that she can't, she wanted me dead. It… it hurts to realize that I never really knew her."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"You are already helping so much by listening to me. I knew she was ruthless, but I didn't know how far she could go. She was self-serving, cruel… she used people, then discards them, but that's how she survived in the life she led. W-what if she was right. What if we're the same? I… I should just have stayed in the Chantry."

"Let me see your hand."

"Why?"

"Trust me." She gives him a hand. After studying her palm, he said, "Hmm. Interesting."

"What?"

"I can't read palms but I don't need to with you. I can just look into your eyes," which he does, "and see that you're a good person."

"How can you tell? I enjoyed the Game as much as she did."

"Well, there are two reasons I know that you're a good person. One, is that bad never worries about being good."

"That's… true. And what's the second?"

He smiles. "It's simple really." He puts a hand on the side of her face as he leans in and kisses her. "That is the main reason," he says as he pulls back.

"I… thank you. I'll think about what you said. Just give me time. Please."

"Take as much time as you need, mon chérie," he replies with a bad accent that makes her smile, which in turn, makes him smile.

Back in Denerim. Halia and Alistair walked out of Goldanna's house. Alistair comments, "Well, that could have gone better."

Halia asks, "Hey, you okay?"

"I-I need some time to think."

"You thought she would just accept you?"

"Isn't that what families do?"

"Hey. Screw her. You have people that care about to."

"Only Eamon and… Duncan cared about me."

"You're wrong. You have me and Malcolm."

"Right. Thanks." They head out of the city and to the camp.

Malcolm watches as they get closer. He notices that they are spending more time together. He pulls his map out, as the group gathers around. "I have good news, bad news, and worse news. Good news is I think I know where the Urn is. There's a village called Haven, here," he points, "in the Frostback Mountains."

Halia asks, "What's the bad news?"

"There seems to be a cult that is trying to stop people from finding the Urn."

Alistair comments, "'The Worship of Flowers and Happiness' cult, I hope." Everyone looks at him. "What? I thought my job was to be the funny, annoying one."

Leliana asks Malcolm, "What's the worse news?"

"They have killed or captured Genitivi, along with some knights from Redcliffe."

Alistair asks, "So not the Flowers and Happiness cult?"

Malcolm chuckles. "No, not that one."

Halia speaks up. "So now we know where to head." With that, they sent off on the search for Haven.

A few nights later. Malcolm walked up to Leliana to help her with her watch. "Hey."

Leliana turns her head towards him. "Hey."

"You look better. Are you feeling better?" he asks as he sits next to her.

"Much. Thank you. You help me realized something. That no matter what Marjolaine did to me, I'm still my own person. Thank you. And you had me thinking. It has been a while since I left Lothering. It was because the Maker decided to test me, and He has rewarded me. I found you."

"So the Maker is a divine matchmaker now?"

"Something like that. The Maker wants His children to be happy. Would He have created in us the capacity for love if He did not intend for us to find it? But it's getting late, and I can't stop thinking about how warm and cozy my bedroll is."

Picking right up on what she's saying, Malcolm asks, "Hmm. Would you like some company?" Trying to make it funny, he adds, "If so I can get Zevran for you. Or are you thinking of someone else?" As if to answer, Leliana leans towards him and kisses him. "Would you like to lead for a change?"

"Of course." Malcolm gets up then helps her up. "Follow me, if you're brave enough." Still holding his hand, Leliana guides him to her tent. Once in, Leliana helps Malcolm take his armor off. Once that's done, Leliana puts her arms around his neck. Malcolm, who is in his loincloth, smiles and kisses deeply, while trying to unfasten her armor. Once he found the main buckles on the sides, he undoes them which causes the lower half of the armor to fall off, revealing her smallclothes. She stops to help take off the top half of her armor. With that done, Leliana lays on her back, pulling Malcolm with her. He puts a hand on the side of her face and smiles. She smiles back and rolls to where she's above him. She leans her head done to him and kiss very deeply, while one of his hands is on her back while the other goes down the outside of her leg.

They spend the next half hour making out and then they both fell asleep. Malcolm later wakes up and sees Leliana, still in her smallclothes, watching him. "Hello," she says in an even sweeter voice.

"Hello, yourself. Didn't you sleep well?"

"I've been up for some time, but yes I slept very well. I've just been watching you sleep. Did you know your eyelashes flutter when you dream?"

"My eyelashes?"

"Mmhmm. They're like little butterflies… I want to catch them and keep them in a jar."

Malcolm tries to hide his smile. "I knew last night was a bad idea. Now you're all crazy."

"You think I am crazy? Liar." They both smile. "I'm so happy. Blissful. I haven't slept so well since I was forced to flee from Orlais. Knowing you will be the first thing I see when I wake up gives me no small amount of comfort. I feel safe in your arms. Safe, loved and accepted. This is where I belong. Thank you."

"No. I should thank you. Without you, I would just be a cold, semi-heartless person."

As she stands up, she says, "I suppose I should get up. We have a long day ahead of us."

Malcolm stays on the ground, asking, "Why? What's the big rush?"

"Come on. Darkspawn with baited breath are waiting for you to put them out of their misery."

Malcolm smiles as he says, "The Blight will still be there in a few hours."

"What are you…" Malcolm holds his hand out. "Oh, I see. Hmmm. The darkspawn will have to wait a little longer then." Leliana grabs his hand and Malcolm pulled her on top of him.

A few hours later. Malcolm was running down the corridor, soldiers were killing Oren and Oriana. He ran towards the larder. He hits the door with his shoulder, but he bounces off. He tries again, and again he bounces off. He could hear fighting from the other side. He tries a third time and breaks through just in time to see Howe slit his mother's throat. He goes for the teyrn, as Malcolm drew his sword. Howe heard, turns, and runs Malcolm through.

Malcolm quickly woke up and looked around. He was in Leliana's tent with her laying beside him. He gets up and puts the chainmail part of his armor on, quietly. He quietly walks out of the tent and to the stream. He runs down the side of it, into the woods, fighting off the tears. Once he was far enough, he stops. Malcolm looks down, grabs a stick and starts hitting a tree. Once he breaks the stick, he puts his hands on the tree and starts crying.

"Mon chérie? What's wrong?" He feels a hand on his shoulder.

"It's the same dream." He turns around, sits, and puts his back on the tree. Leliana, in her armor, sits next to him. "In the dream, I'm back at Highever. I run down this corridor, to the larder. I bust through just in time to see Howe slit my mother's throat, then he runs his sword through me. But that's not the worse of the dream. In the corridor, I can't stop as Howe's soldiers kill my sister-in-law, Oriana, and my nephew, a young child Oren." He breaks down and cries.

All Leliana does is pulls him to her and hugs him. After a while, Malcolm goes from crying to sobbing. "Là là. Tout va bien, mon chérie. Merci de me l'avoir dit. Viens, allons nous coucher."

Malcolm chuckles a little. "Please translate for me."

Leliana smiles. "I'll tell you all of it later. But for now, let's go back to bed." They get up and went back to Leliana's tent. After they are in their smallclothes, Malcolm held Leliana as they both went to sleep.

Là là. Tout va bien, mon chérie. Merci de me l'avoir dit. Viens, allons nous coucher.

Translates as: There there. It's okay, my love. Thank you for telling me. Come, let's go back to bed.

I just decided to have Faryn in Denerim with the sword, since the group was going there so Sten can have his sword sooner.

I was tempted to have Malcolm say, "You is kind. You is beautiful. You is caring."