Chapter two- Age 13 (8 years later)

I sit staring your tombstone.

8 years, it's been 8 god damn years and it still feels like yesterday. 8 years ago today you died, and it still seems like yesterday.

"Hey," I say to you, "How are you doing up there?"

This is how I've started every single conversation with you in this very same spot for the past eight years on the very same date, October 14, the day you left us.

"Ally's thirteen now. She's grown up so much since I first met her. She has her first date tonight, a school dance, with some boy from her school. I've met him a few times; he seems like a nice kid. I can't believe she's going on her first date already, to me she's still our little girl. She hasn't told me this, but she really wishes you were here. It's been hard on her without you. She's so nervous about her date, and I don't know what to do to help her. Izzie is coming over to help her get ready, and as much as Izzie has been there since you died, she's not you, she's not Ally's mother. And that's what Ally wants, you. She got her period last month, and she was so lost. I sat with her and we tried to figure out how to work the tampons, but it was Izzie who ended up helping her. I try so hard to be there for her, but I'm not you, Mer.

I know I keep talking about Ally and how much she needs you, but I need you too. I miss you so much. I love you."

And then I get up and leave.

When I drive into the driveway I can see Izzie's car and realize that she must be over helping Ally get ready. I look at my watch, it's noon and Ally's date isn't coming until five. It never ceases to amaze me how women can take such simple task like getting ready, and stretch it out over a five hour time span.

I enter the house and hear a sound coming from Ally's room, so I go upstairs to find out what it is.

I knock first, and then I hear Izzie tell me to come in, and what I see breaks my heart, Mer. Our daughter, our baby is sitting on her bed, sobbing like I've never seen another person sob before.

"Daddy." She says, and she sounds so hurt.

"Hey baby," I say as I take her in my arms and let her cry.

Izzie leaves the room and I am left sitting in our daughter's room, holding her as she cries.

I used to be afraid of her, Mer. Can you believe it; I used to be afraid of our own daughter. When you died I thought nothing else would ever scary when compared to losing you. But I was wrong, so wrong. You died and left a hurt, damaged young girl behind, our young girl. And she depended on me to protect her, to keep her safe. I didn't think I could do it Mer, I didn't think I could take over for you. And I was right, I'll never be you, but I realized that I could be me, and that was the best I could give her.

"What's the matter baby girl?" I ask her.

"I, I j…j…just mi…miss m…m…mom soooo much!' she wails, and my heart breaks.

"I know you do baby, I know."

"Why did she have to die, daddy? Why did she have to die? She should be here now, with us. She should be helping me get ready not Aunt Izzie, no matter how much I love Aunt Izzie. She should be here."

I hold her tighter as I try to think of the right words to say.

"She is here baby." And I tap her heart, "She's here."

"I kno…know, but it's not the s…sa…same!"

"I know, I know. I miss her too."

And that's how we sat, for over an hour, crying, with Ally in my arms. It's me and her, Mer, me and her. Where are you? We need you, we miss you, we love you.

Ally finally stops crying, which is good, I hate when she cries.

"Daddy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Can you ask Aunt Izzie to come in; I'm ready to get ready now."

I stand up, and kiss her on the forehead before I leave to find Izzie.

A few hours later the doorbell rings and I realize that it must be Brendan Williams, the boy Ally is supposed to go on her date with.

"Hello Dr. Shepard." he says.

"Hello Brendan, Ally will be down in a second, why don't you wait in the living room."

And so he does, and I go upstairs to tell Ally that her date is here.

When I walk into her room I am stunned, she looks beautiful.

"Your date's here Ally."

She gives Izzie a hug and thanks her, and then walks over to me and we walk downstairs together.

Brendan stands up when we walk into the room and Ally walks over to him.

"Have fun sweetie," I say as I kiss her good-bye.

And she walks out the door.

Our baby is going to her first school dance, her first date, Mer.