Chapter 3- College

Eighteen Mer, she's eighteen. Our baby's eighteen. Can you believe it? I know I can't. She's leaving for college today, but I'm worried about her, she hasn't been feeling well lately.

I can't believe thirteen years have gone by since I met her. Thirteen years, it seems like such a long time.

She's going to NYU, Mer. She wants to be a surgeon. I told her that it is hard, she said she doesn't care.

Something interesting happened this year also. I received a call from Addison, I hadn't heard from her since you died.

I have two daughters Mer, Ally with you, and Holly with Addison. Addison was pregnant when I left.

Ally and Holly get along great, which is part of the reason that Ally is going to NYU, so that she can know her sister better.

NYU, she's leaving the nest Mer, our baby's leaving.

"Daddy?"

She says my name as if she's asking a question, and I know, I know that something is wrong.

"Yes baby girl."

"I… I… I'm…I'm…" She can't seem to spit the words out.

"You're?" I ask, slightly amused.

She mumbles something that I don't catch.

"What was that?"

"I'm… pregnant."

What, how can this be happening? She's going to college, Mer, she's going to be a surgeon, how can this be happening?

"I'm sorry Daddy, but I just, I was going to NY and Brendan is staying in Seattle and we just, and we were careful, I don't know what happened, I'm sorry."

She got that all out in one breath.

I hold out my arms to her and she falls into them.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"What do I do?"

How do I answer a question that I don't have the answer to? What would you do Mer?

This isn't the first time I've asked you for advice, Mer. And I know you can't help me, but can't you break the rules, send me a hint, just this once. Because god knows, I need your help no more than ever.

"Daddy?"

She's waiting for an answer, damn it, what do I do? My baby's pregnant, while simultaneously leaving for NYU.

Mer, what do I do?

"Do you want this baby?"

"Yes, no, yes. I don't know daddy!" She starts sobbing even more, and she has the hiccups now. "But I don't want an abortion!" That part is clear, and I am relieved.

"Okay sweetie, let's talk about the pros and cons of having a baby right now. You go first, cons."

"Well, I'm only eighteen, I haven't even started college yet, and I want to be a surgeon. What time would there be for a child. And then there's Brendan, he wants to be a surgeon too; neither of us would have any time. And, babies are expensive, and I'd be alone at NYU. But then again, this is my baby, me, I helped create it. And I, I…"

"You what baby?"

"I love this baby, I've only known it for a week and I already love my baby."

"So you're keeping the baby?"

"I'm keeping the baby."

"Good," I say, and she smiles.

She smiles, gives me a huge hug, kisses me on the cheek and we say good-bye.

She climbs into her car and heads to pick up her friend Sarah, also going to NYU, and then she's off.

She's left the nest Mer, our baby girl has left the nest, and she's pregnant. We're going to be grandparents Mer, grandparents. But maybe it's not going to be so bad, grandma.

I smile to myself; I'm going to be a grandpa.

We've survived this far, Mer, we've survived, and we will continue to survive.

I climb upstairs and climb into bed.

Good-night Mer, I love you.