Chapter 2: Alive
Unlike waking from a deep sleep and finding yourself still shaking off a dream, when I woke up, I was completely aware all at once. My body seemed to have not only lost the intense stabs of pain since the last time I was conscious, but developed two times as many nerve endings as normal. My body was humming. I glanced around the room I was in and immediately had to stop and rub my eyes in shock. Everything was glittering. As I opened my eyes again I gasped as Alice and Edward suddenly appeared in the doorway. My heart jumped into my throat at the vision the two of them presented. Let me say this: I have known Edward for almost a year now and I have taken every opportunity to study both the his beauty and that of his family and never before had I ever seen them looking so…ethereal. They seemed to glow in the dim light from the lamps around the room and I blinked several times in rapid succession before accepting there must be something wrong with my eyes. In a split second the two heavenly beings were by my bedside…or couch-side as I now realized the case to be.
As soon as he reached me, Edward had my hands folded in his. "How do you feel, Bella?" he asked me in the saddest voice I had ever heard. I was shocked to hear new depths to his beautiful voice and was too confused at the immense changes I seemed to be experiencing in what seemed to now be both my vision and hearing. My lack of answer seemed to worry Edward further. "Bella? Bella…please say something," he begged me.
"Edward?" was the most intelligent thing I could come up with. Everything he said seemed to reverberate in my head and the echo was throwing me off.
"Yes, love," Edward replied in an anxious voice, "You were in a horrible accident. Bella, you were…" here his voice cut off in a half sob and Alice placed a calming hand on his shoulder.
"Bella, do you remember what happened?" Alice asked kindly, her eyes shining with thinly veiled worry.
Once my brain caught up to what Alice had said, I thought back to before I had woken up. What on earth had brought me here? I remembered pain and broken glass and, oddly enough, raindrops? Above all though, the pain stood out in my memory. I had been hurt. How? Oh yes…the accident. Headlights charging towards me and then abrupt, unending pain brought back the memory of my intended death. It all suddenly rushed back to my mind in multi-colored, digitally restored agony. Ouch.
"There…there was an accident?" I said half uncertainly, although I knew without a doubt what had happened. Edward, his eyebrows drawn together over concerned, anguish-ridden eyes, nodded.
"Yes. You…you almost died, Bella," he said in a tortured voice. "I tried to let you go, Bella…but…I…they wouldn't…I'm so sorry, Bella." Edward's torment was obvious and I reached out a hand to comfort him when his eyes darted to it and fixed upon it resting on his arm. His strange behavior made me uneasy and caused my gaze to follow his own. With a gasp I realized what he was staring at…my hand was as translucent and glowing as his arm, if not even paler. I felt my eyes grow huge and my breathing stop. What…what was this? How could this be? With frightened eyes I looked up to meet Edward's gaze. He stared impenetrably at me for a long moment before gently, almost pityingly nodding. I was stunned. I knew there was no other explanation for what was happening to me but the fact that I was now what Edward himself was: a vampire.
"How?" was the only question I could force out for the hundreds of emotions running through me.
"They kept me from you," he said fiercely, with a malicious look to Alice. For her part, Alice turned her eyes downcast and seemed to find the carpet suddenly riveting. Edward again caught my eyes and held them with a look of sincere distress. "I tried to come to you, Bella…I fought them but they wouldn't let me. You have to believe I didn't want this for you, please, Bella…believe that."
My mind was racing. "What?"
"Emmett and Jasper wrestled me and held me here when Alice first had the vision. She saw you dying and Carlisle and Esme ran to find you," he explained with barely restrained anger. Alice had the gall to look offended.
"Edward, stop!" Alice cried with fury "You know our reasons and if you'd just let yourself admit it, you're happy she's finally with us…instead of in the hospital morgue!"
Edward stood quickly and snarled at Alice, who just as quickly knocked her chair to the floor and growled back. In the blink of an eye Carlisle and Esme were at the door with Jasper close behind and the pair in the center of the room froze.
"Both of you…sit down now and act civilized!" commanded Carlisle with a tone that brooked no arguments.
"Honestly, you two. We trusted you to explain things to Bella and you act like this to one another. I really am disappointed," stated Esme, ever the mother. I sat on the couch, frozen and watching the goings on with confusion. I had obviously been made into a vampire like the rest of Edward's family…but what on earth had actually happened? Edward had been kept away from me? I remember wondering where he was and wanting him with me for all the world before I last closed my eyes. If I was actually the same as him now, why was he so upset? I understood he never wanted me to be a "monster" as he put it, but he understood this happened to be thing I most wanted in the world.
Esme glanced over to me and seemed to come to a conclusion. "Everyone up. We'll talk about this downstairs together. After all," she smiled at me, "Bella is truly a member of this family now…it's time we explain everything to her." The three vampires at the door left to go downstairs and Alice cast a long look towards Edward before following them out.
"Hold onto my hand, Bella…you may not be human anymore but you'll probably be shaky on your feet until you get your bearings," Edward said in a tight voice as he offered me his hand and pulled me to my feet. He was right. I felt both light as a feather and as heavy as granite all in one moment. I swayed. Edward held on to me tight as I took a few tentative steps. I felt as if I weren't really walking but gliding across the floor with Edward at my side. Unexpectedly a laugh of surprise burst from my mouth and I smiled at Edward. Worried and tense as he seemed to be, his mouth tilted up in the half-grin I love so much.
"What?" he asked with curiosity.
"I…I feel like I'm floating," I answered quietly. Edward's current mood was confusing me and I felt as if I had been cast about on a fluctuating sea of emotions. Confused and frightened one moment and excited and happy the next, I was overwhelmed.
Edward squeezed my hand. "You'll get used to it quicker than you think, I promise," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Come on…let's get downstairs and get explanations out of the way. I'm not in the most pleasant frame of mind where my family is concerned, if you hadn't noticed," he said dryly. I nodded in answer and all too soon we had floated down the stairs --without a hint of my previous tendency towards tripping-- and into the living room. Six patient vampires were waiting for us on the plush couches and chairs arranged around the sprawling room. As I looked at each of their varying expressions I became even more confused. Alice looked upset, Jasper worried, Emmett and Rosalie both…cheerful? Then of course there was the more understandable mothering looks to Edward from Esme and Carlisle's concerned glower for the entire situation. Edward led me to a loveseat in the corner and sat beside me calmly, though I got the distinct impression he was ready for a fight.
"Well, Bella…as I'm sure you've realized, many things have changed in the course of the past couple of days," started Carlisle. He looked searchingly at me and I felt as if he were waiting for me to say something significant, maybe scoff at his statement of the obvious, but my mind was still consumed with the simple fact I was finally a vampire. Met only by my silence, he continued, "Two days ago, as we returned from the mountains, Alice had one of the most violent visions we can remember. The vision was of your death, Bella, and Alice assured us we would be too late to help you. The very moment you flew through your windshield we were racing here from miles away from Forks even though Alice told us she was positive you wouldn't survive."
"We were faced with the decision of either letting you die as you were meant to or…turning you. It was clear in all our minds," here he gestured at the rest of the family, "that for Edward's happiness as well as your own we would bring you into our family. Edward, however, expressly forbid us to go near you. He fought us tooth and nail but we, as I said, had already determined that the best option for everyone concerned was to change you." Carlisle paused a moment and searched my face before continuing. "Please, Bella, you must understand we didn't make a rash decision…we all were aware of your desire to become a member of our family and to be able to truly be with Edward as an equal. If we weren't sure of your decision we would have let Edward make whatever choice on your behalf as he would…but when it came down to it, we decided as we did. And so Edward was restrained by Emmett and Jasper while Esme and I left to find, and hopefully save you."
For the entirety of Carlisle's account of what had happened Edward had slowly become more and more tense and now seemed unable to restrain himself any longer, and now jumped to his feet.
"You took our choice from us! You all say you did it for mine and Bella's happiness, but how could you possibly pretend to know what would make us happy! In fact, every one of you knew I never wanted this for Bella! You knew!" Edward raged. Edward's words seemed to hang in the air for a moment before every member of his family reacted at once. Six voices rang out in a cacophony of confusion which only quieted as Esme finally raised a hand and silenced them all. To me, it sounded like over the last couple of days this old argument had repeated itself several times, but Edward's vehemence concerning it hadn't lessened at all.
"Edward," she began with an understanding tone "we all wanted you to be happy…and while Bella's decision may have been taken from her, we all knew her heart. Edward, you know she wanted to be with you more than anything in the world. I think the issue here is not what choices were taken from her…but rather that we took the choice from you. But please, Edward…understand we did it for your ultimate happiness as well as all our own. I love Bella as one of my own and I think it's not a stretch of the imagination to say that we would have all grieved for her dearly." For his part, Edward paced across the carpet and seemed to have not heard Esme at all.
Carlisle decided to take up his explanation of events and once again turned to Bella. "When we found you, you were beyond help. If it had been within my power to have saved your mortal life know that I would have, Bella. By the time we had found you, though…even my years of healing the sick and dying couldn't have saved you. The truck you hit was transporting gasoline so Esme and I felt the best option was to take you with us and cover your death with the explosion. We took you back here and by the time we arrived the poison from my bite had spread too far to be undone, not that Edward didn't try." Carlisle tried to meet Edward's gaze but the latter refused and instead returned to sit next to me, hands clenched into white knuckled fists at his side.
The room was silent for a tense moment. "Well at least the explosion was the best Forks will probably ever see," interjected Emmett with a smirk. "The rest of us could see it all the way from the house". Edward glowered ferociously at his brother from across the room.
A look passed between Carlisle and his wife and Esme took up the thread of his tale before another fight could break out. "You had bled so much that the transformation only took two days instead of the standard three and it seemed you were unaware of the pain for the most part. Your body reacted weekly to the venom in your system but you had been so close to death when you were bitten that we think you didn't feel much of the change." Esme looked kindly into my eyes. "Do you remember much of it?" Esme asked concernedly.
Still trying to comprehend everything this explanation meant for me, I absently shook my head and spoke for the first time. "No…I remember closing my eyes back when Carlisle was holding me and then nothing else. I…I don't think I was aware of the change at all," I said softly with a cursory glance at Edward. What was he thinking? I was confused and still trying to get over the shock of the fact that I was a vampire but there was an underlying happiness I knew would bubble up after the stun of it wore off. I was finally what I always wanted to be ever since I met Edward. I could finally be his equal in all things and I would never grow any older…I would be with my beloved Edward forever. Deep down I knew I was glad for the risky decision Esme and Carlisle had made, but on the surface I was too shocked to let it truly sink in. Edward seemed angry and unhappy at the change though…didn't he want me by his side? I knew he was upset about the circumstances…but couldn't he be happy that we could truly be together now?
Carlisle broke through my thoughts when he started talking again. "Bella, we would love if you would stay here and become a true member of our family. In fact, we insist upon it. There are so many changes you have undergone that you are not even yet aware of and it's important you stay here so we can help you acclimate to your new life. It…won't be easy. You already know our lives are very different from those of mortals and even others of our kind."
"You were already family in name, Bella…but now you're family in blood," Alice spoke up from across the room. While she grinned next to her siblings, I could tell a cloud was hovering over everyone in the room…and it was because of Edward.
I nodded and tried to smile at Alice and the others but I was worried Edward was going to let go of his careful control soon so I turned to him and decided to face everything head on. "Edward," he glanced up at me with a sad expression as I caught his gaze, "I love you more than anything. You know that. I…I've wanted this for a long time. And while I know you never did, it can't be changed now. Edward…I would be dead now if it weren't for your family. Please, Edward…I know you're mad but…I think they were right. They did the right thing." I let the rest of the unneeded air in my lungs out with a whoosh as I finished my short speech. I wanted to hear him say he was even the tiniest bit happy I would be with him forever. I wanted him to tell me he still wanted me, inhuman and immortal as I now was.
"Bella…," Edward trailed off. He grasped my hands in both of his and took a large, unneeded breath as he started again. "Bella I may never have wanted this for you, but I'm too selfish not to be happy for what they've done. I'm just…" he glanced at his family, "I'm just so angry I couldn't come to you. I understand why they did what they did but the manner in which it was done I'm absolutely livid about. I know for a fact that they all feared I would let you die and then be miserable for the rest of my long life out of a sense of morality that you should never become what I am, but honestly…I'm not sure. I don't know if I would have really let you go or not…but the choice should have truly been mine. I'm angry the choice was taken from me. But, Bella…you'll stay won't you? Stay with us…and be with me?" By the end of the sentence his voice had wound down to a mere whisper and only with the aid of my new supernatural hearing was I able to catch the last part.
Equally as quietly I gave my reply, "Edward…of course I'll stay. I never want to be apart from you. I don't think it would be possible for me to leave you." I turned to the rest of them and more loudly said, "Thank you. I don't think even I realize how great a gift you've given me, but…thank you all." My gratefulness seemed to break through the tension palpable in the room. Everyone, even Rosalie, smiled back at me with relieved smiles that gave away just how worried they had been to see my reaction.
As his family looked on with pleased smiles, Edward drew me into his arms and held me tightly. "Oh, my silly Bella…you'll never understand how happy that makes me." Then, for the first time ever, Edward leaned in without hesitation or restrain and gave me my first non-human kiss.