Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the plot and characters of Twilight and New Moon…I am simply using them for my own amusement.
Author's Note: This chapter could be considered a little gory so if you don't like mentions of blood and the slaying of innocent forest creatures, beware. Thank you so much to all of you who have reviewed…you are the reason I'm continuing the story. The constructive criticism and lack of flames is an author's dream! To those of you that want to know about the Volturi and Jacob Black and when they'll show up…next chapter is the one you've been waiting for. Sit tight and review and it'll be out sooner rather than later! Thank you so much, everyone! Lots of love to you all!
TheMaidenof Mayhem
Chapter 4: Reality Dawns
It was odd being so relaxed yet unable to fall asleep. I suspected that if I weren't so happy curled up with Edward as I was, I might find the situation annoying simply for its newness. As it was, I was perfectly content. Mostly. Over the past hours in which Edward and I had done nothing but sit and rest with one another on his couch an…itch had begun to nag at me. I wasn't sure what it was but it had steadily grown to an ache over the hours. Edward obviously could tell I was restless because he had begun to watch me out of the corner of his eye. As the typical early morning rain set in over Forks, I shifted for the fifteenth time to try and get comfortable again. Edward had had enough.
"Bella, I think we should go out," he stated matter-of-factly with a quirk to his lips. I sighed and lifted my head from its position on his shoulder. He had wonderful shoulders. Not that I hadn't noticed this before. I can't count the times I had studied his perfect form, but now that we were…well…the same… it was different. We were the same cool temperature now and his marble skin had a softer, human quality now that I was just as unbreakable as he was. Edward ripped me from my haze of inattention by clearing his throat. When I looked up at him with a tinge of annoyance he raised an eyebrow.
"You're restless…anything the matter?" He asked with an almost-smile. I found myself intensely riled by that quirk to his lips and stood up suddenly.
"No. Absolutely nothing is the matter. I just…" I trailed off and shot a glance at him. He was still giving me that obnoxious grin. I tried to ignore it and walked over to his CD shelf. Putting in one of Edward's mixed CDs, I glanced out the window to my right. Pre-dawn light was just starting to peak past the trees but the gloomy fog of Forks was discouraging it as best it could. I sighed again. What on earth was wrong with me? I'm not an individual that could be classified as jittery but I was most definitely on edge. I paced over in front of the couch where Edward was leaning back seemingly enjoying my annoyance. Suddenly a burning anger sprung up within me.
"Why are you looking so damn smug for?" I grated out. The animal growl that accompanied my words surprised me just as much as it seemed to do Edward. Sitting up straight in the blink of an eye, Edward was on guard.
"Bella, I think we need to get out of the house for a bit," he said concernedly.
"Sure," I bit out with unnecessary irritation lacing my voice even as I wondered to myself why I was acting this way. I felt a boiling heat under my skin with the feeling that usually accompanies forgetting something very important and not being able to remember what it was. I felt as if I had somewhere to be or something extremely important to do but for the life of me I couldn't figure out just what that was. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my startling temper. I ran a restless hand through my hair and snuck a look at Edward. Standing next to the couch now and studying me with an intense stare, he was watching me as if he knew just what important thing I had neglected to do.
"You need to feed, Bella," he said softly as he walked towards me. I looked at him so quickly were I still human I would have had whiplash.
"What?" I asked uncertainly while at the same realizing exactly what he meant. I was a vampire. At some point I would have to start drinking blood and apparently that point of time was now. Edward reached me and tentatively grasped my clenched fist at my side.
Carefully loosening each finger from its death grip on my palm, Edward clasped my hand in his and brought it to his lips. "You're a brand new vampire. You're restless because you need to feed. You need to learn to hunt. Don't worry, Bella…I'll show you what to do and I'll be with you the entire time," Edward whispered.
I looked at Edward like a deer in the headlights. "But…I'll faint," I said dumbly. Edward chuckled at me and drew me into a warm hug.
"Silly Bella…you're not human anymore. I'm willing to bet you any amount of money that blood will most definitely not have the same effect on you as it did," he quietly breathed into my ear. The impatient agitation lessened as relaxed and leaned into his embrace.
"Edward, what will it be like?" I asked softly.
"Fast. It will be over quickly. It's natural instinct for our kind. You won't even
have to think about it…your senses will take over and you'll know what to do," he explained while soothingly running my long hair through his fingers.
"Alright," I said with a shaky sigh, "Let's get it over with."
The car ride was quick and I wanted it to last longer than it did. Another first since becoming a vampire, riding in Edward's car was much different than it had been. My newly immortal eyes caught everything outside the car even though we were driving at 110 miles an hour down the twisting roads that bordered Forks. Edward's typical speeding didn't frighten me as much anymore…it seemed slower to my new eyes and body but the residual human fear of dying was still with me. We stopped on the same dirt road that we hiked to our meadow from and as I recognized the spot I hoped we weren't going to tarnish our memories of it with…hunting. I had the intense fear that hunting wouldn't be as natural for me as Edward made it out to be and the last thing I wanted to associate our meadow with was blood and death.
As Edward opened my door for me, I gracefully stepped out from the car with an ease that still surprised me considering my inherent human clumsiness that had been with me my entire life up until now. Edward smiled softly at me and took my hand. As impossible as it was for Edward to read my mind, it was as if he had suddenly discovered a route to my inner thoughts because he began to lead me in the opposite direction of our meadow and I squeezed his hand in thanks. We walked in silence, our preternaturally light footsteps barely making any sound as we hiked. After ten minutes of walking, Edward paused and turned to me.
"Breathe in. What do you smell?" he asked. I confusedly took a deep breath and was met with the intensely earthy smells of the forest around us. Unlike earlier in our hike however, a warm rich scent accompanied the deep leafy fragrance of the trees around us. Surprised, I met his gaze and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. "There's a herd of deer," he said barely above a whisper, "We're down wind from them but they're close. I'm going to walk up with you to where the trees clear into the glen they're grazing in."
"You're not coming with me?! Edward you said you'd stay with me. I won't know what to do!" I said pleadingly. I wasn't ready for this. I was going to kill an animal. I'd never killed anything in my life, much less something as innocent and harmless as a deer.
Edward held my shoulders and fixed me with a calm gaze. "You'll be fine, Bella. I'm not leaving you but hunting is something you need to learn on your own in order to survive. You're instincts will take over for you. Don't think, just act," he reassured me.
I took a deep breath and the same scent that I now knew to be that of deer filled my nostrils and venom filled my mouth. The ache from earlier that had made me so restless grew into a raging throb that I could now identify as a new type of hunger. Instead of settling in my stomach as human hunger did, the need for blood felt as if it were pulsing through my veins, my entire body. I dropped Edward's hand and without another word I glided towards the direction the scent was pulling me. I vaguely heard Edward following quietly behind but the haze of hunger that the deer's scent had awakened in me was now like a driving force that propelled me towards the glen. Moving more stealthily than I had ever dreamed I could, I stalked towards the clearing. The scent grew stronger and the sweet taste of venom again poured into my mouth. When I laid eyes on the targets of my obsession my mind was lost.
Coherent thought left me and as Edward had reassured me would happen, instinct took over. Without thought or predetermination, I darted towards my intended prey. Grasp. Hold. Bite. Bite. Bite. I bit down. Holding a struggling doe to me, the strong animal was weak as a kitten compared to my inhuman strength. I heard the crunch of bones and it made some animalistic part of me purr with content. The blood poured into my mouth and I had never tasted anything like it. Better than any food I had ever eaten yet so different, the deer's blood was like an elixir. I gulped mouthfuls of the thick liquid and it seemed to have a drug-like effect on me. The restless, twitching hunger in me slowly abated but didn't completely leave me. After some measureless amount of time my mind began to come back to me and the pleasure slowly turned into an agonizing reality.
My vision cleared and I stared with sightless terror at the carnage I had caused. The black, dead eyes of a deer peered lifelessly at me. I had broken its neck and its twisted carcass was laid across my knees, a tumble of fragile bones and soft tawny fur. My hands weren't made of fingers but claws and with them I was grasping soft flesh in an iron grip that had proved fatal to my prey. I couldn't breathe. I opened my mouth in a silent scream and in the blink of an eye threw the dead deer from me and shuffled away from the bloody mess. I had killed and I had liked it. No. Loved it. I reveled in the pain and death of a defenseless creature. I stared at the remains of fur and flesh and dry heaves overwhelmed me. Coughing, I attempted to rid my body of the blood I had hungered for so very much. Tears wouldn't come. They never would again…that was a mortal thing. Sobbing and gasping, I wrapped my dirt smudged arms around my blood-stained dress and dimly wondered if Alice would forgive me for ruining the white sundress she had dressed me in this morning. Suddenly I felt strong arms wrap themselves around my middle and try to pull me up. I struggled to stay where I was, to keep staring at the horrible thing I had done, but the arms I belatedly realized had to be Edwards were tugging me up onto my feet. The fight left me and Edward hauled me into his arms, murmuring indistinguishable, soothing words. I wasn't soothed. I coughed and sputtered but nothing came up. I couldn't undo the death but I didn't want the blood anymore. Couldn't I rid myself of it…or was it already running through my veins? With deep seated horror I hung limply in my angel's arms and fought back the sobs. Holding my back close to his chest with one arm, Edward blocked my vision of the butchery with his other hand.
I don't know how long we stayed like that but I simply sobbed dryly without tears and fought the terror inside of me. Silently, he stood there until my sobs and retching died away and rainfall took its place. I made a passing mental note that it was slightly poetic. I couldn't cry so the sky was doing it for me. Edward turned me around to face him and wordlessly gathered me into his arms bridal style. In a slow and graceful march he approached the woods from the direction we had come. As Edward carried me, I felt disgusted with myself. Utterly disgusted. I had known a week ago, a day ago, that this is what I absolutely wanted. Now I understood. I was a monster. I was a creature that took life in order to live. If I was to survive, I had to kill. Until now the thought of being like Edward and not growing old had consumed my mind and I had thought of nothing else. I had thought of the consequences of leaving my humanity behind me but I had passed over the hunting. Without the worry of having a guilty conscience for human lives on my hands, I had passed over the equally horrific notion of killing other living creatures instead.
Without my noticing we had reached the access road and Edward opened the car door and carefully set me in the passenger side as if I were made of glass. As if I weren't a marble monster. He was saying something to me in whispered, urgent tones but I simply didn't catch it. There was a sort of odd buzzing in my ears that blocked out rational thought. I realized Edward gave up on shaking me when the sudden wracking movement I hadn't been aware of stopped. Wet and freezing but not shivering as a human would, the only notion that kept running through my mind was that I was a monster. I was a monster. I was feared by other living creatures because I was a predator. It was a part I had acted out well. When I had sat curled up in blissful ignorance on that couch with Edward last night I had known that reality would eventually hit. And it had. Reality had come swooping down like a blazing comet into my night sky. My eternal, endless night sky. Reality wasn't caring but it was swift. Like a slap to the face, a lightening bolt, a nuclear meltdown…reality had struck.